Character Development: Humility And Affirmations

In this episode, we explore the strength of Humility, an expression of the virtue of Temperance.

Humility is the practice of seeing ourselves clearly and honestly — neither inflating nor diminishing who we are. It is the ability to hold our strengths with steadiness, our limitations with compassion, and our humanity with grace. Humility is not about becoming smaller; it is about becoming real.

True humility begins within: in our willingness to stay open, to learn, to receive feedback without defensiveness, and to remain grounded in truth rather than performance or self-protection.

Through reflection and affirmation, may we learn to be accurately sized, deeply present, and gently connected to ourselves, others, and the shared work of being human.

Peace and blessings,
Hannah

Transcript

In a world that often focuses so much on what we lack,

It's easy to overlook the incredible internal strengths that each of us possess.

Grounded in ancient philosophy and modern science,

This series invites you to reconnect with the innate strengths that make you who you are,

Promoting balance and harmony in everyday life.

Whether you're looking to boost your confidence,

Overcome negative self-talk,

Deepen your relationships,

Or simply invite a greater sense of well-being,

My hope is that this series offers a practical and uplifting path to personal growth.

Hello and welcome to our Character Strengths Affirmation Series.

Each session we explore one of the 24 character strengths identified by positive psychology,

All of which fall under the virtues of courage,

Humanity,

Wisdom,

Justice,

Temperance,

Or transcendence.

These strengths and virtues are universal and they form the foundation of our highest selves.

Today,

We are continuing on our journey through the virtue of temperance,

Which is the family of strengths that help us regulate our emotions,

Manage impulses,

And act in alignment with our deeper values.

Temperance includes the strengths of prudence,

Forgiveness,

Humility,

And self-regulation.

And our focus for today is going to be on humility.

I have to admit,

I have a bit of a bias here.

All of my mentors,

Be it personal or professional or academic,

The one thread that they all have in common is their commitment to humility.

From early in my development,

It was really impressed upon me as something that is really important.

The Values in Action Institute defines humility as letting one's accomplishments speak for themselves,

Having an accurate sense of one's abilities and achievements,

And being able to acknowledge mistakes,

Gaps,

And growth edges without defensiveness.

I want to take this moment to honor the work of my current research mentor,

Dr.

Donnie Davis,

Whose research has deeply shaped the way that I understand humility.

Dr.

Davis teaches us that humility is not a single trait,

But a way of relating to ourselves,

To others,

And to the world.

He's identified a few types of humility.

There's cultural humility,

Which invites us to stay aware of power and identity and difference and to remain lifelong learners in diverse spaces.

There's intellectual humility,

Which helps us hold our beliefs with openness,

Knowing that we do not have a monopoly on truth.

And then there's relational humility,

Which shows up in how we listen,

How we repair,

And how we stay connected in our relationships.

Practiced together,

These types of humility remind us that it's not about self erasure,

But about honest presence.

Dr.

Davis's work elevates humility as a strength that is embodied,

Relational,

And courageous.

An orientation that keeps us teachable,

Keeps us grounded,

And keeps us responsive while honoring both our worth and our interconnectedness.

So yeah,

I just had to plug my research mentor,

Dr.

Donnie Davis,

And say thank you so much for the help that you've offered me and the mentorship and the.

.

.

I'm going to get emotional,

Y'all.

It's just so special to have somebody in academia in that way really practice what they preach.

I've been in many meetings with Donnie,

And he shows up,

And he is open,

And he's curious,

And he's caring,

And he's supportive,

And he's just looking for ways to get people to be as excited about their work as he is about his and is driven and inspired and in service to something greater than himself.

And you see it in the way that he shows up and never assumes that he knows best just because of his position.

And it's because of that that he's so good because he stays on top of it.

So yeah,

Just shout out to you.

Thank you,

And I hope to continue to put in the work to be an offering in the way that you are.

Thank you,

Donnie.

Before we dive in,

I want to take a minute just to share my own personal relationship to humility because it's really been hugely important for me and important in terms of informing how I work in mental health and work with people in healing.

And in the times in my life that I have really been forced to ask why,

You know,

We all have those moments where things happen and we're like,

Why did that have to happen?

I have earnestly embraced those moments,

You know,

By the guidance of some of my teachers and drummed and sang and been like,

Make it make sense,

You know,

Really sought out to understand and then was only met with the truth.

It was so compassionate.

It was such a sweet experience,

Actually so painful,

But so sweet.

And it was that,

Of course,

I'm not going to be able to make sense of it all.

Tiny human monkey body ape to be specific,

But you get what I'm saying.

Like there are things going on in my environment right now that I have no idea about simply because of the limitations of the vessel that I'm experiencing the world through.

Of course,

I'm not going to be able to make sense of the entirety of that which is unfolding.

How can I instead humble my intellect?

Forgive myself for all that I am not.

