Transforming Criticism With Compassion

Okay,

Beloveds.

Welcome.

Welcome,

Welcome,

Welcome.

For those of you I'm getting to meet for the first time,

My name is Celina Layel.

I am a yoga and meditation instructor,

A transformational coach and an awakened life teacher.

And today we are going to spend some time looking at and maybe gaining a greater understanding of this inner critical voice.

Some of us call this the inner critic,

Or we know it as self criticism or self judgment.

But we're going to take a little bit of time to understand this a little more.

And within that understanding,

Create greater compassion.

This is the intention.

And then we'll move into a compassion practice together today.

Oh,

Cool.

Cosmically Carly.

Very cool.

Our communities so connected that you're dreaming about each other from across the world.

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

Soup family,

Soul family.

So criticism,

Just notice what happens in your body when I even say that word criticism,

Self criticism,

Self judgment.

Notice Do you feel a sense of relaxing and expanding?

Or do you feel this sense of tightening and contracting?

And there's no right or wrong experience or answer.

Just notice as I speak on the word criticism.

Yeah,

Judy shared the manager doesn't like this.

Some of us know our inner critic as the manager or the judge.

This part of the psyche that develops the committee.

Yes,

We have different the father.

Yes,

We'll get into this in a moment.

But just notice there's this likely for each of us.

There's a contraction.

And if you don't feel a contraction,

That could mean different things.

But no,

No need to analyze it right now.

Let's just take a breath together.

We're all here to delve into a topic that is maybe very uncomfortable.

So let's take a breath in and exhale through the mouth.

Inhale deeply.

Exhale through the mouth.

Inhale one breath like this.

And then just take a moment to feel your body in this moment.

You don't need to move your body.

You don't even need to close your eyes.

Just notice your body.

Notice your breath without judgment.

Bring your awareness to your feet,

Legs,

Your hips,

Torso,

Arms,

Hands,

Neck and head and just have this awareness resting more in the body as we arrive more fully in this moment.

Thank you.

So the inner critic,

The judge,

The committee manager,

Why is it there?

I know for some of us,

We have an experience of feeling,

Wow,

I really must not like myself.

I must really hate myself.

I must really think I'm an awful person.

I must really not be worthy if I can talk to myself this way,

Or if I can feel this way about myself.

Some of us hear this as a voice.

Some of us experience it as more of an emotion,

This internal judgment.

But this is coming from this mind and from this brain,

This brain specifically that is designed for survival.

Most of our brain is still functioning millennia,

Millions of years out of date.

And its core function is survival,

Which we're grateful for.

Yes.

It's nice to have something supporting our wellbeing and keeping us alive.

But much of this survival mode doesn't discern between what is really uplifting us or what is bringing us down,

What is really expanding us or contracting us.

It says,

If I am alive,

If,

If,

If what we did yesterday worked,

Let's do it again.

It doesn't discern between that sense of good or bad,

Positive or negative that we like to label things.

And its primary function is protection.

Just consider that for a moment.

Maybe you're,

You're very well versed in this area of thought and this is nothing new,

But I invite you to consider that that most judgmental,

Most unkind voice that you hear towards yourself or that you feel inside towards yourself is actually there to serve you.

Not just serve you in your evolution.

You know,

Sometimes some of us can look at challenges as,

As growth and service,

But truly its function is to protect you and to care for you in the way that it knows how to.

So let's understand this a little more.

Okay.

We understand that we have this brain that functions in survival mode for the most part,

But why in this way,

Right?

Why in this way for most of us,

This,

This experience,

We call it part of the psyche because it kind of grows into a part of our personality,

But on some level it's really just a collection of thoughts and behaviors.

It's not actually a person inside of you.

It's not actually this entity inside of you.

It's this collection of thoughts and behaviors that we label as part of the psyche so that we can better understand it.

So this experience of this inner judge,

This inner critic,

It begins as a child,

Usually in our first developmental years when we're quite young.

And the way that I kind of look at this inner critic is that it functions in two main ways.

Ultimately with this,

This,

Uh,

Need for survival,

But it functions in two main ways.

One,

It functions in a way to protect us and two,

It functions in a way to create connection.

Now,

For those of you who have been with me before,

We've probably had conversations about how connection is also a primary biological need as a human being that we each have.

It is in our biology to feel connected to each other as a way of survival.

We're pack animals.

Long time ago,

If we weren't part of the pack,

We would get eaten.

Yes,

We wouldn't survive without the people we were connected to,

Our tribe,

Our community,

Our family.

So this inner critic is this protection mechanism to keep us safe,

To keep us alive,

And also a way to make sure that there's connection in our lives.

So let's say for example,

That I'm a child and feeling connected to my caregivers,

Whether that was your parents,

Your grandparents,

Maybe you had someone else raising you feeling connected to them was imperative to my survival.

