Missing Someone - LIVE Talk & Practice 10/21/2022

This is a recording of Femke's Weekly LIVE of 21 October '22 in which she briefly talks about how to deal with missing someone, whether it is because someone is no longer alive, not in your life, or simply not present currently. She then guides you in a visualization so you can (re)connect with your feelings of love for this person, so you can help yourself to miss them less by remembering and feeling the love for them. After the meditation, Femke also addresses some participants' questions.

Transcript

Hello everyone,

Welcome to my weekly Friday life.

Lovely that you are here to meditate together with me.

My name is Femke Bakker,

One of the meditation teachers here on Insight Timer and every Friday I am here.

I am here to hold a brief talk.

And that talk is always about you,

You in your world.

Whatever the topic is,

The titles of my lives always reveal what topic I am going to speak about,

But at the core of every talk,

At the core of every teaching from me here on Insight Timer stands self gentleness.

What do I mean with self gentleness?

I mean radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness.

And it might sound easy to be gentle to yourself from time to time,

But to do so on a consistent and radical basis,

That takes some practice,

That takes some consciousness,

That takes some intention and willingness to really start taking care of yourself.

So today's topic falls within that self gentleness because we are going to speak about what to do when you are missing someone.

But I will give it a minute or two to let folks come in and I would love to hear who you are,

Where you are in the world,

Because what I love so much about these lives is that folks from all over the world are joining me,

From New Zealand,

Australia,

Europe,

India,

The Americas,

North and South,

It's really really lovely.

And a lot of names here,

Every week popping up,

Who are joining me every week or almost every week.

And if you want to keep track of my life,

The topics,

New guided meditations,

New courses,

When the workshops come back,

Then please follow my profile here on Insight Timer and make sure that you click on the bell so that you will be notified the moment there is some news from me.

Another way to keep in touch with me is to,

At a later moment,

Not right now,

To go to my profile on Insight Timer and click on the link.

When you go there you will see a series of links,

Most of those links will bring you back to Insight Timer,

But on the top you see free self gentleness checklists.

That's a checklist that you can use on a daily basis,

There are 19 different daily practices that you could start using to come closer to that life of self gentleness.

And if you sign up there,

You will come on my email list,

You can always unsubscribe whenever you want,

But we can keep in touch.

I don't send out emails often,

Only when there is some news,

Sometimes to remind you of the lives here,

But especially about when the workshops will be coming back on Insight Timer and what I'm going to do meanwhile until they're coming back here,

Because I'm planning to do some workshops at my own website for the coming time.

Having that said,

Let's jump in to the topic.

What do I mean when I miss someone?

Well it's up to you.

We're going to do a meditation where you are going to connect with someone that you miss.

And it can be someone that you miss because they have transitioned,

They have died.

It can be someone that you knew in your childhood but you lost contact.

It can be with your kid who went to college or went living in their own house and is not all the time with you and you're suffering from some empty nest syndrome.

It can be a loved one with whom you broke up or a loved one you cannot be with anymore.

Whatever the person is,

Whether they're actually still alive or not,

Whether they are in your life or not,

It doesn't really matter.

What does matter is that this is a person that you are missing.

Maybe always,

Maybe from time to time.

And so today I don't want to hold a long talk.

Like I've been practicing a lot with you guys.

You know it if you're here more often.

But I want to go pretty quickly to that meditation because I can tell you a lot about missing and how missing is the other side of the coin of love,

Right?

Because what else is missing telling you than that you love someone and that you would so much like that person that you love to be with you physically so that you can express your love,

That you can receive their love,

That you can just observe how they're doing.

But always remember that when you're missing someone it is also a message that there is a lot of love within you.

And when I tell you this it's a thing of our head.

You know you can wrap your head around that as an idea,

Maybe as a philosophical idea.

But that doesn't help you when you're missing someone.

It doesn't help you when you're grieving.

It doesn't help you when you have a heartbreak.

It simply is not enough to know that missing is the other side of the coin of love.

So I want you to experience it in a meditation.

And what you're going to experience maybe for a lot or maybe just for a little bit is that that love,

That other side of the coin is always within you.

It lives within you.

Because you sometimes forget that you are love.

