SelfGently Towards Previous Perfectionism LIVE Talk & Practise

This is the recording of Femke's LIVE on 18 October 2022, in which she explains how people who are tough on themselves - perfectionists - can learn to become previous perfectionist by starting to live with more self-gentleness. Previous perfectionist allow themselves to fail or mess up, while still embracing the qualities of perfectionism. After Femke's talk, she guides you in a meditation (also available as meditation only) to help you experience for yourself a more gentle approach to yourself.

Transcript

Hello everyone!

Welcome to my special life.

Why do I call this a special life?

Because it's not on my weekly Friday.

Every Friday at this time I hold a life and in this life I always speak about you,

You and your world and everything that will help you to be more gentle to yourself.

That is what it basically boils down to.

Today there's an extra life because sometimes I plan in some extra lives just to give you folks an opportunity to listen a little bit more to me or sometimes I do this because I have some news to tell you about new workshops coming up and you might have heard that the workshop that I planned for October and November were cancelled for now.

That is because all workshops on Insight timer are cancelled for now because Insight timer is going to revisit the whole format.

It will take some time before the workshops come back.

Meanwhile I will be here with my lives.

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This week there will be two more published of the last weeks so check out my profile.

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So happy that you are here because the topic today is self gently towards previous perfectionism.

Let me start with that previous perfectionism.

If you've been here more often you've heard me speak about previous perfectionism more often because I call myself a previous perfectionist.

A perfectionist is someone who puts the bar really high for themselves.

