Self-Care Practice

This self-care and self-compassion practice is for times when you feel a difficult emotion or when life is tough. We can often have both an inner critic and a harsh tone to our inner voice. This practice invites you to connect with a kind 'tone', to speak to yourself as you would your best friend and then to turn towards the difficult emotion and allowing it to be here rather than resisting it. This meditation forms part of the MBCT course for anxiety and depression.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to this meditation on self-care.

This forms part of the eight week mindfulness program,

The mindfulness-based cognitive therapy course,

But it can also be a meditation you simply use in your own life.

Whenever you notice there's a sense of difficulty,

A difficult emotion that comes knocking at the door asking for attention.

Very often there can be the desire to push the difficult emotion away,

To try and deal with it.

In this meditation instead we explore how to turn our attention to that difficult emotion and bring kindness to it.

The first thing to notice as you're being aware of your inner world and the chatter and talk that can go on in our heads is simply to notice what is the tone of your inner voice.

Very often what we can notice is that we have quite a critical,

Judgmental inner critic,

Someone who is telling us where we've got it wrong,

How we need to do better.

And this is just something we've internalized from the adults that were around us as we were children,

Parents,

Teachers.

And not only are the words critical,

But if you really listen you may notice a very harsh tone as well.

So in this meditation we explore how can we shift to a kinder tone and also how can I turn towards the difficult emotion.

And the way we turn towards the difficult emotion is instead of going into the story,

The drama,

Or getting lost in that,

Seeing how is it presenting as a physical sensation right now here in my body.

And a lot of the time if you if you really feel in underneath a worry and anxiety,

A fear that's manifesting as catastrophizing,

As thinking that is just charging here and there,

Worrying about every possible outcome.

When you feel in underneath that there'll be a sensation somewhere in your body.

It might be a tightening in the stomach,

A heaviness in the chest,

It might be a pain between the shoulders.

Whatever it is,

You can turn your attention to that sensation in your body.

So right now you might actually be experiencing a really difficult emotion.

That might be why you've come to this practice,

Working with that as we go through the practice.

If you're here simply out of curiosity or a wish to learn,

Then maybe as we go into the meditation turning your attention to whatever might be a familiar difficulty,

Thinking of how it might be when you make a mistake or when something goes wrong,

Reflecting and recollecting on how would you usually talk to yourself and exploring this different approach.

So settling into a comfortable posture,

Your feet resting flat on the floor,

To start with your hands resting on your lap,

Allowing your eyes to close.

And then starting to turn your attention to this difficult emotion.

If there's something here for you right now,

Then simply being alive to it or what that is.

Or you might like to turn your attention to something that you know you would usually bring up a difficult emotion,

A time when you make a mistake,

When something goes wrong,

Whatever it might be.

And then the first part of this meditation is simply to acknowledge to yourself,

Yes this is a difficult emotion,

This feels difficult.

Perhaps I might be feeling lonely and rather than trying to push loneliness away,

I simply turn,

Acknowledge that feels hard.

And then as I acknowledge that,

Noticing the tone that I speak to myself,

Is it a harsh judging tone or can I adopt a softer,

Kinder tone?

As if you were talking to your best friend when you see them suffering.

Hmm,

Yeah it's difficult feeling lonely isn't it?

It's difficult having this emotion,

Whatever it might be for you.

And then saying to yourself,

It's okay,

It's alright,

I'm here,

I'm here for you.

And as you say this,

Bringing one hand to your heart,

The other hand resting on your belly.

If you're somewhere more public,

You can simply rest one hand on your forearm,

Maybe pulling a sleeve up so that you feel the contact of your hand with your forearm.

And then as you're sitting somewhere,

You just have your hands resting on your legs,

One hand on your forearm.

So it doesn't have to be obvious you're doing anything.

But for now,

If you're somewhere more private,

Let's letting one hand rest on your heart,

Another hand on your belly.

And feeling the support of your hands touching your body,

The warmth.

Acknowledging to yourself again,

Perhaps,

Yes this is a difficult moment.

Feeling this particular emotion,

Naming it,

Whatever it might be,

Yeah this feels hard.

But it's okay,

I'm here.

And then reflecting that,

Well actually in this world of billions of people,

How many other people are feeling like me right now?

In fact,

I'm not alone.

There are many others who feel like this just as I do right now.

In fact,

This feeling simply connects me to my common humanity and it's okay to feel like this.

It's alright.

I'm okay.

Turning your attention to the sensation in your body,

Where do you feel the sensation?

Connected with the difficult emotion,

The fear,

The worry,

The anxiety,

Whatever it might be.

Rather than going into the story,

Where do you feel it in your body?

The tightness in the stomach,

The heaviness in the chest perhaps?

Wherever it might be,

Really tuning in to those sensations.

Does it feel as if it's on the surface of your body or deep inside?

Is it heavy or light,

Moving or still?

Does it have a temperature?

And then what happens if you start to breathe in to that place?

Breathing in to the sensations.

Breathing out.

Breathing in to the middle of those sensations.

Breathing out.

Imagining the breath we're surrounding and holding this space.

If the sensations need to get larger,

Allowing this holding space to become bigger.

I'm taking a few minutes now to stay with yourself like this.

Not to get rid of the difficult emotion.

It may be it needs to get larger.

It may be it needs more attention.

Or it may be that it dissolves away after a while of being held.

We're not making any demands.

Simply sitting with yourself as you are,

Breathing in to where you feel the difficulty.

Breathing out.

If you have any self-talk,

Letting it be a kind tone to that self-talk,

It's okay.

It's okay.

I'm here.

It's alright to be with this.

If your mind wanders,

Coming back to that feeling of your hands holding your body,

The warmth of the contact of your hands with your body.

And taking as long as you need to keep breathing into that place of difficulty.

Breathing out,

Creating space for it.

Speaking to yourself kindly as you do this.

And when you feel that this has come to its own conclusion,

You can then bring the practice to a close,

Slowly resting your hands back on your lap,

Feeling the weight of your body on the chair,

The contact of your feet with the floor,

Noticing the sounds around you,

And when you're ready,

Opening your eyes.

So taking this meditation into your life,

Using it in the laboratory of your own life to see how does this make a difference,

The times when I feel a difficult emotion,

A difficult experience,

Stopping,

Bringing some contact to my body,

A sense of holding,

Noticing the tone of my inner voice,

Speaking to myself kindly,

And reminding myself that I'm not alone here,

There are many others feeling like this right now,

It's okay.

And then breathing into the place where you feel the difficulty,

Breathing out,

Imagining the breath,

Surrounding and holding it with kindness.

Reviews

Thank you for helping me ❤️A very welcome signpost towards the experience of inner calm ⭐️☀️

Firstly I'm so grateful that these meditations don't have distracting background music blasting (I know I sound like a Nana, but it's hard to concentrate).

This practice helped me to stand back from my feelings and see them for what they truly are, which was something different to what my feelings were yelling at me - and now I've seen what the core issue is, I can give it love and work on healing.

Thank you so much Nick ☺️

This was so kindly presented and helpful. Thank you so much. I will return to this.

Thank you Nick. It was a really nice meditation 🙏🙏🙏

That was nice, helped me be a little kinder to myself.

Very good! No music , pleasant voice
🙏

Very nice meditation, simple but effective 🙏

Beautifully clear. Thank you💖

Very helpful

Wonderful guidance 🙏 thank you Nick

That was beautiful, thank you! I got distracted by the sounds at the background of the recording, but otherwise *****