Yes,

Especially as an infant,

We weren't able to take care of ourselves as an infant.

So that connection,

That feeling accepted,

That feeling loved by,

That feeling approved of as this infant was imperative to our survival.

So here I am,

This small child,

And let's say that I make some kind of a mistake,

Right?

I knock something over.

And when I knock that thing over,

My caregiver gets really upset with me.

Oh,

They get,

You know,

Maybe they're not actually mad with me or angry with me,

But their reaction makes me feel like they are.

Yes.

So they get really upset and I internalize that as,

Oh,

This love is going to be taken away.

This connection is being taken away in that moment.

This safety that I have with this other human being is taken away in that moment of them being upset with me.

So I don't ever want that to happen again.

Right?

Now,

Of course that's not a reality for our lives,

But this is how it starts to get internalized.

I don't want that to happen again.

So this voice,

This inner critic,

This inner judge,

It arises to do its best to make sure that doesn't happen again.

Even if it says,

You're so stupid,

You're not worthy.

Uh,

You can't do something or you're not good enough.

All of these different thoughts and feelings,

Right?

They all evolve or come from this same place inside that says,

Don't do something that is either going to put you in actual harm's way or have this imperative connection to our survival be taken away.

So let's just take a breath.

And I'd love to hear from anyone here.

Is this,

Is this clear?

Is this making sense?

And if it's not,

What,

What questions can I answer for you?

I would love to hear from you,

My loves.

Very clear.

Yes,

It makes so much sense.

Okay,

Good.

Anyone that it's not making sense for that you're kind of hung up someplace and understanding,

Because I know many of us have this experience of law.

Wow.

Like I really must hate myself.

I really must be a terrible person to have these kinds of thoughts and feelings.

Yes,

Carol,

We're going to get into that in just a moment.

Carol shared actually they came directly from my mother's mouth.

And this is also a way that we,

That we,

That this internal judge or critic is developed.

Quite often the judgmental voice that we hear as young adults or as adults,

Even if we are in our nineties is the internalized voice of a parent.

I'll say it again,

Quite often the inner critic or this experience of the judge at the committee,

The manager,

However we label this,

This voice,

These thoughts,

These feelings is an internalized voice of parents,

Caregivers,

Teachers,

Sometimes even peers.

Now it still has the same core motive.

And the core motive says,

If I don't make a mistake,

I'm safe.

I don't lose this connection.

If I'm the best at everything,

Then I don't make a fool of myself and lose connection.

If I stay really quiet and don't take risks,

Then I don't lose the possibility of connection and approval.

So it can look different for each of us.

Yes.

Some of us are overachievers.

Some of us are underachievers.

Some of us are vying for people's attention.

Some of us are hiding from it.

It all this,

When it comes to the self,

The inner critic,

It's all coming from the same place.

So it is this internalized voice of these external influences.

So for example,

As Carol was saying,

Sometimes these are words that we've heard directly from that person.

Maybe we heard a parent or a caregiver say,

You're stupid.

You're,

You're so worthless.

Some of us have had these painful experiences and it's not that all of a sudden we believe it,

But by believing it,

By repeating it to ourself,

I should say there is an unconscious thinking that it will in some way service.

One way that this unconscious thinking functions is if I am really critical with myself,

Then it won't hurt so badly.

Next time someone's really critical with me,

The next time my mom or my dad or my teacher really criticizes me,

It won't be such of a blow to my mind and my heart because I'm already judging myself.

Now,

Of course,

We're not consciously thinking this usually some of us are,

But this is quite often very unconscious behavior.

Another way that we use this internalized voice and say the things that we've heard others say to us or that we've heard others say to themselves or that we think they're saying with their attitude,

With their body language,

With their emotional energy.

Sometimes they don't even say anything,

But we internalize it as if they have.

So another way one is to soften the blow you could say to make it easier to take on others judgment because we're already being that way with ourselves.

Another is thinking,

Well,

If I am really critical of myself,

Then hopefully that will limit the amount of me making mistakes in the future so I don't feel that loss of connection.

If I'm really,

Really hard on myself now,

Hopefully I'll still feel connected,

Approved of,

Loved,

Cared for,

Safe from these people or this person.

And it can look other ways,

But these are,

These are a couple of the main ways that this functions when it comes to what others have said to us.

It's not that we hate ourselves,

My loves.

It's not that we're so worthless that we have these thoughts.

It is an internalized protection mechanism.

Whether we are doing it as a way to keep ourselves safe from feeling so much pain or a way to try to feel more connected.

Its core functioning is actually from this place of survival or,

Or even trying to take care of us,

You could say.

So let's read some of your comments.

Let's take a breath.

