Selfgentleness - Step 10 Finding Ease - Live Recording

This is the recording of Femke's Monthly Selfgentleness Live of 8 November 2024. The topic is Finding Ease. Femke discusses how finding ease is the delicious outcome of leading a Selfgentle life. After a talk, in which she also addresses questions from participants, she guides you in a meditation to find ease by yourself.

For more about self-gentleness, follow Femke on Insight Timer, listen to her tracks, join her monthly lives (every second Friday of the month,) or follow one of her courses, here on Insight Timer

Transcript

Hi everyone,

Welcome to my monthly self-gentleness live.

Today it's November 8th,

2024 and I'm so happy that you are here.

Because the topic of today is self-gentleness,

Step 10,

Finding ease.

And I will tell you more about that soon,

But let's just take a few minutes to let everyone come in.

So,

Welcome,

I would love to hear who you are,

Where you are in the world,

And what do you do to find ease,

Or maybe if something is bothering you right now that you really want to find ease.

Or maybe both.

All right,

Let's see.

Hi Jean from Chicago,

Hi Jacqui,

Hi Mary,

Hi Luanne,

Good afternoon to you.

Lovely that you are here.

So good to see you.

For who is here for the first time,

My name is Femke Bakker,

I'm a self-gentleness teacher here on Insight Timer,

And I'm also working as a behavioral scientist at Leiden University in the Netherlands.

So in my work about self-gentleness,

I bring together a lot of expertise that I have as a behavioral scientist,

As a meditation teacher,

But also a lot of expertise from my own life.

I'm a previous perfectionist.

I was someone who was always expecting the best of myself,

Pushing myself,

Pushing myself for others as well.

And throughout my life,

And throughout the circumstances within my environment,

I found a way to help myself,

To become self-gentle.

And that fitted really nicely in with everything I was taught to be when I was learning to be a meditation teacher.

So when you look at my profile on Insight Timer,

Whether you look at my tracks,

Or my premium tracks,

Or my courses,

Or my lives,

At the core always stands that concept of self-gentleness.

And what is self-gentleness?

Well,

Self-gentleness,

And I will give you my definition,

Is radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness.

Let me repeat that.

Self-gentleness is radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness.

It might sound easy,

And actually it is,

But for a lot of people,

When they realize that self-gentleness is what they need,

You have to find a way there.

And that's why I've developed several tools to support you in that process.

So I have the basics,

And I've been speaking the whole year since 2024 about the different steps,

The different topics that self-gentleness can serve,

The different topics that self-gentleness might be difficult in,

And today I'm speaking about finding ease.

And why do I do that?

Well,

Finding ease is basically the ultimate goal of self-gentleness.

When you become self-gentle more and more,

You will be finding ease in your life,

Within yourself,

In your interactions with others,

In interactions with people around you,

With interaction with whatever's going on on the planet.

And I know a lot of things are going on on the planet.

Whatever your country are right now,

So many things are happening.

And I know when you look around,

Or you look at the news or the newspaper,

Or you just hear people speak,

It's really hard to not hear whatever's going on,

And it's really hard to then not be affected by that,

Not to be sad or angry or frustrated or whatever's going on.

But self-gentleness,

In the end,

Is the tool.

When you become self-gentle in a world that might be difficult,

Whether this is just in your personal life or society or globally,

It might feel a bit selfish.

So other people are having a hard time,

Other people are suffering,

And I have to be gentle with myself.

I want to make it easy for myself.

Who am I?

Pollyanna?

But yeah,

Actually finding ease is being from time to time a Pollyanna.

Not because we are putting our head in the sand and we don't want to see reality,

But what we do want is to see a reality that reflects who we are deeply within.

Because every being,

Not just human beings,

Every being inside,

Deeply inside,

Is love.

Every being wants to love and be loved.

Every being wants to be happy,

Find ease,

To connect with others that are important,

And maybe also with others that are not so important to us.

Every human being longs for that safety,

For that happiness,

For that ease,

But we forgot how to get there.

So if you and I and everyone here,

And maybe a bunch of other folks too,

Are allowing ourselves to find that gentleness within us,

And that can just mean comforting yourself because you are sad,

Comforting yourself because you are angry,

Comforting yourself because you are frustrated,

Being happy with who you are right now here,

Bringing yourself back to that core will make you feel better,

And it will really allow you to see the world again from a maybe only slightly,

But different perspective.

And that's where I'm pointing at,

Because I do know that when people become more gentle with themselves,

They will become more gentle with other people.

We cannot force no one to be gentle with themselves,

But we can do this for us,

So that the power others have over us,

To hurt us,

And to just fall into tune with our own inner critic,

Our own emotional system that responds on when we think that we are not good enough,

Or we are doing things wrong,

Or we cannot convince others,

We let go of that.

When you become self-gentle,

You will start to find ease.

And at first it might be just for a minute,

At first it might be just in the really easy small things in life,

But that's okay.

So I'm a master of self-gentleness,

Really.

I can tell you I'm a master of self-gentleness.

So what does that mean?

Does that mean that I'm self-gentle all the time?

No.

Ask my loved ones.

I'm not.

Why am I still a master of self-gentleness?

Why can I so proudly tell you that I'm a master of self-gentleness?

Because I recognize it when I'm not.

And I then know I have only one task at that moment,

And that is to find a way back to that self-gentleness.

And sometimes that realization is enough to just be back there,

And sometimes it takes me hours,

Days,

Or maybe even sometimes weeks,

Because life happens.

Things happen.

