Character Development: Kindness And Kindness Affirmations

In Episode 6 of our Character Strengths Affirmation Series, we explore the strength of Kindness, a core pillar of the Humanity Virtue.

Kindness is more than a simple act—it is a powerful force that fosters connection, healing, and understanding. My hope is that this episode offers you insight into the depth of kindness, not just as a gesture toward others but as a practice of compassion, balance, and self-love.

Through discussion and affirmations, we will nurture our capacity to open our hearts and embody kindness in all its forms.

With love,
Hannah

Transcript

In a world that often focuses so much on what we lack,

It's easy to overlook the incredible internal strengths that each of us possess.

Grounded in ancient philosophy and modern science,

This series invites you to reconnect with the innate strengths that make you who you are,

Promoting balance and harmony in everyday life.

Whether you're looking to boost your confidence,

Overcome negative self-talk,

Deepen your relationships,

Or simply invite a greater sense of well-being,

My hope is that this series offers a practical and uplifting path to personal growth.

All right,

Hello gorgeous people.

Welcome.

Welcome to our Character Strengths affirmation series.

Each session we explore one of the 24 character strengths identified by positive psychology,

All of which fall under the virtues of courage,

Humanity,

Wisdom,

Justice,

Temperance,

Or transcendence.

These strengths and virtues are universal and they form the foundation of our best and highest selves.

If you haven't already,

I recommend checking out the intro episode as it provides some basic background information on what to expect from this series.

We are currently exploring the virtue of humanity.

The VIA Institute defines humanity as our capacity to value and nurture relationships and recognize the worth of every individual.

If you're new,

The VIA Institute was started by Martin Seligman.

It's their framework that I'm using as sort of the outline to character development.

Just to explain that a little bit,

I feel like sometimes I just talk about them without talking about them.

I'm not affiliated with them in any way.

As I said in the intro episode,

I'm just a fan.

So humanity embodies the qualities that allow us to connect with others in a compassionate and empathetic way.

This allows us to foster bonds that enrich our lives and enrich the lives of those around us.

Humanity includes the character strengths of love,

Which we did last time,

Kindness,

And social intelligence.

In today's session,

We will be focusing on kindness and then kindness affirmations.

Okay,

So what is kindness?

Kindness is,

I think,

One of those terms that gets thrown around a lot without people always necessarily knowing what we mean when we talk about it.

I think about the famous quote by the Dalai Lama where he says,

My religion is simple.

My religion is kindness.

My hope is that today you walk away having a firm grasp on what kindness is and having an understanding of the ease with which we can integrate it simply into our lives.

So kindness involves having a genuine and heartfelt concern for the well-being of others,

Consistently seeking to alleviate the suffering or enhance the well-being of those around us.

Kind individuals view others as inherently valuable and deserving of care simply because they're human.

Just because you're human,

It's enough just to be here.

That's kindness.

So right off the bat,

I think it's important to distinguish between being kind and being nice.

So being kind moves beyond the actions motivated by obligation or abstract principles like duty.

So like the idea of like,

I should be kind because it's the right thing to do.

Instead,

Kindness stems from a genuine recognition of our shared humanity and the intrinsic worth of others that leads to this sort of heartfelt response of seeking to uplift and affirm and support and celebrate without expecting anything in return.

Like kindness is an act that is in and of itself rewarding.

Being nice,

On the other hand,

Focuses on politeness or being pleasant.

It's often motivated by social expectations or conflict avoidance,

Rather than this sort of deeper emotional investment or deeper emotional motivation.

So kindness seeks to do good and is intrinsically motivated,

Whereas niceness seeks to maintain harmony and is extrinsically motivated.

So what is deemed as nice is often culturally determined,

Whereas kindness is more about inner motivation,

If that makes sense.

For a better understanding of kindness,

It was really helpful for me to read more about the different elements.

So according to the VIA Institute,

Kindness is exhibited through three traits.

The first is empathy or sympathy,

Which is that deeper emotional component that involves understanding and even sharing the feelings of others,

Or feeling a sense of compassion or concern for others in distress.

