Kindness - Live Longer, Be More Healthy

Is kindness just a Buddhist religious doctrine, or is there any proof that kindness does benefit us? In this talk, I look at kindness in the Buddhist tradition and modern research that shows that kindness improves health and mental well-being, a support for reducing anxiety and depression, and can help us live longer.

Transcript

We want to know how to be happy.

That's what brings us to the spiritual life,

It's what motivates us through most of what we do.

The question is,

How?

How can I be happy?

What will make me happy?

And the theme today is kindness,

Looking at how kindness can help us to feel better physically,

Mentally,

And perhaps even help us to live longer with a healthy,

Happy life.

Some of what I'm going to be reflecting on today comes from Michael Moseley's excellent podcast,

Just One Thing.

And an episode I listened to last week was on this theme of kindness.

In the episode,

He's looking at what is the significance of kindness and how does it impact on our mental and physical health.

So I'll come back to this in a few minutes.

Firstly,

The question is,

Why start to look at the significance of kindness in our life?

What brings most of us,

Certainly what brought me to spiritual practice,

Is the desire to be happy.

We maybe,

Yes,

Want to be wise,

We maybe want to have clarity and clear seeing.

But why do we want that?

We want that so that we can be happy,

So we can be free from suffering.

The Buddha gives various teachings about why we suffer.

In fact,

He says the core of his teaching is suffering and the cessation of suffering.

His Noble Eightfold is a path that leads to the ending of suffering.

Now,

Can we find maybe one simple way into that path?

Buddhism has so many lists and numbers,

So many approaches that we can take.

And I'm going to suggest today that kindness is one of those key aspects to entering the path.

And perhaps it's what sustains us throughout our practice.

So a few weeks ago,

I was reflecting on the Buddha's teaching on the Eight Worldly Winds.

The Eight Worldly Winds are a series of opposites that are rather just as an endulum will swing from one opposite to the other.

We have a tendency to be blown around,

Blown between one and the other.

So we get either attached to desiring praise or fearing blame.

We want to experience gain,

Or we fear loss.

We want pleasure.

We fear pain.

We desire success.

And we fear failure.

And just as the Medieval Wheel of Fortune depicts that whenever we get to the top of the wheel,

Inevitably there'll be a falling back down.

When we look at our lives,

We see that however much we move the pendulum to the side of praise,

Gain,

Pleasure,

And success,

There's always going to be those movements back to blame,

Loss,

Pain,

And failure.

So if enlightenment is this path to freedom,

This path where we navigate this path where we navigate away from duality,

Away from being pulled to success or failure,

To pleasure or pain,

What is it that might help us on that path?

In the Mahayana tradition,

There are a list of five virtues to be cultivated.

And these are said to be virtues that we cultivate in order to help us awaken,

To experience the truth of the Buddha's teaching.

And this list starts with dharma,

Generosity.

And of course,

What is generosity?

Generosity is an act of kindness.

So this path of awakening starts with kindness,

Starts with generosity.

It then continues with sila,

Good ethical,

Moral observance,

Patience,

Patience,

Vigorous effort,

So putting effort into what we're doing,

And jhāna,

Or the practice of meditation.

Now I'm going to come back to these other parts of the path in future videos.

Today we're looking at kindness,

Generosity.

The importance of kindness is emphasized in the Buddha's teaching by a story from the end of the Buddha's life.

The Buddha was already ill and was approaching his last days.

Ananda,

Who had been his attendant for many years,

Who had traveled with the Buddha,

Looked after him,

Supported him,

Was with the Buddha in these last days.

Now,

Unlike other disciples,

Ananda wasn't yet fully enlightened.

And so at the time of the Buddha's death,

Ananda was filled with grief,

With a feeling of loss.

The eight worldly winds were blowing,

And moving him,

This sense of loss,

Of pain.

Maybe he even felt a sense of blame,

The Buddha was dying because he was eating a meal that had contained poisoned meat.

Maybe Ananda felt,

If only I had looked after him better,

Or if I could have protected him from eating that meal,

He wouldn't be about to die.

Maybe Ananda had a feeling of failure,

That not having attained to being an awakened being before the Buddha died.

The Buddha,

Knowing all of this,

Gave a teaching,

Reminding Ananda that there were two ways of approaching his imminent death.

There were two ways of approaching his imminent death,

Either lamenting,

Crying,

Feeling the pain of loss,

Or recognizing the Buddha's central teaching,

Everything that arises is of the nature to dissolve and pass away.