The world happens.

And that's okay,

Because that's the world we live in.

That's our life we live in,

As long as we remember that we always have this choice to be gentle or not towards ourselves and others.

To me,

Every decision in life,

And it comes also down to the response you might have to seeing something,

Knowing something,

Experiencing something,

Everything comes down to love or fear.

Think about it.

Even when you feel anger or grief or sadness,

It's all connected to fear.

And that's the fear that you're not in the right place now,

You're not doing it right.

The things around you are so beyond your control that you think that you're powerless.

That has to do with fear.

Realizing that that is the case gives you the option to respond to either love or fear.

And don't get me wrong,

Sometimes fear is a good warner,

Because when we are walking in the street and there is a big bear,

An actual bear,

In front of us,

It's good to feel fear,

Because we get a stress response which makes sure that our body prepares to fight or run away.

That's how it's meant to be.

But most of the time,

Those bears on the road are metaphorically.

They are in our head.

And we see,

For instance,

Changes in the world,

Where someone gets angry at us and in our head we think this is now the end of the world.

We will never recover from this.

We will never be able to see ourselves from that loving place,

But we can.

And that is what self-gentleness is about.

Coming back to yourself,

Tuning in,

Helping yourself,

Supporting yourself,

Finding ease for yourself,

Because then everything changes.

How you are you,

How you are you with others.

How you are you at work,

With your kids,

With your parents,

With your spouses,

With your pets,

With basically everything.

So that's why today,

You know,

If you've been here more often,

You know I always talk for about half an hour.

I will tell you about how to apply self-gentleness in a specific topic.

I take questions about that and then I guide you in a meditation so you can experience for yourself what it means to you.

And today I was thinking about finding ease and I thought,

You know,

I could speak half an hour about finding ease as the ultimate outcome of becoming self-gentle.

Why not go in this hour and just meditate together that I will guide you,

Support you to find that ease,

Because it was a rough week,

Right?

For many people all over the world.

Many things are happening and I just want to support all of you,

Just even if it's just for this 15 minutes that we have left to find some ease,

Right?

Okay,

So I will come back to you in a few minutes and we will start.

Let me just see who else is here.

Hi Petra Brooke,

Lovely that you're here.

Good morning to you.

Hi Mary.

Hi Arlene.

Hi Twyla from Florida.

Hi April.

Cindy.

Cindy says,

First time with you.

It does feel selfish to find ease for myself.

What about all the millions suffering in the world?

I understand that and that's a really good question because many people have that question.

We see suffering in the world and then we ask ourselves,

How can we be happy?

How can we give ourselves ease?

How can we enjoy life,

Laugh with friends?

Let's turn that question around.

How can you help those people when you suffer?

When you are not gentle with yourself.

When you are so worried,

So feeling bad for them that you take away all your power.

Because what happens when you connect to that fear or that suffering for yourself because you do feel you are not allowed to feel good when other people are not for all kinds of reasons,

Then you deplete yourself.

Then you start to suffer just as well.

And that's also not what we want because then you take away your own power.

And that is what I mean with that when you become gentle with yourself,

Your perspective changes.

So hypothetically,

You see the suffering in the world,

You really feel bad,

But then you decide that you will first start with yourself to help yourself.

That you will find that ease,

That you relax your stress responses,

That you relax your nervous system,

That you come back to yourself,

That you give yourself what you need right now.

So you stop the suffering within.

When you succeed to do that,

And not just once,

But again and again and again,

You change something.

You change something in your nervous system,

You change something in your head,

You change something in your being,

And you change your perspective on the world.

Because you cannot save the whole world,

But you can bring your special contribution to this world.

And it might be something really big,

Or it might be as small as just smiling to the neighbors,

Or smiling to the people at the streets,

Or something in between those options because there are billions of options in between that.

But when you find the ease and the gentleness,

And your perspective changes,

You will find the way you can contribute.

Let it take myself for example,

For a long time I've been suffering,

Like you said,

Because so many bad things were going around,

Not just in the world,

But also around me.

And I could really,

Really feel bad about it,

And I felt a responsibility to solve everything,

To take the world upon my shoulders,

But all it did was not helping me,

Depleting me.

By finding this path,

Becoming more self-gentle,

I discovered that I was really good at speaking about these things,

About creating tools to help people,

To have these lives where so many people are joining me,

Listening to me,

Applying those tools,

Starting to feel a little bit better.

It might be much better,

It might be a little bit better,

But a little bit better.

So my contribution at this moment now,

Today,

Is that I tell you about self-gentleness,

That I guide you towards ease.

And I know here are all people who want that,

Here are all people who want to feel that love,

Who understand that already.

I know,

We're on Insight Timer.

The most beautiful platform in the world that is so kind for everyone,

Giving so many people the opportunity to meditate for free,

To be here,

To feel good.

But all of you will feel a little bit better,

And you will do your thing.

Whether it's that smile,

Or maybe it's that big thing,

But when you change that perspective,

You will find your way and your contribution.

In a sense,

It's also good to be modest about it.

You are not here to save all of the world,

Because you cannot,

You're just one person.

You are here to contribute your part by choosing love instead of fear,

By choosing gentleness for yourself instead of harsh criticism and perfectionism and beating yourself up because you have a good life and others have not.

That's what this is all about,

And I hope I could convey to you what I mean.

It might really help you,

That's what I use a lot when people say,

Well,

I have someone to take care of,

My kids or my parents or my spouse,

And how can I feel ease then?