For instance,

Someone who empathizes with a friend struggles will naturally offer support and comfort.

It's that part in us that feels what it means to be human.

You know,

We all know the lived experience of being a human is it can be a roller coaster.

And then we're able to see that in another person by putting whatever we're experiencing aside just long enough,

Or hope being able to hold space enough to experience not only what we're experiencing,

But also what somebody else is experiencing.

And to see that and to hold that and to say like,

Okay,

That calls upon something in me to either want to share in that joy or do what I can to alleviate that suffering.

Something really important here is that compassion does not demand that we take on the emotions of the person that we're seeking to support.

And sometimes,

Especially if we've been through something similar,

We can't help it,

You know,

We can't help that it's bringing up something for ourselves,

And we're able to relate to them in some way that can be very powerful social medicine.

However,

If we rely on that as our tactic for being able to help and support people,

Then that's when we start getting into the territory of burnout.

And,

And then really,

We're centering ourselves and how we feel over what the other person is experiencing.

And we're also vulnerable to projecting in those moments and things can get sort of energetically and emotionally tangled up when we get too caught up in empathy and really taking on the emotions of another person.

With compassion,

What we're doing is we're able to stay grounded in our open heart,

See that someone else is suffering in some way.

And from our place of this health and well being in this capacity to help,

We're just motivated to do what we can within our own limits to support the other person.

So that's,

That's a key distinction that I feel is necessary to call out.

The second trait of kindness is moral reasoning.

I found that really interesting.

So it's the ability to make ethical choices,

Considering the well being of others,

When making decisions and establishing priorities.

So if I'm in a place where I have compassion,

Now I need to be able to make a choice on how best do I move forward.

Or let's say I'm coming from a place of empathy,

I'm understanding,

You know,

The different,

Especially if I'm in a group setting,

For example,

Of a work setting,

Where I am empathizing with the different experiences of the different members of a team,

Per se.

Now,

When I make decisions on behalf of the team,

Or decisions that would impact the team,

I'm making logical decisions that are informed by the experience of those in the group.

So I think that that's really interesting is that there is a very strong component of intellect when it comes to kindness.

Then the third trait is social responsibility.

So this is where we recognize that the role that we play,

Not only in our personal relationships,

But also in the greater community is significant.

And then from that place,

We're moved to contribute to the welfare of others.

This is sort of this idea of you matter.

And I matter and we are part of something greater than just ourselves and just our personal relationships.

And this also I think is where it gets distinguished from the character strength of love.

When we talked about love,

There was this quality of affection and adoration and closeness.

Kindness doesn't demand that we have such closeness.

All it demands is that we're able to see common humanity,

See that we are part of something greater than ourselves.

And really see that it's an inverse relationship that through my supporting other people,

I am bettering the whole,

Which will therefore better the strength of myself as an individual,

Like we're in this together.

But also,

Through working on myself and being kind to myself,

I'm better able to show up and bring kindness to other people.

I think we haven't gotten to this character strength yet.

But humility is actually such an important aspect of kindness,

Because it demands that we recognize our limitations as people and what we're capable of.

And it also and I'm sure I'll talk about this when I get into the humility character strength.

But it also recognizes that like,

We're also just human,

We have to see the humanity in ourselves,

And have some compassion towards that.

So often we can get so caught up in perfectionism and self judgment.

And I mean,

That's a big part of what motivated me to want to create this series to begin with is helping us to reorient our thought processes and attitudes toward ourselves to one of,

I can work on myself to be better for myself,

And therefore to be better for the people I love and the people around me in the world.

We end every session with that motivation.

Bringing all of these elements together,

Empathy provides the emotional connection that sparks a desire to help.

Moral reasoning ensures that actions are thoughtful and aligned with our values.

And then social responsibility motivates this ongoing engagement with others well being,

Extending kindness beyond our immediate interactions.

There are lots of ways to be kind.

And some of them are the same across the board,

Regardless of who you are,

You know,

Are you able to be present?

Are you able to be engaged?

Are you able to hold space for the experience of another person?

