Selfgentleness In Action - S1: HSP & The World

How can you, a highly sensitive person, stay self-gentle when you pick up on so many things from the outside - other people hurting, suffering, or worse? Femke discusses in the very first session of her Selfgentleness in Action Lives how you can deal with your sensitivity (which is a good thing!!) and stay selfgentle when the world seems to scream that you can't.

Join Femke's Lives every second Friday of the Month in person, and ask your questions! Sign up for her Insight Timer Lives via Femke's profile.

Transcript

Hi everyone!

Welcome to my monthly live.

My monthly live every second Friday of the month and this is the very first time in 2025.

So happy new year everyone!

I'm so happy that you are here for my new series,

The series of 2025.

As you might remember last year,

2024,

We went together on the self-gentleness journey,

Where every month you take a new step into self-gentleness.

And if you are new here,

My name is Femke Bakker and I'm a self-gentleness teacher here on Insight Timer,

Among other places.

And every second Friday of the month,

I give a self-gentleness live.

So the name of my new series is self-gentleness in action.

And what do I mean with that?

Well,

I mean that we are going to apply self-gentleness to specific topics.

And the topic of today is highly sensitives in the world.

And I didn't think of that,

Although I can really resonate with that topic.

But I've asked in my meditation group on Insight Timer,

On everyone there,

What are topics that you would like to dig into?

And this one,

Highly sensitives in the world.

How do you cope with the world,

With everything that is going on,

With the people around you,

Your family,

Your society,

Your colleagues,

Your friends?

How do you cope with that when you are a highly sensitive person?

So this is what we're going to take on today.

But before we go there,

I want to greet everyone who is here.

So I see Cindy.

Hi,

Jean.

Hi,

Lauren.

Welcome.

Good morning to you.

Hi,

Carrie from Southern Maine.

Hi,

Marlene from Lyon in France.

Hi,

Mary.

Hi,

Carrie.

Hi,

Marina from Appelscha.

That's in the Netherlands,

Where I also reside.

Hi,

Cherry.

Welcome.

Lovely that you're here.

Hi,

Lucy from Germany.

You're here for the very first time.

That's great.

And you were saying that I have such a great impact on you with my work.

Oh,

So thank you so much for that compliment,

Lucy.

I'm really happy that self-gentleness is something that resonates with you.

So hi,

Glenn.

Namaste.

Hi,

Akir from Maryland.

Hi,

Pearly from Oregon.

Hi,

Joanna from Stockholm.

First time also.

So welcome.

Hi,

Lucas from Amsterdam.

With love.

Thank you so much,

Lucas.

Okay.

So.

I was thinking today,

The last few days I've been following what's going on in Southern California.

And besides the fact that I have also friends living there,

It's really devastating to see what is happening there with the firestorms.

And for a moment,

I thought,

Well,

Maybe I should cancel the topic of today and to spend some time with you guys on that.

But then when I was thinking it through,

I thought,

Well,

Isn't this also what the topic is about?

About being a sensitive person or highly sensitive person.

And as I will explain a little bit later,

I think that we all have a certain degree of sensitivity,

Even though we're not so much always aware of that.

And how we cope with the world and how we cope with things that are going on are important to all of us.

But just know that when we start with the meditation,

During the meditation,

We will together spend some time to send love to everyone who is affected there,

Not just human beings,

But also I was thinking of all the wildlife,

Also the pets,

All the animals that you have to flee so quickly.

It's really something that is keeping me busy.

So I would like to spend some time for that today.

But I will incorporate that in today's meditation.

So heads up already.

Hi,

Anamik,

Lovely that you're here.

Hi,

Deb.

You're in Sydney,

Australia.

Good morning to you,

Deb.

Lovely that you're here.

Hi,

Jule from San Francisco,

The Bay Area.

I love it there.

Let's see.

Hi,

Mary.

Welcome.

Lovely to see you back.

Hi,

John from Michigan.

Hi,

Tosca.

Your very first time from South Carolina.

That's really great.

So Akira says he has many friends on those neighborhoods we can be helpful towards.

Yes,

Absolutely.

And also Lauren Petterbrook says,

Yeah,

It's heartbreaking.

Yes,

It is.

Absolutely.

All right.

I guess that's it also,

Right?

When you are sensitive,

When you're open to the world,

When you're empathic,

When you're highly sensitive even more,

But so many things are happening sometimes just in our surroundings.

I was today at a funeral from a relative who really quickly,

Very quickly died at a beautiful age,

Had a beautiful life.

But still things like that,

That happens so quickly.

And that's just in a small family surroundings.

Then we have wars going on.

We have natural disasters going on.

How can we not feel defeated or helpless or powerless or sad?

Unless we just close off everything and just put our heads in the sand.

And that's something that I also find really hard.

Because on the one hand,

I want to be aware of whatever's going on in the world.

And on the other hand,

I also want to feel good.

And why do I want to feel good?

Not just for selflessly me.

