Selfgentleness In Action (8/8/25) S8: Coping With Change

Femke discusses in the eighth session of her Selfgentleness in Action Lives how you can use Selfgentleness to cope with change in your life. She discusses how we can hold ourselves while change is happening, and we can find - perhaps - some worth in that change. As always, Femke ends with a guided practice to let you explore for yourself how you can help yourself to be selfgentle in the middle of change.

Join Femke's Lives every second Friday of the Month in person, and ask your questions! Sign up for her Insight Timer Lives via Femke's profile. This time, the topic was a request of a regular participant. This is the recording took place on 8 August 2025.

Transcript

Hello lovelies,

Welcome!

Welcome to my monthly live self-gentleness in action and today's theme is coping with change.

I'm so happy that you are here.

Let me just put my microphone a little bit closer,

I just forgot to do that because I'm also recording this.

Why is that?

Well,

In my tracklist you will find all the recordings of most of the lives that I ever did here and especially the last years.

I always record them and then I publish them later in my free tracklist.

So if you want to,

If you are hearing today things that you want to hear back,

Then please take a look there later on and maybe you can also check out the other lives that I created.

So if you are here for the very first time,

Let me know.

My name is Femke Bakker,

I'm a self-gentleness teacher and a behavioral scientist and I'm here on Insight Timer since 2019 already.

I'm giving lives since October 2020 which means that in October it will be five years of giving lives and I so love being here.

So I would love to hear who you are,

Where you are in the world and what change is to you because as far as I know there are people who just love change,

Who love the thrill and excitement of something new and there are people who really,

Really detest change because they don't want to get out of their comfort zone for whatever reason.

And of course it's not just polar,

There are differences in between but I really would love to know from you how this is for you.

So let me just welcome everyone,

Hi Angela,

Hi Dina,

Hi Luanne,

Hi Paula,

Paula is from the Netherlands I can see,

Goedenavond,

Hi Bart,

Hi Ellen from The Hague,

Hi Ellen,

Lovely that you are here.

So yeah,

My name is Femke Bakker and as you can hear I'm Dutch,

I'm residing in the Netherlands and I really love being here and giving these self-gentleness lives.

So what is self-gentleness?

Self-gentleness is radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness.

Oh,

I said it fast,

Let me repeat it slower.

Self-gentleness is radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness.

And I really love this definition,

I coined it,

I created this and why is that?

Let me tell you a little story.

So when I was in the process of becoming more gentle with myself,

At first I didn't know I was applying self-gentleness.

I was looking for a way simply to feel better more of the time,

To experience more ease,

To dare to say no to other people more often when they asked something from me without feeling guilty.

And actually I think at the bottom,

At the core of everything,

I wanted to find a way where I would love myself most of the time.

And I think if I look back,

I'm now 53,

There have been periods where I did like myself,

Where I sometimes loved myself,

But it was not consistent and it was especially not radical.

So when I had some friction with someone or when I said no and I felt guilty or when I put some boundaries and I got pushback from the people I put boundaries for,

I always would feel very bad about myself and I could not be so gentle with myself.

And in the process over the course of my life and by studying and meditating and experimenting with many,

Many different ways to find a spot for myself,

At a certain point everything started to fall in its place.

And when I started to teach here on Insight Timer,

I just started as a meditation teacher.

I just wanted to teach people how to meditate,

But not just according to one system.

I really wanted to teach people to meditate in a way that would fit them,

Where it would be easy,

Where meditating for just one minute a day would be just enough.

Not having to adhere to a specific system that is thought by other people,

But finding a way that fits you.

I actually have a course here on Insight Timer,

Which is called Find a Meditation Technique That Fits You,

Where I go into that.

But I have more courses here,

Which are about dealing with stress,

Performing with ease,

Even when you are a high performer,

How to cultivate political tolerance.

Because as a behavioral scientist,

I work in political science,

I'm a political psychologist where I study the impact of meditation on crisis decision makers,

On cultivating tolerance.

I study belief systems and some other things that are related to the political atmosphere.

But bringing all this together at a certain point,

I understood,

Hey,

What I am actually teaching people,

Which stands at the core of everything that I teach,

Whether it's meditation or tolerance in a society or taking care of yourself,

Or I'm teaching people to be gentle with themselves,

Hey,

I'm teaching people self-gentleness.

So that word self-gentleness,

Some time ago we had workshops on Insight Timer,

So I started to give some workshops.

I know a few of you were there,

And I really love to give those.

And for that,

I thought,

Well,

I have to,

This concept doesn't exist yet,

And what I really like about it is that when you tell someone,

Learn to love yourself,

That feels like an enormous task.

You know,

Just the fact that the word love has so many connotations that we sometimes do not even know what love actually really means.

So self-love becomes even harder because most people have a hard time from time to time and sometimes always to love themselves.

