Droplet Of Wisdom 10

Sometimes we just have to grow up.
This droplet suggest an approach for dealing with offensive behaviour and explains how remaining calm and rational can change outcomes for the better. It outlines a strategy with an example of how it was used effectively.

Transcript

Hi,

I'm Graeme Dexter with a short droplet of wisdom.

I call this one,

Sometimes we just have to grow up.

When Eric Byrne first set out his ideas for the ego states,

For the benefit of simplicity he called them parent,

Adult and child.

So today I just want to briefly focus on adult.

Being adult is the only state to be in when everyone else is being overpowering,

Dogmatic or alternatively childish,

Sulky or having a tantrum.

Staying adult,

Being logical,

Rational,

Calm and thoughtful is often a hard ask,

But here are a few examples when it may pay off.

When I was a senior nurse I had to deal with a consultant surgeon who had intimidated and embarrassed a student nurse by throwing an amputated limb to her for disposal.

Completely unacceptable for a professional.

When tackled he said,

It helped relieve the tension,

The tense atmosphere in the operating theatre,

It was a joke.

So staying in adult was essential here.

Well sir,

I don't think she understood the joke.

Were you aware of how intimidated and humiliated she was?

And could I ask you if that was an unintentional outcome?

He looked a little ashamed.

I continued,

So I can see that this time it wasn't intentional.

So this time I will take no action.

Of course,

Should it happen again,

I would have to conclude that it was intentional and then I would be obliged to take it further.

Being adult is the only way to solve disputes and quarrels and challenge behaviour that's offensive.

Asking the perpetrator for their intention is always a good starting challenge.

Following up with the actual effect.

For example,

An offensive remark can easily be challenged by,

I'm not sure whether you intended to offend me,

Yet it feels.

.

.

Fill in the emotional effect here.

I feel patronised,

I feel upset,

Let down,

Disappointed,

Angry,

Ashamed,

Anxious.

And then complete with,

And is that what you intended?

A good thing to have in your armoury for dealing with the insensitive and the ignorant.

Thanks for listening to this Droplet of Wisdom.

Reviews

A droplet of wisdom certainly added to my cup! With gratitude 🙏

An unexpected and life-changing empowerment to my emotional intelligence. I feel such gratitude, elation, and relief to have heard your wisdom, Dr Graham Dexter. Was that your intention? I believe it was. 🙂 Thank you ever so much for this new-found strength of mindful communication skills.

Your droplet inspires me to learn more about Eric Berne’s work. I’ve found a book by the same name with the credentials M.D., entitled Games People Play, The Basic Handbook of Transactional Analysis. Is this the same person?

May you feel appreciated, knowing your lived experience offers an excellent tool to be used often. ❤️

Positive tactics addressing an individuals ill mannered behavior and leaving them to address their own questionable behavior.

Thank 🙏you
Jesse

Reminder of taking an adult approach and providing examples is enlightening.

Powerful! This really is useful in looking at my own intentions underlying my words and actions as well as addressing those of others. Thanks so much.

Thank you for this very helpful advice Graham, namaste 🙏🏾☀️