You are just a creature of love like every human being,

Every being I have to say,

Not just humans,

Every being on earth is a creature of love.

And we so often forget about that for all kinds of reasons.

You know when I speak about self-gentleness,

When I speak about self-love we address that also.

But today I want to speak about the love that you feel for someone else.

Basically when you're missing someone you don't allow yourself to feel that love because you feel that because they're not physically present with you,

You cannot let that love flow.

You cannot experience all those positive emotions,

All those positive sensations that you feel when you love someone.

But you can because you are love.

You have this all within you.

At that moment in time you just forget to actually allow yourself to feel that.

And that's fine,

That's okay because I think grieving and whether that is because someone died or it's because of something else,

It's part of human existence.

Sometimes you have to feel that missing to also know and remember that you love.

So there are a lot of ways to look at that.

So before I start I want to ask you that if there is anyone that you would like to meditate on today because you're missing them,

It can be even more people but easiest is to pick just one person and you want to share their name just for yourself to set that intention you can just write their name here in the comments.

You don't have to,

You can also stay completely anonymous,

You can also not give the name but if you feel that you want to do something extra for yourself to just write that name here,

I will not read them out loud,

I will just,

We will just keep it here in between us,

You can put their name here and you will know that this is the person that you're going to meditate with.

Alright so I give you some time to do so.

Well I'm going to tell you something really important for the meditation that we're going to start.

We're going to visualise.

I'm going to guide you in visualisation,

In a meditation where we use imagery.

Now you know from yourself how you fantasise,

Right?

You're a person already quite some years in life and you know how you fantasise.

So let me tell you a secret,

Not everyone fantasises with images.

You know that maybe because you might be someone who fantasises in a different way.

Maybe you fantasise because you see words,

Maybe you fantasise because you have a certain feeling,

Maybe you fantasise by just knowing something,

Maybe you fantasise by a sensation.

It doesn't matter.

I'm going to use the language of imagery because that is,

For a lot of people,

Helping very much to step into that visualisation.

But if you know from yourself that visualisation is hard in that way,

Then use your fantasy.

Then let my words inspire you to use your own fantasy.

Right?

So that's really important because this has to be an easy thing,

Not a difficult thing.

Feel free,

Do it with ease,

Make it your own.

Alright so.

That was the story,

We're going to start.

Thank you for sharing the names,

You can just continue to do so if you like to do that and if you don't that's also perfectly fine.

But now we are going to meditate.

Alright so first of all,

I would like you to make yourself comfortable.

Really take a moment to make yourself comfortable.

So sit in a way that feels really good to you.

Or lie down,

If you like that.

And if you're sitting up,

Then you can lean against the back of your chair,

You can lean against the wall,

Something else.

And if you really like to sit up straight by yourself and you fold your legs and that's really comfortable for you,

Then do that.

Make it your own.

Like any meditation should be,

Make it your own.

Alright you feel comfortable?

So now bring your attention for a moment to your buttocks and feel how you're sitting.

Is that comfortable?

If not then see if you can shift a little bit so you can settle better.

Yeah now feel your feet on the ground,

Whether your legs are maybe crossed and you feel the sides of your feet or you have your feet just planted firmly on the ground.

It doesn't matter,

You touch the ground.

Can you feel those touch points from your feet?

It's a good thing to realise that you're connected to the earth through your feet.

There is a sense of safety,

A sense of security.

Let's close our eyes for a moment and really put all your attention to your feet on the ground.

All those touch points are supported,

Supported by the floor,

Supported by the earth.

The beautiful thing of realising that you are connected to the earth is that sense of feeling supported,

Being carried,

Being taken care of basically.

Because if you think of this beautiful earth that is carrying all of us beings through this infinite space,

In this perfect orbit around the sun,

Spinning around its own axis,

Making sure that we stick where we are,

We have gravity and we have the ability to feel this connection,

To be supported.

And especially when you're missing someone from time to time,

It can be really beneficial to take a moment,

Just a moment to be aware of this connection,

The connection of being carried.

Because that's a feeling that can be very welcome when you're having a hard time missing someone.

All right,

Now you can put your hands in your lap,

Just relax.

And when your hands are relaxing in your lap,

You can feel whether your shoulders have some tension or not.

