Befriending your inner critic for growth and success.
We're going to explore a different approach to interacting with your inner critic.
Instead of silencing or ignoring that negative voice,
What if you could transform it into an ally?
We'll delve into understanding the messages your inner critic is trying to convey and discover ways to work with it,
Not against it.
This shift in perspective can unlock a powerful source of self-awareness and propel you towards your goals.
So what do I mean when I say the words inner critic?
Often people have that voice inside of them that says things like,
You can't do this,
Or it won't work,
Why are you even trying?
Often people will push it down or try and think positive,
And this can work for a while,
But it keeps popping back up.
Imagine pushing a beach ball underwater,
It keeps coming up and it takes a lot of effort to keep it under the water.
So people will often ignore this inner voice.
When we do this,
It's still there and sometimes it can come back louder or can be toxic in some other way.
What if I told you that there was another way?
A way that helped you make friends with this part of you,
Or maybe parts,
That helped you understand where it came from,
And learnt how to listen to it,
So you didn't need to be so harsh.
The first step of this new way is to get to know this part,
This inner critic,
Better.
And this can actually be quite scary at times.
We start to do this by finding the C words in ourselves.
This is taken from a mode of therapy called internal family systems.
We want to make sure that when we're talking to this part of us,
It comes from a place of curiosity,
Or compassion,
Or clarity,
Or calm,
Or confidence,
Connectedness.
It may seem strange to start talking to our different parts,
And it might take some practice.
It doesn't mean just thinking about what you think the part might say,
It's actually asking yourself and the part the question,
And then waiting for a reply that comes from within.
Okay,
Let's begin.
I want you to take a deep breath,
And think about and focus on the inner critic.
The little voice that says mean things to you.
When you think about this inner critic,
See if you notice where it seems to be located in your body.
What part seems most activated when you think about that inner critic?
What does it feel like?
What part of the body do you feel the most?
It may be your chest,
It may be your stomach,
Maybe your throat.
Once you've found this,
Notice how you feel towards this part of you.
If you think back to the C words like compassion and curiosity,
If you feel anything besides calm,
Curious,
Compassion,
Then notice that part of you.
So if you feel scared or annoyed,
Ask that scared part or annoyed part to give you some space as you want to get to know your inner critic.
If that scared or annoyed part is willing to separate,
Then you might notice your mind becoming calmer and maybe feeling more compassionate and curious towards your inner critic.
If this doesn't happen,
Then the part that isn't willing to step back,
Or if another part comes up instead,
You can either ask that new part if it would be willing to step aside,
Or you can just spend the time getting to know this part that's coming up and understand why it isn't willing to step back.
If you get to the point of being curious,
Maybe compassionate,
Maybe feeling connected to this inner critic part,
Then it's safe to continue and get to know your inner critic.
Who is this inner critic?
What do you want me to know?
Remember don't think of the answer,
Just wait for an answer to come from that part of your body.
Ask the part,
What is your job?
Or another way to say that,
You could ask the part,
When you say critical things to me,
How are you trying to help?
Ask the part,
What are you afraid will happen if you didn't do your job?
Ask the part,
What was happening in my life when you first started doing your job?
Ask the part,
If you could heal or change so that it didn't need to do its role,
What would it want to do instead?
You can ask the part,
How old do you think I am?
Remember to just see what comes to you,
Don't think about it.
If it thinks you're younger than you are,
Say to it,
See how old I am,
I have grown up and I can handle more than you think.
And the final question for this inner critic,
What do you need from me in the future?
And how can we work together so you don't have to be so harsh?
We might even be able to negotiate a way to work together at the moment.
And when the time feels right,
Thank the part of you for talking to you and letting you know about it.
Say that you appreciate it,
That you know it's trying to help you.
If it didn't let you know anything,
Then thank it for being there and you can tell it that you'll be back and listen to it again.
As you become more familiar with your inner critic,
How it shows up,
When it shows up,
You can start responding differently.
You can talk to it and say something like,
I hear you,
I know you're worried,
I know you think I might make a mistake or get hurt by others.
Thank you for your concern about me,
But right now I'm going to ask you to step aside while I decide what I'm going to do.
Essentially you're telling that part that you hear it.
You are compassionately asking your critical part to let you,
Not it,
Decide what's next.
So you're more free to move towards achieving your goals and create the success that you want.
Feel free to come back to this meditation,
Get to know your parts better and good luck with your success.
