Selfgentleness Step 1: Tuning In - LIVE Recording 9 Feb 2024

This is the recording of Femke's monthly Insight Timer Live of 9 February 2024, in which she discusses what Selfgentleness is and how the practice of Tuning In can help on your personal selfgentleness journey. After the talk, Femke guides you in a meditation to let you experience for yourself the power of tuning in.

Transcript

Hi everyone!

Welcome to my monthly live.

I'm so happy to see you guys again.

You know,

Once I had these weekly lives and I saw you every week and although I have to say I also love it to have some more room on my Fridays,

I also really miss you guys.

So welcome!

If you don't know me,

My name is Wim Krobacher.

I'm one of the meditation teachers here on Inside Timer and more importantly I teach self-gentleness.

And about this I'm going to speak during this live.

As you might have seen in my teacher profile on Inside Timer,

This year,

2024,

My monthly lives are about self-gentleness.

And about that I will tell you more,

But first let me welcome the people that are here.

Hi Jean,

Welcome!

Hi Lauren,

Lovely that you are here.

Also good morning to you.

Hi Caroline.

Hi Luanne.

Luanne is having a sunny afternoon in central Massachusetts.

That's really great.

You're still counting till spring,

Right Luanne?

Great.

Hi Liz from Philly.

Hi Sheila.

Hi Mona.

Hi Mary.

Hi Alessandra.

Hi Cindy.

Hi Annemiek.

Lovely that you are all here.

So let's give it a one or two minutes for everyone to drop in.

Last month,

In the beginning of January,

We kicked off this year of self-gentleness.

And I called it live the self-gentleness journey.

I've edited it slightly and it's recorded and published already on Inside Timer.

So if you want to hear it,

If you were not there or you want to hear it again,

Then go to my track list.

And then,

Because I know I have a lot of tracks in the free tracks,

But then you can select on time.

So if you make it like more than 30 minutes,

Then you will see only my really long tracks,

Which are my lives.

And you can hear it there.

Alternatively,

You can check out my playlists.

I have some playlists.

One is called I am love and one is Ik ben liefde,

Which is the Dutch translation of I am love,

Because my native language is Dutch.

There's also a playlist with all my lives in it.

But there's also a playlist with my self-gentleness lives.

And recently I added there a playlist with the self-gentleness tools.

And in it are as well the free tracks as some premium tracks that I made about self- gentleness.

But even if you don't have premium,

Which I would recommend you if you have the means,

Then you can still listen to the free tracks.

Last month,

I also started to publish in the premium tracks some of my love poems.

And some of you have been listening to them and have been really,

Really kind in your words.

And I really want to thank you about that,

Because writing those poems is one.

Then recording them and giving them to the world.

Well,

At first they were actually really written for my love,

Who told me that they are so beautiful and so universal that he and also my sister who heard them encouraged me to record them and share them with the world.

I did it on purpose within the premium tracks so that it's a little bit more in a closed environment.

But I'm so grateful for you who have been listening to them and have been giving me such lovely feedback.

And I hear a lot of feedback how my poems are resonating with you guys.

And you might notice on me that I feel still a bit insecure or shy or vulnerable about it.

So yeah,

It's a new step and something completely different.

Or maybe not,

Because isn't it all about love what I teach here?

But so thank you very much.

And if you have premium and you would like to check them out,

Then I would love for you to listen to them.

I now see a lot of,

Let me see,

A lot of comments here,

More.

Let's see Dora.

Hi Dora,

Lovely to see you again.

CP,

Catherine from Yorkshire.

Hi Mel,

You're very tired,

Just listening.

Great.

That's great.

Hi,

Let me see,

Therese Marie.

Warm greetings back to you.

Hi Randy,

You wish you could stay for the whole session but you catch what you can before you have to go.

Hi Randy,

Lovely that you are here.

Hi Leanne,

Long time since I saw you.

And hi Angela.

And hi Caroline,

Lovely that you're here also.

So,

Luanne said the poems are beautiful.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much.

Thank you for your donation,

Dora.

That's really kind of you.

Thank you so much.

Hi Judith.

All right,

Now let me start our today's session.

So February,

Yeah,

And today is step one and it's called Tuning In.

And I was thinking about why I made this step one about tuning in.

Well,

Actually I think that self-gentleness is the art of tuning in.

Well,

My definition of course,

And if you've been here more often you know it,

But I'm going to repeat it anyway.

My definition is radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness.

I'm going to say it again.

Radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness.

And with radically I mean that from now on you are going to try to be as gentle to yourself as always,

Consistently,

No matter what,

No matter if you fall and drop,

No matter if you fail,

No matter if you make mistakes,

No matter if others are expecting things of you that you cannot do,

You have to say no,

It is okay,

It's okay to be self-gentle.

And mind you,

No one is always self-gentle all the time,

Or at least I don't know anyone who is really self-gentle all the time,

Even me.

And I think I'm a master at self-gentleness that even I am still struggling with it sometimes.