But the notion of being gentle with yourself,

That is something that people can recognize themselves in,

Because we all have those moments where we can be gentle with ourselves.

Because we do something right,

Because someone gives us a compliment,

And that's excellent because now you know,

You have a baseline,

You have a feeling to go to,

You know how it can feel when you are gentle with yourself.

But then my definition comes in,

Radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness.

Radically,

Yeah,

Always,

Yes.

So also when you make mistakes,

When you do something that makes you feel guilty,

When other people are telling you that you are wrong,

Or you're not good enough,

Or you should behave,

Or you should adhere to the norms,

Still then you can be gentle with yourself.

Consistently,

Even when people are trying to force you to think of them first rather than being gentle with yourself,

You will still consistently be self-gentle.

Well,

That's a little bit more of a challenge,

But it is something that you can learn.

And with learning self-gentleness,

I do not mean that,

You know,

You learn it and then you get a stamp or a diploma and you're self-gentle for the rest of your life,

24-7,

No way.

That is not what I teach,

Because we are all human and things happen to us.

Things change,

Which we will speak about soon.

Things happen within us,

Between other people,

Within the world.

All kind of things can happen that can cause us not to want to be gentle with ourselves,

Or we suddenly notice that we're not gentle with ourselves.

And that is exactly where I'm going for.

So the art of self-gentleness is not being self-gentle 24-7,

No.

The art of self-gentleness is noticing when you're not and then knowing how to find your way back to that self-gentleness.

And I'm a master of self-gentleness and I do exactly the same thing.

I'm not self-gentle all the time.

Also I trip and fall.

Also I have sometimes my inner critic popping up or my old,

You know,

The previous perfectionist still lives somewhere inside of me.

Also,

I feel guilty sometimes when I say no to one of my children or someone at work.

Those things happen.

The thing is that I notice,

Hey,

Oh,

I'm now thinking things or I'm doing things that are not so gentle.

Wait,

Let's stop for a moment.

How am I going to get back to being self-gentle?

And that is what I teach.

It's a lifelong process in progress.

It will never stop or you will get better and better at it.

So self-gentleness in action,

That is the name of the series that I am giving my lives in 2025.

That is why,

Because I can understand you hear me speak and it sounds a bit abstract.

So how can we take that abstract concept,

Which you can understand with your head,

To practical life?

So I asked in my meditation group,

The self-gentleness group here on Inside Timer,

Give me some topics you would like me to focus on.

And coping with change was one of those.

And that is why I'm here today to speak with you about that.

So before I get to that,

I want to bring something to your attention.

So I give a live every second Friday of the month and I plan them in advance.

I've planned them already till the end of this year.

However,

The one I had planned for next month on 12th of September,

I had to cancel.

I had to cancel for a very good reason,

Because I didn't know when I planned it that my best friend would celebrate her 50th birthday exactly on that day.

And I cannot be on a party and be alive at the same time.

So I canceled it and I changed it to the 19th of September.

You can see here,

I put a card ready.

Please sign up because a lot of people signed up already and I know they get notified.

But I didn't come back to sign up for this because with the cancellation,

I couldn't communicate that to all those people getting that email.

So please sign up for the next one,

Which is going to be one week later,

The third Friday of September,

The 19th of September,

Same time like today.

Thank you so much.

The card is there.

All right.

So let's take a look.

Peace is saying.

Femke,

I've been moving out of the condo I lived in for 10 years,

Experienced a lot of grief and loss when I lived there and decluttering and packing have brought up a lot of pain.

Any advice for when I freeze due to the overwhelmment of the grief while I'm packing?

So peace.

That's a really great question.

And I gather that you are still packing right now,

Right?

So what I actually hear is that you're saying that you've been living in this place for 10 years.

So this is your home.

This is somewhere where you feel safe,

Where you have your stuff around you.

It's your place.

But I also read that you experienced a lot of grief and loss while you were living there those 10 years.

So that's kind of a contradiction.

And I can also see that that is what you're experiencing.

It's almost that by packing everything and,

You know,

Seeing everything move through your hands and deciding to take it,

To leave it,

To throw it,

To donate it,

That you are almost reliving those 10 years,

The good parts,

But also those more sad parts.

So first of all,

I would say be gentle with yourself.

So when you notice that you are freezing,

It's really good to acknowledge that something is happening within you.

And I think it would be worthwhile for you to explore for yourself for a moment what makes you freeze.

Is it the memory of,

You know,

Something that you just see,

The memory of experiencing this?

And was it a sad memory or was it a pleasant memory?

Because there can be grief,

You know,

Relived grief because you experienced something that was not so pleasant.

Or it could be grief that you're letting go of something that was pleasant.

So I think the first thing is really to just stop and to allow yourself to experience what is going on because you're processing a part of your life.

And actually,

You could almost see it as an opportunity right now to process that period of time from a different perspective.

So when you moved in there,

You were 10 years younger,

Right?