Someone who has really high expectations from themselves and who very often let perfect ruin something good which means is that it's really difficult for perfectionists to be satisfied with whatever they are what are wanting to achieve whether it's work whether it's a personal goal whether it's the way you look whether it is the way you behave whether it is the way you interact with others all kind of things and if you are hardcore perfectionist then it goes for all those areas and if sometimes people are just perfectionist in their work or just perfectionist in relationships but the most important part of being a perfectionist is that you're not quickly satisfied and maybe even you're never satisfied you can do something really well you can get compliments of others and then still you have this voice within you that it could have been better you could have done it better you could have looked prettier you could have danced better you you know you understand what I mean so in my definition of perfectionism it's not really a good thing and I know that goes against the idea of perfectionism because a lot of folks especially when there are perfectionists they want to think of perfectionism as a good thing because it means that they are meticulous that it means and they are working hard it means that they have an eye for detail it means that they never stop until something is really really really good and of course I understand that there is some value in all those qualities that come with being a perfectionist but actually perfectionists who knows how to use their skills to get to a really good results but also someone who can be satisfied with that someone who can feel this is good enough and now I'm going to let go of this now I'm just going to enjoy how my process got me where I got that is someone that I call a previous perfectionist so my understanding of a previous perfectionist and I'm speaking about myself really is someone who used to be perfectionist with a really critical voice in their head you're never good enough you're you're continuing to want to prove yourself because that is basically what it boils down to perfectionists feel that they have to achieve certain goals in a certain way in order to find themselves worthy in order to find themselves valuable in order to find themselves lovable very often also so and that is where that self-dentleness comes in so if you're someone who knows how to pull the best out of your yourself but you also find it hard to then enjoy what is coming out of it who forgets to enjoy the process of coming somewhere and who makes that goal the bigger part of everything and forgets to enjoy the journey who remains at critical critical voice that's someone that's a perfectionist that needs self gentleness so if you're here for the very first time you might think okay self gentleness what is that exactly well self gentleness is a concept that I have coined about half a year ago and it's a really important concept for me why why because in a sense self gentleness can be the same like self love self care self compassion but those words are really big words I mean self love just our understanding of what love actually is is is confiscated by many many observations many ideas about what love actually is and to love yourself in a big sense might sound like a really hard task especially if you're perfectionist who has this critical voice might find it really really hard to see that task as loving themselves so self gentleness it's a gentler term in itself because anyone can imagine to have a moment of gentleness towards yourself it's way harder to imagine a moment of love towards yourself of compassion but a moment of gentleness that sounds doable right it sounds doable to be gentle to yourself so that's why I have this concept of self gentleness but now I will tell you my definition my definition is this radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness let me repeat that radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness so what do I mean with that well so you can understand you can be gentle to yourself from time to time but then I say well if you want to make itself gentle be this on a consistent basis so whenever you make a mistake whenever you drop and fall whenever you are not meeting expectations whenever it's good but not perfect can you be gentle to yourself can you consistently be gentle to yourself so not only in a moment that you're proud of yourself that you're okay with yourself but can you also be gentle in those moments that you need it the most like your parents who would pick you up and kiss you when you were you know dropping and falling on your knees because you were running too fast when you were a kid and then the world worked radically what do I mean with that well with radically I mean in your interactions with others because you know you start to understand what is to be self gentle you start to be forgiving to yourself you start to be gentle soo speaking soothing words when you feel you're doing something wrong and then you meet others and those others have expectations of you and you know that and sometimes you even think that they have expectations they might not even have but you have created is in your head that others have expectations and that you have to meet these expectations and then you get in a situation where you feel you cannot meet these expectations because you're tired you're ill you you got out of bed with the wrong food something is going on you're fatigued you're overwhelmed you have too much time pressure whatever is going on can you still then be gentle towards yourself even when you're standing in front of people visa vie people who have these expectations who might even want to enforce you to to to to perform in the way that is expected of you and can you also then be gentle to yourself and basically in a kind and gentle way set your boundaries and explain them or maybe just tell them that you will not meet their expectations because in this moment it's not good for you that's a scary one I know I know it's really really hard if you look at my profile and inside timer you find many of my life talks and there is one on boundaries which digs exactly into this mechanism of how to set your boundaries in such a way that you know you're gentle with yourself I also speak there about the difference between self-love and self-gentleness so if you're interested to hear more about is go over through my tracklist