More often than not we do have tension in our shoulders,

So if you do,

See if you can relax them a little bit more.

You can help them by just pulling them up to your ears and then just drop them.

And then immediately you feel the need to sigh it out.

And there is that sense of relaxation.

Let's do it together one more time.

Let's just pull up the shoulders and drop.

Oh,

That feels good.

Now bring your attention to your face.

Is there any tension in your forehead,

Your jaws,

Your mouth?

If there is,

You can always make a funny face,

A lemon face and just relax by dropping all the muscles.

I'll let you sit for a moment,

Enjoying your relative relaxation,

Your relative silence,

Your relative peacefulness,

When you compare it to how you just started.

The difference might be small,

The difference might be big,

But it doesn't matter.

There is a relative difference from how you started.

This in itself is a practice of self-gentleness,

Allowing yourself to just be in your body,

To allow yourself to feel that connection with the earth,

To allow yourself some relaxation.

And by doing so,

Bring some quietness in your mind.

All right,

Let's start with our guided adventure.

Now imagine that you are standing in front of a beautiful staircase.

And when I say beautiful,

I mean that you shape this staircase with your own fantasy in such a way that it's really enticing you to climb it.

So it might be the staircase like you see in the old theatres,

It might be a small ladder,

It might be an industrial,

Modern,

Steel staircase.

It might be the staircase in your own house,

It might be the staircase in the house of the person that you are missing,

It doesn't matter whatever staircase it is.

Let's climb it together.

Now I'm going to count till 10 while we are climbing this beautiful staircase.

And with every count you feel that you are becoming more light,

More light-hearted,

More frivolous almost,

If I can use that word.

It is as if you feel that you are floating up a little bit and just allow yourself into that feeling.

Let's go.

One,

Two,

Three.

And you feel it's almost as if you don't have to climb that staircase.

It's almost as if it's going by itself.

Four,

Five.

You feel also that the air around you is light and pleasant,

The atmosphere is good,

It feels like you are climbing towards something really,

Really good.

Six and seven.

And suddenly you realize that you feel a light shining on your face and the light is coming from above.

It's a beautiful light,

Warm color,

Golden almost,

And maybe even a color of your liking that feels so warm and pleasant and loving.

Eight.

There is a light-heartedness with you now and even though it's just a little bit,

It's more light-hearted than how you started.

Nine,

Ten.

Now you are on the top of the staircase and you see that you have landed in a beautiful garden.

Let's take a moment to look around,

To feel around,

Because this is a really,

Really truly beautiful garden.

It's a garden of your liking,

So if you are someone who really likes a very neat garden with really clear pathways and clear places where everything is a structured place,

Then this is it.

And if you love the wild nature,

Then you are just in the middle of a really wild,

Natural garden.

So let's walk into it and take some time to realize what is there,

Because this garden gives you a really,

Truly good feeling.

There are flowers,

Your favorite flowers,

In your favorite colors,

With favorite aromas.

And maybe you see animals that you love,

Butterflies,

Maybe you see a fox or your pets.

Take a look around,

Are there any trees?

Is the garden flat or are there hills here or in the distance?

Maybe mountains.

Maybe you see the sea or the ocean.

And how is the atmosphere?

It's just right,

It's not too warm,

Not too cold,

It is exactly how you like it.

Can you feel a small breeze on your face?

Sun shining on your skin?

It's a great place to be.

Now let's walk further into this garden and take your time,

Really get soaked into this atmosphere,

This beautiful,

This gorgeous place where you feel at home,

Frankly,

That is the feeling that you are getting.

You are at home.

It might not be a garden you've ever visited,

But it does feel at home.

While you proceed,

You see at a distance that there is a circle of trees,

Beautiful trees,

Your favorite trees.

And when you come closer you see that this circle of trees is standing around a grass,

Grass fields and in the middle of this grass fields there stands a big tent.

And this tent is a tent that you can shape.

It could be a circus tent,

It could be a nice cozy tent,

But for sure when you walk into it you can stand upright and there is some room to maneuver.

So this is the size of the tent,

You can make it as big as you like,

As small as you like,

As long as you can enter and stand upright there.

Now when you approach the tent,

You can feel your heart beating.