And are you able to see through to the humanity of another person and see past maybe whatever reactivities are coming up for them to see to their,

You know,

Best and highest self.

Those actions and states of being are inherently kind.

And yet,

We also all have our own unique skills and talents and ways of understanding the world and ways of moving through the world and,

You know,

Predispositions and tendencies,

It's we're all different.

And so the way that we in action show up as kind and as giving and as supportive may look different.

And so a lot of kindness involves being introspective about what we have to offer the world.

And then just seeking little opportunities to practice that in everyday life.

That's that in mindfulness,

We practice that open non judgmental curiosity,

Applying that to what we have to give.

If you've been with me for a while,

You know that with any of these character strengths,

We need a healthy balance.

So a deficit of kindness can look like indifference or apathy.

As a result,

Opportunities to connect with and support others can be ignored,

Which leads to strained or sort of shallow relationships.

It can also impact our sense of meaning and purpose,

As it's inherent to our humanity to feel of use to something greater than ourselves.

An excess of kindness comes with its own challenges.

This can manifest as self sacrifice or enabling,

Wherein one overextends themselves to meet others needs at the expense of their own well being.

Or maybe they are overly supporting someone despite them engaging in harmful patterns.

It's become it's become cliche at this point.

But the reference that's often made here is the one of the oxygen masks on planes wherein we're told that we have to put on our own mask before we can help others.

Many of us who were put in a caretaker role at a young age,

Often struggle with this excess of kindness tendency.

And it really demands that we explore our own identification of being a quote unquote helper.

And understand that we really owe it to ourselves,

As well as those around us,

Who were trying to help to prioritize and value which version of ourselves we're showing up as.

I've had to realize like,

Burned out Hannah is not going to be as kind as well rested Hannah,

Because I don't have the energy to be authentically present.

Like again,

Like I mentioned humility earlier,

I've had to learn that if I have this,

You know,

This,

It's such a beautiful motivation to want to help people and to want to extend and to be an offering to others.

That's beautiful.

Like,

Let's protect that.

And part of protecting that is protecting the version of ourselves that offers the thing.

And honestly,

Like,

I've really learned that as wise as we get,

Ego will follow us.

Ego becomes smart right alongside us.

And it is,

In many ways,

A constant dialogue.

I don't want to say battle,

Because I think it's important to have a healthy relationship to our own egos and a friendly relationship to our egos,

Even if at times it feels a bit parental.

But to be able to keep it in check,

And for me to notice,

When am I almost using this other person to affirm back to me that I'm the kind of person who's helpful?

Oh,

I don't know who that hit in the in the audience.

I don't know who of you can relate to that bit.

Hate to admit it,

But I have been there.

I have truly been in that state of mind where I had to really face myself in silence and in stillness and say,

Oh,

You're holding on to some sense of self.

And that was really challenging for me,

Because it showed that even though I had this pure motivation,

My practice of it was sort of tainted by expectation and judgment.

And then that was sort of beautiful,

Because it helped me to see areas where I could have more grace with myself.

But the first step of being like,

Ooh,

Ego,

That,

You know,

It's not,

It's not always comfortable.

It's not.

And that's okay.

It's okay to be uncomfortable,

Because on the other side of going through that discomfort,

We become more refined and stronger.

So I've had to learn to have boundaries with myself over what being there for another person can look like.

Part of this is about being thoughtful regarding the impact of my current schedule and lifestyle,

The season,

You know,

Where I'm at hormonally,

Where I'm at in terms of my level of responsibility in life,

And then adapting accordingly.

One more thing to note about kindness is that,

And I've said it before,

And I will surely say it again,

But it's that we cannot read other people's minds.

It is so easy to make assumptions about what other people need.

And I have absolutely fallen into that trap of projecting onto other people what I would need if I was in their situation.

And I've learned that the best bet is to just ask directly.

This can be as open as saying something like,

What do you need?

Like,

How can I help you?

And the other person might tell you,

And they might say,

You know,

I need help with this,

Or I need help with that.

Or they might,

Honestly,

What happens a lot of the time is they pause,

And they're like,

Oh,

I have no idea.