Even I sometimes notice that I have these thoughts in my mind or that I ignore a signal of pain in my body or tiredness.

But the art of self-gentleness is not so much being self-gentle all the time,

Which is hard,

But it's becoming aware when you are not.

And then taking that seriously and honoring whatever is going on with you in your body,

In your mind,

In your heart,

In your soul,

In your life,

In your circumstances.

And tuning in is therefore the core element.

I think it makes up about 80% of the whole self-gentleness practice,

Is that you learn to tune in with yourself.

So an alternative definition I would give for self-gentleness is the art of tuning in.

The art of tuning in.

And that sounds simple,

Right?

And it is,

Although we often forget to do it.

And even more,

We've been conditioned over the course of our lives not to tune in so often.

So what do I mean with tuning in?

Tuning in means actually creating awareness within you,

What is going on in the moment right now with you.

And you exist of many different layers,

But let's keep it now at what's going on in your body,

What's going on in your mind,

What is going on in your heart,

Meaning your emotional life,

And maybe even what is going on in your soul.

And with your soul,

I mean you as a whole package,

Including your dreams and hopes and fears and everything that belongs to you.

So of course,

There are many more layers.

You can also get it at topics as family,

Friends,

Work,

Volunteer work,

Dealing with the social world,

The global world,

Political world,

So many topics that we can think of.

But in the core,

Self-gentleness is about first tuning in and understanding,

Actually feeling what is going on within you,

Acknowledging that,

And then honoring that.

And with honoring,

I don't mean that you immediately have to listen to yourself and live up to it,

Because our lives do not always allow us to do that instantly.

But by becoming aware of what is going on with you,

And what it actually is that you need in the moment right now,

Even though you might not be able to give it to yourself right now,

But acknowledging that it is there,

And honoring it in the sense that either you do something for yourself right now,

Or you promise yourself to come back to it later.

Okay,

I'm speaking really abstract.

Let it make it tangible.

So for instance,

You wake up in the morning,

And you tune in,

And you feel that you are really dead tired.

You might have been that you didn't sleep good,

Maybe you slept good,

But you feel really,

Really tired.

Now for everyone who has to get up to take care of family,

Go to work,

Or whatever tasks there are for us in our lives,

Knows that when you wake up tired,

You still have to get up.

You can maybe hit the snooze button a few times,

But in the end,

You have to get up and do things.

So we often push through the tiredness.

We might think,

Yeah,

We're tired,

But I have to get up,

And we push through,

And then we become cranky,

Or annoyed,

Or sad,

Or stressed,

Because we are going against whatever our body,

In this case,

Is telling us.

But I hear you.

You cannot say just like,

Oh,

I wake up tired,

You know what,

I close my alarm,

And I'm turning around,

And the kids will bring themselves to school,

And my boss will do my work,

Or whatever other tasks.

I know we cannot do that,

But what we can do is speaking with ourselves,

And understanding that we're tired,

And acknowledging that,

And then promising ourselves,

Listen,

Because you're tired,

I know you have to get up now,

However,

What can I do to make it a little bit easier?

So maybe I will call in that I will come an hour later,

Or maybe I will stop on my way to make that extra,

To buy that extra tasty coffee,

Or maybe I will take a longer lunch break,

Or maybe I will cancel those dinner plans for tonight,

And I will just turn in,

Or maybe when I come home,

I will just order pizza instead of cooking,

And then I go to bed at 8 o'clock,

Or take a bath,

You know,

Whatever it is,

There are so many things you can think of to do,

And you are the only one who will know what it is that you need in the moment.

Because one of the special things that happens when you are actually tuning in,

Is that you're not only becoming aware of what is going on,

But slowly,

Slowly,

You will also start to acknowledge what it is that you need,

Or you start to become aware of what it is that you need.

Pardon me.

And I really want to tell you that creating that awareness is already really 80% of the work.

The honoring part is also difficult sometimes,

Because we have to help ourselves not to feel guilty,

Or not to feel that we need to live up to expectations,

And also to divorce from the ideas that we might not be worthy,

Or we might not be lovable,

If we don't take care of our tasks,

Or of others,

Before we take care of ourselves.

And that it's in itself also not so easy.

But about that,

We will speak in the next lives to come.

So I have planned for the 8th of March,

Step 2,

And that is about the power of daily practices.

And these are really practices that are about tuning in,

But are also about practices that you become aware of what it is that you need,

And how you can live up to that.

Then on the 29th of March,

Because in April I will not have any lives due to me having to travel for some work things,

But I will be there on the 29th of March.

And there will be step 3,

Which is letting go of perfectionism.

And that's an important one.

I know what I'm speaking about.

I'm a previous perfectionist,

Which means that I used to be perfectionist,

But it's always there lurking at me,

Trying to pull me back to be perfectionist again,

Until I apply self-gentleness.

And then I'm a previous perfectionist again.

So we'll speak about that.

I know that rings a bell with a lot of you.