You can put your hands on your heart for a moment.

You can leave them there also,

Because you can feel that this person that you are missing is in this tent.

So we are going to enter this tent.

You are coming close to the entrance and you are opening these tent doors and you are stepping inside and the first thing you notice is that it is so cozy.

There are cushions everywhere and comfortable seats and there is a good smell and the lighting is perfect.

It is really,

Really cozy.

It is really a lovely place to hang out with someone that you love dearly.

And then you see them in the middle of the tent.

You see a person standing and you immediately recognize that this is the person that you were looking for and they are standing there and they are giving you their most beautiful smile.

And it is up to you now to walk up to them and to greet them in a way that feels good to you.

So you might just say hi or you might run up to them and hug them and kiss them or you can just come there and shake their hand or hold them.

Whatever feels good to you.

I would love for you to go to them now,

To greet them in a way that feels good to you and most importantly be aware of how happy they are to see you.

Even though this is someone who you left on not good conditions.

That is all not the case here.

They are happy to see you.

So take a moment and greet them in your way.

And if you feel that it is making you emotional then that is ok.

That is really normal.

If you feel it is overwhelming you a little bit then take the time to hug yourself,

To caress yourself,

To comfort yourself.

It is ok.

It is all ok.

It is all part of that big mystery of love.

Feeling those two sides of that coin and it is all ok.

If the emotions are so big that it is so hard for you then just open your eyes and call it a day.

Then look around in your real room and realize that you are ok,

That you are safe and that you can come back here any moment,

Any day when it might be a little bit lighter.

It is ok.

Whatever you do take good care of yourself.

When you look at this person standing in front of you you can see that they want that too for you.

So they want you to feel as good as you can.

Now you have greeted them and they invite you to sit together with them on this really comfortable place.

Maybe those are really comfortable chairs like you always used to sit.

Maybe there is like a sofa you sit together.

Maybe you are lying down in a bed.

Maybe you are sitting on the floor.

Maybe you just prefer to stand.

Or maybe they want to take you for a walk in the garden.

That is also perfectly fine.

Whatever it is just make that connection to be together,

That intention to just spend some time together.

And again take a moment to settle in.

So if you are sitting down feel that you are sitting down.

Feel your feet on the ground again.

And realize that also they are sitting down having their feet on the ground.

That you are sharing the same ground now.

Alright.

Now,

There might be something that you would love to express to them.

There might be something that you feel you just need to tell them.

Maybe because you never had the opportunity to tell them.

Or maybe you just want to say it again.

Or maybe it is something that came up way later and that you would like to share with them.

It doesn't matter what it is.

It doesn't matter if it is about you,

If it is about them,

If it is about you and them.

Whatever it is.

Just share it with them right now.

And if you are alone you can even speak out loud.

And if that feels awkward then just keep it in your head.

But what is really really important is that you see,

That they are looking at you.

They are having eye contact with you.

They are listening to you.

They are receiving your words and they are understanding what you want to convey.

Be aware of that.

They are really really willing to connect with you,

To listen to you and to take you really bloody serious.

Go ahead.

Share with them whatever you want to share.

Now be aware of their face.

You see that they are really hearing you.

That they are understanding what you want to say.

And they want to respond.

And this response is a response of unconditional love.

This is a response of someone that is just loving you.

No matter what happened between you,

No matter how you got apart,

No matter why you are missing them.

Their answer is of the highest part of themselves.

That part of unconditional love that rests within each of us.

So take some time to receive their answer.

Their answer might come in words,

It might come in images,

It might come in memories.

It might come in a gift that they give you.

It might come in a song.

It might come in whatever way your subconscious is offering you.

So if you don't understand exactly what it is,

Just receive it.

You will understand later on what it is really,

I promise.

Alright now,

They are about to reply to you.

They are here to show you respect.

And everything that they are telling you is so loving,

So understanding.

It's exactly that what you've been longing for to hear from them.

Yeah,

Really it is.

And if that makes you emotional,

That's ok.

It's ok.

If you feel you need to cry,

That is ok.

When you cry,

You release some tension.

It's perfectly fine,

Really.

Alright.

Now they want to tell you also something from themselves.

So just sit while you hear them say the following words.

Hello dear loved one.