Let's take a breath.

Sarah shared,

I'm just beginning to understand this concept.

Excellent.

Excellent.

Yes,

Rev.

And other authorities.

It could be teachers,

Parents,

Caregivers,

These figures in our lives where there is some sense of authority or,

Or some need for us to,

To that,

That deep desire,

That biological need to feel connected to.

Frank shared how language works inside us and the limitations of language and how we label ourselves.

Yes.

One way to,

To see it,

Understand it.

Oh,

Good.

Many of you are dialoguing about how you see this showing up in your life.

Mary,

Right.

But then I marry someone who is an extension of that critical parent.

So it never ends.

So I got to do,

There goes your comment.

So I got to do boundaries and self care 24 seven.

Yes,

My love.

And we could go on and on with this,

But when we truly transform some something inside of ourselves,

I don't know if I said but I definitely meant to say,

And definitely not.

But when we,

When we practice shifting or dissolving that voice by bringing it into our heart or any other practice that serves you,

We will notice our external world shift.

It's just the law,

The law of,

Of life.

When something truly shifts inside of us,

It has to shift outside of us.

Either we will actually see the people in our lives change because we're different.

So they need to respond to us differently.

Or if those people around us don't change,

If we've truly shifted inside,

Then we create the change externally.

And I know,

I don't just mean it from the sense of,

Oh,

If you don't like something,

Change it,

Accept it,

Or walk away.

Yes,

Many of us know that idea.

If you don't like something,

Change it,

Accept it,

Or walk away.

I mean,

Truly,

When we've truly created more of this loving,

Healthy relationship in ourself,

We will see things in our lives change and shift.

Even if we're not consciously engaged in the shift,

It will occur.

So blessings on your,

Your,

Your life path,

And whatever that looks like as an individual being and in a marriage.

L,

How does it work in the way when the inner critic keeps telling you to do things?

For example,

My case,

Move exercise.

Yes,

Thank you.

Great question.

So and this is going to be part of our homework for anyone who wants to take on some exercises,

Practices.

When the inner critic is speaking to us,

You're so fat,

You're out of shape,

You're so lazy,

You're so stupid,

All of these,

These very negative hurtful ways that it can speak to us,

Or that these thoughts can arise,

We could also say,

It's because there's a motivation underneath it,

Right?

That really unkind voice is again,

Not here to destroy you,

It's here to serve you in some way.

So sometimes hearing that voice is that part of us that knows it does need to exercise,

Right?

Now,

For some of us,

We are compulsive exercisers,

Because we are so afraid of not having some level of physical attractiveness.

And what that means in terms of rejection,

Or feeling embarrassed or feeling un unloved,

We're so afraid of that,

That we get obsessive about how physically active we are.

So that voice can show up in different ways.

Yes,

For each of us.

But there's always a desire underneath as well.

So you can start to look at that,

That root desire,

Maybe you know that you actually do need to exercise.

And so for you,

It's saying,

Okay,

Well,

The root desire is a healthy need,

Or knowing that exercise would exercise would serve me well.

And if maybe you're more on the other end of the spectrum,

And you're really an obsessive exercise,

Or you can also look there,

Okay,

What is the what is the core need or desire underneath this way of speaking to myself,

And maybe it's to feel loved or to feel accepted.

So there are different ways that we can work with this inner critic.

And this is one of the ways that we can start to do that.

When you hear that voice,

Start to look at the the core motive from a more pure place or innocent place inside of you.

What is that,

That natural desire that's arising that has morphed into this judgmental voice?

But if you if you kind of wash away that judgmental voice,

What is that,

That innate desire that's underneath?

Okay,

I want to feel accepted.

I want to feel loved.

I want to feel healthy in my body.

I want to feel like I respect myself.

I want to feel like I love myself.

We can start to explore and sometimes just understanding that the core desire comes from this more kind place.

Maybe you could even say self loving place.

Sometimes that awareness alone can start to shift the voice a little bit and we'll get into some other practices we can use.

Thank you for asking that.

Yes,

Ellie,

Sometimes I don't think it was what was said,

But maybe what wasn't said.

Yes,

Exactly.

Sometimes we didn't have some kind of support in our lives to guide us or to show us a way to be a healthy or self loving human being.

And so that inner critic comes up.

But again,

It comes from this core desire for survival,

For connection,

Connection for,

You know,

Whatever it is for each of us.

And many of us have these shared human desires at the core.

Yes.

So sometimes it is that voice to guide us when there wasn't something to guide us.

But again,

It comes across too harshly because of that feeling of I don't know how to do this.

I don't know what to do.

And it kind of just steps in to take over.

This is great,

You guys.

Thank you so much for all of your sharing.

Thank you for your vulnerability.

Yes,

Positive flow.