and start listening to those talks there's always a guided meditation afterwards to experience how what I was talking about and very often these meditations are also put separately like just a meditation that after hearing the talk and you find a meditation that you think oh I really love this one that you can come back to the meditation only you don't have to hear the talk every time because you know your time might be limited alright so self gently towards previous perfectionism basically means that when you start to understand that you're a perfectionist in such a way that you are hampering yourself that you are really critical of yourself that you start to suffer from this because the end result of people who are perfectionist is that very often they burn out because they continue to work on things even though they don't have energy anymore even though they don't have power anymore because they cannot be satisfied with what there is very often they they really get into mental problems because they have such a critical voice in their head we start to spread out to other parts of their work of not their work of their lives also so perfection there is a part of perfectionism that is not bad I agree with you but only if this is paired with self gentleness because when you pair it with self gentleness you become that previous perfectionist who still remembers how to strive for really good things but also knows when it's time to balance also knows when it's time to stop also knows and feels when it's time to be taking care of yourself to be gentle with yourself so that is basically all that I want to say about that and then I want to guide you in the meditation we're going to play with this element it's a guided visualization where I will take you on a little journey where we're going to make ourselves comfortable and we're going to let go of some beliefs that we have about perfectionism before we go there I just want to check if there are any questions about this if yes I'll answer those and if not then we will just continue with the meditation and I will come back afterwards to answer maybe other questions so this was still about the teachers trip says I love this talk today I love journeys that's really great Alan asks can this be applied to mistakes we feel have made in the past yes of course so if you feel that you made a mistake in the past and you're still beating yourself up over it I would call that perfectionism that's part of you know everyone who is perfectionist is it in their own way but yeah of course things regretting things that you did something in a certain way or it didn't turn out how you wanted to and keep beating yourself up upon it that's for sure perfectionism and that's for sure something where self gentleness comes comes in really really handy to start to release those feelings because what happened happened and you cannot change it and there is this illusion in of our mind that as long as we keep beating ourselves up over it that maybe we can maybe we can solve it maybe we can at least punish ourselves so that we will never ever do this again and it also other people might know that we know that it was wrong it's really it's not gentle to beat yourself up so I very often do things wrong I have a great example actually I I think I told it already in one of my lives not so long ago so I was asked to be on a panel to speak about something for my work I also work as a professor in university where I study leadership belief system impact of meditation on political behavior and here I was to speak about polarization and I spoke mainly about how we can cultivate tolerance but this panel was in the evening it was already quite late we just had a beautiful talk of someone else who really impressed me and then we were sitting in this panel and it was just not my day and I felt it and I got questions and then I I was speaking about things that normally I speak about in English but then I had to speak in Dutch which is my native language you know you would think that I could speak in Dutch pretty well but at all this English words in my head in other words I made a mess of it I was stuttering I was not eloquent I didn't sound smart all things that you know was asked for me to sit there and be a smart person and to say smart things that people it was an audience but you know what I just accepted it for myself I didn't like it in the moment but I really noticed how quickly I could let go of that feeling because after I was done speaking other people around me were still speaking I was sitting in front of the audience I was sitting also on like this stool that they have on a bar in a dress which was not so comfortable so it's not sitting comfortable at all but I was just sitting there I thought well thank this is what you teach when you mess up things that happens and I was so happy with myself that I could let go of it well it wasn't just like that and I let go to be honest it took me some time it took me sitting there soothing myself in my head letting go of it and also later on my way home because it was in the south of the Netherlands I could slowly release this feeling and be okay with myself do I like it that I messed up for my feeling no I don't still don't like that did I forgive myself yes because I'm a human being and we mess up things and even if it would have been during the day in all good circumstances then still I could have messed up mostly I don't mess up you know I'm also sitting here I'm giving you this talk I'm not really messing up although I make a lot of grammar mistakes English is not my native language but I'm okay with that so I really felt I was okay with that and I wasn't beating myself up over that happening but I also know that some years ago I would have felt really really bad I would have you know stayed afterwards to explain myself to others and the truth is because I did speak afterwards with some people I don't think a lot of people noticed that I messed up I mean there were some people that knew me that might have thought well you know I've seen her better but no one thought that I was a big mistake and I messed up everything and I might have not been the shining star of the day but you know it was okay so I was so glad to notice that I was able to tame that voice in my hand and to use self gentleness and to really help myself to let go of that feeling that I was not worthy of sitting there and I was not good enough of sitting there but just realizing