Do you know how much I love you?

I know that you are missing me.

And I thank you for that.

I thank you for that enormous love that you feel so much that you are missing me.

But I want you to know something.

While you are missing me,

I am here.

While you are missing me,

I am here deeply within you.

Loving you.

Rooting for you.

Being proud of everything you do.

Cheering you on.

Believing in you.

Supporting you like the earth supports us.

Just know that whatever happened between us,

Whether it was good or not,

Whether you experienced it as good or not,

That I love you and I will eternally love you because we are connected.

Even though we don't have the opportunity,

The possibility to be together right now.

I love you.

And I will always love you.

From here till eternity and back.

I really want you to know that.

So when you think of me,

When you miss me,

Just know that I am here.

Always here.

And that I appreciate those great feelings you have for me that you are missing me.

But meanwhile I am just here.

And when you allow yourself to think of me,

To better set,

Feel out for me,

To feel wherever I am right now,

Here within you,

Then you can make this connection.

And I am here to lift you up.

I am here to brighten your day.

I am here to cheer you on.

And I am here to remind you how awesome you are,

How beautiful you are,

How smart you are,

How unique you are.

I am just here to tell you that you are so lovable.

Because I love you.

Now these were important words that I spoke to you.

And notice with yourself if you can receive these words.

It might be that some of them triggered some resistance within you,

But that's okay.

That can be normal.

It's okay.

If that happens,

Be kind to yourself.

It doesn't matter that the words are not true.

It just means that something new finds it hard to receive all this love.

But you will get there.

You can always come back to this place and do it again.

Maybe work with different people that you miss,

Maybe work with the same person that you miss.

You will get there.

Their message is basically telling you to be gentle with yourself,

To love yourself no matter what.

Even in the middle of missing,

Of grieving,

In the middle of pain,

That you,

You yourself,

Have that capability to connect within,

With all that love.

And when you do so,

You can connect with that specific love for this person and their love for you.

All right,

So there might be something that you would love to do with them.

It might be just,

You know,

Kissing them,

Hugging them.

It might be jumping on a trampoline.

It might be making a beautiful bike ride.

It might be drinking a glass of something that you really,

Really enjoy drinking together.

Whatever it is,

Just allow yourself to experience that right now.

Maybe you just like to throw cake at each other.

I don't care.

Whatever it is,

Have some fun.

That is the authoritative word here.

Have some fun together.

So use your own fantasy and invite them.

You can go out of the tent,

Into the garden.

You can create the garden in a different place.

Maybe you want to get into a roller coaster.

Well,

I promise you my dear,

There is a roller coaster in your garden.

If you wanted to,

Just walk to it,

Step in it and enjoy the ride.

If you want to swim together in the ocean,

Then walk up to that beach and dive into it and swim.

If you want to make love to them,

Then go to that little corner and close yourself up for the rest of the world and just be with them and make love.

Whatever it is,

It is okay.

It is your fantasy.

I'm just going to give you a minute or two to enjoy your fantasy.

And if you find it really hard to surrender to your own fantasy,

Then just imagine that you are sitting together there on that cozy place,

Looking at each other's eyes,

Holding hands and connect with that nice feeling of being with this person.

Because it might be that that is just enough for you right now.

So whatever it is,

Go ahead.

Hmm Never underestimate the power of your own fantasy.

Even when you find it hard to just imagine something right now,

Just imagining that you are with this person.

That is already so powerful.

So don't judge yourself for whatever is going on right now.

For some people it's really normal to fantasize all the time.

They are having the greatest fun now.

But when it's something you still need to practice,

That's also okay.

It's okay.

You are doing it exactly right,

Believe me.

You are doing it perfect.

Exactly as you should.

Well done.

Alright.

Now it's time to say goodbye,

But just for now.

So this goodbye is not going to be a sad thing.

You might feel some sadness,

That's also okay.

But just know that they are within you.

You just visit them within you.

So I would like you to say goodbye in a way that feels like saying goodbye to someone that you know you are going to see them again.

And do it in a way that suits you.

You can kiss them,

You can hug them,

You can just say bye bye,

You can just walk away if that is your way of saying goodbye.

Everything is just right.

When you see,

When you take a look at their face,

That they are happy.