And what if people are asking me that I have to help them,

But I'm so tired,

But I feel I have to be there for them,

Then I always say,

Well,

When you're in an airplane,

Just before you take off,

Then there's the cabinet personnel,

And they say,

Well,

When we have an accident,

They will be dropping these oxygen masks.

No matter what,

You put them on first,

Even if you have small kids who cannot put them on first,

Because if you don't have oxygen,

You cannot help no one.

Same goes for gentleness,

The same goes for taking care of you.

When you deplete yourself,

You cannot do anything for other people.

When you support yourself,

You will find your way of supporting,

And we're here with so many people.

I saw 200 people sign up for today,

So let's say we're here with about 200 people from all over the world,

From Australia,

New Zealand,

Europe,

The Americas,

We're all together here,

And you all are going to contribute in your way,

Whether it's small or big or something in between,

That's what you are doing.

So I love it that you are here,

And I love it that this is your first time here,

And I really hope that you will find ease today.

All right,

So,

April says,

Trust your joy and happiness is of service of the world.

Love shows the way forward.

April,

I couldn't have said it better.

Thank you so much for that.

Petra says,

My husband gets his feelings hurt when I say I prioritize me and my health.

Yeah,

Sometimes the people around us do that.

So if you might,

Excuse me,

If you might feel selfish because of that,

Because he says that,

Then ask yourself this question.

If he expects you to prioritize him over you,

Who's then selfish?

Let him take care of him,

Let you take care of you,

And then you'll find each other.

Pardon me,

In good spirit,

I'm taking something to suck on.

The coughing bug is still there.

Then you'll find yourself while being supported by yourself,

And you can have fun together,

You can enjoy each other.

And when you allow yourself to take care of you first,

He will benefit from that.

So next time he says that,

You can say,

Listen,

Honey,

I know you want me to take care of you,

But if I don't take care of me now,

I will be cranky.

I will be taking it out on you.

I will not be so kind to you,

You know,

Let me be me.

And when I feel better,

I'll come back and we'll have fun.

That's it.

That's the answer.

Just stick to it.

Maybe you'll inspire him to start taking care of him,

And that might be really,

Really nice.

Okay,

I hope that helps.

C says,

I've started your course on political tolerance.

Thank you for your work.

Well,

Thank you so much,

C,

For doing that.

It's the very first course I've created for Insight Timer,

And I think especially in these days it can be really helpful to work on that,

Especially,

And I want to reiterate that for those who didn't see my Finding Ease in the election season from last week,

I gave three lives in a row.

This course is called Dealing with Challenging Behaviors and Opinions,

And it is about cultivating political tolerance,

Not to condone or agree with people that you don't agree with,

Not to condone even if they're doing terrible things or saying terrible things,

Not even to forgive them,

But it is empowering you to be who you are.

And that's a kind,

Gentle,

Compassionate,

Loving person who wants to be inclusive,

Who wants to make connection,

Who wants to love other people,

Who wants to agree to disagree with anyone,

Who is willing to see that everyone is different and that's okay.

And it will help you to disconnect from the need to convince those rascals,

As I call them,

To think like you,

Because you cannot,

And that must be okay.

What you can do is empower yourself,

To be gentle to yourself so that you find your voice and you will find that most people are like you.

It's really true.

We tend to forget that sometimes when things are really polarized or really hard,

But almost everyone wants the same thing.

All right,

I'm happy that you're doing that,

Sia,

And if you have any questions during the course,

Let me know and I will answer you.

So April says,

I'm friends with my neighbor who doesn't share my political views,

Yet we connect on our common goal of spreading more love and understanding no matter our differences.

April,

That's beautiful,

And it sounds that even though you and your neighbor have different political beliefs,

That you still can connect on what makes us human,

That connection and that spreading love,

And that's beautiful.

It is okay to have different ideas.

It's okay to believe that the good life can be found in a different way as long as you can connect and see that you each have your right,

Your space to be who you are.

I love that.

Thank you for sharing that.

Hi,

Peace.

Hi,

Jessica.

Grateful for community,

Carmen.

My first time to you.

Well,

Welcome,

Carmen.

I'm really happy that you are here.

Speaking about community,

When the live is done,

When you go to my profile,

I also hear a self-gentleness group where a lot of folks,

You know,

Are hanging out from time to time,

Cheering each other on.

When there's a new track from me,

I always let you know when the live is coming up.

I'm really happy that you are here.

Speaking about community,

When the live is done,

When you go to my profile,

I also hear a self-gentleness group where a lot of folks,

You know,

Are hanging out from time to time,

Cheering each other on.

When there's a new track from me,

I always let you know when the live is coming up.

I'm really happy that you are here.

Speaking about community,

When the live is done,

When you go to my profile,

I also hear a self-gentleness group where a lot of folks,

You know,

Are hanging out from time to time,

Cheering each other on.

When there's a new track from me,

I always let you know when the live is coming up.

Peace says,

Femke,

Thank you dearest for this weekly session.

They help me so much.

Well,

Thank you so much,

Peace.

They're monthly though.

Last week I had three,

But that was special for the election season,

But once a month,

Which means,

And then I will move on to the meditation,

My next live,

And that's going to be the last live of 2024,

Step 11.

Embrace who you are.

It's going to be a topic.

Oh,

I love that.

Embrace who you are.

Yeah.

Finding ease,

Embracing who you are.

That are the end outcomes of self-gentleness.

And the longer you do it,

The more you do it,

The more regularly you do it.

The more you make yourself gentle,

The more consistently you will find at ease and you will embrace yourself on a more consistent basis.