that I'm good enough to be everywhere I'm good enough and worthy to speak and sometimes it comes across way better than other times and that is okay because I'm only human so but yeah it takes a process of self gentleness in general and it takes a process right in the moment of self applying that self gentleness so that you can let go of it and I will tell you if you never practice self gentleness it will be really really hard to do it in a moment like that but if you practice it on a regular basis preferably daily then it becomes easier and easier to to be okay with those moments and I think another beautiful element of it is when we start to do this for ourselves we also become way easier on others when we start to recognize our human sides which comes with flaws and warts and all and a lot of beautiful things and maybe all those warts and flaws are the beautiful things then we also start to recognize it that others have that and that we can extend that self gentleness also as gentleness towards others and there lies such a beautiful key for our interactions within our families with our friends but also within our societies and maybe even globally and I know that might sound naive and way too big but everything starts with you and me everything starts with us as individuals and when we start to take that individual responsibility to be gentle towards ourselves and we start to spread it by example by extending the gentleness to others change is possible gradually incrementally you will never change everyone because that's human beings that's humankind but it's also okay the more the merrier and you know the fact that you guys are here listening to this means to me that you want to become a previous perfectionist means to me that you want to apply self gentleness in your life and that's already fantastic if you tomorrow morning get up and decide that today you will be gentle with yourself and you will be just for five minutes and then maybe after five minutes of critical voice pops up that's okay for five minutes you were self gentle and then the next day you promise yourself again and maybe then it's ten minutes and that's the way it goes and of course sometimes you drop and fall and sometimes you're not so gentle I mean I teach self gentleness and also I have moments that I'm not self gentle it's really really hard to be self gentle all the time but it's not about being self gentle the time because that would be perfectionist it's about understanding that you can apply it when you need it and it sometimes you are in this whole thinking and you know not so gentle and that can take sometimes days maybe even weeks maybe even months and suddenly you realize I can be gentle towards myself why was I beating myself up the quarter falls and you start to apply it again and that's also okay so so let's see Steve says I don't have that voice I have the opposite one that goes in the other way the one that knows I'm a piece of nothing can't do anything right yeah that's a really critical voice yes that and that's critical voice can really really meet need some self gentleness and I think Steve you're not the only one I think everyone has that voice from time to time but if you have to very often then it's really great that you are aware of that this is a voice or maybe it's not even a voice it's just a thought that pops up and be gentle towards yourself also because one of the pitfalls of self gentleness is that we decide we want to be self gentle and then we beat ourselves up because we are not capable of doing it yet don't fall in the pitfall not necessarily so but that's a voice that you can start to tame and of course you know if you know from yourself that this voice is coming from a really traumatic past or things that happened in your life it might be wise also maybe you did also to find some professional help with that you know so I'm sitting here as a meditation teacher and I'm wanting to help you with some insights showing you how meditation can help you but if you feel that is not enough in itself then really be gentle and find a coach or maybe psychologist who can really help you with that and it's not just for Steve that's for everyone who is dealing with really critical thoughts in your head a lot of self criticism might be maybe even self hate because sometimes just meditating on yourself might be not enough to get there it might support the process so be aware of that also know when you need to ask for help from professionals who can help you with that I don't know if this applies to you at all but I I did want to say this for for anyone who is listening to this talk and if you notice that it is really really strong and meditation in is not enough to find some relief with that and really reach out to people who can really help you with that that's really important also because I think you never ever have to be critical of yourself even when you do things wrong it's okay awareness of doing something wrong is enough to help you on your path to doing it better as long as yourself gentle by beating yourself up by having that voice telling you that you're not worthy telling yourself that you are nothing you will not make sure that it will go better next time the opposite you will ensure that you will never get it better so whenever that voice is speaking to you you can just say stop this is not correct this way I will perpetuate what I was doing here and I don't want it anymore I want to forgive myself for messing up I want to be gentle with myself for doing things wrong because I know that is the way to do things better yeah and I think that's previous perfectionism okay so I hope this helps you to in that understanding and I hope also the meditation can help you feel that a little bit more so I see cherry came to say goodbye and he cannot say back thank you so much for being a cherry that's lovely jacqui likes the example of the practice in action that's really really great happy to hear that Alina is saying it she's working on it for a few years getting gender and gender I'm so happy to hear that Alina yeah the good thing is that it remains a life you know a work in progress for your life lifelong work in progress process that's what I'm always saying it but you get better at it becomes easier and it's like peeling the onion you know at the sir I sometimes think oh no well I'm really self-gentle I'm really satisfied with things I'm doing and if things are not actually how I want them then I'm eager