And that is going to be on 29th of March.

And on the 10th of May,

I will be here for step 4,

About creating healthy boundaries.

That's,

Of course,

That interaction with others where we can become self-gentle.

And then I've also planned for the 14th of June on step 5,

Which is about self-care.

The others will also still follow.

I think step 4 and 5 are created today.

I'm not sure if it's already visible in my profile,

But step 2 and 3 for sure.

So today it's about tuning in.

So what I actually want to do with you,

I don't want to speak so much more about tuning in,

Because I think you catch my drift.

If you've been working with me on self-gentleness,

Whether it's been in a workshop,

Whether it's been in a one-on-one session,

Whether it's in my courses here on Insight Timer,

You know that your experience is so much more than my words.

I can explain to you things,

But to actually try to do it yourself and experience what is going on,

Is what it is all about.

So rather than going through one long guided meditation,

Which I normally do,

Today I will go through a few different tuning in practices where you are actually going to tune in yourself.

I will guide you with it,

But these practices are really simple to do and you could do them actually just one minute at a time.

When you're standing in line somewhere,

You're sitting on the sofa and there is a commercial break,

Or you're going to the restroom and you have some time to yourself,

Or while you're waiting on something,

Or when you're in your commute.

All kind of opportunities before you go to sleep,

When you wake up.

All kind of moments where you can practice this one moment of self-gentleness.

I'm going to do them for one minute,

We'll do them a little bit longer,

But these are short practices that you can make really short or maybe really long,

As just as you like it.

All right,

So the art of tuning in.

So I think one very first part is a very easy one.

It's just becoming aware of where you are right now in a moment.

For me,

This has been a real game changer.

So like I told you,

I used to be a previous perfectionist and I also used to be someone who's very much in my head,

Which means I was very much busy with my past and with my future,

And with my future just in like worrying about next moments to come,

If I thought of this,

If I would do this or that.

It's not even the future future,

It's like the next moments.

And by teaching myself more and more to be in the here and now,

Was a real game shifter,

Because when you are in the here and now,

Something magical happens.

Namely,

When you can show yourself,

Experience that you can show yourself,

That when you are in the here and now,

Everything is okay.

You know,

You don't know what's going to happen and the past is behind you,

But when you're here right now,

You're here right now.

You're sitting or you're lying down,

You're looking at me or you're listening to me.

Not so much going on right now,

Right here and now.

And when you show yourself time and again,

That you can bring your attention in the here and now,

Realizing that everything is okay right now,

You become aware that you do not have to fear the future.

Because whenever the future will arrive,

It's going to be now.

And if you know that you can be okay in the now,

You don't have to fear the future.

You will always be able to deal with whatever is coming your way,

Because it will become now.

And when you learn to tune in,

In the here and now,

Within you,

Knowing what is there right now,

Then things might happen and they might be terrible and they might give you really terrible feelings.

But you know that you can be with it right now,

Knowing that you can help yourself.

And I can tell you this,

But only when you start to experience this,

It's like building the fundaments,

Right?

You know,

When a house is built,

They have to create those fundaments that the house can rest on.

So your house of gentle gentleness rests on those pillars.

Every experience is where you know that you can take care of yourself,

Where you know you can tune in and recognize what it is that you feel,

What you need right now.

And that's powerful.

And that's also why I always say,

You don't actually need me to do that.

Well,

I'm teaching you about it,

I'm showing you some practices,

But you could do it perfectly well by yourself,

And it's pretty easy.

So we start by bringing our attention just to the here and now.

And it's a really simple exercise,

But it really,

Really helps me always to put my feet on the ground.

I don't know if you have your feet on the ground,

But if you don't,

Just put them there.

It doesn't matter if you have shoes on or not,

You don't have to take them off.

And if you bare feet or socks,

It's also perfectly fine.

Just put your feet on the ground.

And then close your eyes for a moment.

And now bring all your attention to your feet.

Let's first start with your right foot.

And when you bring your attention there,

Then especially bring attention to how your foot feels on the floor.

If it's in the shoe,

You feel how it fits in the sole,

The sole being connected to the earth,

The ground below you.

And when you bare feet it or with socks on,

You feel the floor below you.

And then you feel it's not just your foot on the ground,

But there are all these little touch points in your right foot that touch the ground.

And you might notice when you bring your attention to just your right foot that your left foot almost starts to ask for your attention.

Hey,

What about me?

What about me?

All right,

So let's also bring our attention to the left foot,

Also on the ground,

Connecting all those little touch points with the ground.

Yeah.

With me,

This has a really wondrous effect.

The very first time I really consciously did this because I'm bringing now my attention to my feet and my connection to the ground.

And whenever you're doing this where you're sitting or standing or walking,

It brings a profound connection in the here and now,

Because your feet are here and now.

They are carrying you.

They're carrying you all day.

They're connected to the earth all day.

And you become aware of this earth below you that is actually lifting you,

Carrying you,

Supporting you.