Happy they just saw you,

Happy they spent some time with you.

They are satisfied with wherever they are,

Whatever they are doing.

Especially they are satisfied that you found or we found this connection.

So you find this place where you can interact.

Whenever you both want.

Alright.

Let's walk back to the stairs.

Through the beautiful garden,

Just take a moment again to enjoy that view.

To smell those flowers.

To feel the atmosphere on your skin.

And when we are at the stairs,

I want to remind you that even though we are climbing down,

This light hearted feeling and this feeling of love and connection is going to stay with you.

Yes,

It's going to stay with you.

You don't leave this behind.

With our climbing down,

And I'm going to count again,

You are just sinking back into your body.

And while you are sinking back into your body,

You bring with you this connection of love.

This connection of light heartedness.

So there we go,

Ten,

Nine,

Eight,

You can wiggle your fingers and toes,

Seven,

Six,

Five,

You can stretch your spine,

Four,

Three,

Can you feel the smile on your face?

Two and one.

Keep your eyes still closed for now.

Back into your body.

With the heart lighter than you started.

It doesn't mean that you don't feel missing or grieving anymore.

Don't expect it from yourself if you've been missing and grieving for a really long time.

Allow yourself to process.

But feel the relative difference.

Feel that there is a spark of lightness,

There is a spark of connection,

A spark of love.

This is like a seed that is planted in your heart,

In your knowing,

In your soul.

And you will want to refine it and go back here again and again until you start to notice that you've turned the coin over to see most of the time love and way less the painful feeling of missing.

You can do this.

I believe in you.

And so do they.

Alright,

Now take some time to get out of the meditation.

Keep your eyes closed until you really feel that you're ready to open them.

You've had them closed for quite some time.

It might be that you can just open them downcast so that the light can come in slowly.

And then when you're ready to come back,

I would love to hear from you,

Your experiences.

And if you're lying down and you feel a little bit sleepy,

Then it's perfectly fine now to close the app and take a nap if you can.

To help your system settle from everything that went through it.

It can be,

It was really emotional for you.

It doesn't have to be emotional of course,

But I acknowledge that it can then be really kind to yourself the rest of the day.

Whether it's evening like for me or morning when it's already in Australia,

New Zealand or afternoon when you're in Americas,

Make sure that you're kind to yourself.

Make a nice cup of tea.

After this,

Take some time to settle into the rest of your day.

And don't forget to be gentle with yourself.

Especially when the emotions went strong.

Evie says it was very emotional for you.

Yeah,

Evie.

I know you wrote earlier that you had a lot of bereavements in your life of late.

So I can imagine that having a lot of grieving going on,

That this might be really emotional.

So it's really important that you're kind to yourself,

Right?

I hope that the emotional part also allowed you to release some of that tension,

That releasing the grieving within offers also a lot of tension and by crying you also release it.

Sometimes letting go of your tears helps you also to process part of missing,

Part of grieving.

And that's not an easy thing to do,

I know.

It can be hurtful.

But as long as you continue to be really soft with yourself,

Really loving and remember really hugging yourself helps our bodies don't distinguish between our own hugs and the hugs of someone else.

Our bodies just as well start to produce oxytocin,

You know,

The law of hormone,

It's also called.

So help yourself in that.

You know,

Caress your cheeks,

Your head.

You can rock yourself and say it's okay.

Carol says,

Thank you,

This was emotional and yet good.

I finished the meditation with a smile on my face.

I'm really happy to read that Carol.

Yeah,

That's the two-sided coin,

Right?

So it's,

I think one of the things that I want to convey is besides that love is all within you and when you're missing you don't always allow yourself to experience that.

Missing doesn't feel pleasant but it is part of the human experience and I don't mean that you have to be missing and missing and missing and you know getting into a downward spiral of missing because then you're really denying yourself also to be here on earth and to live your life in the way that you intend to which is with joy and fun and doing great stuff,

Seeing people,

Reaching out to people.

But acknowledging where you are when you're missing or when you're grieving,

It's also an important part of the process and through there you can connect to the other side of the coin.

So when I read what you're writing here,

I think that is what you experienced,

Those both sides and that you can also have that smile.