You know,

I just came to you because this thing happened,

And I've got a lot going on,

And what do I need?

Another option is to get more specific.

So I've asked before,

Like,

If you had the choice of me helping with the dishes,

So more actionable support and kindness,

Giving you a hug,

More physical comfort,

Or just listening to what's coming up for you,

What would help you the most in this moment?

Or what would make you feel more at ease in this moment?

It can be really practical to give options,

And then you also can move within the constraints of what you're available to do yourself.

That way,

Respecting your own boundaries in the process of helping another.

Kindness is one of my most favorite character strengths.

I love all of them,

To be honest.

Talk of you not.

But kindness is just sweet.

It's just lovely,

And it's just a gentle reminder that we're all in this journey together,

And our most profound power lies in how we relate to each other in a way that's tender and caring and real.

Each time we choose to act with kindness,

We're not only helping others,

But we're also awakening that deeper,

More loving aspect of ourselves.

And I love that.

Who doesn't love that?

Ram Dass has a quote where he says,

We're all just walking each other home.

And that is one of my favorite lines.

It's so simple,

And yet it's so real.

And Duncan Trussell,

The comedian,

Years ago I was listening to a podcast,

And they mentioned that quote by Ram Dass.

And I was like,

Mm,

Ram Dass.

And Duncan was like,

No,

It's more like at this point,

Like we're all stuck in traffic together.

And sometimes it's so annoying and so uncomfortable and just so like,

You can either see another person for just the car that they are in front of you who's in the way,

Or choose to see that there's a person in that car who's living their own life and on their own experience and maybe had their own day prior to being in traffic with you.

And the ease that we can then have in our experience of life when we have that mentality,

And the connection that we can foster that doesn't have to be this deep,

Super intimate connection,

But it's just this,

Wow,

Like we're all just here together and we're all a part of something greater and what a blessing.

Mother Teresa has this quote,

Where she says,

If we have no peace,

It is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.

Desmond Tutu,

He says,

My humanity is bound up in yours,

For we can only be human together.

Henry James has a quote,

He says,

Three things in human life are important.

The first is to be kind.

The second is to be kind,

And the third is to be kind.

Albert Schweitzer has a quote,

Constant kindness can accomplish much.

As the sun makes ice melt,

Kindness causes misunderstanding,

Mistrust and hostility to evaporate.

Mahatma Gandhi says,

The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.

It's so easy to get caught up in our own individual lives.

To be so focused on our own path and our own journeys and our own individual goals.

And for you know,

If it's,

If it's that you're working towards something greater that will help people on the macro,

Then that that's beautiful,

You know,

Stay focused on that.

But don't underrate the small acts of kindness that we can engage in every day because it shifts the way that we walk through the world to something that just feels so much more positive and almost like angelic.

It's those simple interactions that we can just take the time to value and to prioritize.

You know,

Really looking at people in the eye and smiling at them learning the names of people who you might not know the name of,

But who you come into contact with.

Holding a door open for the person behind you saying please and thank you,

Which is like those are more of the polite things,

But it can feel like kindness when it's done with motivation.

I feel like sometimes kindness can just be about looking at somebody and really looking at them,

Really seeing them and holding space for whatever's coming up for them.

And maybe that person is yourself.

You know,

We have to meet ourselves where we're at and be honest about what we have to offer other people.

I can't say that enough when it comes to kindness.

And yet I think sometimes for me,

It was easier to be kind to myself when I was going through a lot of self,

Just challenges in my relationship to myself.

When I liked myself because I knew that I was engaging in a war in the world in a positive way.

Everything is not so complicated.

Things can be simple,

Things can be easy,

Not everything.

Some things are so complicated and challenging and it's such a mountain of a journey to experience them and other things are just as simple as breathing and taking the time to notice the people around you and notice the tendency to see them for their social roles or to see them for what they offer you and instead to just see them as a person in the world who's doing their best.

Start there.

And that is such a beautiful,

Special,

Like if we could all do that it would change the world.

But let's start with working on ourselves,

Shall we?

I don't know if I already said like,

Oh,

A final note.