You sometimes we even hear it in our parents voice or in our caregivers voice when we hear this,

This voice inside for you shared.

What were you thinking?

Right?

We even hear it where it first came from something that we can also do when that internalized voice comes up,

Especially if we associate it with a person and we get caught because don't we feel caught sometimes it's like all of a sudden we're caught in this little box or this tight place where we can't really think clearly and we're just in the emotional reaction or the heaviness,

The weight of that voice of the inner critic or that behavioral thought pattern.

Something that can help and this comes back to compassion is to understand what happened in that person's life even if we don't know,

But just to consider what happened in that person's life to make them act that way.

What happened in that person's life to make them speak that way to us because none of us are born with an inner critic.

Again,

It is this,

This behavioral collection of thoughts that we call part of the psyche,

Part of the personality,

But none of us are born with it.

Even if you had someone in your life that was so cruel and that is whose voice you hear in your mind,

They were not born cruel.

So sometimes it's helpful to consider and this can also break the pattern of that voice in our own mind.

Okay,

You know,

I hear the voice of my father and I see his face or I feel his energy and I feel it inside.

Oh,

What were you thinking?

And it's so awful and I can get caught in it.

And then I think,

What happened in my father's life that made him this way for him to be that harsh with me.

He's that harsh with himself.

I'll say this again for someone to be that harsh or unkind or unloving or rejecting or angry or whatever I'd be for someone to be that way with us.

They have been that way with themselves already and they likely learned that behavior from someone else.

Yes,

This is how we have things passed down through generations.

And we're not,

We're not saying,

Oh,

Because my father or this person had painful moments or were so hard on themselves that,

You know,

It excuses their behavior.

That's not the point.

It's not to say,

Oh,

Everything's good.

Positive vibes.

I understand now.

No,

It's just to understand.

Okay.

I don't agree with the way you spoke to me.

I don't agree with the way that you treated me,

But I can understand why you were acting that way.

Even if I don't know the details,

I can know that if you are that unkind or you are that scared or you are that angry or you are that whatever,

Manipulative judgment or whatever,

If you are that way person in my life,

It's because of what you feel inside of your own self.

I don't excuse,

Need to excuse the behavior or,

Or accept it again from others,

Especially,

Right?

We come into a marriage where there's that same repeat of some internal judge or someone from our past.

We don't have to accept that behavior.

And I know it's more difficult when we make decisions like commitment,

Committing to a marriage,

But just because we have compassion doesn't mean that we need to continue accepting that kind of behavior from others or from ourself.

So I'm going to come back,

Come back.

Thanks for sharing that positive flow.

Ah,

Well,

We'll get to a couple more comments and then we'll move into a brief practice together.

I can't get back.

I was trying to get back further in our comment thread,

But it has,

It has stopped me from going back any further.

So I may have missed many comments.

And thank you for your donations.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you from my heart.

Thank you for supporting me.

Thank you for supporting insight timer.

Beautiful Carol.

Yes.

Carol shared.

I've witnessed the change with my partner when I have changed.

Yes.

It's the law of life.

You could say when we truly shift,

When we truly grow or change in some way,

Our reality can only shift with us.

And if you say,

Well,

I've changed,

I've changed and nothing has changed.

There's probably an opportunity to look inside and see what hasn't changed or what you're wishing had changed,

But holding on to Sheila.

When my inner critic tells me things like I should exercise,

I immediately become a child that rejects a command from its parents and don't want to do it.

Yes,

Exactly.

The inner critic,

Again,

It's this archaic way of keeping us safe and well,

But most of us reject it because it's not,

It's not a very inviting or welcoming or pleasurable voice,

Right?

So the natural thing we do is we push against it or we crumble under it.

When we live with that inner critic and we don't practice ways to transform it or come out of it,

We can feel depressed and defeated and a lack of connecting to anything in life.

We start to give up on things.

Yes,

That resignation.

So part of understanding how to shift and transform this experience of the inner critic is understanding that it's not who we are.

It's not who you are.

These thoughts,

These feelings,

These judgments,

Even though they might feel and sound really true sometimes,

They're not who you are.

They're not who you are,

My love.

They're learned behavior.

They're learned behavior.

And you might say,

Well,

Yeah,

You can say that,

Selena,

But I don't exercise or I don't do what I know I should do.

So I'm clearly unworthy or stupid or something like this.

No,

My love,

Just caught,

Just caught in a behavioral pattern that causes us to be at a standstill.

It doesn't mean anything about who you are.

It doesn't mean anything about who you are.

It's just a thought.

Consider this,

If you choose all of those judgmental thoughts that sound and feel so true to literally just a thought,

Literally just a thought that you choose to believe unconsciously or consciously.

But it's just a thought.

