So today I'm going to talk a little bit about failure and the psychological fallout of failure.
Failure is always connected to shame because when we fail there's inadvertently some feeling of embarrassment or shame connected to it.
We feel bad that something we really wanted or we were heavily invested in has not come to pass and when we feel shame we automatically want to hide because shame thrives in the dark and when we hide we often get very defensive or evasive and we just want to hide what's going on and that's a normal response to shame because shame is a very difficult emotion to feel.
To some degree we are being set up for failure in our culture because there's such an enormous societal pressure to be successful and to follow a certain picture of what success might mean to the larger culture which usually is to have a wonderful perfect career,
Climbing up the ladder of success in a straight path,
Have the perfect marriage with everlasting love.
So these are the expectations our culture imposes on us and that generates an enormous pressure and then when we can't abide to these standards because we're all humans then there's automatically shame and shame is something we just really have difficulty dealing with.
But life doesn't really work this way that there is no straight path to success and there is no easy path to have an intimate relationship.
We're all humans and we all struggle with certain things so certain setbacks are a part of the path.
There is no linear line from here's where we start and this is where we finish because there's always detours and setbacks and failures in between.
And that is how we were designed as humans because we grow from mistakes,
We grow from failure.
And there is new research now that making mistakes strengthens the neural pathways in the brain and enables new growth and ultimately leads to courage.
It's a little bit like working out.
After we work out we might feel fatigued or exhausted and doesn't feel great but then ultimately we get stronger and it's the same with emotions when it's the same with going through failure.
It feels really bad in the beginning but we move through it and at the end of it we come out stronger and more experienced and more mature.
So what we have to do really is to mourn our losses and accept that we're allowed to make mistakes.
It's not just normal,
It does enhance our lives ultimately and lead to new growth.
And then after some time after we've grieved the losses that we've gone through we can start over in a way that really suits you.
So failing at something really invites us to examine well are these societal standards that we know and often abide by,
Do they really work for me?
Or is my personal definition of success entirely different from what our culture is trying to tell us?
So in a way there are really no mistakes because of the growth that's involved with it.
So we must confront our fears and try to pursue what we truly want aside from external opinions and pressures.
And ultimately we have to forgive ourselves for what we deemed was a mistake.
So let's come to our meditation.
I invite you to close your eyes and get into a relaxed position and begin to breathe deeply.
Notice your feet on the floor,
Notice your body being supported by the chair,
Notice the thoughts running through your mind.
Just notice them and gently let them go and come back to your breathing.
Deepen your breath a little more.
I invite you to find an image that represents a failure or misstep in your life.
Where in your body do you feel any sensations?
For a moment feel the shame or sadness that may be attached to it.
Now extend validation to yourself by saying yes it was a difficult and dissatisfying experience.
It's okay to go through disappointments.
I am human and it's okay to make mistakes.
Then reassure yourself I am allowed to be imperfect.
It does not take away from the good I'm doing in this world.
I forgive myself and let go of the painful feelings.
Tell yourself I make an effort to remember just how important my work,
My presence is for so many people.
I have value just by being who I am.
By being the caring,
Hard-working,
Compassionate person I am.
Now I am extending that compassion to myself.
Now bring in your larger self,
Your higher self that has moved through difficult times before and quietly say to yourself I know that life knocks us over sometimes and I came out all right.
I am experienced enough to deal with it.
When all is said and done I will be stronger and more mature for having had the experience.
Now express gratitude for yourself and the efforts you're making to do this work.
The fact that you're showing up here today shows that you're always striving to grow.
Take one more long deep breath and when you're ready open your eyes.