And you were 10 years ago.

And so many things happen in human life.

And I do not even mean that there should be events,

But within you,

You grow,

You learn,

You experience.

And from every experience,

Whether it's a very painful or very happy or very neutral experience,

It all is information for you to grow with.

So the first thing I would do is to acknowledge that you're freezing and to just be with yourself for a moment.

Because the freeze response is a stress response,

Right?

So when we experience stress,

We can respond in different ways.

One of the ways is to want to fight.

One of the ways is to want to run away.

But most of the time,

We cannot fight.

We cannot run away from the things that stress us because they're not actually a bear in front of us that we can fight or run away from.

No,

It's the bears in our heads,

The worries in our heads,

The memories in our heads.

Sorry,

This is my alarm clock.

I have to cancel that.

So when you freeze,

It just means that you have a stress response,

But your body,

Your being doesn't know what to do with it.

And freezing is in a very safe way.

And actually,

Actually,

It's your body telling you to stop,

To pause,

And to take care of yourself first.

Because what else is a freeze than just allowing yourself to be with yourself?

So don't be too afraid of that freeze,

But really see what is going on within you so you can see what is causing this.

So how do you do that?

Well,

First thing is to try to let go of the stress response.

And we have a few really beautiful techniques for that.

So one,

The most important one,

Is your breath.

Our breath is really beautiful because we breathe.

You know,

Whether you like it or not,

You will breathe because your lungs need that oxygen,

Your body needs that oxygen.

But you can also control your breath a little bit.

And how you control it in order to help yourself to let go of stress is to just breathe in normally.

Just,

It can be short,

It can be long,

Just normally.

Don't make it bigger or stronger than you feel right now.

So if you're stressed,

It can be that it's really short.

Just try to breathe out as long as you can,

As long as it is comfortable.

So don't breathe out until you cannot breathe anymore.

But just try to breathe out longer and relax into that.

The beauty of this is that by manipulating our breath in a certain way,

Like this,

Breathing out a little bit longer than you're breathing in,

You cue your nervous system that everything is safe again.

That it can start to relax and the stress response will slowly peter out.

And it can be already in a few minutes.

And if that is not yet enough,

You can also shake.

You know,

It's a really great somatic practice to just,

You know,

Shake right arm,

Shake left arm.

It's best that you stand up.

So I don't know if I'm still in the image then.

No,

I will not.

So shake your right leg,

Shake your left back,

Shake your buttocks.

And again,

Your arm and your arm,

Your legs.

When you shake,

You also tell your body everything is safe again.

So for instance,

In nature,

When an animal is in stress and it cannot run away and it cannot fight,

It will freeze.

And the moment everything is safe again,

The first thing it does,

It starts to shake.

Have you seen,

For instance,

Your dog that had a startle or was really excited about something and then what they do?

They shake.

Why?

They let go of that stress.

If we human beings would shake every time we would experience stress,

We would help ourselves enormously.

So first,

You help yourself to relax that stress response a little bit.

You don't have to wait until you're completely relaxed because the situation is probably not like that.

But that is what you do.

You support yourself a little bit.

And then I would tune in.

Tuning in is the foundational practice of self-gentleness.

It's just relaxing.

We will do it in a bit.

Relaxing,

Bringing your attention to your heart space and just being with yourself for a moment and then asking yourself how you're doing and to listen to that answer.

And then asking yourself what it is that you need right now or maybe what it is that you don't want right now.

That's often easier to differentiate than knowing what you do need.

And that process of that self-gentleness,

Especially when you practice that on a daily basis,

Like a few minutes a day,

It becomes a natural habit that you will start to do without even noticing that you're doing it.

And so then the big question for you is,

So I'm freezing.

I'm feeling a lot of grief.

What is this grief exactly?

And when you notice that you're processing,

You know,

Your past,

Your past in this condo and everything that happened there,

Then spend some time for that.

Maybe sit down and write it all up and then,

You know,

Make a symbol or a ritual to do something with what you wrote up there.

So if you have a safe way to burn that paper,

Then you do that or you can just tear it up and throw it away or maybe go to a garden or a park,

Dig a hole and put it in there.

It's good for yourself to realize that what has been,

How difficult and painful it might have been,

That you're now processing to let it go.

And then it's good to realize that this change is there not for nothing.

I do not know if you decided to move by yourself or that you were forced your circumstances to move,

But it actually doesn't matter so much.

Because you are now in a situation where you're going to move when you're going to leave this 10 years of your life behind you.

So there's probably going to be something really cool there because you are now 10 years later,

You've grown,

You've worked on yourself,

You are here right now,

You are now able to look at that time and to process it because that is what you're going to do in that moment.

How wonderful the thought you might really invite for yourself,

How wonderful it is that you can now actually bring all that knowledge,

All that experience,

All that newness,

All that having grief processed into a new situation where you can build now on the next 10,

20,

30 years of your life in a way that fits you way better right now.