Now Ananda heard the Buddha give this teaching and then went away.

And the description is rather beautiful,

I'm going to read it here so that I get it correct.

Ananda is standing by himself,

Leaning against a doorpost,

Weeping.

And it's recorded that his thoughts were,

Alas,

I remain but still a learner.

One who has yet to work out his own perfection,

And the master is about to pass away from me.

He who is so kind.

And I've always thought,

What a beautiful way of reflecting on the Buddha.

Ananda could have said so much about the Buddha,

The teacher who is about to die.

And yet the key thing that Ananda thinks to say,

As he's lamenting the imminent death of the Buddha,

Is he who is so kind,

Is about to pass.

The Buddha then called for Ananda to be brought to him.

And this is an example of the Buddha's kindness,

Even in his last illness,

Feeling the pain of food poisoning.

He's thinking of Ananda and wanting the best for him.

And so he calls for Ananda to return.

And it says,

Upon receiving the message,

Ananda collected himself and returned to the Buddha's side,

Where he bowed and took his seat respectfully.

The Buddha comforted him,

Enough Ananda,

Do not let yourself be troubled.

Do not weep.

Have I not already told you that it is in the very nature of all things most near and dear to us that we must divide ourselves from them,

Leave them,

Sever ourselves from them.

For a long time Ananda,

You have been very near to me by thoughts of love that never varies and is beyond all measure.

You have done well,

Ananda.

Be earnest in effort,

And you too shall soon be free.

And so these were the parting words of the Buddha to Ananda.

Not telling him,

Well,

You're a disappointment.

You've been with me all these years and you still haven't managed to get enlightenment.

Or why didn't you try harder or pull yourself together,

Man.

Stop crying.

And I tell you that everything's impermanent.

Instead,

The Buddha speaks to him with kindness,

Reassurance,

Wanting to help to establish the ground upon which Ananda's awakening will be able to arise or flower.

And sure enough,

After the Buddha's death,

Ananda was meditating in the night and as he was about to lie down to sleep,

Having become exhausted from trying to attain enlightenment so he could attend a meeting the next day where he could share the Buddha's teaching,

A meeting where only those who are enlightened were invited.

Before his head met the pillow,

He awoke and suddenly he knew that he was free.

So kindness.

Kindness is the first of the paramitas,

These affections in the Mahayana tradition that we practice as part of the path of the Bodhisattva,

A being that seeks to serve all beings.

But is this just some Buddhist religious doctrine?

Is there any evidence that there is a benefit to being kind?

Well,

This brings us back to Michael Moseley's Just One Thing episode,

Where he's speaking to a scientist about research that has been done about the benefits of kindness.

And sure enough,

Kindness has an effect on our body.

It has an effect on our mental health as well as our mood.

So the research was looking at what happens when people perform three acts of kindness in a week.

The choice was between being more sociable,

Doing CBT,

Or doing three acts of kindness.

And it was found that those who performed three acts of kindness,

They significantly improved their mood,

And it was much more effective than the CBT.

It also reduced symptoms of depression,

And the study concluded that acting with kindness is more effective than CBT,

Which is interesting.

So if we experience depression,

Of course,

The problem with depression is that we feel a lack of motivation to do anything.

Of course,

The problem with depression is that we feel a lack of motivation to do anything.

But if we can find a way to be kind,

Then there are real benefits to that.

A later study,

Again,

I need to check the person's name,

Dr.

Kirsten Inagaki,

Found that when people performed acts of kindness,

It had a real effect on the health of their body.

This thing called interleukin-6,

Which sounds like something out of Blake's 7,

But is a chemical in our body.

It's associated with inflammation.

It can lead to developing cancer,

Depression,

Diabetes,

Cardiovascular disease.

It's associated with all forms of mortality.

And in this study,

It was found that when people were performing acts of kindness,

Three acts of kindness a week,

This interleukin-6 reduced.

And the conclusion of the study was that if you want to live longer,

Be kind.

Then in a second study,

They were looking at the links between kindness and stress.

And they found that blood pressure reduced when people were performing acts of kindness.

And this might be as simple as writing a note to a friend,

Making someone a cup of tea or coffee,

Helping someone out at work,

Even maybe opening a door for someone as you go about your busy day,

Giving a compliment.

They were all acts of kindness where the performing of the act didn't bring you any benefit in return.

And they were also acts of kindness that were free.

So this wasn't about having to go and buy someone a present or arrange some amazing outing.