I promise you.

13th of December,

Same time.

And I don't know why,

But not so long ago,

I started to count how many lives I've been conducting here on Inside Timer in total since 2020.

Next time is going to be the 175th live in December.

Wow.

Ooh.

Sorry,

But I'm kind of proud of it.

Yeah.

175.

I so much love to do this.

Okay.

All right.

So next time,

You know,

I'll be sitting here with a birthday hat and some whistles.

No,

I'm joking.

Or maybe not.

Okay.

Let's meditate together.

Taking off my glasses.

So if I have a small cough,

Just forgive me.

I still have some frogs in my throat,

But for rest,

I'm completely fine.

I'm feeling good.

Don't worry about me.

Let's get together on a journey of ease.

Let's just relax,

Accept where we are,

Embrace that,

And then see if we can just find a way to feel relatively a little bit better.

So let's first start with feeling where we are right now.

You can close your eyes already or keep them open for a bit,

But just feel your body.

When you're sitting,

You can also lie down if you like,

And really lean against something.

If it feels good,

Make yourself as easy.

I put on my most easiest clothes today.

I thought I'm not going to be dressed up in a beautiful dress like normally in colors.

I'm just putting on my yoga sweatshirt,

And it's so comfortable because ease,

Right?

So lean against the back of the chair,

Lie down.

If you're sitting,

Put your feet on the ground.

I always love that,

To bring my attention to my feet and feel the ground,

And then I realize that I'm connected to the earth,

And that I'm supported by the earth,

This beautiful earth that is spinning in its orbit with such speed just to make sure that we will stick on it,

Right?

If earth would stop spinning,

We would be floating in space,

But it's not.

We can trust that.

We can trust that earth is here to support us,

To carry us,

To make sure that we'll be stuck on earth even more.

It feeds us,

And it spins around the sun so that we get warmth,

So that our crops can grow.

I mean,

Just by putting my feet on the ground,

It's connecting me with such an innate knowledge that nature has our back.

It does,

It really does.

We sometimes tend to forget that,

But it does.

Now do you feel any tension in your body?

If you do,

Then close your eyes and bring your attention to that place,

And see if you can make a little bit more tension,

And then just let go.

So if you feel that you're pulling in your belly,

Or you have a lot of tension,

Or maybe butterflies or nerves in your belly,

Then just pull your belly in,

And let it go.

Oh,

That feels like such a relief.

Let's do it again.

Let's pull in the belly.

Ooh,

Ooh,

Everything is stiff,

And oh,

This is self-gentleness,

Just to allow yourself to let go of tension,

Something you can do in five seconds,

Whenever you need it,

Just to be aware.

Ooh,

My shoulders,

I have this tension in my shoulders.

Let's pull them up,

Let's go.

It feels like so much more dropping off of my shoulders.

Can you feel it?

Let's pull them up,

And let go.

So now,

If you didn't close your eyes yet,

Then close them now.

You can leave your hands in your lap,

Or if you're lying down next to your body,

And let's just become aware of our body for a moment.

So,

If you bring your attention to your feet,

Feel how they're touching the ground,

Which points exactly,

What other touch points of your feet,

And can you feel a difference?

Is one leaning more into the earth than the other?

You don't have to change it,

That's okay,

Just notice it.

If you feel any discomfort in your body,

Then you can shift,

And lie a little bit differently,

Or sit a little bit differently,

But if not,

Just keep your attention there.

Now let's bring your attention up,

Let's bring your attention first to your right foot,

Your big toe,

And you have these really cute other four toes next to it,

And the sole of your right foot.

If you find it hard to bring your attention,

And then just imagine that your attention is like a laser beam coming from your head,

And you know,

This big fat laser beam putting a small spotlight just on those places of your body,

The top of your right foot.

Let's move upwards to your ankle,

Slowly upwards,

Your calves on the back,

And your shins in the front,

To your knee.

Slowly moving upwards over your thigh,

Reaching your hip,

Spotlight on your right buttock,

Your left buttock,

Going to your left thigh,

The bottom and the top,

Your knee,

Slowly down,

Your shins,

And your calves,

To your left foot,

Top of your foot,

Back to the heel,

Under the sole,

Going from the little toe,

Completely on the left,

To the next,

And the next,

And the next,

To the big toe.

Now again,

Have your attention just on your feet on the ground,

Feel that connection,

Feel that knowledge.

You could even imagine that you're growing roots from your feet into the ground.

You know,

These trees,

They have these beautiful root systems,

Roots that grow really,

Really deep so they can get all the water that they want,

But they also grow really,

Really wide to support themselves when the crown is really big.

The most beautiful thing is that all trees have these big networks of roots under the earth,

And then there are these beautiful threads of spores,

Of mycelium,

That connect them so that they can communicate.

So that when one tree,

Very far away,

Is attacked by bugs,

It communicates to the other trees to protect themselves from the bugs,

And this works,

It's a really beautiful system.

So let's all imagine that we grow roots deeply within the ground,

Maybe they grow even as deep as to go to the core of the earth,

Where we can connect to that loving,

Supporting,

Grounding energy of Mother Earth.

Yeah,

You can even feel how it shoots up through your roots into your feet.

You feel this connection now,

And now we grow our roots really,

Really wide into the earth.

You might imagine that these 200-something folks from all over the world,

Australia,

New Zealand,

Europe,

The Americas,

Maybe some in Asia if they're not sleeping,

That we are all connected right now.

It feels really,

Really good because Mother Earth is connecting us.