I know it might be at this point that you think,

Hmm,

I would love to feel that,

But that's a bit hard.

But for that to allow that notion in,

It's really great to first process the stress,

Let it go,

And then tune in and to feel what it is that you need right now.

And then from there to work and take it step by step and just check in with yourself.

Am I gentle with myself?

Am I not bullying myself now?

I'm not pushing myself to do things that I'm not ready to do.

Am I not feeling very sorry for myself because all these things happened rather than just comforting myself now and saying,

It's OK,

I am here,

I'm feeling not so good,

But that's OK because I'm in the process of moving to the next phase of my life.

So it's a bit of a long of an answer,

But I hope this will help you a little bit.

And I will try in the next meditation that we'll do to see if I can incorporate some parts of that.

So peace arise as I go through certain objects.

Wait,

The comment is moving.

I think about so many memories and experiences,

Never thought about it.

I was 10 years younger.

I've been thinking about how much I miss the innocence and the joyfulness I had when I first moved here.

Yeah,

I want to say something about that because that innocence and that joyfulness,

It's still within you.

It's within everybody.

And I can see that you might not really feel that all the time like that,

But it is there.

And with innocence,

You might mean that when you move there,

You had different expectations than now.

And due to your experiences,

You might feel that your expectations are not met or you're wiser now.

Um,

But when you're tuning in,

Just probe a little bit where that innocent part of you is,

Where that naive and open part of you is,

Because I'm sure she's there and I'm sure she's looking forward to your new place and how lovely that will shape.

Okay,

Sorry,

I will do it now immediately.

Yeah,

Sorry.

I should better be better prepared.

Okay,

Those things happen,

Right?

All right.

So peace.

I'm hopeful that that is helpful to you.

Ginger says it was super helpful to hear the answer to that question.

Thank you.

You're most welcome.

Peace.

I'm happy that it helps you.

You took a whole page of notes.

Your sessions always help me.

This was so profound to hear your perspective.

Thank you for encouragement and all of your supportive questions and comments.

Thank you.

You're so welcome.

Dear peace.

So,

And let me know in the meditation or the self gentleness group,

Um,

How you're moving wins.

I'm really looking forward to hear from you,

How your new place is going to surprise you,

To give you joy and to make you feel like that innocent girl that you once were.

All right.

I'm just going to check one moment.

Yes.

So now all the alarm clocks are off.

Sorry for that.

Okay.

Oh,

I'm so loving that you're grinning and you're feeling so loved.

Yes,

You are loved.

Absolutely.

I love you and everyone here loves you.

Absolutely.

Um,

Laura says first time here.

Hi,

Laura.

Welcome.

I'm enjoying love to hear past episodes,

Please.

Thank you.

Well,

Those past episodes are all in my list.

So if you,

I don't know if you follow me already,

Let me put up that card for a moment.

You can now actually press it and you will follow me so you can find my profile.

And when you go to my track list with the free tracks,

Then you will find there.

If you,

Um,

You know,

You have this search possibility that you look for,

Let's say one hour or longer because these lives are always long.

Then you will see all the lives.

I also have some playlists from specific lives.

One is about emotions and one is about holidays.

And one is just last year,

Which was all the steps from self gentleness.

And this year it's self gentleness in action.

So you will find all those there.

Almost five years of lives you will find there.

So happy if you'll explored it.

Marjorie says,

I've been going through objects from generations of ancestors since my mother passed two years ago.

Oh,

Yes,

Of course.

Yes.

Objects of ancestors that are staying in the family,

You know.

Did you also,

You know,

Find those photographs of people that you do not even know who those people are and are you wondering if you should take them with you or if you can let go of them?

Those things are sometimes hard,

Right?

Yes.

Ginger says,

I appreciate it.

Packing is an opportunity to heal.

It's so much more than a physical task.

Yeah,

Absolutely.

So I think it's good from time to time to go through stuff and to decide,

You know,

What you want to take with you in life.

Not even when you're moving,

But to keep with you is maybe a better way to say it.

And what things you can let go of.

That is something that I learned also last year.

I was someone who was always keeping things.

But I also noticed that there is some beauty in letting go of things.

They belong to a period in your life.

They gave you something or an experience or whatever.

And then at a certain moment,

It's also good to let go of them.

All right.

So I'm already speaking for quite some time.

I'm just let me check.

Yeah.

So let me just say a little bit more about change,

Because like I started,

There are different ways to cope with change.

But there are also different moments when we need to change.

So there are outer circumstances that force us to change.

It's because,

Well,

For instance,

Someone dies or a relationship ends or begins.

Children move out of the house or children are born.

Jobs start or end.

A natural disaster,

A pandemic,

You know,

They're all kind of outer things that force us to change,

Or at least it feels like it's forcing us to change.

And some people thrive on that.

