Practicing Patience With Others And Ourselves

Why is practicing patience with others and even ourselves sometimes so difficult? Sure, we're all very busy and face insurmountable demands and obligations. But if we don’t initiate temporary pauses in our lives, who will? Join me for some reflection, some perspective, some humor, and some permission to take a breath and simply “be."

Transcript

Hi,

My name is Greg McBride and I'm a writer,

Speaker,

And motivator,

And also a teacher here on Insight Timer.

And recently I've been wondering to myself,

Why is practicing patience sometimes so difficult?

Is this something you experience as well?

Sure,

As meditators we think we're the most patient people in the world,

Right?

But I find with myself that's not always the case.

So I thought I would talk about that today and hopefully shed some light on the subject of patience for all of us.

Recently,

While shopping at a local grocery store,

I stopped by its coffee bar to treat myself to a beverage while I shopped.

Although the station wasn't staffed,

It had a small bell on the counter that shoppers could ring to call someone over.

I noticed several workers nearby who were all helping other customers,

So I decided that I wasn't going to ring the bell and instead would just wait patiently until a worker noticed me standing there.

Sure,

I was in a hurry and definitely looking forward to that shot of caffeine that would come in the small mocha latte I planned on ordering,

But I also recognized that waiting patiently would be a good test of my resolve.

Why?

Mainly because technology has created an over-automated society that expects us to deliver goods and services faster and faster.

Therefore,

I decided I was going to stand there and wait patiently to break the cycle.

I'm sure you can relate.

Getting evening or late night emails from supervisors used to be taboo.

Now we feel like we must respond to work-related emails no matter what time of day they arrive,

Even if during hours that we're off work.

Even friends and relatives sometimes get annoyed if we don't instantly reply to text messages.

Our lives are becoming more harried and more chaotic,

As if someone is standing nearby shouting faster,

Faster every minute of the day.

Thus,

My standing at the coffee bar and waiting patiently without ringing the service bell was going to embody my protest.

I could stand there enjoying the moment,

Waiting for someone else's timing to accommodate my own.

Again,

We're meditators,

Right?

We've got this.

Well,

I didn't have this.

Not as easily as I thought I might have.

I'm ashamed to admit that just standing there wasn't easy.

My initial thought was to grab my phone and scroll through incoming emails or text messages.

But I fought the urge.

I didn't have to be doing anything other than breathing.

Still,

I wondered to myself.

Where do I direct my eyes?

What kind of posture do I assume?

How exactly does someone wait patiently?

It was a mystery,

Mainly because I've been a participant in life's chaos and haven't paused in several years.

So here I was,

Pausing,

Like a robot that had been temporarily switched off.

After what seemed like an eternity,

Roughly about two minutes between you and me,

A cheerful employee approached and asked what kind of beverage I wanted.

Now,

Like any proud kindergarten student handing in their first homework assignment,

I wanted to boast that I'd purposely not rung the bell and then bask in gratitude from the employee.

But I caught and circumvented my need for acknowledgement.

My being patient was its own reward,

As was the small mocha I ordered,

Which I'll admit was quite delicious.

I realized that waiting patiently at my local market's coffee bar was a small act when it comes to patience.

And yet,

The muscle of patience is one that many of us don't exercise enough.

That's definitely true for myself.

What about you?

Sure,

We're all very busy and we sometimes face insurmountable demands and obligations of all kinds.

But if we don't initiate temporary pauses in our lives,

Who will?

Even the smallest patient acts can add up.

And those acts begin with us and our choices.

So next time you're racing for an entrance,

Maybe consider holding the door open for someone behind you so they can enter first.

You might even allow a car at a four-way road stop to go before your own,

Even if you have the right of way.

Or if you see a bell on an empty counter,

Perhaps wait for the employee to return on their own accord rather than banging out a fractured symphony of,

I'm in a hurry.

Lastly,

I encourage all of us and everyone listening to practice patience with yourself.

We can do this by stopping and acknowledging the situation we're in,

Then taking a few deep breaths.

This sounds like a simple act,

And the good news is that it is.

An act that can help remind us that life doesn't have to be erased every single second of every single day,

And that we deserve patience as much as anyone else we might encounter does.

How do you practice patience?

I'd love for you to comment,

Share your ideas,

Or even your feedback about this talk.

I really appreciate you being here.

You are so valuable,

And I will say that often and patiently.

Again,

My name is Greg McBride.

I hope you'll check out some of my other talks and meditations here on the app,

And I really appreciate you being patient and listening.

Reviews

Hi, Gregg,
Thank you for the talk on patience, a little-practiced skil/courtesy/blessing in life!
I grew up with a really impatient and angry mother, and inherited or learned the habit energy early! Impatient behavior and vibes were standard for me for many years. After about 14 years of meditation practice, though, I started to notice a “just staying” behavior creeping into my interactions with others, myself and time. And it always felt great!
Not feeling obliged to sweat every passing second felt like a mini-vacation, and my mood felt more even and light! The positive feedback loop has continued, and I find now, in most circumstances, that I enjoy watching the time it takes for things to happen. The awareness, rather than rushing, of the passing time as I wait for something to happen or for someone to do something started to feel like a luxury. There just seemed to be so much MORE TIME around! Now I feel like I have all the time in the world, everything gets done, and life is just a lot more pleasant!
Your insight into the benefits of waiting, being patient, adjusting your demands, will pay off in ways you never expected!
Keep up the good work offering your insights, Gregg, and thank you for sharing!
Donna

At the beginning of this year it came to me that my word for the year should be patience. It’s amazing how many times references to the word have appeared and how I’ve been able to incorporate patience into my life. Sometimes it’s a challenge but being aware of how to use it is rewarding. Thanks for your talk!

Great quick reset. Not ashamed to admit I searched “patience” and filtered by “talks” and chose the shortest one 😜 happily surprised to find just what I needed!