So this energy from the core is shooting up in our feet,

From everyone,

Into your calves,

Into your thighs,

Into your buttocks,

Into your pelvis.

Now let's take this energy up into our belly,

It fills our whole belly,

It moves up on our spine,

And it moves up,

It fills our belly,

Our chest,

Our shoulders,

And now it goes in our arms,

And it flows out of our fingers,

Or it sprouts out of our fingers like fountains.

Now it fills up our throat and our head,

And it's as if this energy is coming out of the crown of our head like a fountain.

And again,

If you can,

Try to realize or visualize whatever way you fantasize,

Just use your fantasy to feel that we are all doing this now,

And that we are all connected by this root system,

By the core of the Earth,

By this energy that is flowing,

That basically we are all one now.

All the different folks from all over the world,

With different ideas and different beliefs and different colors and different feelings,

But we are all one right now,

Because we all want to be connected and to love.

All right,

Now let's bring it a little bit further,

Now let's imagine that the sun is above you,

And you can put your head a little bit up to feel the sun on your face,

And it's exactly right,

It's not too hot and it's not too cold,

It's this perfect sun that is just so comfortable to sit in.

Now the sun has this beautiful golden light,

Now imagine that this golden light is trickling down through the crown of your head,

Filling your head,

Filling your throat,

Your neck,

And into your shoulders,

Through your arms,

Shooting out of your hands,

Your fingers,

And then it fills your whole chest,

It fills your whole belly,

It fills your pelvis,

Your buttocks,

Your thighs,

Your knees,

Your underlegs,

Into your feet,

And it then shoots in the roots and it travels all the way down to Mother Earth.

This is the solar power,

This is the nurturing,

Supporting solar power that challenges us to be who we are,

That invites us to be who we are,

To be this shining light of love,

To nurture ourselves,

To nourish ourselves,

To make sure that we can grow with joy and ease,

Just like the sun let all the crops and all the plants grow with joy and ease.

And this energy from the earth,

The energy from the sun is now mixing within you so you feel the grounding power of the earth and the supporting,

Inspiring power of the sun that nurtures you,

That makes you feel alive,

That makes you feel that you are right exactly as you are,

And that you are here to do what your heart tells you,

To spread your love in your way,

Your particular way,

Whatever that way is,

When you spread love it is okay.

All right,

Now,

And remember,

Feel that connection with everyone here.

It's also empowering to know that we are all here right now.

Okay,

Now let us put our hands on our heart for a moment.

And I'm going to ask you a question,

And there will come an answer from your subconscious,

So don't overthink it.

Whatever the answer is,

That's it.

Even if you don't understand what it is,

Maybe it comes in a word or a sentence or an image or a sound or a smell,

Everything is all right.

Don't overthink it and you're doing it exactly right.

What is standing mostly in your way right now to allow yourself to find ease?

You might find.

.

.

So again,

Let me ask it again.

What stands mostly in your way right now to allow yourself to find ease?

Yeah,

That's it.

It can be small,

It can be big,

And you might feel immediately that your body responds to the thought that you have,

Right?

Because you're thinking now of that thing that you believe that stands in your way to allow yourself to find ease,

Because you feel you don't deserve it,

Or it would be not fair to others to find ease,

Whatever the reason is,

It's okay.

Just be with that.

Just be with that for a moment.

It might be that you have feelings or emotions,

Then just try to sit and experience those feelings as a bodily response.

So for instance,

I'm asking you this and you think of something that happened this week and you feel this is really standing in your way to find ease.

And when you realize this,

You might feel this sadness.

So what you're not going to do is to tell yourself why you're feeling this.

You let go of that.

You now focus on whatever you're feeling,

Especially where are you feeling it.

So if you're sad,

Maybe you feel tears on your cheek.

Maybe you feel you pull your belly in,

Maybe you feel a hurting belly.

Maybe you suddenly tense up and all your muscles are hard.

Maybe your skin is burning.

Maybe you feel that you have an itch somewhere.

Whatever it is,

Just be with that sensation.

And I know it might be hard,

And if you feel it is hard,

Then hug yourself,

Put your arms around yourself,

Caress yourself,

Rock yourself,

Tell yourself,

It's okay,

Darling.

It's okay to feel whatever you're feeling.

It's really,

It might not be pleasant,

But it's okay.

You have the right to feel whatever you're feeling.

Just be with that for a moment.

It's okay.

Comfort yourself as if you were your own parent.

It's okay.

You can feel whatever you feel.

You don't have to suppress it.

You don't have to express it.

You don't have to explain to yourself.

Just be with that bodily sensation and just trust that when you stick with the feeling,

It will slowly peter out for the moment.

There is a relief in allowing yourself to just be with whatever you're feeling right now.

Not to act upon it,

Not to explain it to yourself,

Not to push it away,

Not to enlarge it.

Just to allow yourself,

Okay,

This is what I feel right now,

So be it.

Such a relief to allow yourself.

It's such a relief to allow yourself to be where you are right now,

To be who you are right now.

It's okay.

It will not last.

It will not stick on you.

It will,

It will,

It will,

It will get better,

It will get better,

It's okay.

And if you find your emotions are too unpleasant,

Too strong,

And you really feel overwhelmed,

Then just stop for a moment,

Open your eyes,

Take a look at me.

It's okay to stop.

It's okay now to do something else that will make you feel better.

It's okay.

Everything you do,

It's just okay.

All right,

Now let's see if we can relax that a little bit.