And some people really,

Really hate that because it doesn't make them feel safe.

Um,

So I think it's always really important to understand from yourself how you are with change.

It is something that you embrace or this is something that,

You know,

You can live with or you're neutral about,

Or this is something that you actually dread because you can help yourself in the moment that it happens with that change.

And then we have,

Of course,

The inner changes,

The things that we feel change within ourselves.

And my take on that is that if you feel a change within yourself,

You're just really,

Really lucky to feel that because not many people experience the change within them.

Well,

You know,

When people are not so self-aware,

They see change because they see that they are,

You know,

Getting a promotion in their job or they're making more money or they're getting children or their children getting married or they can buy a new car or not.

Those things are often seen as change.

But I think the true change is within you.

That's,

You know,

For instance,

Peace can look at herself,

How she was feeling 10 years ago and look at herself right now.

And so many things happened in those 10 years and all those things contributed to who you are right now.

And I know when those years might have felt really hard,

That it might be difficult to relate to that newness now in a positive way,

In a good way.

But in a sense,

It is.

So,

For instance,

Do you remember in your life a moment where something happened that you really didn't like?

But then one year later or a few years later or maybe a week later,

You look back and you thought,

Actually,

Actually,

That was a pretty good thing for me.

At that point,

I didn't like it.

But when I look back now,

It really helped me to realize this or to do something different or to get out my comfort zone or to take better care of myself.

So I have an example,

For instance,

Which was,

So I wanted to do a PhD.

And in the Netherlands,

You have to apply for a job or position to get that.

It's already quite some time ago.

But so at a certain moment,

I applied at a university where I also did my bachelor's and my research master's.

And I was the last of two.

But I didn't get a job.

They got someone from outside who didn't study at this university.

And they all knew me.

And I just couldn't understand.

I was so angry and disappointed and sad about that.

But OK,

I moved on.

A year later,

I applied again for a new position.

And then I got it.

Looking back,

I realized that it was way better that I didn't get the job at first because I was really tired because the research master was a time where I hardly ever slept.

I was just studying and taking care of my kids and working.

So it was really good for me to have a year where everything would be calm,

Where I didn't have to jump on working really hard again even more.

My ideas for my actual dissertation developed,

Evolved in that year of more peace and more quietness and more rest because I slept more.

I rested more.

I enjoyed my life way more because I could do other things.

So in retrospect,

It was way better for me.

And I use this very often as an example for myself,

Especially when outer things happen,

Things change for me,

That I then realize that now it might be hard or difficult or incomprehensible why it happens.

But I also know that from everything that happened in my life,

When I look back,

I always could see some positive things in it,

Something that it brought me,

Even from the tough things,

Even from the hard and the painful and the sad things.

It always brought me also something.

And maybe that is because I'm an optimist by survival.

Optimism is my way to stand in life,

To have hope,

To want to go forward,

To want to grow,

To be able to grow.

But yeah,

For me,

That's always an example that when you look back,

You can see the benefits of a situation.

So the question is,

Why not knowing that now?

That something might be hard now,

But it might open up a feeling,

An openness for,

So let's see what's going to happen now.

Let's see what this will bring me.

I cannot see right now if it will bring me anything good,

But you know what?

Let's just try to see what is going on,

What will be,

What will come.

All right.

So Cherry says,

I was in the attic between boxes overlooking how much there still is.

So true.

Femke,

My optimism is my gift.

Yeah,

Cherry,

I know you are an optimist also.

Yes,

And you're still moving.

Well,

Good luck with that.

You're in the middle of a big change and I know that you're moving out of a place that you really love.

So yeah,

But I'm really happy that you're optimistic about it.

All right.

You know,

Let's meditate together.

Let me take a sip of water.

I'm in my studio and it's becoming quite warm here.

So if you see me sweating,

You know where it's coming from.

All right.

So make sure that you're sitting comfortable and,

You know,

You can lean against the back of your chair and make yourself comfortable.

And if you want to lie down,

That's also perfectly fine.

And just take a moment to experience how you're sitting,

How your feet are on the ground,

How you feel your buttocks on the seat.

How you feel your hands in your lap.

And maybe you can notice if you feel any tension somewhere.

I mean,

Your shoulders.

If you have,

Just pull them up and drop them.

Oh,

That feels good.

Pull them up and drop them.

Maybe you have tension in your belly because you're pulling it in and just put it in even more and let go.

And notice how your body responds to this,

That you're making tension and letting go that something in your body says,

Oh,

I can relax.

You can make it even stronger.

You can make all your muscles,

You know,

Pull your buttocks together,

Pull your shoulders up,

Make fists.

And then,

Oh,

It feels so good.

All right.

Gently close your eyes.

Now bring your attention for a moment again to your feet.

Feeling them on the ground.

To your buttocks on the seat.

Your hands relaxed in your lap.

Now bring your attention for a moment to the skin on your face.