Well,

Also because it's okay to want to feel good.

But I want to feel good because I know that when I feel good,

I tap into my power.

I tap into my heart,

My capacity to spread love,

My capacity to come up with solutions,

Which I might not see when I'm looking at the problem.

When I feel good,

I can listen to my inner voice,

My intuition.

Answers to things might come.

I find the right words to inspire others.

So it is so important for me to make sure that I feel good.

And with good,

I don't mean that I put on a happy face and I pretend nothing is wrong.

No,

It means that I allow myself to be where I am,

How I am in the moment,

And to support myself.

And when you do that,

You start to feel better.

You start to feel relatively better than where you were.

And it doesn't mean that you then ignore everything that is going on,

But you take care of yourself first.

And interestingly,

That's a question that I hear very often from people in my course here on Insight Timer,

Start Being Self-Gentle Today.

It was actually a question I had not so long in that course.

It might have been also the Dutch version,

Because for the people who speak Dutch,

There's also a Dutch version.

The title is Zacht zijn voor jezelf,

Being self-gentle.

And one of those questions was,

Well,

Aren't I focusing too much on me,

Me,

Me,

Me?

When everything is surrounding me,

When I have to feel good,

When I have to take care,

When I have to say no,

It's becoming such an individual me ego show.

And I can understand that.

And I know that a lot of us share that notion when we start to take care of us,

Because sometimes it feels a bit selfish to take care of yourself,

To want to make sure that you feel good,

Even if things are going on,

Even if you are really sensitive and you have to tell people no,

Or not now,

Or you have to cancel things because you have to take care of yourself.

I understand it might feel selfish,

But let's dig into that a little bit.

So if you've been here more often,

You might've heard my analogy,

Where I say when you're in a plane,

Just before you take off,

The cabinet,

The cabin personnel,

They will tell you what to do in case of an emergency.

And one of the things that I tell you is that when the oxygen masks will drop,

You always have to put on your own first before you take care of anyone else,

Even your own small children,

In case you have them with you.

And that's logical because without oxygen,

You cannot breathe and you cannot help no one.

The same goes for feeling good,

Being gentle with yourself.

If you don't treat yourself well,

If you cross your own boundaries,

If you push through when you're really tired,

Or when you are mentally exhausted,

You deplete yourself.

And even if it makes you feel good to do things for other people,

As I know many of you do,

Because I know many of you are really empathic.

Many of you are taking care of other people,

Want to take care of other people.

But when you're depleting yourself,

Then it's really,

Really hard to continue doing that.

And then you might also run into fatigue or moments where you realize that you cannot really help others anymore because you're too tired or you're ill yourself or whatever's going on.

So that's one part of that.

You might hear me better now because I realized the mic was a little bit far away.

So I hope this is better now.

Another thing is that when other people are expecting things of you,

Those expectations become your own.

And your own expectations that you often think are the expectations of others might also be in your way of being gentle with yourself.

But if you encounter someone who really expects you to do things for them and go over your own boundaries,

To go over your whatever you are needing yourself right now,

When you are ignoring that,

And they demand that from you,

Then you are not selfish.

And they cannot tell you that you are selfish because actually,

They might be the ones that are selfish,

Asking you to give up yourself,

To give up your own needs,

Your own desires in order to be there for them.

But I understand when you're introduced into these topics and you're introduced into this way of thinking,

And you're really used to put yourself aside for other people,

That you might feel selfish,

That you might feel that it's all a me,

Me,

Me ego show.

But really,

It is not.

It is really,

Really not.

Because one of the most beautiful spill-over effects of becoming self-gentle is that you will become more gentle towards other people.

The way you can be annoyed by other people or irritated or angry at them very often has to do with the way that you speak to yourself,

The way that you look at yourself.

In other words,

The critical voice that you have within you,

Let's say,

I sometimes jokingly call it the inner terrorist,

You know,

The one that is telling you these things that are making you so fearful that you push everything that you need aside to just listen to that fear,

That voice is often there when you are angry at other people,

When you are annoyed at other people.

Because suddenly you keep the same critical standards that you sometimes hold for yourself also to others.

And when you lower those critical standards for yourself and you become more and more gentle,

When you start to allow yourself to make a mess of things,

When you start to allow yourself to make mistakes,

When you know that you have your own back,

Whether you have a success or not,

You become more gentle also towards other people.

Because with acknowledging your own human nature,

Your own humanity,

Your own flaws and beautiful things,

You also open yourself to see that in other people.

So it's not selfish to become self-gentle.

It is not selfish to put yourself first in wanting to take care that you feel good,

That you have enough energy and power and good feelings,

That you know that you can help yourself and you really need it.

Because with this you create this beautiful space around you in which you can be there for others.

So and now we get to the topic of today.

Because highly sensitive people have a harder time getting there.

I recently got a comment also,

I think it was on one of my self-gentleness practices or my course,

And this person said,

Well,

When you're really highly sensitive,

It is sometimes really,

Really hard to ignore your response to other people.