It's like,

It's like here,

Here's a thought,

And it comes in my consciousness and it comes out.

That's how real it is.

There's a little thought in my awareness,

And then it fades.

It is not grounded in any profound truth.

It's just a thought.

It's temporary.

It comes,

It goes.

It's not the truth of who you are.

But we hold on to it like it is,

Right?

We hold on to those voices of the inner critic,

Those thoughts,

As if they're the truth of who we are.

But they're not.

They're just thoughts,

Emotions,

Temporary experiences.

They come,

They go.

They come,

They go.

And it's just when we identify with those thoughts and hold on to them and say,

Oh,

This is true.

This is who I am.

This is the truth of my life.

I'm a terrible person.

It's only when we identify with those thoughts that they have such a great impact on us.

Now,

Many of us have been identifying with these thoughts again to serve us,

To protect us,

To keep us safe for many years,

Some of us for many decades.

So it's not to say that it's easy to all of a sudden shift the awareness,

But we can start to practice now.

Okay.

What if I'm not?

What if I don't have to believe all of these very judgmental thoughts?

What if they're not who I am?

What if I could start to consider that wherever these thoughts came from,

It was actually to help me survive and whomever I heard these words from,

If I actually heard someone speak to me or speak to themselves or others in this way,

What kind of pain or rejection or fear did they experience that caused them to start speaking or thinking in that way?

Doesn't mean it's any more true.

Aha.

I love that.

We have some comments.

What if I'm not these thoughts,

Then who am I?

Who am I?

If I'm not these thoughts that really seem like the truth of my existence,

If I'm not these emotions that tell me how I feel,

Then who am I?

I invite you to close your eyes for a moment,

Unless you're driving,

Close the eyes just right now.

Stop,

Stop whatever you're doing and close the eyes and just feel your breath.

Close the eyes.

Let go of the need to send hearts and constantly be doing.

Feel your breath.

And now without moving your body,

Bring your awareness to your feet or someplace in your body.

You're not moving.

You're just noticing an area in your body.

The fact that you are able to witness your body in this way,

You're able to watch your breath,

You're able to be aware of a part of your body.

Doesn't this mean that you're not the body?

If you're able to witness it,

And that means you are the one who's witnessing the body.

Now let's notice the thoughts.

Again,

You don't need to move the body,

But just start to notice what the mind is thinking right now.

You don't need to judge a thought.

We'll practice this.

This may be very new for some of us.

With the eyes closed,

Just start to watch the mind.

Feel yourself watching your mind as if it's a movie on a projector screen in front of you.

The mind often thinks and images words.

So start to witness these thoughts.

No need to label them as good or bad,

Positive or negative.

Just notice the thoughts on this movie screen in your mind.

Can you feel a bit of space between you as the one who's watching this movie and the movie itself?

A little bit of space between being the observer and the thoughts themselves.

If you're able to watch your mind,

Notice your thoughts,

Then you must not be your thoughts,

Right?

If you're able to witness your own mind,

Then you are not the mind.

You are the one who is watching the mind.

I invite you to have the eyes closed.

You are the one watching these thoughts,

Whether they're judgmental thoughts or uplifting thoughts or fearful thoughts,

Whatever they are,

These thoughts are not you if you can witness them,

If you can be aware of them.

And just notice this sense of presence that you are,

This witnessing presence that is watching your mind.

And now let us shift to the emotions.

Notice any emotion or emotions that you're feeling in this moment.

And again,

There's no need to judge it.

Emotions come and go.

There's nothing wrong with feeling.

It's part of our life experience.

Maybe you're feeling joyful.

Maybe you're feeling excited.

Maybe you're feeling angry.

Maybe you're feeling afraid.

Maybe you're feeling the contraction of judgment.

Just start to notice any emotions in your body.

Maybe you're feeling numb.

And I invite you for this moment to just let any thoughts about why you feel this way pass.

Meaning when the story comes up about,

Oh,

I'm feeling angry because of,

Or I feel afraid because of,

Or I feel helpless because of,

I invite you to just take a breath and come back to whatever you're feeling in your body.

And just don't give any attention to that thought.

It may come up again and again.

That's fine.

But just keep coming back to your body,

Watching the emotions that you feel in your body.

Maybe you can even notice where you feel them in your body.

And even if the emotion is feeling strong right now,

Can you notice even a little bit of space between the emotion and your observation of it?

Can you feel a little bit of distance between you as the witness of the emotion and the emotional experience you're having?

And take a breath.

It's okay if the thoughts are still coming in.

We're not here to make the mind go away.

We're just noticing that gap or that space between our witnessing self,

Our presence,

And the temporary nature of the thoughts,

Emotions,

And even physical sensations.

We are watching them,

Aren't we?

If we're watching,

Then we are the one watching,

Not these experiences.