We found already a little bit relief,

Or maybe a little bit more,

Depending on how much you can allow yourself to just be with this.

I would like you to think of something in your life,

Whatever it is,

Big or small,

That you know that you are grateful for.

It might feel like a jump,

But just bear with me.

I will get you there.

Yes,

Something as small as the fact that you have your feet on the ground and you feel the support of the earth.

Just the fact that you know that every morning the sun comes up to give us light,

To give us warmth,

To be there for us,

And you can trust that it will be there again tomorrow.

Okay,

There might be clouds,

But that doesn't matter,

The sun is still there,

You know it.

You've been here,

You've been around long enough to know that the sun is there even behind the clouds,

But yeah,

It's there.

There is some comfort in there that the sun will come up again and again,

So that stays the same,

Whatever's going on.

It might be something as small to be grateful for as the fact that you have opposable thumbs.

Imagine you would not have them,

How hard it would be to grab things,

To eat something,

To prepare food for yourself,

To hold something,

To hold someone else.

How great it is that we have these opposable thumbs.

Yeah,

I might make you laugh a little bit,

But that's okay.

You know,

It's a really small thing,

How often are you grateful for your opposable thumbs while you would really miss them if you would not have them.

Actually,

I'm grateful for all my fingers,

That I can move them separately,

That I could play an instrument,

Or point at something,

Or get my finger in a hole to pull something out whenever I need it.

I could be grateful for the fact that even when I had a really bad haircut,

My hair will always grow back.

I could be grateful for the fact that when I open the tap,

Running water comes out that I can drink.

Even better,

I can open the other tap and warm water will come,

So I can take this lovely shower.

When I want to find ease,

I'm just getting in the shower,

I'm just standing in the warm water and that alone is already so enjoyable.

So there might be some being in your life that you're grateful for,

That you know them.

It might be as simple as your pet,

Our pets,

They give us this unconditional love,

Which is so beautiful,

It's so lovely to have them around us.

Or it might be the smile of your kid,

The arms of your parents,

Or maybe the remembrance of the arms of the grandparents you once had around you,

The fact that you knew them,

That they loved you,

That they supported you.

Is there someone else in your life that you feel really grateful for,

That you know them?

Because they are inspiring you,

It might be someone that you actually know or someone that you know from a distance.

There are just few amazing people in the world that can be so inspiring,

So lovely to look at.

When you look at them,

You feel that you're almost a better person because you look at them and they inspire you.

Some person to be grateful for.

I'm so grateful for my nose,

That when I come outside and I can have these beautiful smells like flowers in the summer,

And now the smell of a crisp winter morning,

I love that.

And even when I smell something stinky,

I'm really happy that my nose is warning me.

I'm so grateful for my nose.

So my point is,

My dear,

Dear friends,

That I love so much,

That you can always find something small to be grateful for.

It might be something silly,

But when you start to focus on those things,

Even when they're silly,

It will make you feel already a little bit better.

So experiencing unpleasant emotions,

First to allow ourselves to be there,

And then to try to find the way,

Slowly,

Slowly,

To relax that feeling by cultivating a feeling of gratefulness.

It's really hard to go from sadness to utter happiness.

Don't ever try that.

You only frustrate yourself,

But you can't go from sadness to just being a bit pessimistic.

That gives a relief already,

Right?

And from feeling a little bit pessimistic,

You might make the step to feeling a little bit more hopeful.

And from there on,

You go,

And by focusing on the things in your life that you're grateful for,

And thereby acknowledging that there are things in your life that are actually pretty good already,

As small as they are,

And realizing that you can support yourself by focusing on that,

That's so beautiful.

That's so powerful.

That's empowerment,

My friends.

That's self-empowerment.

All right,

Let's have a little bit of fun now together,

All right?

Imagine that you see stairs in front of you,

And I want you to climb it.

It's pretty stairs.

It's easy to walk also,

Right?

Nice big steps,

Strong,

Sturdy.

You can hold yourself if you like.

Okay,

Let's climb up.

Let's count the steps,

One,

Two,

Three,

And you start to feel again that sunlight on your face,

Four,

Five.

You feel how this light is flowing again through the crown of your head,

Shooting into the whole of your body,

Shooting into those roots,

Six,

Seven,

And you feel the connection of the earth even when you're walking up,

Also flowing through you,

And you feel that sun on your face,

Eight,

Nine,

And ten.

You're on the top of the stairs right now,

And you see that you have climbed to the top of a mountain,

And when you look around you,

You realize that the view is breathtaking.

There are some other mountains in the distance,

Some clouds hanging.

You see that sun,

It's like you're so high up.

It is as if you are in a place where you can just view the world from a safe place,

An easy place,

Because you're really high up and everything is just right here.

When you look around you,

There's this beautiful garden,

And there's colorful flowers,

And there's a little beak running,

A little waterfall,

There's some lovely animals and butterflies,

And when you see other people,

They're just smiling at you,

Really,

Really happy.

Might be some of the folks who are standing on their own mountaintop right now.

It is good to realize that you can bring yourself to places where it's quiet,

And peaceful,

And happy,

And easy,

And relaxed.

Now I'm going to ask you another question.

And again,

The first thing that pops up,

That is what it is.

Even if you don't understand,

That's fine.

Here it comes.

What is it that you would like to do right now,

Mostly?

What is it that you need right now to do to feel at ease?

And whatever the answer is,

Just be open to it,

Whatever it is.