You might understand cognitively what you have to do,

But they trigger something in you because you are so sensitive.

And then I thought,

Well,

It's really beautiful that I put this topic on for today,

Which was actually a request of one of the folks here in my group to speak about that.

So what is a highly sensitive person?

Well,

If you really want to know a lot about that,

Then you could read the beautiful books from the work by Elaine Aron.

She started way back research,

Trying to understand,

She was highly sensitive herself also,

What denotes people that are more sensitive from people who are less sensitive.

And actually,

I would like to speak about that.

I don't think there are people that are not sensitive.

I don't think that there are people that are really capable of not being sensitive.

I think everyone scores on a spectrum,

On a continuum,

Where people are more sensitive or less sensitive.

And what are we speaking about?

Well,

It can go about all kinds of things.

So it could be very sensitive for lights,

For noises,

For emotions,

For seeing the experience of someone else.

Basically,

It covers a whole and whole array of things.

And yes,

Some people have that more than others.

And some people have this more on sounds or lights or temperatures or things on their skin.

I know people who always cut out the labels in the back of their clothes because they just cannot stand that feeling of having something there.

Well,

Many people just have those labels still in the back of their neck,

Right?

But when it comes to emotional stuff,

I think that every being and every human being is really,

Really sensitive and as we should be.

But many of us have learned not to feel anymore or to push away those feelings or try not to feel those things.

And I can understand that.

Let's say the examples I just started with.

Things are going on in the world and we noticed it through the news and they hurt us.

Even though we are not the ones who are suffering,

We see the suffering and we can feel that suffering almost as if it was us because we are really empathic.

And at that point in time,

It is really,

Really hard to become self-gentle because you know that suffering is going on.

So how could you feel good while you know that so many people are not capable of doing it right in that moment?

And that's a big challenge.

That's a challenge that I also fight with from time to time.

So I think it all starts with acknowledging where you are and what you are feeling.

The thing is with feeling unpleasant emotions,

And take care I'm not saying negative emotions because the word negative tells us basically negative is always something that we don't want,

So we don't want these emotions.

But I would rather speak of unpleasant emotions.

Those emotions do not feel pleasant.

We have a bodily response because why do emotions not feel good?

Because our body responds to them and we actually feel an ache or an itch or tension that is really,

Really unpleasant.

But it's okay to feel unpleasant emotions.

And by that I'm not saying that you should indulge yourself,

That you should make them bigger and welcome them in a sense that you want to feel them and let them grow and grow and grow.

But you should also not go the other way and suppress them.

So there's this beautiful work by John Rosenberg,

I spoke about her before when I spoke about emotions,

Who basically says when an emotion occurs and you allow yourself to just experience that emotion as a bodily sensation,

It will come in waves that take about 60 to 90 seconds.

So for instance,

You notice something or you think of something,

You feel really,

Really sad.

If you're at that moment capable to just be with that emotion,

To just be sad without adding fuel to the sadness,

Then in 60 to 90 seconds,

This feeling in your body will dissipate.

It will come again.

But if you do the same again,

It will peter out again.

And then,

You know,

Just like on the ocean,

When you have a big storm and the waves are really high,

And then the wind goes down,

And then slowly,

Slowly,

The waves become smaller and smaller and smaller.

The same principle goes for us riding the waves of our own emotions.

So how are you fueling those emotions?

That is when the emotion occurs,

And you do not allow yourself to just focus on how it feels in your body,

But you go to your head,

And you start to make up stories,

Create those stories to explain to yourself why you are feeling this,

And that you're right to feel this,

And that you should even feel more.

And that's not always such a conscious process,

I know.

That is something that we really,

Really used to do,

Because,

You know,

Our heads want to understand what's going on,

Our heads want to explain what is going on.

But by finding those explanations,

We do not ride the wave,

We do not serve that wave,

But we let it build up to a tsunami,

Which might then just collapse and flow all over us,

Or we might freeze from all the tension,

All the emotion,

And we keep it stored within us,

And we can only let it out in a later moment.

So if you want to know more about that,

You could check out my tracklist on Insight Timer,

And find my lives that are about emotions.

I made a playlist,

I actually made a lot of playlists,

You can find them in my profile,

And one is specifically about all the lives that I had about emotions,

And I speak a lot about how you can deal with those things.

So step one is to acknowledge what it is that you're feeling,

And to allow yourself to feel it.

And that technique that I just told you about from John Rosenberg is a really great one to stick with an emotion,

To allow it to be there,

To let it be with you,

And then also to let it peter out.

And I think that's a really important part of self-gentleness.

So I didn't tell you my definition yet,

I know there are a few people for the very first time here,

So my definition of self-gentleness is radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness.

And that radical and consistent,

That is what we're speaking about here.

We're speaking about the moments that we are overwhelmed by the world at large,

The world at small,

Our family,

Our things that are happening with us around us in the world.