Let's take a deep breath.

And let's take a deep breath into the heart.

And another.

Imagine that you're breathing awareness,

Life force into your heart center.

Again,

Another breath in and out of the heart.

Imagine someone.

That you feel really who you feel really loved by,

Who you feel cared for by,

Who you feel supported by someone in your life who just thinking of softens your heart,

Warms your heart.

And imagine this person standing beside you right now.

This person with whom you experience so much love feel their presence beside you in this moment.

Eyes are closed.

You can imagine what they look like.

Imagine how good it feels to be near them.

And feel the softening of the heart.

This sense of ease of being that you get to feel when you're with this person.

Imagine in your mind's eye that you're looking into their eyes.

This loving connection as you gaze into each other's eyes.

And imagine or hear in your mind,

This person speaking these words to you from their heart with all of their care for you.

I wish you peace.

I wish you joy.

I wish you freedom from suffering.

I wish you peace.

I wish you joy.

I wish you freedom from suffering.

I wish you peace.

I wish you joy.

I wish you freedom from suffering.

Feel the words moving into your heart,

Softening,

Expanding your heart.

Welcome this moment of kindness,

Of love,

Of care.

And as you gaze into their eyes,

Imagine speaking these words from your heart to them.

I wish you joy.

I wish you peace.

I wish you freedom from suffering.

I wish you joy.

I wish you peace.

I wish you freedom from suffering.

I wish you joy.

I wish you peace.

I wish you freedom from suffering.

Welcome this warmth in your heart,

This expansion.

And now,

See in your mind's eye,

Your own self as you are standing across from you in this moment.

See yourself standing across from you.

What are you wearing,

Your facial expression,

Your body language,

This beautiful human being in front of you who has so many gifts to share with the world,

Whether that is the gift of presence,

Of kindness,

Of your creativity,

Your heart,

Your intellect,

Your intelligence,

Your adventurous spirit,

Your innovative nature.

See this person across from you,

You across from you,

You who has desires to feel peace or joy or connection,

Just like all other human beings.

We've all made mistakes,

My love.

We've all made mistakes.

It's part of this life.

How would you speak to a child if they made a mistake?

Hopefully,

For most of us,

We would never speak to a child the way we speak to ourselves.

We would never speak to someone that we love with so much harshness,

With so much unforgiveness.

How would you speak to your very dearest friend or the person that you love and cherish and respect the most in the world?

How would you speak to that person?

We all make mistakes.

We all go through challenging times.

How supportive,

Loving,

Or kind would you be to that person?

Just imagine in this moment if you were to speak to your own self that way.

I invite you.

See yourself across from you.

Whatever this part of you is needing,

Whatever you are needing to say,

Speak with the amount of love and forgiveness and kindness that you would to the person you love the most in the world.

Speak that way to yourself in this moment.

If you were speaking to the person that you love and respect the most in all of the world,

What kindness,

What motivation or support would you offer through your words?

Imagine offering this to yourself.

Hear the words.

Feel it as you give this to yourself right now.

I invite you to be fully with yourself right now.

Fully with yourself.

And now imagine that this version of you standing across from you is becoming younger and younger and younger until it is you as a child standing across from you in this moment.

See yourself as this young child who only desires connection,

Harmony,

Safety,

Whose heart is pure.

Even if life has been challenging already,

You're all born with a pure heart.

Look into the eyes of this beautiful child that you once were that is still within you.

And from your heart,

Speak these words to yourself.

I wish you joy.

I wish you peace.

I wish you freedom from suffering.

Fully from your heart,

I wish you joy.

I wish you peace.

I wish you freedom from suffering.

I wish you joy.

I wish you peace.

I wish you freedom from suffering.

I wish you freedom from suffering.

Breathe that into your heart.

Feel the gaze of your childlike self,

This inner child,

This child version of you looking into your eyes in this moment.

And hear,

Feel these words from this child version of you to your own self in this moment.

I wish you joy.

I wish you peace.

I wish you freedom from suffering.

I wish you joy.

I wish you peace.

I wish you freedom from suffering.

Open your body,

Open your arms,

Open your chest.

I wish you joy.

Feel these words from this child that you are,

That was you,

That is the core of your heart.

I wish you joy.

I wish you peace.

I wish you freedom from suffering.

Welcome this part of you.

Welcome all of you.

Right now,

Imagine the thoughts of judgment or imagine the inner critic.

The inner critic is like this small child vying for attention,

Longing to feel safe,

Longing to feel connection,

To feel love,

To feel approval.

This is the inner critic,

This desire to be held in peace and love.

So in this moment,

My love,

Welcome these thoughts,

These feelings,

This inner critic,

This judge,

Welcome it into your heart.

Welcome it into your heart with abandon.