It's okay,

Don't judge yourself for wanting to sleep,

Don't judge yourself for just wanting to cry,

Don't judge yourself for just wanting to make yourself a cup of tea,

Don't judge yourself for just wanting to be hugged by your loved one.

It's all okay.

What is it?

First thing that popped up,

That is it.

Now sit with that knowledge for a moment.

Realize that you just got an answer to understand what it is that you need right now to find that ease.

And that is completely okay.

You might have thoughts immediately like,

Oh,

But I cannot right now,

Or I should not right now,

Or this is impossible,

But please,

Please,

Just be with whatever it is that you need right now.

Even if you know that you cannot give it to yourself right now,

Just acknowledge to yourself,

Yes,

Yes,

Yes,

This is what I need right now.

This will make me feel more ease.

And again,

You might feel an emotion when you realize that this is something that you haven't given to yourself for a long time,

But that's okay because now you are realizing that now you are in the process of starting to give this to yourself.

You're going to find ease.

If not now,

Then it will be soon.

It's okay.

You're doing it exactly right.

You are exactly where you are right now,

And that is perfectly fine,

Wherever that is.

So you now know what it is that you need.

Is it possible to give this to yourself when we finish this meditation?

If yes,

Then now promise yourself that this is what you're going to do,

And if you cannot wait to do it,

Then just,

You know,

Click off inside time and start doing it.

I just love you for it when you're so self-gentle that you're going to do it right now.

But if you feel that it is impossible right now,

Then I want you to make a pledge to yourself.

You will say to yourself,

I now know that this is what I need,

And even though I cannot give this myself right now,

I promise,

I promise I will later.

Maybe it's in an hour,

Maybe it's tonight,

Maybe it's in the weekend,

Maybe it's next week,

But I promise myself that I will honor this need and support myself.

I will look at my schedule and see if other things can move forward or move away so I can give this to myself.

I promise.

Well done.

Well done.

Now,

Let's take a moment because I want you to take a reminder with you.

So I told you there's this little brook,

Right?

Little brook,

Beautiful,

Water running over stones,

Really kind,

Really gentle,

And if you see there is a little basket floating,

And this basket has your name on it.

So go ahead,

Take the basket out of the water,

And you see that you can open it.

And when you open it,

You will see a token in it.

Go ahead,

Open it.

What is in there?

You might not understand what this token is,

But this is for you.

This is your reminder.

So it might be that you see a flower,

So next time you will see a flower when you're out of meditation,

It will remind you to keep your pledge,

To honor that need.

Every time you will see that flower,

You will remember to tune in,

To give yourself whatever you need.

Maybe when you open the basket,

You hear a song coming from it,

So whenever you hear that song,

It will be a reminder to be gentle with yourself.

Maybe when you open it,

You see a word,

And you know that whenever you will read that word,

It will be a reminder to be gentle with yourself.

So take a moment to acknowledge that token.

You could even pick it out of the basket and put it somewhere,

In your heart,

In your head,

Or just in your pocket,

That you know you bring it with you.

Well done.

Really,

Really well done.

I'm so proud of you.

You found some ease.

The difference with how you started might be small,

But there is a difference.

Can you acknowledge that?

Can you feel that?

You did this.

I didn't do this for you.

I didn't allow you to feel this.

I pointed here and there,

And you listened,

And you allowed you to find that ease.

Can you feel how important it is to know that you can do this?

That you can do this at any moment,

Whenever you want.

You can carve out just one minute or two to feel whatever you're feeling,

To acknowledge what it is that you need,

And then to promise to do it right now or later on.

And that's,

In the essence,

What self-gentleness is,

To be connected with you,

And to extend that gentleness towards yourself.

Well done,

Really well done.

Because when you start to do this,

You start to feel how lovable you are,

How worthy you are,

Because you are.

Every being is so worthy and so lovable.

So is you.

So are you.

Now let's get off this mountain with a little bit of fun.

So how would you like .

.

.

This is your fantasy,

Right?

So you can get off this mountain in any way you would like to do.

So you could just walk,

You could jump,

You could bungee jump,

You could fly,

You could take a slide,

You could take a rollercoaster,

You could go by foot,

You could take a bike,

Or you could just ask Scotty to beam you down,

Or whatever it is that you like,

Right?

So use your fantasy,

And then just have some fun.

I think I'm going to go on the slide.

If you like to slide with me,

Then just slide off.

And it's such a great feeling,

Because it's going faster and faster,

And I feel how my hair is blowing in the wind,

And I see the colors of this slide turning into all kind of colors,

All colors of the rainbow,

And it's so very beautiful.

It's so much fun.

Oh,

Now there's also water,

Like when I was a kid and I was going from these water slides.

It's so good.

I'm having so much fun.

So I will let you for a minute to just have your own fun while you're going down.

And laugh,

If you need to laugh.

It's almost tickling me,

This feeling of joy.

And when you come down,

You feel that you're getting back into your body.

You feel that you're sitting with your buttocks on the chair,

Your feet on the ground,

Or when you're lying down,

Your whole body on the mattress.

It feels good to be here.

It feels good to feel empowered,

To feel connected,

To feel alive,

To feel grounded,

To feel ease.

Ease is not such a difficult thing.

It's actually pretty easy.

It lies in just pulling up your shoulders when you're tense and dropping them.

Here you find ease.

It's about bugging your head with this problem and then deciding,

I will look at it tomorrow for now.

I will take a vacation on this problem,

And you feel a relief.

That is ease.

It is about deciding to take a cup of tea and you stare at it for a minute rather than rushing off in a hurry.

That is finding ease.