You don't have to ask earth,

Please earth support me,

Be there for me,

Don't let me drop in a hole suddenly.

You don't have to ask that,

Earth is just there.

It's spinning with a crazy speed in orbit,

But you are here supported by this earth.

It's amazing to just be aware of what your feet,

This connection with your feet and the earth can do.

All right,

Now you can keep your eyes closed or you can open them for a moment,

Whatever it is that you like.

Just be with whatever this gave you right now.

And you don't have to expect big things.

It can be really,

Really small,

But it can be like a sense of relaxation in your belly or just feeling your feet,

Being aware of you being here.

And if you think,

Well,

I don't know what you're speaking about,

Femke,

I don't feel much difference.

That's okay.

It's also maybe you're a really grounded person.

You have people who really,

Really have that connection.

They just trust that connection.

If you are like that,

Then lucky you.

Well done.

All right,

Now let's connect to our senses.

You probably know this exercise.

I've done it more often with you.

And there's also in my free tracks,

One of my very first recordings.

It's Come Back Home,

It's called.

It's this exercise,

But it works really,

Really great to bring your attention with yourself into your body,

Into the here and now.

So let's do that.

So if your eyes are open,

Then you can close them again.

And then the next time you breathe in,

I would like you to bring your attention to whatever you are hearing.

Well,

You hear my voice.

That's pretty prevalent,

I guess,

Because I'm speaking,

I'm speaking loud.

You might have earplugs in,

So you hear me.

That's all fine.

But can you also,

When I'm going to shut up in a minute,

Hear other sounds around you?

Might be cars or airplanes.

Maybe it's the television from someone in your house or neighbors.

Maybe there's a radio going on.

And let's now see if we can also listen for sounds that are really,

Really far away.

Can you listen for the sound that is the furthest away from you?

Right.

And now,

Can you listen to the really subtle sounds in your environment?

I mean really subtle,

Like your own breath or maybe even your heartbeat or maybe some gentle sound of the ventilation of your house.

Just listen to the subtlest sound in your environment.

Yeah,

Well done.

The beauty of bringing this attention to our ears,

Our hearing,

Is that when you realize that you can always bring your attention to your hearing,

Whatever the sounds are,

You have some control over sounds.

So often we are annoyed by noises,

Screaming,

Sounds,

Radios,

Televisions,

Cars.

But when we turn that just to an attention to whatever we are hearing without a judgment,

Just observing whatever it is that we hear,

And even through the loud sounds,

We make an attempt to hear the distant sounds,

The subtle sounds.

When you practice this often,

You get a sense of control and those sounds around you will not affect you so much anymore.

Now with the next breath in,

Bring your attention to whatever you are seeing with your eyes closed.

That's right,

Even with your eyes closed,

You can see.

You might see nothing,

Pitch black.

Or you might see some light shimmering through your eyelids.

Or you might even see movements or swirling colors or colored dots or white dots.

You might see images from your mind's eye.

So you don't have to change anything and you don't have to be scared of it.

You don't have to do anything with it.

You can just let it be.

You don't have to change it.

Just observe whatever it is that you are seeing with your eyes closed.

And even if you don't see nothing,

You actually see nothing.

And you observe how it looks to see nothing.

I know it sounds like a paradox,

But just try it if that's your case.

And for those with a large imagination,

And if you see images or movies in your head playing,

As long as they feel good,

Then really,

Really just enjoy it.

And if they don't feel good,

Then just bring your attention back to the light that you might see shimmering through your eyes.

Then bring it back more to the here and now.

Well done.

Now let's bring our attention to our sense of touch.

Right,

So you're sitting probably on your on your buttocks.

So you feel your buttocks on the seat,

Your thighs on the seat,

Your feet on the ground.

We just did that already,

Right?

You still feel that connection with the earth.

You might feel your feet on the ground.

You might feel your feet on the ground.

You might feel your hands in your lap.

You might feel some tension in your hands.

Then just,

You know,

Open them.

You might want to open them with the palms up,

Being really open to yourself,

Perceiving yourself.

Now,

Can you feel also more subtle touch,

Like the way your sweater or your shirt or your dress is resting on your skin?

Or your socks around your ankles?

Or the way your feet touch the ground?

Can you feel even more subtle,

Like if you have a beard,

Can you feel the hairs on your on your cheeks?

Or if you have long hair,

Can you feel the hair in the back of your neck?

If you wear glasses like me,

Can you feel those glasses resting on your neck?

Can you feel those glasses resting on your nose,

On your temples,

Your ears?

Can you feel the air on your skin?

Well done.

Now,

Keep your eyes closed and just be aware of a moment.

How you're sitting.

How there is some relative calmness from how you started.

I just bring your attention to three of your senses.

Your sense of sight,

Of hearing,

Of touch.

And relative to where you started,

You might feel more present in the here and now.

More grounded.

Bring your attention again to your feet for a moment.

And feel how that connection is there.

Is it still strong?

Is it stronger?