And especially when you're highly sensitive,

When things are coming in so much stronger,

And it feels as if everything that happens makes you even more vulnerable.

Those moments are really,

Really important to allow ourselves to be with ourselves,

And to just feel whatever it is that we're feeling.

Because when you start to push back,

Or when you start to build that tsunami,

You're not really helping yourself.

But allowing yourself to just feel it,

And I know it's hard,

But it's something that you can train,

That's the good news,

That opens up a space.

And that is a space where self-gentleness can occur.

Do you remember a moment in your life where you really felt you had to do something,

Or you had a deadline,

Or you had to do something for someone,

And you had a lot of resistance because you just couldn't,

Or you were too tired,

Or whatever was going on,

And at the moment that you acknowledged,

Okay,

I'm not going to make this.

I'm going to let go of this.

Okay,

I'm going to tell this person that I cannot do it.

Do you remember the relief that came with this?

Well,

That is what I'm speaking about.

That is opening up that space.

That is that moment when you acknowledge that it is okay that you feel however you feel right now.

And I think when you're a highly sensitive person,

That's even more important,

Because due to your extreme sensitivity,

Your higher sensitivity,

Things are just coming in,

Getting into you really,

Really strongly.

And your response to that is really,

Really stronger.

Well,

I'm myself a highly sensitive person,

And I always have,

When there's suddenly a bang,

Even when it's a movie that I'm seeing,

And I can expect the bang,

I'm still like,

Oh,

It's just part of me,

Right?

And it was a time when I really felt silly,

And I didn't want people to see that.

So I was already making myself tense to make sure that things like that wouldn't happen.

But when you tense up,

You tense up everything.

So now I just let myself be bumpy sometimes and be startled,

And then just shake it off,

You know,

Just like a dog who got a scare.

And then I go on on my way.

I think by allowing yourself to be who you are,

Including your own sensitive nature,

That is so very important.

Because then comes the next step,

Then you can start to acknowledge what is going on within you.

So we have these templates in our heads about who we like to be,

How we want to be perceived,

How we want to be liked.

We have kind of expectations about ourselves,

Expectations that we think the world has of us.

Maybe they had once,

Maybe they have,

But we created these expectations from ourselves.

And to get there,

To try to aim for that,

That is where we get this friction.

And that is also where we stop listening to what is truly in our heart,

What is truly within us telling us what it is that we need.

So as a sensitive person,

You notice a response to whatever it is.

You acknowledge that it is okay that you have this response,

That it's okay to have these feelings,

That it's okay to have these emotions.

And then it's really important to tune in and feel,

But what is it that I need right now?

What is it that I can help myself?

And there often is the friction with our own expectations and expectations of the world.

Because what we feel that we need and what we think is expected of us often causes a friction.

And we've been trained to ignore that friction and to go for the expectations rather than understanding that friction,

That it's now time to let go of these expectations and to really honor and acknowledge what is going on within us.

And then the next step is,

And that is a really self-gentle part,

That you start to honor that need,

That you start to honor the desire,

And that you give yourself what it is that you need.

And I know,

You know,

We are all living lives.

We do have things that we have to do.

If you cannot do it in the moment,

But very often you can,

But if you cannot do it in the moment,

Then promise yourself you'll do it a little bit later,

Later that day,

Or tonight,

Or even tomorrow,

As long as you promise to yourself that this is something you need and you will come back to that.

So this is in the core self-gentleness,

Allowing yourself to be who you are,

Tuning in,

What is it that I need,

To really acknowledge what it is,

And then to come up to be there for yourself.

And by allowing yourself to give yourself what it is that you need.

So when you're highly sensitive,

This can be a bigger challenge,

Because everything that you feel in response to whatever's going on,

Might be really more strongly and shaking you of more of your core.

So especially when you're very sensitive,

Especially when you're highly sensitive,

It is important to allow yourself that sensitivity.

It is important,

It's crucial,

To tune in and to be aware of what it is that you need.

Because a big part of the world,

Who is less sensitive than you,

Can push those things away,

Can continue,

Can have those expectations.

But for you,

It might be a little bit different.

And the friction between the expectations and your own needs,

Might even feel stronger.

Because it seems as if everyone is normal,

And you are not.

But actually,

My dear friend,

If you're highly sensitive,

You're one of the most normal human beings that there is.

When I look at the world,

I see that almost all the terrible things that are happening,

Are coming from fear.

And fear is connected to a lot of unpleasant emotions that are then projected on other people.

And that is the core of so many conflicts,

Whether it's in a family or whether it's between countries.

And I wish I could solve that,

But I cannot.

But what I personally can do,

Is to realize that what I bring from my own heart,

Which is love,

It can be clouded too,

Because of my reaction to all kinds of things around me.

And if I don't tune in,

And knowing that what I want is love,

What I want is connection,

What I want is people being kind to each other.

But if I let my response and the fear overwhelm me,

Then it's really hard to tune into that.

Let alone allow myself to feel that,

Allow myself to spread that.