to see how they're going to improve in time and then something happens that you notice suddenly that you're beating yourself up again think oh I'm teaching self-gentleness what is this but then I remember what to do and to apply it and then I bounce back and I think that's also self-gentleness to understand it you have some kind of a baseline that you find at a certain moment of being satisfied being okay being gentle and then sometimes would you bounce down and you also notice that you can come back to that baseline and sometimes you're really happy with yourself but also then you base go back to that baseline because that's a good place to hang out place where you feel content with yourself satisfied with the things you do satisfied with your life you're eager for whatever good is coming your way you're eager to learn from when you drop and fall and with self-gentleness knowing that things will be better yeah that's a good place to hang out so Mary says blaming yourself yes blaming yourself that's that's it's also a part of perfectionism and for sure something that self-gentleness is in its place when you blame yourself for things because also with blaming blaming yourself getting angry at yourself gives illusion of controlling the next outcomes but you are not you're never controlling next outcomes the best shot you have at controlling outcomes is gentleness so that you can change something change something within yourself starting to feel the room the space to maneuver the room to make mistakes to to find flow again of everything Victoria says I always visualize a safety net underneath me so when I fall I will land gently and softly and bouncing back up again that's a beautiful image Victoria thank you so much for sharing that that's really nice I like that I like that I might want to use it in a meditation once that's a great one let's meditate right let's make sure that you're sitting comfortable and if you prefer to lie down that's also perfectly fine and if you notice you're falling asleep that's okay your body just needs some breasts and you're so you're sleeping a little bit you can listen to the recording later on so you're not really missing something also if you really don't want to fall asleep then it's best to sit up with me but you can lean against the back of the chair against the wall something to make you comfortable and it's good to feel your feet on the ground so put your feet on the ground and become aware of how your feet make contact with the ground with the floor it's not just food on the ground but there are a lot of different touch points under your feet that are pressing against the floor if you tune into that maybe close your eyes you can distinguish those different touch points and bring your attention to your buttocks which are resting on the seat of your chair your cushion ground also your buttocks the surface of your buttocks has many touch points pressing against the seat different pressure points now bring your attention to your shoulders are those shoulders relaxed or is in some tension if you feel any tension and just pull them up and drop them pull them up and drop them and notice that when you drop your shoulders there's a sense of relaxation in your body the sense of relief of the tension is there any tension in your face it's your forehead relaxed are your jaws unclenched all right now imagine that there is this big beautiful door in front of you now use your imagination in the way that you normally fantasize so I will describe images to you but if you know from yourself that you fantasize through knowing feeling smelling or whatever way you fantasize then use that ability don't try to see images if you know from yourself that you are not a visual fantasist let my words inspire you to use your fantasy in a way that you can create this fantasy world around you make this fantasy world believable for you by using your means of fantasy all right now that settles and take a look at this door it's a beautiful white door and it now opens wide open so let's walk through it and when you step through it you see that you are in a beautiful garden I really take the time to make this your garden so take a look around what kind of plants do you see flowers what kind of colors or trees around you how does it smell how does the atmosphere feel in your skin because it's perfect for you it's not too hot it's not too cold are there any animals is there some or is it evening maybe there are more sons also possible it's your fantasy it's a good place to be this garden this is really your fantasy garden this is a garden where you could hang out every day to relax to feel good let's walk into this garden for a moment and when you walk you see something shiny in front of you it makes you curious so you're walking towards this shiny thing and you realize it is a mirror and you stand now in front of this mirror and you look at yourself and you realize when you look at yourself that you are wearing the most comfortable easygoing clothes that you would love to wear something so cozy something so nice something so soft and comfortable that the only way to feel good in your body right now is good this is what you would love to put on when you come back from hard days of work and you want to feel comfortable and cozy and pleasant this is what you're wearing right now and if you don't possess something like that then just imagine something fantasize something and when you look at yourself in a mirror wearing these really comfortable comfortable clothes then realize that you look at yourself smiling in the mirror you can see that you are comfortable you are with ease it looks really really great maybe it makes you smile right here and now when you see yourself they're so comfortable you now notice that just behind you there is this really comfortable chair and you decide to sit in it and this chair is perfect for you the cushions are just right up to hard not too soft supportive comfortable you know you can sit in this chair for quite a while and feel really really good and when you now look in the mirror you see yourself stepping back a little bit and you see yourself now not mirrored anymore but it's like you're looking at a movie screen where you watch yourself and you see yourself now in a situation that was guided by your perfectionism but you really felt not so good about yourself this is a situation it might be a memory it might be a very common understanding of when your perfectionism