Can you feel the air on your face?

It's very subtle.

If you cannot feel it,

Try to see if you can.

Just imagine a little breeze on your cheeks.

And while you're doing this,

Can you listen also to the sounds around you?

Yeah,

You hear my voice.

That's pretty prevalent.

But can you hear also sounds that are really,

Really far away?

Or the subtle sounds around you,

Like your breath,

Maybe your heartbeat.

Now bring for a moment your attention to your eyes.

With your eyes closed,

What do you see?

It might be just black.

That's okay.

You don't have to see anything.

Maybe you see some light through your eyelids shimmering.

Maybe you see some light spots.

It's all okay.

You don't have to change it.

Just notice what you're seeing with your eyes closed.

Now bring your attention to your nose,

To your nostrils.

And just observe how the air is flowing into your nostrils and out of your nostrils.

You don't have to change your breath.

Just stay with your nostrils.

And notice how the air is flowing in.

Now again,

Bring your attention to your feet.

Feel your feet on the ground.

Do you notice that it is as if they are leaning even more strongly on the ground below you,

As if they're heavier,

More connected?

Can you feel how steady that feels,

How supported?

Now you bring your attention to your buttocks and the seat.

Same there.

It is as if your buttocks,

Your thighs are more relaxed,

More leaning into the seat.

Less tension.

And when you bring your attention to your shoulders,

You feel that they're softer,

Just hanging there,

Being with you.

Now again,

Listen to the subtle sounds in your environment.

You might hear your heartbeat,

Or a little buzz in your ears.

All is well.

Now I invite you,

If you like,

To put your hands on your chest for a moment.

If you want to leave them in your lap,

That's fine,

That's okay.

Then you just bring your attention to your heart space in the middle of your chest.

And just let your attention land as softly as you can in this space.

And if you find it hard to bring your attention to your heart space,

Then just imagine there's a little beautiful light shining there.

And as you look at this light with your inner eye,

You can imagine that there's a beautiful light shining in the middle of your heart space.

And as you look at this light with your inner eye,

You can imagine that there's a beautiful light shining in the middle of your heart space.

And as you look at this light with your inner eye,

You can imagine that there's a beautiful light shining in the middle of your heart space.

And as you look at this light with your inner eye,

You can imagine that there's a beautiful light shining in the middle of your heart space.

Ask yourself,

Ask your heart space,

Hello darling,

How are you feeling right now?

And just be for a moment with whatever's going on there.

Maybe it's just peaceful,

And you want to smile.

Maybe you feel sad or angry,

It's all okay,

It's all welcome.

Just sit with your hands on your heart and experience how you're feeling right now.

You don't have to explain to yourself why you're feeling like this,

It doesn't matter,

Really,

Really.

Just be with it right now,

This is what it is.

And if your emotions are overwhelming,

Then hug yourself,

Put your arms around yourself,

Caress your arm,

Caress your cheek,

Rock yourself,

Treat yourself as if you were your own parent.

It's okay.

You're doing it so well.

And if the emotions are too overwhelming,

Then just stop for a moment and open your eyes.

Take a look around and see that you're safe.

Maybe this is not the time for you then.

You can just watch or stop or wait till you feel better and join again.

But if it's not too overwhelming,

Then just hold yourself and rock yourself and acknowledge that whatever you're feeling right now,

It's okay.

The next question,

I will say it once first and then we will repeat it together.

What is it that I need right now?

Let's say it together.

Ask yourself,

What is it that I need right now?

And let the answer come.

However it comes,

It can be a word,

A sentence,

A feeling,

A song,

Memory,

A smell,

A feeling,

Everything is okay,

Even if you don't understand it.

Just allow the answer to come in the way it's coming from your subconsciousness.

What is it that I need right now?

And again,

If you're feeling,

Experiencing emotions,

That's okay.

Support yourself,

Hold yourself,

Rock yourself.

If it's too much,

Just stop.

And if it feels good,

Enjoy it.

Because yes,

That's also possible.

It's also possible that you feel really,

Really good right now because you're tuning in,

You're listening to your own needs.

Now I want you to bring to mind a change in your life that is happening now,

Or it is about to happen,

Or it just happened and you're still trying to deal with it.

And don't overthink it.

The first thing that pops up in your mind,

That's the one to work with right now.

This is your subconscious telling you,

This is safe right now to process.

All right,

So bring this change in your awareness for a moment.

Now,

Try to see if this change can be represented by a being.

So I want you to use your fantasy for this.

And if you fantasize in images,

You use images.

If you fantasize in knowing,

You use that.

If you fantasize in feelings,

Then that is what you do.

You know best how to do that.

But just imagine that this change is now represented in a being.

So how does this being look to you?

Does it have arms and legs and how many?

If it has,

Or maybe it hasn't.

Maybe it's a big blob.

Maybe it has a face with eyes and a nose and a mouth.