Is it less strong in that case?

And just go back to your feet and feel again how all these touch points of your feet are touching the ground,

Being supported.

Now,

Being here and now,

I would like to ask you to bring your attention to that place in your body where you feel the most tension right now.

It might be that you have a spot that is hurting you.

It might be that it's just some tension.

It might be an itch.

It might be a pain in the back of your It might be an itch.

It might be a place in your body,

Wherever it is,

That asks for your attention right now.

So whenever I tune in and there is nothing else going on,

Like I don't have a pain or something,

Then it's always this part of my shoulders.

Where my shoulders are attached to my neck,

That is where I feel the tension.

And then my shoulders are asking me,

Help!

Femke,

You're putting too much on your shoulders again.

You have been pulling up your shoulders in tension.

You have been ignoring the fact that you have tension here.

And now when I'm speaking about it,

I feel what I need to do.

I just feel that I want to move my shoulders.

I want to pull them up and move them and dance with them a little bit.

It feels really,

Really good.

So wherever you feel the pain or tension or an itch,

Bring your attention there and ask yourself,

What is it that I need right now?

So I can imagine if there's a spot in your body that's really painful,

That you just want to put your hand there and really,

Really gently caress yourself.

Telling yourself,

It's okay.

It's okay.

Oh,

My dear.

It's so unpleasant to feel this pain,

But I am here.

I will comfort you.

And if it's like a tension from stress or whatever and you feel like moving it,

Or just like your shoulders,

You can pull them up and just drop them and feel what that does.

And if you have that itch,

Just scratch.

It's okay.

Just don't scratch so hard that you hurt yourself.

Just scratch.

All right.

How does that feel?

To be so present in your body for a moment,

To be aware of what's going on and to be aware that we're aware that there's something that you can honor,

You can do something with.

I would like to try something with you.

So if you lift your hand,

Can you caress your own cheek?

It doesn't matter if it's your left or your right.

Just really,

Really gently caress your own cheek.

How does that feel?

Maybe you want to use some words to yourself mentally or out loud saying,

You're okay.

I am here.

And I love you.

Just caress your own cheek.

Maybe also the other one.

I mean,

How often do we do this?

Take the time to caress ourselves while we're waiting for maybe someone else to do it or expecting no one else to ever do that?

Well,

We can do this ourselves.

Did you know that our bodies don't make a difference between the touch that we do to ourselves and the touch of another that when we caress ourselves,

We produce oxytocin,

The love hormone.

The same goes for holding yourself.

Can you put your arms around yourself?

Just hold yourself in a big hug.

Rock yourself a little bit.

Can you feel how good it feels to be there for yourself,

To caress yourself,

To hold yourself,

To bring yourself in the here and now,

To acknowledge whatever's going on.

And if there is still pain in your body or tension in your body,

Then just give that gentleness to yourself.

Hold yourself,

Caress yourself,

Rock yourself.

You can rock yourself as if you are a flower in the wind,

Sun shining on you.

So whatever feels good,

Continue to do that while you listen to my voice.

It might look like something really simple that you're doing now,

Bringing your attention to the here and now,

Even if it's a little bit difficult.

It might look like something really simple that you're doing now,

Bringing your attention to the here and now into your body and acknowledging what is going on there and then treating your body with gentleness.

But this is a powerful practice.

You actually taking the time to be with yourself,

To listen to your body,

To acknowledge what is going on.

And even if you are really relaxed and feeling pleasant,

Then it's really,

Really great to caress yourself,

To hold yourself,

To rock like a flower in the wind.

It feels so good to do this for yourself.

Now imagine that you would do this every day for one or two minutes.

How good would you feel knowing that you can give this to yourself?

The beautiful thing is of becoming self-gentle is that we start to radiate this self-gentleness.

We start to radiate that we take care of ourselves,

That we are gentle with ourselves.

By default,

We become more gentle with others because we want to extend that gentleness to others as well.

And other people will see that,

Will see your gentleness.

And some might not get it.

And it is never something to do with you.

It always has to do with them not understanding what gentleness is yet.

Just stick with it.

It feels good to you.

All right,

Now keep your eyes closed.

We're going to leave the body for a moment.

We're going to the next practice.

And that is recognizing what is going on in your mind.

So yeah,

For a lot of people,

A lot of things are going on in their minds.

And when you're meditating,

I mean,

Not guided meditation,

But I want to say meditating properly,

But that's not the word that I want to use.

That's not a gentle word.

Forget about it.

But if you're applying a meditation technique that is focusing on letting go of thoughts,

Then if you've been practicing this for some time,

Then you already know a lot of thoughts are going on within your head.

And that's really,

Really normal.

A lot of people think that we have to meditate to not think anymore.

But that's really,

Really a myth.

Our heads are made to think.

Meditation is a great tool,

Instrument basically,

Which strengthens our mental muscles so that we understand what we can do with those thoughts.

But those thoughts will be there.

Now,

There are different ways to go about that.