If I would allow myself to keep the responses,

The reactions,

That's better,

The reaction that I have to things that I sometimes encounter,

And I would not allow myself to feel like that.

And I would not tune in,

Knowing that what I want is love and connection.

And I want to spread that,

Even the tiniest bit on Insight Timer with you guys,

Which is just a really,

Really,

Really small percentage of the world.

But I rather would do that,

Than being just triggered into that fear,

And feeling that powerless and thinking that we're all lost.

So I'm speaking for me.

I'm not speaking for you.

I'm just telling you what I'm doing,

What I'm feeling,

And how I want to deal with these things.

So you can examine for yourself,

In what way you would like to do that.

I don't want to give you the truth,

Because that's personal for everyone.

But I know that my truth is,

That I think that in the end,

Love trumps everything.

Love is bigger,

Connection is bigger than anything.

But we have to dare to believe in that.

We have to dare to feel that.

And I know when fear is triggered,

Sometimes it's wise to listen to it.

I'm here sitting in the Netherlands,

In a quiet,

Safe and easy place,

To make these choices.

Not everyone can do that.

And sometimes fear is a right thing to listen to.

But very often the fear is just part of our own experiences,

The warnings,

Watching too much news,

Things like that.

And therefore,

It is important that you tune in,

So you can really listen to your innate wisdom.

Your inner voice will tell you to walk away,

If this is needed,

If the fear is justified.

But it will also tell you when it is good to make a connection,

To look for the love,

To feel for that love.

So while I'm speaking,

I realized that the topic was highly sensitive persons in the world.

And I think everything that I'm saying is for highly sensitive persons in the world.

But at the same time,

This is for everyone.

It is okay to be who you are.

It's okay to feel whatever you're feeling,

To acknowledge that,

And then make the step to feel what is it that I need right now,

To feel a little bit better relative to how I'm feeling now.

And not because I push something away,

But because I acknowledge that what is going on,

What is my next step?

Where do I want to go?

What is it that I need?

And very often words,

Especially when you're highly sensitive,

Are rest,

Sleep,

Connection with a loved one,

Just sitting for a moment in silence,

Closing the lights,

Opening the lights,

Listening to beautiful music,

Not listening to music.

When I was in my meditation teacher training already several years ago,

Meditating every day,

So I had to meditate a lot,

I was meditating four times a day.

And it really made me extra sensitive,

Because you strip down everything and you make that connection with yourself all the time.

So you suddenly become so aware of who you are and what is going on within you.

That's why I think meditation,

Whatever form,

Is one of the best ways to get to that point where I was just speaking about,

But that besides my story.

And I became really,

Really sensitive.

And I realized every time I opened the TV,

The news on TV,

Or opened a newspaper,

I get overwhelmed.

So I decided to just stop taking in news.

No more TV news on the TV,

No more newspapers.

And then I thought,

Well,

Maybe it's a bit weird if I don't want to hear what's going on in the world,

Especially if you think that I'm also working at university at the Institute of Political Science.

I even didn't dare to tell my colleagues that I stopped following the news,

But I did.

Because I also knew if something happens that is important for me to know,

I will hear it.

I will hear it from people,

People will tell me,

And then I can pick and choose where I am going to get my information.

If there would be a happy newspaper telling us of everything that is going well in this world,

And believe me,

Way more things are going well than things are going wrong.

And I know it might not look like that,

But it's true.

Look around you.

Look how people live together,

Thrive together,

Help each other,

Love each other,

Support each other.

I mean,

So many beautiful things are happening all over the world,

In all countries,

Even those countries where terrible things are happening.

Those things are happening.

But about that,

We hardly see any news.

There are some attempts to bring that good news to us,

But it's not there.

You can look for it if you want to feel good.

So this really,

Really helped me to not trigger myself all the time in my sensitivity,

In my fear also,

Fear for a scary world.

And it really helped me,

And I did it for a long time,

And by now,

It's many,

Many years later,

I almost never watch the news on TV,

Because the image is too strong for me.

However,

I do read newspapers,

But I always tune in.

I look at the news,

And I look what I want to read,

And the moment that I feel,

Oh,

This is now giving me the wrong trigger,

I let go for now,

And I might come back to it another time,

Or maybe not,

Because I cannot control the world.

I cannot make the world a better place by just being aware of everything that is going wrong.

I cannot help the world.

I can help the world if I support myself,

Allow myself to be who I am,

To find every time my love and my power,

So I can spread it,

So I can smile towards people on the street,

So I can give my lives here and tell you about these things and take you in a meditation,

So I can go to university and teach my students from a different perspective than when I was feeling more fear.

And that's just a really,

Really small thing that I give to the world,

But it's also good to acknowledge that this is what I do.

This is my little thing,

And the more people do their little things,

The more it can spread.

So highly sensitive persons and the world,

It basically goes for all of us.

Become more self-gentle.

Start to work becoming more self-gentle.

You will become gentler to other people,

And you will be more in your power,

So you can actually find the solutions of problems that you want an answer for.