Maybe you recognize your favorite pet in it.

Or maybe it's a person that you love or once knew.

Or maybe it's just this fantasy being.

Maybe it's a tree with a face.

It doesn't matter how it comes.

Just let your fantasy bring it up to you.

So the change is now represented.

So I want you to be aware of their presence.

And place this being of change at a distance that feels good to you,

That feels safe.

It doesn't matter where you place it.

Just place it in a place where it feels good to you.

Let's ask this being a few questions.

And again,

The answer can come in many ways.

Don't overthink it.

Just accept whatever comes,

Even if you don't understand it right now.

I promise you will later on.

All right,

Here goes.

I will ask the question,

Repeat it so you can repeat it with me.

And then I will be silent so you can process whatever the answer is.

All right,

Here we go.

Dear change,

What good will you bring for me?

And maybe you don't really understand this answer,

But you don't have to understand it cognitively.

Just feel,

How does it feel to you?

Let this answer sink in.

And if you,

For instance,

Just heard a song,

Then be with this song for a moment.

If you saw an image,

Then just be with this image for a moment.

Be aware of what's going on within you.

What is the response of your body?

What is the response of your being to knowing that this good is on your way?

Even if you don't understand the goodness of this good,

It is something good that is on its way.

How does this feel?

And if again you feel overwhelming emotions,

That's okay.

You can always stop and look around you.

You can always hug yourself and rock yourself and tell yourself,

It's okay.

You're safe.

I've got your back.

Let me just say that you're doing it so well.

Really,

Each of you is doing it so well.

And you know how I know that?

Because you cannot do this wrong.

You're gentle with yourself right now.

And that is just right.

All right.

Let's ask one more question.

I will say it again and then repeat it together with you.

Dear Change,

How can I cope with the difficult part of you?

And in whatever form the answer came,

Just accept it,

Allow it in.

Bring your attention back to your heart space and just feel how this tip,

This advice,

This love,

This compassion,

This love for you,

This love for your body,

This love for it feels to you.

And even if you don't understand it,

It gives you some kind of feeling.

And I hope especially that it will give you a sense of some kind of agency.

Agency over how you can cope with this change.

The change might come from inside or the change might come from outside.

But you have the ability to tune in,

To feel what it is that you need within this change.

And to actually ask that part of you that is dealing with the change,

What good it will bring,

How you can help yourself.

That's powerful.

This is a powerful experience where you feel that you can truly have your own back,

No matter what.

Let that sink in to your knowing,

To your soul,

To your spirit,

To your mind.

You've got your own back.

You can do this.

You're so powerful.

You're more powerful than you realize sometimes.

Yeah,

You've got this.

You so got this.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Can you feel that?

That it's a really pleasant feeling to know that you have your own back,

That you can rely on yourself,

And that you have the power to just stop,

Tune in,

And be with yourself,

And go from there.

To take the change in the direction that you want to take it,

So that it empowers you,

So that it builds you up,

So that it will make you more gentle with yourself.

If you feel this,

And how good it feels,

Make a mental note.

Know that you can get here whenever you want,

Any moment in time,

Always.

No matter what change is there.

Now,

You can relax your attention with your hands on your head.

Hands on your lap again.

Let's bring our attention back to the body.

Wiggle your fingers,

Your toes.

You can stretch your spine,

Maybe your arms.

And then in your own time,

You can start to slowly open your eyes.

But don't go too fast.

You've been quite deep in this meditation,

So take your time.

Yes,

Noni,

The last question is,

Dear Change,

How can I cope with you?

I'm happy that you experience a deepness,

Jinder.

Great to hear that.

You're most welcome,

Michelle.

Happy to hear that,

Cherry.

I hope it helps you in the middle of your own personal change.

And I'm wishing you lots of luck with the unpacking.

Take your time for the unpacking,

Right?

Make it a beautiful new haven for yourself.

I'm glad,

Peace,

That it was helpful and supportive.

I'm really happy for you.

That's great.

And I hope it will help you also in the coming days or weeks that you're about to move your house and have to pack and go through things.

Take it as an opportunity to heal that part of you and to show yourself that you've got your own back,

That you can be there for yourself in the most gentlest way possible.

And that is so important.

That will be,

Anyway,

A good experience.

You're most welcome,

Vesna.

You're most welcome,

Paula.

Kelly,

It's a white horse as my symbol for change.

That's beautiful,

Kelly.

That's really beautiful.

And for anyone who,

You know,

Got an answer and you,

So for instance,

You see something or you hear a song and you have no idea what that answer actually means,

Then just take some time for that.

It might be that suddenly later today or tomorrow or later this week you suddenly realize what that is.

Or you might walk in the street,

See a white horse and think,

Oh,

Of course.

Our subconscious works in mysterious ways sometimes.

Just trust that the answer that you got will be meaningful.

If not now,

It will be later.