I have a lot of free tracks that are actual meditation techniques that can teach you to meditate on yourself,

Like a deep and quiet meditation or simply meditate.

They're all on my free track list.

But today,

I want to do something more active with thoughts.

I want to give you an image.

And if you're not a person who makes images in your head,

Then that's perfectly fine.

It might be that you use words or knowing,

Then use your fantasy in your way.

Okay.

You can see thoughts like streams.

There's a stream like brooks,

Like you are standing next to different streams,

Different brooks.

And then there are thoughts that are really floating by really,

Really slowly.

And those are the thoughts that are generally pleasant thoughts.

We can observe them.

We can sometimes pick them out of the brook,

Look at them,

Cherish them,

Really love them.

And then are those thoughts that are really,

Really streaming really,

Really fast.

And they're streaming so fast that we can hardly grasp what it's really about.

But we do know that it is unpleasant because they're going really fast and they're really confusing us and they're coming and coming and coming.

And sometimes even like a waterfall all over you,

All those thoughts dropping over you and you feel like you cannot really escape them.

Now,

Regular meditation techniques are really great for learning to deal on a structural basis.

But what is really,

Really great for me,

What worked for me,

Is to see if I can isolate one of those thoughts.

And that's one of the thoughts that might have been bothering you already sometime.

So it might be the thought that you think you're not doing things right.

I'm always messing things up.

I'm always making mistakes.

I'm always disappointing people.

No one loves me.

I feel alone and rightly so.

I'm not worthy.

You know,

All these thoughts that we use consciously or not consciously to beat ourselves up.

Now,

These thoughts are not just thoughts that are randomly floating by.

These are thoughts that we have been thinking for a very,

Very long time.

They very often stem from our experiences in our childhoods over the course of our lives.

You experience things that have emphasized that thought consciously or not so consciously to be a right thought.

Now,

Let me tell you something.

All those thoughts that are hurting you,

That are annoying you,

That are making you believe that you are not lovable,

Or not worthy,

Or not doing things right,

Or you're.

.

.

Whenever you're feeling those thoughts are wrong.

They are there.

They are present.

You've been thinking them for a long time.

But these thoughts are not right.

Because you and everyone,

Every being,

You are worthy beyond measure.

And you are lovable beyond measure.

You don't have to deserve love.

You don't have to deserve worthiness.

You've been born worthy.

You've been born lovable.

And over the course of your life,

Things happened.

And it can be that it has been really big trauma.

It can also be it were just childhood experiences like almost everyone has them.

But somewhere this thought that is bothering you,

That is hurting you,

That is in your way sometimes or often to live a good life.

Those thoughts you have installed on wrong premises.

On the premise that you thought that you had to deserve love.

That you had to do a lot of things to be worthy.

And this is not true.

Finding the thoughts,

I am lovable,

I am worthy,

I am exactly right as I am.

Those are hard to find sometimes.

But these are also there.

When you look at the streams,

That waterfall,

That quick floating stream,

And that slow stream,

And in that slow stream you can see them float.

And now the beauty is that because they float so slowly,

You can pick them out of the water.

You can imagine they're in a basket or maybe they are just like feathers or maybe they look like a picture of the person that loved you most in the world.

Telling you that you are worthy,

That you are lovable.

So this is an example of a mental picture or an imaginative picture or a fantasy idea.

To give you an idea of how you can deal with thoughts.

Whenever a thought feels unpleasant,

Whenever a thought creates an unpleasant feeling in your body,

An unpleasant emotion,

Then by default these are not true.

How you can tell?

Because they feel unpleasant.

Again,

When a thought creates an unpleasant emotion,

Something that is hurting you or annoying you,

Then the thought is not correct.

The thought is wrong.

When a thought feels pleasant,

Feels that you are lovable,

Feels that you are worthy,

Then the thought is exactly resonating with who you truly are.

You are love.

Every one of you,

Every being,

Not just human beings,

Every being is simply love.

And we tend to forget that and that's okay.

Also,

I tend to forget that from time to time.

It is our quest,

Our journey for the rest of our lives to always bring ourselves back to those core thoughts.

I am lovable.

I am worthy.

I am lovable.

I am worthy.

I am lovable.

I am worthy.

And if you find it really hard,

Then there's a beautiful practice where you can stand in front of the mirror,

Look yourself in the eyes,

And just tell yourself then,

You are lovable.

You are worthy.

You are lovable.

You are worthy.

Then it's sometimes easier to tell yourself this while you look at yourself.

This is a practice I didn't make up.

This is the work of Louise Hay who did wonderful things.

But this mirror work is one of their beautiful practices that she taught a lot of people to cultivate that feeling of self-love.

All right.

Now,

This is a different way of tuning in,

Tuning in into your mind.

So I have to warn you about it.

Tuning in into your mind can also be some kind of a quagmire.

Because you can quickly get to those thoughts that are unpleasant and forget to deal with those.

