Today I'm going to elaborate a little bit about the imposter syndrome.
I've heard the term so many times recently in my work as a psychotherapist.
There are so many people who struggle with it.
So what do we mean by that,
By the so-called imposter syndrome?
It often hits people who struggle with a certain amount of confidence about their work,
That they feel like they're not competent or intelligent enough,
Aren't deserving of their many achievements,
And are somehow going to be found out that they aren't really as good as they appear to be.
The truth is that most of the time they are indeed held in high regard and they are appreciated by their co-workers and bosses,
But it's hard for them to see themselves that they really are as good and as productive and as useful as other people see them.
There's often a strong inner pressure to be productive,
To do more and more,
Even though so many times they already work past the normal hours and feel stressed out and burned out.
Sometimes it's about trying to gain more status in the company or to make more money or to gain more experience,
And often they will assign their successes,
Which are very real,
Just to luck or that they just luckily got another person's attention and therefore were promoted.
And it often are women who feel this way,
That they feel like somehow even though they work themselves to the bone,
What they do isn't good enough.
And it often also extends into the realm of parenthood.
I hear so many women worry about not being a good enough parent,
Even though they put so much time and effort into their families.
And even though they might have positive feedback from their spouses and families,
Somehow it doesn't feel like it's enough what is put out there.
The imposter syndrome is very closely related to perfectionism,
That it's hard to deliver something that's just good or good enough,
But it has to be perfect in order to stave off criticism or blame,
Because that criticism would really erode their self-esteem even more and might bring about shame,
Which is a very toxic,
Very difficult feeling to process.
Imposter syndrome is a very patriarchal concept,
Because living in a patriarchal society there's always somebody who's better than us,
Who's competing,
Who wants to get ahead with more means and more verve than we might have.
There's this concept that we should do better,
We should improve in anything we do,
And when we do that we will feel good about ourselves,
Which is not the case.
I can tell you from my experience and my practice as a psychotherapist,
Acquiring another degree,
An academic degree,
Or climbing up the ladder in your profession will usually not give you the kind of confidence that you're hoping to achieve,
Because it's really about,
At the heart of it,
It's more about self-worth,
That we feel that we have to remedy our sense of we don't have the worth we want to have by getting more education,
By making more money,
By becoming more famous,
If you're a performer or an artist,
By climbing up the ladder of success.
But it hasn't proven to be true,
At least not for most people.
Some people,
Once they reach the stages of celebrity,
It may make a difference,
But for most people it doesn't,
Because self-worth has a lot more to do with feeling loved,
Feeling connected,
Feeling like you're a part of something,
Than with professional success or monetary success.
So what we're called for is to heal this part of ourselves that feels not good enough,
Or a lack of self-worth.
And for us to begin this healing,
We're going to do our meditation.
I invite you to get into a comfortable position,
Close your eyes,
And begin to breathe deeply.
Notice your feet on the floor.
Notice your body being supported by the chair.
Notice your breath moving in and out of your nostrils.
Deepen your breath a little more,
And become aware that the more oxygen there is in your bloodstream,
The more your muscles will relax,
And the more your muscles relax,
The mind relaxes too.
Deepen your breath a little more,
And I invite you to call up a memory where you felt inadequate,
Or not productive enough at your work or in your family.
If you were to paint a picture of this part of you,
What would you draw or paint?
Give that image an energy,
A persona,
And for a moment feel all the feelings that are connected to the sense of being inadequate,
Or feeling like a fraud.
Where in your body do you notice any tension or burdensome energy when you think of it?
And then let the thoughts go,
And imagine that with every exhale you're breathing out this energy of feeling a burden or tension in your body.
And imagine that you're in a beautiful place in nature.
Imagine the beings you might see there,
And imagine that they're bowing to you,
That the branches that move in the wind are bowing to you,
That the birds flitting by are acknowledging your presence,
That the sounds of the water is whispering welcome,
That the sun is warming your heart,
And that all these nature beings are welcoming and appreciating you unconditionally.
And imagine spinning invisible lines of energy between you,
The trees,
The water,
The birds,
And all the nature beings around,
And that they too are connected with each other energetically.
And imagine that all the beings in this infinite web of connection are sending you their joyfulness,
Their equanimity,
And their vitality.
And really feel a sense of expansiveness,
And joyful energy spreading throughout your chest and body.
Now I invite you to take a long deep breath,
And return to the initial memory that you had in the beginning of the meditation,
And begin to accept that whatever happened,
It's okay.
It's okay to allow yourself to learn in your own time.
It's okay to make mistakes.
It's okay to show your emotions.
And it's okay to receive and accept praise for everything you do.
Remember how much you are already contributing,
That you are appreciated just the way you are,
And how much value you have for the people around you,
How much you do every single day.
Now check in with your body,
And notice if that feeling of discomfort has changed or moved in any way.
And then take one more long deep breath,
And when you're ready,
Open your eyes.