So I'm really glad to read it,

Thank you for sharing that.

Mel shares,

It was timeless,

I felt we just had a whole day together.

Wow.

There were two sons at my garden too.

My friend David who only has a short time left and is too sick to have visitors but I think he feels my energy.

We had the ice cream we never got to have.

That's beautiful Mel.

Thank you for sharing that.

I know that you're grieving over David who is in this process of letting go of physical life.

It's really hard on you and I'm really happy that you had that experience because you're connecting to the love.

And I think that's so important to let that part also exist.

Like I said to Carol,

It's okay to acknowledge that you're missing or that you're grieving but it's also important for yourself to acknowledge that love and that love never dies.

It's there,

It's always there.

People don't have to be physically in your experience for you to feel love for them.

And there we sometimes have a twist in our mind because we believe that we cannot feel that love when they are not here.

And that is the most important thing that I want you to experience through this meditation.

And it sounds like you felt that so I'm really happy to read that.

Victoria says,

When you said drink,

I just knew what we're doing together.

My dead soulmate and I.

Just like we used to when we always shared our favourite schnapps.

Laughing so hard and so much.

The tears were falling down on my cheeks.

We were just the biggest goofs and so we were now too.

That's beautiful Victoria.

Thank you for sharing that.

That is so beautiful that you immediately knew what it was and that you really connected to that memory,

Not that specific memory,

But that memory of you two doing that.

That you could vividly experience that even though they're not with you right now.

And it's really,

Really beautiful.

Thank you for sharing that.

Julie says,

Love the two-sided coin,

A fantasy in my garden.

Yeah,

Well,

Yeah,

It's,

I love that too.

Yeah,

I think that speaking from my own experience,

I've lost quite some people already in my life that's starting to understand that missing is part of a bigger process,

Part of a bigger love,

But also knowing that you can always feel that love and that it is so connected.

When you can miss,

You can also love still,

Right?

You just have to turn the coin and that doesn't mean the missing cannot be there.

We don't push it away,

But we just shine a little bit more light on the other side of the coin.

Yeah.

Thank you for sharing that.

Leanne says,

Thank you for this wonderful session of love therapy.

Oh,

You're most welcome Leanne.

Thank you.

That's beautifully said.

Victoria says the time right now is 22.

22.

Put it together.

You have the number eight,

The infinite sign,

Knowing that he's with me for eternity.

Beautiful Victoria.

Yeah.

I love that.

Thank you for sharing that also.

Yeah.

So for everyone who was doing this meditation with me and feels that you would like to do it again,

Or you felt that you had some parts where it was a little bit difficult and you would like to revisit it,

Just know that I recorded this live and if the recording is technically okay,

Which most of the time is because yes,

I nailed that,

I will publish it in my track list on insight timer.

So if you are not yet following me on insight timer,

Then follow me,

Click on the bell.

So you will get notified when new things are released and you will also hear.

So it will be so depends a little bit on when I get the time to edit it,

But within one or two weeks it will be there.

Also yesterday and today,

The lives from two weeks ago were,

Was published,

Just the talk and the practice and also then a separate file with just practice.

So that's if you don't want to hear the talk again and again,

You can just do the practice.

It's about trusting your heart.

It's just there so you can listen to it.

The one from last week,

Dealing with deadlines.

I still have,

Is also on its way.

Yes.

So Carol says,

Yeah,

I definitely need this again.

Yeah.

So meanwhile,

While you're waiting for this,

You will find also my track list,

A guided meditation which is called when you're missing someone.

It's about 20 minutes,

I think.

And it looks like this one.

It's a little bit different,

But the it's about the same gist.

So meanwhile,

You could listen to that one until this one comes again and maybe you could alternate even between those.

Yes,

Victoria,

It was not about deadlines.

It was about lifelines.

Yeah.

Victoria refers,

If you were not there last week when we were speaking about dealing with deadlines,

I explained that I see deadlines like lifelines,

But if you want to hear more about that,

Then just listen to the track.

It will be released probably somewhere next week.

All right.

So next week,

The topic is something completely different or maybe not.

It's called dealing with triggers.

What do I mean with dealing with triggers?

Well,

I mean,

When you get triggered,

We all get triggered.