And when the thoughts start to run really,

Really quick,

When those brooks,

Those streams become more rapid,

When it turns into a waterfall,

And sometimes it is really,

Really hard to turn it around.

Just know that is okay.

Just know that that is okay.

Okay.

And then the most important part is just to take a step back from that book,

From that stream,

And just look at it.

And try to see it as something that is exterior to you,

Just rushing by rapidly.

But it's also rushing by.

It's going from one side to the other,

And you can actually take a step back.

You don't have to engage with those thoughts.

So something that I said years ago when I was teaching meditation to students was,

Thoughts are like your best friends.

You can hang out with them without having to engage with them,

Right?

You know with your best friends,

Especially when you were a teenager,

You could just hang out.

You were not really doing something.

You're just hanging out.

You didn't have to engage.

It was just fun to hang out.

So the same you can do with your thoughts.

You can take a step back,

And you can just watch them without having to engage them.

Oh,

There's a thought saying something nasty about me.

Okay,

Well I'll just let that float by.

And again,

A meditation practice will really help you in this process,

Because meditating on letting thoughts go,

Whatever your technique is,

Is actually practicing that mental muscle to deal with these things,

Which is in itself an important practice.

But about this we will speak in the next step,

The daily practices.

So tuning in into your mind can be important,

But can also be really,

Really tough.

So if you notice that this is not your thing,

Then it's way better to go back to those practices where you use your senses,

Where you use your body to actually feel what is going on there.

Because whatever thought you have,

Whatever emotional response you might have,

It always comes in a physiological,

A physical response into your body.

So dealing with your body in that,

It's already really,

Really important.

All right,

So one last tuning in before we wrap it up for today.

That is tuning into your heart.

So just put your hands on your chest,

In the middle of your chest,

There's your heart.

And now sync with all your attention to your heart.

And if you find it hard to bring your attention then,

Then just imagine that there's a little light there in your heart.

Yeah.

Oh,

Such beautiful heart.

Beautiful,

Beautiful.

Just biologically,

This heart is beating for you,

Right?

All your life,

It's been there for you,

Supporting you,

Beating for you,

Loving you,

Loving others.

The core of connection with you,

With others.

Why we don't tune in more often in our hearts?

Well,

That is because our hearts are gentle.

Our hearts are not vulnerable.

Our hearts are not easy to break,

Although we might think that.

Our hearts are just very,

Very gentle and open.

And when we think that,

And open.

And when we think that we experience a broken heart or hurt heart,

It's more that the walls we've built around it are hurting us.

And we feel breaches and cracks in it,

And we think that someone went through it to hurt our hearts.

But the truth is,

Our hearts are the most powerful parts of us.

And learning to tune in into your heart,

Learning to know how it feels when your heart is wide open,

Without judgment,

Longing,

Opening,

Connecting with other people,

Whether or not other people can deal with that or not,

Whether or not other people can connect with that or not.

We don't have to guard our hearts because our hearts are really,

Really powerful.

It's our thoughts about our heart that make us think that we cannot live with this open heart.

But everyone who checks in in our hearts feels there this warm bath of love.

Love for yourself.

Love for all beings.

The connection with everything that is.

All that is,

Including you,

And you,

And you,

And everyone.

Every being.

Now,

When you tune into your heart,

You can become aware of a big truth that is hanging around there for you.

It's not something harsh.

It's not putting something in your face like you did something wrong.

No.

In your heart lies a truth.

Something that you just need to know.

And when you listen to your heart knowing this,

You know that you are okay.

You know that you are lovable.

You know that you are worthy.

Whatever that message is,

Maybe that is the message.

Maybe your heart says,

I love you.

I love you so.

Maybe your heart says,

It's okay to take it easy.

It is okay to just hang out in the garden today and have a cup of tea.

Maybe your heart says,

The thing you're thinking of,

That's inspiration.

Just go after it.

Don't be afraid.

Just go for it.

Every heart of yours has its own message.

And when you're tuning in,

You can listen to its wisdom.

But our hearts are never shouting.

They're never trying to be right or to convince you to push something in your face.

They're never harsh.

They're never painful.

They're just kind and sweet and gentle and so wise.

So very wise.

So while your hands are in your chest,

Just be for a minute or so with your heart and just listen.

What it whispers,

What it brings you.

Maybe it's an image.

Maybe it's a song.

Maybe it's a word or a sentence.

Maybe it's a feeling.

Whatever it is,

Just receive it.

And if you don't understand what it is,

Just receive it.

Its meaning will follow soon enough.

Go ahead.

Lovely.

I just received a message.

It's a message of love from your own heart.

It's so beautiful.

All right.

Now put your hands in your lap and just keep your eyes closed for a moment.

Now I've gone over like a few practices that you could separate from each other.

If you look at my playlist on Insight Timer with the self-gentleness tools,

Then you feel fine there in the free tracks.

You will find several tools,

Free tracks and premium tracks,

But there are free tracks that are about self-gentleness in the morning,

In the evening,

In the evening.