It was simply finding a way that you could treat someone in your life with kindness.

Now,

Interestingly,

They found that the part of the brain associated with reward and pleasure in animals,

The ventral striatum,

Some wonderful words here,

Aren't there?

The ventral striatum,

This is activated when we perform an act of kindness.

So when Buddhism encourages us to be kind,

There's actual scientific evidence that being kind has an effect on the brain.

It gives us a feeling of reward and pleasure.

And one study found that when a group of children were invited to give a puppet a sweet,

The children who gave the puppet a sweet were happier than the ones who received a sweet.

So maybe it is true that there's more pleasure in giving a gift than receiving one.

So the encouragement from these studies is to do three simple acts of kindness a week.

Without having to spend money,

Simply writing a note,

Saying a kind word,

Making someone a cup of tea,

Helping someone with a chore,

Opening a door for someone.

Recently,

As I was travelling through the underground system to go to a workshop,

I was carrying two suitcases with all the things I needed for the workshop.

And often I'll ask people for some help,

But I was standing at the bottom of some stairs before needing to walk up and someone just looked at me and said,

Oh,

Can I help you with your bag?

I said,

Oh yeah,

Thank you.

And it was that lovely moment where someone unsolicited had offered some help and at the top of the stairs,

Simply thank you.

And then they went on their way.

And so without realising it,

They'd been able to experience the benefit of this act of kindness.

There's one thing from the studies that clarifies how an act of kindness can be of benefit to us.

Firstly,

We need to give freely rather than from any sense of duty or pressure.

So if you're in a situation where you're looking after someone,

But actually there's a sense of resentment or you feel obliged to look after this person,

Then we're not going to get the benefit of it.

Whereas if you just are giving because you wish to give,

Then the benefits come.

You must also think,

Feel,

Believe that the support offered has been effective.

So if you offer help to someone or take them a cup of tea and they're just like,

Oh,

Yeah,

Thanks,

And then leave the cup of tea to go cold,

Then you probably won't really benefit because you'll feel like,

Oh,

Well,

They didn't really appreciate that or it wasn't needed.

They didn't really appreciate that or it wasn't needed.

Whereas if you take a gift to someone,

A cup of tea,

Or you say something nice to someone and their face lights up and they're like,

Oh,

Thank you,

Then you'll feel that it's been effective.

So having a think about what acts of kindness can you do this week,

Seeing if you can perform three acts of kindness.

It could be for a partner,

A friend,

A work colleague.

It's suggested that it's different strata of connections in your life.

So simply doing lots of acts of kindness for your partner might not be as effective as making your partner a cup of tea if you live with someone.

Doing something for a flatmate if you're in a shared house.

Doing something for a neighbour if you live alone.

Doing something for a friend,

Doing something for a work colleague.

So you sort of spread these acts of kindness in different ways.

Another study found that the people who gave most to different organisations were also the happiest.

So you can look at,

Is there a way that you could support an organisation through volunteering or possibly by donating money,

But then being very conscious that you're giving the money to that particular cause.

But there's often people collecting on the street for different charities.

So it might be that as you go about your day,

If you see someone collecting for a charity,

You very consciously decide I'm going to give a certain amount of money to this organisation.

And then you really know that I'm giving this money and it's going to go towards this particular benefit.

And then just notice how you feel after having given enough money to fund a place for someone on a charity.

Fund a place for someone on a training course or to help someone have accommodation for a week,

Whatever it is the charity might be raising funds for.

So I hope this conversation around kindness maybe gives you some pointers towards a way you might bring more kindness into your own life.

And of course,

We also need to bring kindness to ourselves.

So noticing when we have a harsh,

Judgmental tone to our inner voice and then cultivating this kinder,

Supportive tone to our inner dialogue.

And remembering that kindness is important both for others.

It's also important that we show kindness to ourselves.

Reviews

Thought provoking and inspiring: lovely to listen to! Thanks.

Thank you Nick, a lovely reminder of how something so small can make a massive difference to yourself and those around you.
Thank you again for taking time to share.

Really enjoyed this, thanks Nick. As ever, very well delivered. Thank you 🙏🏼

Exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you Nick. ✨🙏✨

Thank you Nick for the giving kindness reminder. Always grateful for your words of wisdom. 💗 💗 So much love for this practice. 💕💕

Another thought provoking and meaningful track.
Thank you Nick 🙏

Thank you Nick. Love the mix of Bouddha and scientific studies. I’m grateful for your talk 🙏