We all have our experiences,

Our beliefs,

Our wounds,

Our scars,

And sometimes someone can say something completely harmless,

But we get so triggered because while they do not know it,

Something that was within us is triggered.

And becoming aware of those triggers and understanding how you can deal with it is really important because when you respond to a trigger like that,

Just like that,

You very often start to blame the other,

Attack the other,

Well,

Reason for many terrible things that humankind is doing to each other when you look at it at large,

But also just between two.

So learning to deal with triggers is an important part of growing up as an adult and becoming a conscious human being who takes responsibility for their own wellbeing.

It's part of gentleness,

Self-gentleness,

Absolutely.

So I'm going to speak about it next week,

Dealing with triggers.

I hope you will join me.

So Angela says that's going to be a big topic.

Yes,

Great that you're coming.

So that's next week,

Same time,

Of course.

And really,

If you didn't sign up for my email list yet,

You know,

By receiving this beautiful checklist of 19 daily practices that you could start to do to become more self-gentle.

And you don't have to do them all 19.

No,

You just pick one that resonates with you and you start doing that.

And maybe you pick another one.

You don't have to do them all.

Just pick those that feel good.

You know,

It should be easy and fun.

Like everything that I offer you should always be easy and fun.

And I would love to inform you of everything that I'm doing.

And you know,

To find me here on Insight Timer with everything I have here and especially on my life,

Because I love to connect with you guys.

I'm just going to take a look here at something that she's saying.

There's also a different kind of missing.

I'm deeply missing my friend who is mentally ill and has sent nasty texts to me because of her illness and not who she really is.

But still it hurts so much when you love someone.

Absolutely.

And I think I'm really happy that you're sharing that because we all have,

Maybe not all of us,

But a lot of us have experiences with someone who we know is differently,

But they don't behave like that for whatever reason.

It's something that happens sometimes also when people split up,

For instance.

But also this practice is really,

Really helpful for you because I understand and I know how much you're missing your friend.

But this is a place where you can allow yourself to feel that love for her and to express your love for her.

And it will help you also to deal with whatever's going on within her because you know with your head that whatever nasty thing she's texting to you,

She doesn't mean it.

It's part of her illness and you can feel sorry for her,

But it can also help you to release the pain about that when you can connect with her here.

Completely different situation,

But in a different sense also similar would be if your children going through heavy puberty and you know all you get is a lot of resistance and fighting and nastiness.

You just want to love them and then this practice can also help to connect to that part.

So yeah,

Missing,

That's how why I started missing should be interpreted like the broadest sense.

Whatever reason you're missing someone,

This practice can help you to connect with basically what I would say who they truly are and who you truly are and that is love.

And by doing that in practical terms,

You are allowing yourself to feel love because you are loving being.

Whether you know it or not,

You are loving being and to remind yourself to experience that that's really massive and really really important in every sense possible.

Angela says my sister's grieving the loss of her son.

I only hear from her when she's angry at her daughter and tries to go at me and my daughter.

So I've had to block her for my own self-care.

Yeah,

But you will miss her also.

You understand that she's grieving and in her pain she's lashing out to you and others that she loves.

But I'm also happy that you are taking care of yourself now by understanding that you have to set some healthy boundaries for yourself.

That you don't,

You cannot be her boxing ball.

But connect with that feeling of love for her,

It will make it easier and she is in the process and it can take a long time,

It can take a short time but there will come a time when her grieving will have the most terrible spiky edges of and then there will be room for softness and you can start to hold that place for her so that when she comes you can open your arms for her.

You don't have to go through why did you do this and that because you will feel so much that love for her that you can be there for her.

And meanwhile you're most importantly supporting yourself by allowing yourself to feel good.

Thank you for sharing that,

That's a difficult situation.

I wish you strength and love with that,

Dear Angela.

So I'm going to close off,

Thank you all so much and I really love how you guys are supporting each other,

Sending love to each other.

If you're not yet in my meditation group you're an insight timer then come over and join.

There are all those lovely folks are here and we support each other and sometimes it's busy there,

Sometimes not.

Thank you so much for being here,

Sending you so much love.

Don't forget about that coin and shine the light upon the love that you are.

Many kisses and have a beautiful weekend.

Bye bye.