And it might be just a tiny contribution for that solution,

But it will be a tiny but meaningful contribution that you can bring.

So all right.

I saw a lot of comments.

I don't think,

I'm not sure if I can see all of them,

Because I also see that I want to go to the meditation.

And I see that you're having a beautiful discussion together.

Let's say like this,

I'm going to guide you in meditation.

After that,

I will come back here.

And if you still have then a question you want to ask me,

Or something specific you want to share with me,

Then type it in then,

So then I can focus on that part,

Because it's a really long thread of comments.

And so lovely that you're all here.

I see a lot of new names also.

All right,

So let's meditate.

Make sure that you are sitting comfortably.

You can also lie down if you like,

But make sure that you're comfortable.

So if you have a back on the chair,

On the sofa,

You can just lean against it,

If that feels good.

Gently close your eyes.

And just feel for a moment how you're sitting.

Are you comfortable?

If not,

Then shift and make yourself more comfortable.

Is there any tension in your body?

So if there's any tension,

Then just make the tension a little bit bigger,

And then just let go and sigh it out.

So for me,

It's always my shoulders where I feel tension.

So I just pull them up now to my ears really high,

And I let go.

Oh,

Just doing it once feels so really good.

Maybe you will join me.

Let's just pull up your shoulders all the way up to your ears and let go.

Now feel how you're sitting with your buttocks on the seat,

Your feet on the ground.

Your hands are relaxed in your lap.

Let's bring our attention to the here and now for a moment.

Let's just listen to the sounds in your environment.

So you hear my voice.

You're listening to my voice.

That's pretty prominent,

I guess.

But let's listen now for the sounds that are really far away.

Try to listen as far as you can.

And can you hear now the really subtle sounds in your environment?

Maybe you hear a fan or the heater.

Your own breathing.

Your heartbeat.

Now let's move our attention to whatever you are seeing with your eyes closed.

You might see just something black,

Dark.

Maybe you see images from your mind's eye.

Some people see these swirling colors or dots.

And whatever it is,

You don't have to change it.

Just observe whatever you're seeing with your eyes closed.

Now bring your attention to your sense of touch.

So you feel your buttocks on the seat.

Feet on the ground.

Can you feel the clothes sitting on your body?

And can you feel a more subtle touch?

The air on your cheeks.

Little hairs on your arms.

Or the hairs on your neck or on your face,

If you have a beard.

Well done.

Now again,

Sense again how you are sitting.

Less tension.

A little bit more quiet.

Present.

Now let's bring our attention to your heart space in the middle of your chest.

If it helps,

You can put your hands on your chest.

And if you find it hard to bring your attention to your heart,

Your heart space,

Then just imagine that there's a little beautiful light with a beautiful color right in the middle of your chest.

And while your attention is now there,

I'm going to ask you,

What is it that you're feeling right now in your heart?

And don't overthink it.

It's just the first thing that pops up in your mind,

In your understanding,

In your feeling,

What it is.

And whatever it is,

It's OK.

Maybe you feel sadness.

Maybe you feel happiness.

Maybe you feel numbness.

Maybe you feel anger.

Maybe you feel doubt.

Maybe you feel joy.

Maybe you feel exhilaration.

Maybe you feel calmness.

And whatever it is that you feel,

It is OK.

You know what?

You can tell yourself out loud or mentally whatever suits you.

You can tell this feeling,

Hi,

Hi,

Sadness,

Hi,

Joy.

You're welcome to be here.

I love you.

Welcome whatever you're feeling right now.

And just tell the feeling that they're welcome,

That it is OK.

And you might have a response in your body,

Oh,

You're loud.

It's feeling to be here.

And when that happens,

That is also OK.

Just be,

Be with how it is.

How it feels in your body.

If maybe it's your skin that becomes hot,

Maybe you feel butterflies in your stomach or tension in your belly.

Maybe you feel as if your heart is pounding and just want to jump out of your body of joy.

Whatever the sensation is in your body,

Just stick with that sensation for a moment.

It's OK.

Just let it be.

And say again out loud or mentally,

You're welcome.

You are welcome to be here.

I love you because you are part of me.

You are my guidance that tells me.

You are my guidance that tells me where I am right now,

What is going on with me.

And that's OK.

I can be who I am,

Where I am.

I can feel whatever I am feeling.

That's OK.

I'm OK.

I'm allowed to feel this.

And really,

If you experience an unpleasant emotion,

My dear friend,

Then support yourself.

Put your arms around yourself.

Hug yourself.

Caress yourself.

Caress your cheek.

Caress your shoulders.

Hold yourself.

Rock yourself.

And if the emotion is overwhelming,

Then just stop.

Open your eyes.

Take a look around and see that you're in your room.

You're safe.

It's OK.

You're very brave for doing this.

You're really brave for experiencing this.

And if you feel joy and you feel like you just want to jump up and dance,

Then by all means,

Do that.