And how can I see that somehow I'm still being held by an earth that carries so much wisdom and a greater essence that's carrying the earth and so on and so forth?

Like,

Can we appreciate that?

Maybe just maybe there is a greater wisdom that exists outside and all around us.

And all we're doing is trying our best to make sense of it all.

It's a huge part of my resilience,

Especially when it comes to then trying to offer that healing to others and being able to see that,

You know,

We cannot save other people to the degree that we wish we could.

We can only meet people at the encounter.

And I will step up and I will do my best to take what I've experienced and try to offer it to the world.

And I will be met with powerlessness in that process.

And so will many of us.

And of course we will be.

Humility saves us.

Humility is what keeps us focused on that which is in our control and that which is just not.

But grief for me is a huge part of it.

I have to process the anger and the sadness and then realize that all of that was also there was room for that too.

Like that's part of the love is that I get to experience all of that and it's still going to hold me.

It's still going to provide for me.

It's beautiful.

Okay,

So with any of the strengths that we are exploring in this series,

It's important to recognize that they exist on a spectrum.

We reference or I reference Aristotle's Golden Mean,

Which is the idea that virtue exists in the balance between two vices,

That of underuse and that of overuse.

So you can both underuse but also overuse a strength.

When humility is underused,

Our relationship with ourselves becomes distorted in the direction of inflation.

Instead of grounding in truth,

We drift into a defensive protection of the ego really.

This can show up in subtle ways or in obvious ways,

But I find it essentially always carries the theme of self-protection over self-awareness.

I put together some of the manifestations that I've seen of underused humility.

The first is defensiveness as a shield,

Which is where feedback feels like a personal attack rather than an invitation to grow.

Instead of considering things from other perspectives,

We might double down,

We might rationalize,

We might overexplain.

Another manifestation is the over-identification with being quote-unquote right.

With this,

We cling to our opinions as if they determine our worth.

When humility is missing,

Being wrong becomes catastrophic instead of human.

It becomes an attack on who we are rather than a reflection on what we might need to do to become better.

It could also look like posturing or presenting a curated version of ourselves.

This might look like performing competence or spiritual maturity or emotional regulation to maintain some kind of image even when it's not actually aligned with our lived reality.

And we can see how this shows up so clearly in our culture,

Especially through social media where we are often rewarded for appearing healed or certain or put together or like we are this brand of a human being rather than being honest and nuanced and in process.

Humility is what gently pulls us out of that performance and back into realness,

Reminding us that we don't have to present a perfectly polished version of ourselves to be worthy,

Respected,

Or genuinely connected.

Because humility isn't just about how we're seen,

It's about how safe it feels to be real with ourselves and with each other.

Another manifestation of the underuse of humility can look like taking up more space than is needed.

And I don't just mean physical space.

This can look like dominating conversations,

Dismissing other people's ideas,

Or intentionally or unintentionally centering yourself in moments that call for shared attention or attention on somebody else.

Another manifestation might be struggling to acknowledge mistakes.

In this case,

Mistakes can feel like evidence of unworthiness rather than part of the growth process.

Yet another manifestation could be feeling threatened by the success of others.

It's important to remember with all of this that the underuse of humility is not necessarily about being a bad person,

But instead recognizing that it usually comes from fear.

Fear of inadequacy,

Fear of judgment,

Fear of losing control or realizing there were things that we never had control over to begin with.

That's scary.

But the truth is that humility invites us back into a state of groundedness a state of truth and a state of deeper personal and relational presence.

I think that all of the manifestations that I touched on in some way come back to the first one,

Which is defensiveness as a shield.

And so I want to just take a brief moment to touch on defensiveness because it's so important.

In relationship research at the Gottman Institute,

They've studied the things that really greatly impact our capacity to maintain relationship.

And defensiveness made the list of what's called the four horsemen that really slowly erode connection.

And that makes sense.

When we're defensive,

We are no longer listening.

We're protecting.

We're trying to prove we're right instead of staying curious or open.

Humility gives us another option.

It lets us soften.

We can say things like,

Help me understand.

Or I might be missing something.

Or even just,

I need to take a moment to take that in.

These are the small moments that help us create a sense of safety,

Allow for repair,

And ultimately allow for us to have deeper connection.

Okay,

Let's transition and talk about what humility looks like when it's overused.

So when humility is overused,

Our relationship with ourselves starts to tilt towards minimization.

We make ourselves smaller and smaller,

Often without even realizing it,

Or often thinking that we're doing it because of something that we value.

But what happens is we start to lose touch with our worth,

Our talents and our gifts,

And our right to take up space.

So again,

I identified some manifestations of how this can look.

One is the chronic minimization.

So this is just downplaying your achievements,

Your skills,

Or contributions,

Even when they matter.

So it's saying things like,

Oh,

It was nothing,

Or it wasn't a big deal,

To avoid standing out.