And one is called just tuning in.

Those are short practices.

One to start with in the evening when you're already in bed,

Ready to go to sleep,

Just to close off your day.

Then the morning practice,

Just to pick off.

You're still in bed,

You just woke up and you listen to this one.

And then during the day you take one or two or three or maybe more moments,

But just one would be enough to tune in and to just acknowledge what it is that's going on within you.

When you start to practice this every day,

And these practices are really short together.

If you have premium,

You can also go to my course,

How to Be Self-Gentle.

It's a four-day course and then there are three bonus tracks that you could use every day as this practice.

And those are then a few minutes each.

This can really,

Really help you on this tuning in process.

Like I said,

It's 80% of the work to become aware of what is going on within you,

Before you can start to honor it,

Acknowledge it and do something about it.

And really take that next step that self-gentleness and action will follow.

So tuning in is about becoming aware of self-gentleness,

Becoming aware of your needs.

The next step about which we will speak over the course of the next month is how you can then start to help yourself.

All right,

So now take your time to come back.

You can keep your eyes closed.

If you're sleepy,

You're lying down and you have the means,

If you have the time,

I mean,

Go to sleep.

It's also perfectly fine.

If not,

Then you can come back to me.

I will just spend a few minutes to answer some questions and before I'm on my way.

So if you are serious about your self-gentleness journey,

Then just try this month,

To the next life,

To tune in with yourself.

And you can just make it one minute by grounding yourself with your feet.

Or just one or two minutes using your senses to become aware of what's going on.

Or just sitting and connecting with your heart.

Or actually take those practices like I speak about in the course how to be self-gentle.

You know,

It's in four days we go over the basics and then there are three bonus practices.

An evening practice or morning practice and one for during the day.

And they are also in the free tracks.

They are a little bit longer and when you use them in the course then they're just two,

Three minutes each.

These are really,

Really helpful to create that awareness of what's going on within you.

And in the next month we will take it a step further.

Yeah,

I put my alarm clock to warning when it was time to stop because I have another engagement later today.

So let me see,

Take a look at your comments.

Mary says your poems are amazing.

Can't wait for you to publish them.

Well thank you Mary.

It's a process,

It's a process.

Firefly,

Now I need a flower in the wind guided meditation.

That is a good one.

I'm going to pick that one.

I'm going to write it up here.

Flower in the wind before I forget it.

Thank you so much for that.

Lotte can hear my Dutch accent.

Thank you Lotte.

Seeing your name,

You are Dutch.

Great.

So Peter,

Hi.

You're glad to be here for the live.

I'm happy that you're also here Peter and Lauren also.

Hi Dan,

Your heart says gently I'm here for you always.

I will never desert you.

Whoa,

That's so beautiful Dan.

That's a beautiful message.

Thank you for sharing it.

Thank you so much.

Jerry,

Thank you for your donation.

That's so kind.

That's really,

Really lovely from you.

Thank you.

With your donations,

You really help me to create things here for an inside summer.

Thank you so much.

I'm happy that was helpful Liz.

You're most welcome Annemiek.

You're most welcome Petta.

Luanne,

You feel so much better for yourself.

You're most welcome.

Also Jay,

Alessandra,

Sheila,

Mary.

Mary,

I missed your comment on the stubborn thoughts.

My phone went off.

Well,

I recorded this.

I will edit it and it will be published somewhere in within the next two weeks.

This live will also be here on the inside timer to be found.

You're most welcome Mel.

Having a good night's sleep.

You're most welcome Miss Jean.

I highly recommend downloading the self-gentleness checklist from Femke's website.

Yeah,

So in my profile there is a link.

When you go there you find all kind of links,

But on the top there is a free download of a self-gentleness checklist.

There you find 19 practices that you can pick and choose from and you can even check if you've made them or not.

You don't have to do them all.

You just pick those that really you like.

Thank you so much for saying that Mary and I know some others of you have also used it,

So I'm really happy to hear that.

Really great.

You're most welcome Jean.

Jerry,

Thanks Femke for the meditation.

Helping my 80 plus friends was just meditating.

It was really necessary.

Dutch-English combination.

Going to help your friends.

Thank you.

Good luck with that Jerry.

Thank you for being here.

Thank you Shelly for your donation.

Thank you so much.

Thank you Mary.

Thank you Lynn.

So sending you all so much love.

So be part of my meditation group here on inside timer and you will get notified of all the new things.

I would love for you to listen to my tracks whether it's free or premium to my courses and if you like it,

Review it,

Give feedback,

Share it with others within inside timer,

Outside of inside timer.

Inside timer has an algo rhythm right now and you can help me to become more visible on inside timer so more people can enjoy my work.

I would really love for you to do that because the bigger I grow here,

The more you support me in continuing with creating all this lovely stuff for you guys.

Thank you all so much.

Have a beautiful weekend and practice tuning in and I will see you in one month and we will take it one step further.

Sending you so much love.

Bye bye.