Whatever it is,

It can be there.

This is you.

This is fully you with everything that comes with you,

With all your emotions,

With all your power,

With all your resilience.

Yes,

Even when your feelings and emotions are unpleasant,

You are resilient because you allow yourself to just be.

All right,

Now put your hands back on your heart.

And now ask yourself,

And don't overthink that answer,

Because it might come in a way that you don't recognize it yet.

It can be a word,

A sentence,

A feeling,

A knowing,

An image,

A song,

Color,

Whatever it is,

It's OK.

The question is that you ask yourself now,

What is it that I need right now?

What is it that I need right now?

The first thing that pops up,

That is it.

Now become aware of this need.

And let your fantasy play a little bit with it.

Imagine that you would just allow yourself to fulfill this need right now.

How would that feel?

How would that look?

You could even imagine that there is this big movie screen in front of you.

And you suddenly see yourself there,

Getting this need met.

It's as if you're watching yourself in that movie.

Can you feel the relief of allowing yourself?

Allowing yourself to acknowledge that this is something that is important for you to experience right now.

And if you get thoughts in your head that are telling you that it is not possible,

Or you should not,

Or wherever,

That's also OK.

Just thank those thoughts.

Thank you that you want to warn me.

Thank you that you want to warn me.

But right now,

I allow myself to just enjoy this movie.

I could see any other movie,

But I now pick this movie.

Now put your hands again on your heart.

Can you feel that whatever you were feeling before,

It now even feels a little bit better?

The difference might be really tiny.

It might be a slight difference,

But do you feel,

Do you sense some relief?

If not,

That's OK.

You're just starting with this work.

It's OK.

But if you do,

Then just really acknowledge that relief,

Because you just gave this to yourself.

You just did that.

Now,

One more question.

And again,

Don't overthink it.

What can you do when you get out of this meditation to make one little step towards that need?

It could be something that takes just 10 seconds.

That's enough.

One little step towards that need.

What can you do after this meditation?

And again,

The first thing that pops up,

This is it.

And if it comes in a color or a sound you might not understand yet,

But don't worry,

Your subconscious will process it and you will know later what it is.

But maybe you do know what it is.

And I want you to promise yourself that after this meditation,

This is what you will do.

Even if it only takes 10 seconds,

This is what you will give yourself.

This is your act of gentleness towards yourself today.

Self-gentleness is a step-by-step,

Work-in-progress process.

And this is one of your first steps.

This is one of those steps towards that gentleness.

You're doing it really,

Really well.

All right,

Now let's put our hands on our heart again and focus again on that heart space.

And see that light,

That beautiful light.

Now we're all going to expand this light because this light is your love.

We're just going to let it grow.

So imagine,

Use your fantasy that it's growing from your heart,

Growing bigger,

Filling your whole body with this light.

Your whole body,

Outside of your body,

As if you're in a bubble of this light.

And now it expands and it fills the whole room that you are in.

And now with your next in-breath,

It expands even more outside the whole building that you are living in.

And again,

When you breathe out,

It expands even more and it encompasses the whole town or city that you're living in.

And with your next out-breath,

It even grows bigger and it surrounds the whole country of where you are living.

And with your next out-breath,

It expands even more all across the continent that you are on.

And when you breathe out,

It expands even more and it surrounds the whole planet.

Now,

While you put your hands back on your heart and you feel how this love and light from your own heart has expanded surrounding the whole planet,

You might become aware of all these other people in Australia,

New Zealand,

In Germany,

In Sweden,

In Denmark,

In the Netherlands,

In Belgium,

In France,

The Americas,

Canada,

South America,

United States,

UK,

And all those other countries that I haven't mentioned yet.

We are here with so many people expanding our light together.

And you can imagine how all our lights come together,

Blend together,

Connect together in this big,

Big ball of love and light.

It's a wonderful feeling to know that we are all together in this,

That we are all connected.

And now,

While we are connected,

I want each of you to think of a place on the world that you are thinking of.

It might be Gaza,

It might be Ukraine,

It might be California,

It might be one other place that you are thinking of.

And you just send all your love and light towards that place.

And we just wish that our love will make a little tiny difference for just a few people or maybe more,

To feel a little bit more loved,

To feel a little bit more supported,

And to feel a little bit more believe in love and connection.

And while we're at it,

Let's just imagine that all our love and light now turns in this beautiful,

Bluish color of water.

And we send all this water towards California.

And we just wish that the fires will stop.

The water will rain down,

And the fires will calm.

And don't forget,

It is our love that we're sending,

Our best wishes.

All right,

Connect to your own heart again,

Because we've been focusing on some difficult places in the world,

And it might be that you lose your own connection,

So go to your own heart again and see that light,

And see how beautiful it is.

Notice that it is there,

Even when you just thought it wasn't there,

It is still there,

It's still shining out,

Connecting,

Broadcasting.

Believe in your love,

And you will give it so much.

Believe in your love,

And you will spread it.