Go beyond the mind in this moment.

You can even use your hands and imagine bringing these thoughts or this part of you into your heart in this moment.

You don't need to reject yourself anymore,

My love.

Welcome every part of you fully in this moment.

Feel this part of you moving into your heart,

Merging with your heart,

Dissolving in your heart.

Go right now in your mind and become aware of any part of you that you have left behind in your life and bring that into your heart.

Any part of you that you left behind in a painful experience,

Any part of you that you left behind even in a joyful experience,

Any part of you that you left behind with abandonment or judgment,

Welcome.

Imagine that you are bringing each and every part of you that you have left behind or rejected into your own heart right now in this moment.

And use your breath,

Breathe deeply,

Open your chest,

Welcome each and every part of you into your heart.

Go beyond the mind.

You don't need to know how to do this.

Just welcome again and again and again.

Welcome.

Welcome.

Your heart expands and expands and expands as you welcome any pain,

Any part of you left behind into your heart in this moment.

Welcome,

Welcome,

Welcome.

Welcome.

Welcome with love.

Welcome with tenderness.

Welcome with kindness.

It is only out of ignorance that we have ever acted in these ways,

That we have ever spoken to ourselves in these ways.

It has only been out of ignorance and not knowing.

For if we were truly aware,

We would never act in these ways.

So welcome.

Become these parts of you that were only acting from ignorance into your heart.

And breathe,

Breathe deeply.

Welcome.

Welcome.

Let's breathe deeply together and gently begin to move the body.

If you wish,

I invite you to roll the shoulders up and back,

Open the chest,

Even open the arms,

Open the arms to the sky and make yourself like a chalice,

Be open and receptive to the fullness of you,

To the peace of you,

To the grace of you,

To the compassion of you,

The love of you.

Thank you.

Thank you,

My loves.

I love you.

Yes,

We are so blessed to be together in this awakening,

This awakening from this dream,

This identification with the mundane world.

We have this opportunity to awaken to the fullness of who we are,

To come out of that identification,

To see the magnificence,

The glory,

The beauty of this life,

Of this world.

Rosita,

My love,

You share that you love me even more.

And what I would say,

My love,

Is that you are loving you even more.

You are loving you,

My love.

Our capacity for love is all within our own being.

That's why we hear we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.

We can only love others as much as we love ourselves.

Beautiful,

Beautiful,

Beautiful.

Wednesday,

We will be continuing with our five-week series.

Charlotte,

I'll come back to your comment in a moment.

Wednesday,

Five-week series,

Awakening the Mystic's Heart,

Part two.

And we'll just continue to deepen this awareness of who we truly are,

Filling that longing ache that we feel in our lives,

That we usually focus on relationships or activities or money or substances.

We will practice filling that longing from within our own being.

No session Friday this week as I will be attending our global unity gathering with Saima,

My teacher,

Many of you are familiar with by now,

My beloved teacher,

20 years.

So no session on Friday as I will be attending the global unity gathering.

It is open to all.

We will continue though with Wednesday this week.

Wednesday is at 6 p.

M.

Eastern time.

And it's okay if you missed our first session.

This is a series where you're welcome to join now,

Even if you missed the first,

It's not necessary.

My teacher's name is Saima.

Her Holiness Saima,

Actually Saima has received many titles.

Powerful,

Powerful source and grace of love and embodiment on the planet,

Global humanitarian.

Charlotte,

You shared that you're feeling rejection and feeling upset from not being included by an experience that your sibling shared.

And my love,

If you choose,

My first invitation is just to practice being with yourself in that feeling.

What we don't realize is,

Is what we've unconsciously been doing from the time that we were children is imitating or mimicking what someone else is doing.

So people might say things like,

I don't care what other people think of me.

Or maybe they might say like someone says,

Oh,

You're so,

I don't know,

I can't even think of a good example right now.

But just bringing it back to what we often experience is we turn that on ourselves.

So for example,

If I'm a child and I feel rejected by my peers or by my siblings or by my caregivers,

Rather than knowing,

Oh,

Well,

They're doing whatever they're doing because it's their stuff.

We don't have that education as children.

Many of us don't have that education as adults.

So we live in a lot of blame and taking things personally.

But what we do in that moment when we feel rejected is we reject our own self.

You reject our own self,

Whether or not we're aware of it,

We start to have thoughts that say,

Well,

What's wrong with me that they didn't invite me?

What did I do that made them not invite me?

What's so terrible that they couldn't invite me?

And we don't even know that we're having those thoughts because quite often we have the thought,

Sometimes we are aware of those thoughts and sometimes we're aware of the thoughts,

They're so mean,

They're so selfish,

They're so blah,

Blah,

Blah.

We have those thoughts also.