But if I did,

That was a lie.

And now this is like one of my last notes before we get into it.

If I sound weird or different,

Maybe it's just me and like spotlight effect.

But I did my,

I have a shamanic drumming circle that meets every month.

And I did it just before I recorded this.

And sometimes after that,

I'm just more sensitive.

And yeah,

So forgive me.

But I did want to note that sometimes kindness isn't just about giving.

It's about receiving.

And I just am imagining like some of you listening getting uncomfortable.

Because receiving can be very challenging.

But I think one of the most simple,

Again,

So simple,

But like,

Meaningful lessons that I've learned is receiving as an act of kindness.

Like giving is receiving and receiving is giving.

We're giving people the opportunity to experience their own sort of kindness.

It's a joy.

It's a joy to be able to give to other people.

And reframing like,

Oh,

Am I worthy enough to receive this?

It's not about your worth.

Of course,

You're worthy.

It's not about that.

It's about sharing with this other person and making it about something greater than yourself.

And enjoying that with the other person.

And then being able to really hold it and appreciate them for that.

And then using that energy to then want to show kindness to other people.

So it felt important when talking about kindness to not only talk about that it's a giving process,

But that it's also a matter of being open ourselves to receive it.

All right,

Before we begin,

We'll take a moment for a blessing because we could all use one.

May we be blessed with a simple yet profound ability to show kindness in our everyday lives.

May our actions be guided by compassion,

And our words guided by empathy,

Allowing us to touch the lives of those around us with warmth and sincerity.

Let us find joy in the small everyday acts of care.

And may our kindness create a ripple effect,

Fostering deeper connections and understanding all around us.

As we give and receive kindness,

May we feel a sense of fulfillment and joy,

Knowing that we are contributing to a more compassionate and loving world.

I will read each statement twice,

Pausing in between to give you a chance to repeat them out loud to yourself.

And I do recommend saying them out loud.

The statements that are easy to embrace,

Savor them,

Appreciate them,

Stand like a mountain in their truth.

And then the statements that feel not so good,

That feel uncomfortable or foreign,

Go ahead and say them anyway.

This is where we are doing the work rewiring those neural networks.

This is also where we gain insight into unhealed wounds,

Limiting beliefs,

And ingrained biases and judgments toward ourselves or toward a particular way of being.

It's great material for journaling or discussing with a counselor or trusted friend,

Maybe even someone doing the series with you.

Whether you're just waking up,

Walking your dog,

On your commute,

Or getting ready for bed,

I hope these affirmations serve your deepest,

Greatest,

Highest self.

And with that,

Let's get started.

I have a kind and gentle spirit.

I have a kind and gentle spirit.

My actions reflect the warmth I feel for others.

My actions reflect the warmth I feel for others.

Every day,

I find small ways to brighten someone's day.

Every day,

I find small ways to brighten someone's day.

I uplift others with care.

I uplift others with care.

Kindness flows naturally from me.

Kindness flows naturally from me.

I enjoy offering and receiving support.

I am a source of gentle encouragement.

I am a source of gentle encouragement.

My kindness makes me feel good.

My kindness makes a difference.

My kindness makes a difference.

I am gentle with myself.

I am gentle with myself.

I am gentle with those around me.

I show up fully present for those around me.

I respond to others with compassion.

I respond to others with compassion.

I see the common humanity in other people.

I see the common humanity in other people.

I am inspired by the kindness of others.

I am inspired by the kindness of others.

I am inspired by the kindness of others.

I take care of myself so that I can be an offering for the world.

I take care of myself so that I can be an offering for the world.

My words and actions bring light to those around me.

My words and actions bring light to those around me.

As always,

Thank you so much for being here.

Thank you for being here and for sharing in the intention to work on ourselves so that we can be better for ourselves.

So that we can be better for the people that we love and the people that we work with and the people that we come into contact with.

So that we can be better for humanity as a whole and so that we can be better for the world at large.

May we be well so that we can do good.

Go forth with peace and many,

Many,

Many blessings.

And I am looking forward to seeing you next time.

Take care everybody.

Love you.

Bye.