Believe in your love,

And you will do your tiny,

Tiny contribution.

Tiny,

But meaningful.

Believe in love.

All right,

Now time to say goodbye to all those lovely souls that you just connected with.

Time to withdraw this love and light back to yourself.

Slowly,

Slowly,

From the planet to your continent,

To your country,

To your city or town,

To your building,

Your room,

Your body,

Your heart.

Just be aware again that this love is in your heart.

It's so capable,

It's so strong,

And you know what?

In the very first place,

It is here for you.

Really for you.

When you ignite your own love,

And you send it to yourself,

You empower yourself to spread it out to the whole world,

Whatever is going on.

Now you can put your hands in your lap.

Let's gently come back to our bodies.

You can feel your feet on the ground,

Your hands in your lap,

Your buttocks on the seat.

You can wiggle your fingers and toes.

In your own time,

Whenever you're ready,

You can slowly open your eyes,

But take your time.

Thank you for your donation,

Greg.

I really appreciate it.

Thank you so much.

Your most welcome tea.

Tanya and Anamique Luen.

Thank you so much.

Hi,

Evie.

Lovely that you're here.

I hope you're well.

Your most welcome,

Akira.

You're sending love to Tupanga Canyon.

Yeah,

Beautiful.

Thank you,

Marina,

Jamie,

Jerry.

Oh,

Jerry,

It was your first time.

Happy that you're here.

I'm glad that you liked it.

Thank you so much.

Thank you,

Lula.

Thank you,

Gina.

Yeah.

So I really love being here.

My next live will be on the second Friday of February,

Which is the 14th.

And the topic will be self-gentleness in action session two.

Love is all around.

How else can it be?

It's going to be the 14th of February.

And whatever that means to you,

Whether you think it's just 14th of February,

When you think this is the most beautiful love day in the world,

Or that you think this is just a commercial day,

It doesn't matter.

Because love is all around,

Not just on the 14th of February,

But actually every day,

Like we just experienced.

But we will speak about that on the 14th of February,

Same time here.

And if you want to support my work here on InsideTimer,

Of course,

You can give me a donation.

But what you can also do is listen to my work,

Return to my work,

And especially listen to my courses and my premium tracks.

I have some beautiful courses about self-gentleness,

About political tolerance,

About authentic leadership,

About how you can still perform at the top of your abilities while not experiencing stress and being kind to yourself.

Actually,

In every course that I create,

Self-gentleness,

Even when it's not mentioned explicitly,

Is at the core of everything.

So everything I spoke about today,

Actually,

I'm always speaking about that.

In general,

I'm always speaking about self-gentleness and how you can apply that to your life.

So thank you,

Cara.

That's a really great compliment.

Thank you so much.

Thank you,

Lucas.

Fijn dat je erbij was.

Claudia,

You're most welcome.

Amanda,

You didn't join before.

You enjoyed being here.

Thank you.

Thank you for being here.

Thank you so much.

Sleep well,

Lucas.

All right.

Jerry thinks I was so beautiful to see the colors holding hands.

I had beautiful tears.

Each tear is a word my heart wants to speak.

It felt so good.

Well,

Beautifully said,

Jerry.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much for being here also.

All right,

My dear friends.

I'm going to wrap it up.

Thank you so much for being here.

Have a lovely weekend.

Don't forget to be self-gentle.

And if you find it really hard to be,

Then really check out my course on Inside Kramer.

It's called Start Being Self-Gentle Today.

It's only four days plus three bonuses.

So it looks like seven days,

But it's just four.

And then our bonus plays that you could do every day.

So you can practice self-gentleness every day.

It's now almost 9,

000 people took it on Inside Kramer.

It's really well-reviewed.

It's one of my most popular courses.

So I really love for you to do that.

And if you speak Dutch,

There's also a Dutch and even a longer version of 10 days in Dutch.

Zacht zijn for yourself.

So you could do that also.

Thank you all so much.

Thank you for your donation,

Jerry.

Much appreciated.

Thank you so much.

If you're not yet a part of my meditation group,

My self-gentleness group here on Inside Kramer,

You can go to my profile on Inside Kramer and then go to my group and become a member.

Sometimes we chat there.

When there's something new,

I let you know there.

So that's also really great.

You're most welcome,

Kayden.

So follow me if you don't yet do yet.

Why I'm telling you all these things?

Well,

The more you listen to my work,

The more you come back to my work,

The more you share my work on Inside Kramer and to social media.

You have all these buttons here.

The better the algorithm of Inside Kramer will find me and offer my work to others because I really,

Really want to spread this self-gentleness into the whole world.

And you can be part of that by sharing my work,

By listening to my work.

So that's why I'm saying this.

Madeline sent love and light to Sudan.

Really beautiful.

Thank you so much.

Thank you,

Jewel.

Thank you,

Kayden.

All right.

So have a beautiful weekend and a lovely January.

And I hope to see you back on the 14th of February.

Sending you so much love.

Bye-bye.