It lies in telling someone,

I'm sorry,

I love you.

But right now I have to take care of myself,

And I promise you,

When I feel better I will be there for you,

But now I have to take care of myself.

That is finding ease.

Trust yourself.

When you start to find that ease,

When you start to allow yourself to find that ease,

Everything will change.

It will not be a sudden change or a big quantum leap.

It will be incremental,

Step-by-step change,

But that's the best,

Because this way we can consolidate it,

We can feel it,

We can build on it.

These are our self-general fundaments that we build for ourselves.

Well done,

All of you.

I'm really,

Really proud of you.

All right,

Now.

Take a minute to come back.

If you're lying down and you feel sleepy,

Then you can,

By all means,

Go to sleep.

But if you want to get back to your day,

Or maybe to another life,

Or another meditation,

Or that cup of tea,

Or maybe that need of you that you want to fulfill and you can right now,

Then slowly start to open your eyes.

But in your own time.

You can really take the time for it.

Well,

Hello.

How was that?

Did you find some ease?

Did you find some gentleness for yourself?

I really hope so.

The world might be still the same,

But you are a little bit,

Little bit different.

And that makes a big,

Big difference.

Trust that.

Take care of yourself.

Be gentle to yourself.

That's why you're here,

You know?

The reason we're here is to have this human experience with all our senses,

With controversies,

With life,

With nature,

With ourselves,

To find joy and ease.

And when we find it,

Then we start to grow.

Then we start to find our purpose,

And we start to connect with others.

We find love.

We find that we are love.

And everything you did right now is part of that process.

And you did really,

Really well.

You're most welcome,

Mies and Cee and Sarah.

Carmen says that you feel better than when you started.

Amazing.

Thank you so much,

Carmen.

I'm really happy to hear that.

Mona,

Thank you.

Tanya says,

Mocha latte,

Here I come.

Yay!

You're most welcome,

Tanya.

And I'm happy that you love my work.

I love my work,

Too.

Thank you so much for saying it.

I really appreciate it.

You're most welcome,

Luan.

Dearest Luan,

I'm so happy.

Luan,

You're almost always here.

And I so loved it.

And I hope you're doing well.

And I'm sending you so much love for you and your husband and your lovely granddaughter.

Angel,

Mocha latte is our dog's name.

Well,

You know,

That might go well together.

Tanya says,

Femket has been a rough week.

You have made it more bearable.

Thank you.

You're most welcome,

Tanya.

Don't forget that you now just did that,

Right?

I know I'm here.

I'm guiding the life.

I'm guiding the meditation.

But I didn't give you the ease.

You gave yourself the ease.

You can do this.

It's really important for me to show people that they can do this by themselves.

I mean,

I love to do this.

And I love the more the merrier.

The more people listen to my work.

Of course,

I love that.

But I especially love it when people can do it.

You know,

They know.

It's fun to do with Femket.

But I can do this.

I have this.

So you did it.

Jay says,

I love the term self-gentleness.

Thank you so much,

Jay.

I love it too,

The self-gentleness.

That's why I developed it as a concept and a definition when I realized it wasn't there yet.

Because we can all think of moments that we are gentle with ourselves and we are proud of ourselves and things like that.

So it's an easy concept to relate to.

And then I bring my definition that you have to be radically gentle and consistently gentle with yourself.

And that's the work.

The most beautiful,

Most rewarding work when you start to do it.

Thank you so much for your feedback on that,

Jay.

I really love that.

Carmen says,

We are love.

Thanks for reminding.

Yes,

You are love.

We are all love.

Thank you so much.

P says,

I love your hair so gorgeous.

Well,

Thank you so much.

Yeah,

I love it too.

Tanya said,

You facilitated our ease.

So grateful for the intervention.

Thank you,

Tanya.

It means a lot to me to hear that.

Christina says,

Came in right at the meditation.

Ask of what you need.

And it was right on time.

Thank you.

I'm so happy to hear that,

Christina.

Thank you for sharing that.

Luanne also loves my hair.

Well,

Thank you so much.

Arlene,

Blessing.

Thank you,

Arlene,

For that.

Monica says,

Today you had contributed to the world.

Thanks.

Thank you so much.

Yeah.

That means a lot to me that you're saying that.

All right,

Folks.

It's already one hour,

10 minutes.

So I will be here on the 13th of December for my live number 175.

Yay.

It will be the last one of 2024.

Soon I will start planning also the monthly lives in January in 2025.

Time flies,

Right?

Which will be,

In principle,

The second Friday of the month,

Same time.

Very sometimes I change it a little bit,

But in general,

Second Friday of the month.

Thank you,

Peace.

Yeah.

Next time it will be 175.

So we have a little party.

The topic next time is embrace who you are.

And I would love it if you all sign up when I close off.

You can sign up already.

The more,

The merrier.

You will get a reminder.

And if you want to support my work,

I really would love you to listen to my courses,

To listen to my tracks,

But also the premium tracks,

Which are part of the premium.

So if you have premium,

Listen to my tracks on my courses,

Come back often also.

All those things get rewarded by Insight Timer,

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That is really great.

If you want to donate,

That's also possible via this button or through my profile.

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Then if you do it through the iPhone,

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I will be much appreciated for that also because it will support my work.

It supports everything that I do here on Insight Timer.

Sending you all so much love.

Have a beautiful weekend.

Take it easy,

Especially if it was rough this week.

And it was.

So take it easy.

Be gentle with yourself.

And I hope to see you on the 13th of December.

Sending you so much love.

Bye bye.