is in your way and when that critical voice starts to be up and I remind you you are not experiencing this now it's you in that mirror screen it's like you're watching that movie so know that when you watch it that it is not you but it's like looking at yourself in that situation so keep some emotional distance if you can if you cannot that's also okay but be kind to yourself if you feel emotions because you're watching this then really hug yourself put your arms around yourself and hold yourself tight rock yourself a little bit tell yourself it's okay it's okay and if you feel it's really overwhelming and just open your eyes take a look around and see that you're just in your own room listening to me and everything is fine but if you can look at it and stay with that experience a little bit of that unpleasantness but not too much then we're going to work with this right now so you have this feeling within you now you have this perfectionist in you that is criticizing a little bit what is going on there and before it becomes way too big I would like you now to bring your attention to your nose yeah all your attention to your nose now to your nostrils it's completely something different your attention is on your nostrils and your noticing the air flowing in and the air flowing out and air might flow in fast or slow that doesn't matter just observe this air flowing in and flowing out flowing in and flowing out and if you find it hard to detach yourself from that image from that emotion that you see there in that mirror that's okay you're used to beating yourself up like that the moment you notice you're doing that just bring your attention back to your nostrils to the air flowing in and the air flowing out in and out in and out and if you're distracted by thoughts that's okay your mind is used to doing that you're just going to train it and by gently bringing your attention back to your nose to your nostrils where the air is flowing in and out in and out all right now can you feel that there is a relative calmness a relative relaxation of whatever was going on when you were watching yourself in that mirror so look in that mirror now and see yourself there again in those comfortable clothes smiling at you the situation is gone the moment is gone and you notice that your distraction you're bringing your attention to yourself in the here and now has helped you to calm down that picture there in that mirror all right if you find this hard that's okay it's something that needs some practice it's something that needs some time join me for another practice something else that you could also try when things are getting a little bit heated within let's get up from the chair and let's make a stroll next to the brook there can you see the brook let's walk to the brook and don't forget to enjoy this garden enjoy the animals the butterflies the bees the beautiful flowers and the perfect sense the aromas of this beautiful nature birds flying in the sky the Sun on your skin and now we're walking next to that brook and this brook is a perfect brook because the water just flows naturally kindly over some stones it makes this pleasant sound Oh relaxing sounds can you listen to it for a moment such a calming quality comes from being aware of water running over stones all right now while we're standing here I would like you to think of a sentence thought critical voice part of you a word a sentence that is often in your head that it's coming from the perfectionism that is beating yourself up that is something that you really really suffer under when you hear it now this word or the sentence comes out of you it comes out of you in the form of a rock it might be in your heart it might be in your stomach it might be in your belly it might be in your head in your mouth but you just pull this stone out and this stone is now in your hands in front of you and if you have the feeling that part of that feeling part of the thought is still in you then just reach out and pull out another stone and put it next to this stone in your hands and if it's still not enough then just pull out another stone it's okay really feel how these thoughts these emotions that come with these thoughts are pull out by you and they're now rocks in your hands and as rocks they are contained they're not hurtful you can actually observe the observe them and let's tell these rocks now your voice your words are not helping me I know these words are spoken with good intentions with the aim to improve myself with the aim to perfect myself but the truth is they're not helpful and how much I appreciate your attempt to better me I have decided to walk a different path from now on I've decided to be gentle with myself I've decided to think gentle thoughts and I've decided to say goodbye to you painful thoughts painful word and when you've said this you gently or not so gently whatever you like toss this rock or these rocks into the brook and then something magical happens because these rocks are floating and the brook gently takes these rocks away and there's an important message in the fact that these rocks are floating it means that they were not so dense they were not so powerful they were not so strong they were not so heavy they were just empty light thoughts that can float off into the distance let that sink in that realization that although those thoughts might sound heavy serious and important and big and unavoidable they're not they're just like empty shells but when you pull them out of yourself you can drop them in the brook and see them float away I really see how they are floating away they're really really really really really really floating away that's powerful let's do that again is there another word another sentence that you would like to pull out of yourself yes there it is there it is no pretty big one pretty big one it means that you got it out all in one piece right now it's gone now it's not in you anymore you feel how light it is lightweight it's not as heavy in the morning it's a bit of a fake thought about you if it makes you smile and I'm happy because that's exactly what you're aiming for here you can smile about this now say goodbye to this rock say goodbye to this empty shell goodbye thoughts goodbye whatever it was that I was thinking I decided I will be gentle with myself and that means that there is no room for you anymore but it's okay there's room in the brook I will toss you in and you will float away and find your way be part of