So let me say,

Noni says,

Astronomical change is happening for me right now.

Almost unbearable.

Thank you what you shared.

You're powerful.

I'm so glad to hear that,

Noni.

And I'm sorry to hear that you have such large changes in your life.

So I really hope this practice will,

You know,

Gave you something to hold on to and to maybe repeat also for yourself to navigate this change.

And remember,

In some time you will look back and you will see something that good brought to you.

Trust that that will happen.

And it will make the change now,

How difficult it is,

A little bit easier.

A little bit maybe.

But we're looking here for a little bit relief of the current situation.

A little bit,

A feeling of a little bit relief.

And that's already great to go for.

I'm happy,

Peace.

I'm happy,

Lindsay.

Thank you so much.

You're most welcome,

Cherry.

Noni's a giant rainbow dragon.

Oh wow,

That's so beautiful.

I love your imagination.

Thank you,

Noni,

For sharing that.

Ah,

Cherry.

Cherry is saying,

Your calming voice each morning is giving me my stability each day.

That means a lot to me,

Cherry.

Thank you so much for that.

Angie,

My answer was,

You can cope with me by knowing everything coming from the change will be better.

You know,

I'm getting this really,

Really pleasant goosebumps.

Beautiful.

Thank you for sharing that,

Angie.

I'm so happy that you heard that.

Joanne,

Through the difficulties,

Discovery.

Yeah,

That's a beautiful one.

Thank you.

Yes.

Noni,

Great gifts on the horizon.

Yeah,

I love that two-piece to hear the experiences and stories of everyone.

T says,

I had the image of Ludo from Labyrinth embracing me.

Oh,

That's also beautiful.

That's so beautiful.

And I so love it that everyone had something else that was just feeling so good.

I love that.

Thank you so much for sharing that.

Yeah,

We don't even know how good the gifts are.

Well,

Yeah,

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Alyosha feels pleasant and peaceful here.

First time here.

Oh,

Welcome,

Alyosha.

Happy that you are here.

So if you're the first time and you don't follow me,

The card is still there.

If you press it,

You will follow me and then you will be notified of my next live,

Which will be on the 19th of September.

Actually,

It's not yet up on Insight Timer,

But I was asked,

I don't know if you ever heard of Florence Covell-Shinn.

She wrote the book The Game of Life and How to Play it in 1925.

On the 24th of September,

The book is published 100 years ago.

So Richard Walter,

Also a teacher on Insight Timer,

Is organizing the I Am Day.

And I am part of that.

And I'm going here on Insight Timer on that day,

Going live for a special live related to the work of Florence Covell-Shinn.

My theme of that will be I Am Love.

So I'm going to remind you on that day that you are love.

And the timing will be at.

.

.

I have it here in Pacific time.

So Pacific time,

10.

30 a.

M.

Pacific time.

I think that is in Dutch time.

So that's Central European time,

7.

30 p.

M.

But it will appear soon.

So follow my profile.

You will get notified when the new lives are published.

And you can follow me and join me that day.

I'm really looking forward to that.

So let's see.

Ginger says you love her work.

Yeah.

Oh,

You just unpacked those books.

Well,

That is really a nice coincidence or serendipity,

Right?

Yes.

The teacher who is organizing the I Am Day here on Inside Timer is Richard Walter.

Okay.

Marjorie relates.

Vesna,

It was my first time too.

It was so wonderful.

Sending love from Slovenia.

Oh,

Thank you,

Vesna.

I'm so happy you were here.

I hope you will follow me.

And my profile is up here.

So let me just point out the last thing for you.

I have here on Inside Timer the beautiful course.

Where is it?

I'm not so yet so practical.

Here on the top,

Of course.

It's called Start Being Self-Gentle With Yourself.

I'm really proud to say that almost 10,

000 people have followed this already.

And the feedback that I get from people who have done the course is so beautiful.

It's really helpful.

It's the core practice of self-gentleness.

It's just four days course.

It looks like seven days,

But that's because there are three bonus tracks that you can then use every day for 30 days to really get this practice of self-gentleness into yourself.

So I really love if you would take this course,

Check it out if it's bringing you something.

And then I will see you on my next live 19th of September.

The topic will be caregiving responsibilities,

Something that I know a lot about.

It's actually,

I think,

A big part of me having to become self-gentle because of my caregiving responsibilities.

But I will tell you more about that.

Sign up for that,

Please.

I have it here again one more time,

Because like I said,

I had to cancel it.

And then everyone who signed up disappeared.

So I would love for everyone here to join me then just as well.

All right.

So much love to all of you.

Keep coping with that change.

There is a lot of good in there.

And ask yourself what it is.

Tune in with yourself.

And as long as you stay close to yourself and you honor what it is that you need,

Then you will get through that change.

I promise.

I'm sending you all so much love.

Have a lovely weekend.

And see you in September.

Sending you love and kisses.

Bye bye.