And those thoughts,

If we're still unable to move into a place of ease or forgiveness or compassion at least,

Then I would say that's an opportunity to look deeper at how we are believing something by their actions.

If I don't believe that I'm unworthy,

Then someone can reject me and it doesn't phase me in the way that it does or would if I believed if I was unworthy.

Because again,

And I wish to make this clear,

This is maybe not the best way to do it,

But what we often do is we abandon or reject or judge ourselves the way that we feel judged or rejected or abandoned by someone else.

And that is why we live in so much suffering.

In part because we may be living with unforgiveness with that person,

But it's because in some way some part of us believes that their actions are warranted,

That we are unworthy or we are unlovable or we do have some problem with us.

And so rather than trying to fix it from the outside,

Rather than trying to change other people or make them think that we're different than we are or prove to them that we're not the way that they think we are,

How do we go and tend to those parts of ourselves or ourself that we have left behind,

That we are rejecting,

That we are judging?

Because that intensity of pain is because of how we are being with our own self.

As much as it might seem that it's because of what someone said to us,

What someone did,

It's because of how we are responding to that and what we are believing about ourself that makes it so terribly painful.

Again,

If I have a deeply loving and accepting and forgiving relationship with myself,

Someone can say something horrible to me and I might feel an initial sting,

But then I just know,

I know that it's not about me or I know that that person is just working something out or maybe it is something that has to do with rejection.

If I have a deeply loving understanding and forgiving relationship with myself,

Then someone can totally reject me or even insult me.

But I know even if there's a sting at first,

That I don't have to take it on because however they feel about me is their judgment.

It's their judgment.

It doesn't mean that I don't need to focus on growth sometimes.

It doesn't mean that I don't have room to grow or be a better version of myself.

But when I'm really loving with myself,

Other people's issues with me don't break me.

They don't even devastate me.

They don't even,

They don't even really upset me that much because I'm clear with my own self.

Now this isn't to get confused with arrogance or putting ourselves on a pedestal thinking that we're better than others.

It's just the awareness that when we have a loving,

Compassionate relationship with our own self,

We understand that other people have their own stuff.

If you're not already familiar with Don Miguel Ruiz's The Four Agreements,

I highly invite each and everyone to look at this book that is just packed full of wisdom.

And in his Four Agreements,

One of the Four Agreements is to not take things personally.

Do not take things personally.

And of course this is extra difficult when it comes to family.

But truly,

When we practice not making things about ourselves,

There's freedom.

There's absolute freedom in that.

And it is a practice,

Meaning it's going to take time likely for most of us because we've lived our whole lives self-centered.

You might think you're the most giving person in the world,

But we are naturally self-centered because that's how we're aware of ourselves.

The book is called The Four Agreements,

My love.

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

Yes,

Charlotte.

Yes,

I hear you,

My love.

It is not others' responsibility to make us feel a certain way.

And that's very difficult to accept,

Especially when it comes to familial relationships.

Because we really wish that our family was a certain way.

We wish that people would show up a certain way or have a certain level of kindness or have a certain level of respect.

But that's not the way it works all the time.

Quite often not,

Yes,

My love.

So how can you give yourself what you're needing right now?

How can you give yourself compassion?

How can you hold yourself tight,

That part of you that feels sad or angry or rejected?

How can you go inside the way that we just did in our practice and love you?

How can you love you the way you're wanting to feel loved by them?

How can you forgive you for whatever way you're judging yourself,

Consciously or unconsciously?

How can you be kind to you and caring for you in the way that you're needing from them?

Yes.

So my love,

It is time for us to complete.

I'm getting ready to transition a bit to lead in another session someplace else.

So tease asking if I have a meditation on insight timer.

Let me find your question,

My love,

Because it just disappeared.

Oh,

No,

Jen asked,

Jen,

We've covered a few different things in today's practice.

There is a practice called loving kindness opening the heart that is similar to the loving kindness practice that we did today.

There are several recordings on the app.

So I invite you to there's a great recording of a talk we had on forgiveness.

There is a very wonderful inner child meditation.

So there are many,

Many things,

Many recordings on the app that address different aspects of this conversation.

Good,

My love.

Good,

Charlotte.

Yes,

My love,

Just hold yourself.

Just hold yourself and be kind to yourself.

And just practice giving yourself what you're needing from them.

When we practice being self reliant in this deep of a way with our own heart and feelings,

It transforms our entire life and our relationships also.

Okay,

My beloveds.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I honor you.

I honor you.

I honor you.

And may you honor yourself.

May you learn to honor yourself,

To respect yourself,

To respect,

To respect your sovereignty,

Your sacredness.

This is my wish for you.

May you awaken to the sacredness of who you are and live as an embodiment of that sacredness.

And I love you so.

My heart is yours.