nature let's toss it in and again also this one just floats it floats off out of your experience out of your body out of your mind you feel that sense of relief in your stomach your heart your belly you know it might be that that thought might pop up again tomorrow but that's okay because now you know what to do with it now you know the practice to gently pull it out to thank it for its efforts but also kindly refuse to use these methods to better yourself because you are going to be gentle with yourself and you toss it away and you see it float away out of your experience and the more often you repeat this the more likely it is those thoughts will appear less and less at a certain moment they will not be there anymore because you have helped yourself to find different thoughts but let's do that right now let's continue to walk by the brook and you see there in at the distance that there is a beautiful bonfire I don't know about you but I love bonfire so let's walk to the fire remember that you're wearing those most comfortable clothes that you are this most beautiful garden that everything is just as you like it you are in a good place you're in your good place so now we're there the bonfire can you feel the warmth of the flames it feels good it warms yourself and when you look through the bonfire you see on the other side that there is a being waiting for you so you decide to walk around the fire walk up to this being and this being can be someone that you know someone that you knew someone that you know from your fantasy maybe it's a fantasy being maybe it's your dog maybe it's a spiritual guide maybe it's your spirit animal maybe it's one of your parents or grandparent but this being loves you this being loves you so much that's for sure so when you approach them you realize who they are whether you've never seen them or they're very familiar you can feel their love almost as well as the warmth of that bonfire shining upon you and when they look at you they have this big beautiful smile you cannot help it with smile by yourself and they are here to give you something to put back in that place of the rock so they have it in their hands and they now open their hands and you look at it and whatever it is just let your subconscious accept this gift even if you do not have a clue what it is maybe it's a flower maybe it's a symbol maybe it's a shell maybe it's something that you remember from your childhood maybe it's a word maybe it's a song it doesn't matter what it is but take it from them and hold it in your hands for a moment because they have to tell you something and while you listen to them you hear them speak these words you are so worthy my dearest you are so lovable I've loved you from the very first moment I saw you and I will love you into eternity I'm so proud of you of the human being that you are and you know what you don't have to do anything special to deserve my pride you don't have to do anything special to deserve my love you don't have to do anything right to deserve my love because I am here always whatever you do whatever you say whatever you think remember that I am here holding so much love for you know that I am here and that because of that in itself you are so loved so take a look at this gift that is in your hands right now and realize that these words are coming with this gift and that when you put this gift back on the place where you pulled the rocks from which you're doing right now you put this sense of worthiness and love ability deep within it's rooted deep within now and just a memory of this being being there for you loving you you are carrying their gifts within it will help you to resonate with those words it will help you in moments where you are beating yourself up to remember you are worth everything you're so valuable and that you don't have to do anything to deserve that you just are you just are love you can put your hands on this place where you just put that gift really feel how your whole soul is immersed in that feeling that's strong intense knowing that you are always worthy and if that doesn't make a smile in your face oh you feel that even if it's the tiniest smile can you feel that can you feel that power of that love from that being how it fills you it's good to know that you're loved it's good to know that you're worthy and this I wish for every one of you this I wish for every being in this life that they know this worthiness because it's worthiness will help you to be self-gentle and being self-gentle will help you to connect to this worthiness it's a beautiful process with ups and downs but you will get there all right now let's just with no rush walk back to our door through this garden if you like you can walk next to the brook take a look at the place where you dropped off those bothering thoughts and you feel this gifts how it replaced it maybe you walk by the chair and take a look in the mirror and see yourself they're pretty comfortable pretty content big smile and take a look around in this garden with everything just as you like it this is a place that is deeply rooted within you a place where you can come whenever you want to whenever you need to and remember that whenever one of those thoughts is bothering you that you can do two things you can you bring your attention to the here and now by focusing on your breath coming through your nostrils until you feel a relief of that tension or you can actually fantasize that you pull out this what is bothering you you thank it for its attempts to help you but you also tell it that you don't need it because you prefer gentleness over toughness and then see it float away and remember every day from time to time that you carry this gift within you this gift of this being that loves you so much it's the knowing that you are lovable and that's so so important to know so remind yourself whenever you can now let's step back through the door and see that it's closing behind us but it's not locked you can always come back whenever you want to and now just take some time to get out of the meditation keep your eyes still closed for one or two minutes don't make a transition come too fast first feel your feet on the ground again maybe you can wiggle your toes push them against the ground move your fingers stretch your spine and then whenever you're ready in your own time you can gently open your eyes

Reviews

Really down to earth and relatable. I feel empowered to be more gentle with myself. Thank you!