Now,

I get this,

Like,

I am very quick.

Listen,

Okay,

Let me think about how I want to put this.

So my spiritual training was a training in humility.

Like my teacher,

Myron,

Brought me in and agreed to work with me,

And basically said,

Anything that you learn and understand from this moment forward,

And truthfully,

Anything that you've ever learned and understood,

Is not yours to claim,

But is a gift that you've been blessed with.

Everything that we experience and then can offer to the world is a gift to us,

Not something that we can take credit for.

And anything that we do with it is also just the ultimate moving through us,

And not something that we can take credit for.

And also the outcome of our,

Like,

It just keeps going.

And this is true in my path.

This is true in many different religious traditions,

Where we do what we do for the sake of service,

And for the sake of,

Let me make myself smaller out of devotion to this other thing.

And that is so beautiful.

But it's not the only way to engage in devotion or to honor.

How can we view our accomplishments as something that is an indicator of how much we care about some kind of purpose or value?

This is why they have the acknowledgement section on books,

Is so that people can take a moment to recognize that this wasn't just the doing of the person whose name is on the cover.

There was a lot of people and figures and elements of inspiration that contributed to the making of this accomplishment,

Whatever the accomplishment might be.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is how can we use the strength of gratitude to balance out our overuse of humility?

Instead of minimizing,

How can I experience this spotlight like sun on my face and let it feed me and allow for me to feel so connected to my meaning and my purpose and to use that fuel to get back at it again and to get more things done in this world and to better be able to recognize the accomplishments of others and to celebrate in that for others.

Okay,

Another manifestation,

We're jumping back in,

Another manifestation of the overuse of humility can look like habitual apologizing.

We all know it,

You know,

It's the apologizing before you speak,

While you're speaking,

After you speak,

Or maybe just for simply existing in the room as if your presence needs justification.

This often comes from hurt and insecurity and in my opinion,

It's just a side effect in some ways of anxiety.

When we have anxiety,

There is a sense of like,

I'm not adding to the vibe of the space right now,

Sorry guys,

You know.

What has helped me the most in these situations is to just breathe and I know that that sounds a bit dismissive,

But I don't just mean like just take a breath,

I mean like no,

Like regulate my nervous system and let me come back to the baseline that I create when I meditate,

Which is that I just exist and that's enough.

Whether I choose to say something or not to say something,

Me existing and breathing and feeding the plants by doing so is enough and then when I start from that place,

It changes the way that I feel and the way that I think and then the way that I behave and then I tend to not engage in ways that I feel like I need to apologize for.

Another manifestation is in difficulty receiving praise or affirmation,

So this is really similar to the first one where we self-minimize.

Another manifestation could be using invisibility as a coping strategy.

So this could look like staying quiet or avoiding leadership or holding back your perspective because it feels safer not to be seen and then saying,

Well,

What I have to offer doesn't matter that much anyway.

This one is very deeply tied to a social psychological phenomenon called diffusion of responsibility,

Which is essentially where individuals feel less accountable for taking action or helping in a group situation because they assume that somebody else is going to do something and so they do nothing.

When we make ourselves small,

When we minimize our impact or when we assume that others are more capable or more deserving or more qualified,

We step out of our own agency.

We unconsciously hand over our voice,

Our influence and our responsibility in the room.

And responsibility isn't about control or dominance.

It's about participation.

It's about knowing that your presence and your perspective and your care actually matter,

Not necessarily more than other people's,

But not less either.

Okay,

Another manifestation of the overuse of humility can be that our boundaries disappear in our relationships.

So we put other people first.

We put them above our own needs.

We put them above our own limits and our voice just sort of disappears.

I see this a lot when I work with families in particular.

You see it with one of the caregivers where they just put everybody in the family before themselves and they're like,

I don't do anything for myself and da-da-da.

And it's like,

Actually no,

We need you to take care of yourself.

We need you to at times put yourself first.

It's that age-old adage that they have on the airplanes where if the oxygen masks drop,

You have to put on your own before you put on somebody else's.

Because how are you going to put on somebody else's oxygen mask if you can't breathe?

We have a responsibility to take care of ourselves and to understand what that looks like in terms of the boundaries that we have in our relationships.

Because no,

We cannot do it all.

We can't.

Let that be the humility.

I'm not enlightened.

I'm not there yet.

Let me meet myself at my humanity and say,

These are the limitations that I have in these relationships in order for me to better show up in the way that I want to in the world.

That leads us well into our last manifestation that I identified.

Again,

This is just a list that I made.

This part's not from the VIA.

If you have other manifestations that you would like to share,

I would be very curious to hear them.

Anyway,

This manifestation is really about confusing humility with self-neglect.

True humility is about being able to be incredibly honest about the reality of who and what we are in any given moment.

Not about denying who we are in any given moment.

Not about erasing who we are.

Humility is not counter to the full expression of who we are.

It is about the state that we have to reach in order to embrace every part of it.

Our strengths,

Our weaknesses,

And say yes to it.

I really believe that our capacity to reflect on where we're at in terms of any of the other strengths requires that we have the humility to give ourselves permission to not be perfect and to say maybe there's things that I need to work on and maybe that doesn't mean that I'm necessarily a bad person.

I don't need to get caught up in shame which is going to cast a shadow over my ability to actually see things clearly,

Having me contract and judge.

Instead,

How can I be open and curious enough to recognize that I still have work on myself to do and yet I am worth doing that work both for myself and for the world.

Overused humility usually grows out of real life experiences when being small felt safe or more acceptable or more lovable.

But the humility we're talking about cultivating here is not about shrinking,

It's about being accurately sized.

Balanced humility looks like knowing your strengths without needing to perform them and knowing your limits without letting them define you.

It looks like being able to receive feedback without collapsing and receive affirmation without deflecting.

It takes responsibility without taking over.

It speaks when your voice is needed and rests when it's not.

Balanced humility says I matter and so do you.

I have something to offer and I still have a lot to learn.

C.

S.

Lewis sums up everything that I just said very well when he says humility is not thinking less of yourself,

It's thinking of yourself less.

Let us take pride in the work that we do and let us do it for something greater than ourselves.

Before we begin the affirmations we'll pause for a brief blessing.

May we be blessed with the courage to see ourselves honestly without shrinking and without inflating.

May humility soften our defensiveness and steady our hearts so that we can stay open and curious and grounded in truth.

May we learn to take up our rightful space with integrity to speak when it is our turn to speak and to listen when it is our turn to listen.

May our humility remind us that we belong,

That our voice matters,

And yet that we are part of something greater than ourselves.

May this quiet strength guide us toward deeper connection,

Clearer responsibility,

And a more compassionate way of being in the world.

I will read each statement twice,

Pausing in between to give you a chance to repeat them out loud to yourself and I do recommend saying them out loud.

The statements that are easy to embrace,

Savor them,

Appreciate them,

Stand like a mountain in their truth.

And then the statements that feel not so good,

That feel uncomfortable or foreign,

Go ahead and say them anyway.

This is where we are doing the work,

Rewiring those neural networks.

This is also where we gain insight into unhealed wounds,

Limiting beliefs,

And ingrained biases and judgments toward ourselves or toward a particular way of being.

It's great material for journaling or discussing with a counselor or trusted friend,

Maybe even someone doing the series with you.

Whether you're just waking up,

Walking your dog,

On your commute,

Or getting ready for bed,

I hope these affirmations serve your deepest,

Greatest,

Highest self.

And with that,

Let's get started.

I am humble.

I am humble.

I honor my strengths with ease and confidence.

I acknowledge my limitations with compassion and gentleness.

I acknowledge my limitations with compassion and gentleness.

I acknowledge my limitations with compassion and gentleness.

I am worthy in my own right.

I am worthy in my own right.

My value is rooted in my humanity and my growth.

My value is rooted in my humanity and my growth.

I allow myself to be teachable and open-hearted.

I allow myself to be teachable and open-hearted.

I welcome feedback as a doorway to learning.

I welcome feedback as a doorway to learning.

I lead with both confidence and humility.

I lead with both confidence and humility.

I let my actions reflect my values and my truth.

I let my actions reflect my values and my truth.

I let my actions reflect my values and my truth.

I honor those who have shaped and supported my journey.

I honor those who have shaped and supported my journey.

I honor those who have shaped and supported my journey.

I allow myself to be seen honestly with clarity and balance.

I allow myself to be seen honestly with clarity and balance.

I allow myself to be seen honestly with clarity and balance.

I allow myself to be seen honestly with clarity and balance.

I move through the world with gratitude,

Grace,

And humility.

I move through the world with gratitude,

Grace,

And humility.

I move through the world with gratitude,

Grace,

And humility.

I move through the world with gratitude,

Grace,

And humility.

I move through the world with gratitude,

Grace,

And humility.

Humility gives me permission to not have all the answers or have it all figured out.

Humility gives me permission to not have all the answers or have it all figured out.

Humility gives me permission to not have all the answers or have it all figured out.

Through humility,

I can devote myself to my greater sense of purpose.

Through humility,

I can devote myself to my greater sense of purpose.

Through humility,

I can devote myself to my greater sense of purpose.

Through humility,

I can devote myself to my greater sense of purpose.

As always,

Thank you so much for being here and being a part of this community.

May you leave this practice feeling grounded in who you are,

Open to who you are becoming,

And connected to the shared work of being human together.

Open to who you are becoming,

And connected to the shared work of being human together.

Go forth with peace and many,

Many blessings,

And I will see you next time.