A Gentle Guide For How To Be Alone With Yourself

Many of you have spent your life doing everything you can to not be alone with yourself. For many, it can be the most terrifying suggestion they’ve ever heard. And at the same, even if you’re terrified of being alone with yourself, there’s likely some part of you that really, really wants to figure out how to move past the discomfort into a new place, where you are at ease in your own company. This guide for how to be alone with yourself is for all of you who are uncomfortable sitting in stillne

Transcript

Hello,

Welcome to this gentle guide for how to be alone with yourself.

My name is Jessica Amos.

I am a meditation and mindfulness teacher here on Insight Timer,

As well as the founder of Stay With Yourself,

The practice of being who you are,

Where you are.

This gentle guide for how to be alone with yourself is for all of you who are uncomfortable sitting in stillness and or don't know how to be alone with yourself without feeling anxious,

Guilty,

Overwhelmed,

Or downright lost and confused.

Many of you have spent your life doing everything you can not to be alone with yourself.

For many,

I know it can be the most terrifying suggestion you've ever heard of the idea of being alone with yourself.

And at the same time,

Even if you're terrified of being alone,

There's likely some part of you that really,

Really wants to figure out how to move past the discomfort into a new place where you are at ease in your own company.

So this gentle guide starts with the basics and keeps it really simple.

These practices are not meant to fill your whole day.

They are about setting intentions,

Showing up consistently,

And learning to stay with yourself no matter what.

So come back as often as you need.

Number 1 Set a time for yourself and show up for it.

Just like you would with a friend,

A loved one,

Or a co-worker,

Schedule a time to get together with yourself,

To connect and get grounded.

You matter.

You are a priority.

And you know what you need better than anyone.

That makes you the very best person to spend time with.

The first step on the path of learning to be alone with yourself and getting acquainted with you is to set a time for yourself and show up for it.

Number 2 Choose one thing and focus on it.

If you are intimidated or unsure of how to spend quality time alone with yourself,

It helps to choose just one joy-filled thing you'd like to do.

Here are a few suggestions.

Cook a special meal just for you and slowly enjoy every bite.

Create a special playlist and dance around the living room to it.

Write a love letter to yourself saying all the things you wish someone else would say.

Pour it on thick.

Pour all the love that you want to receive out onto yourself on the pages.

Get out some art supplies and mess around making stuff.

Just have fun.

It's not about making anything beautiful.

It's about feeling the paint under your fingers or on the brush or just the stroke of the crown or the pen.

Have fun making something.

Sit outside and observe nature.

Just watch.

Watch the breeze.

Watch the flowers.

Watch the bees.

Watch the trees.

You could do a guided breathing practice followed by a guided meditation using some of your favorite teachers here on Insight Timer.

You could also just sit anywhere whether that's inside or outside and listen to the sounds around you.

Spend time observing through listening.

You can take a luxurious bath and just really let yourself relax into that warm water.

Then go to bed early and read one of your favorite books.

You can go on a nature walk and imagine that your eyes are in your feet and let them guide you where they want to go for as long as they want to go there.

It's really not so much about the activity you choose,

But about choosing something that feels doable and maybe even gets you a little excited to be alone with yourself.

It's also not about work or getting something checked off your to-do list.

If it falls into that category,

Try to pick something else.

Number three,

Decide how long you will spend alone time with yourself.

Anywhere from 30 minutes to two hours is a good start for how long to intentionally hang out with yourself.

You can also let the length of time be determined by what you choose to focus on with your time.

For example,

Maybe a 30 minute walk or an hour long bath.

Either way,

Setting a time limit is part of creating a safe container where you know what to expect.

Your heart will thank you for going slow and honoring its need to know what's happening.

Four,

Create a safe and tranquil space.

If you share a space with other people,

It might take a little more arranging and planning,

But it's important to find a place where you are free to be alone without interruption.

Choose a space that feels safe,

Cozy,

And comfortable.

If you are inside,

You can light candles,

Turn on soft ambient music,

Grab a snuggly blanket,

And wear your favorite sweatpants.

This is all about creating comfort for yourself and setting yourself up for restoration and rejuvenation.

If you choose to spend time alone outside,

Be intentional by making sure it's a place of beauty,

Serenity,

And calm without a lot of people or traffic.

And let the sounds of nature be your music.

Five,

Practice grace,

Compassion,

And non-judgment.

You are your greatest friend and ally.

When you are alone with yourself,

You are free to just be.

Offer yourself all the grace,

Compassion,

Understanding,

And open reception you so generously extend to others.

Trust yourself and relax into the safety of being with the person who knows you best and has been with you through everything.

You are safe with yourself because you are choosing to be a safe person for yourself without judgment or shame.

What a gift that is.

Six,

Have a mantra or a simple soothing action that you can do during your alone time.

If at any point during your alone time you begin to feel scared,

Unsure,

Unsafe,

Or full of overwhelming thoughts and feelings,

Have a mantra or simple action pre-planned that you can use to bring you back into the safety of the present moment.

For a mantra,

You could say,

I am here.

I am safe.

I am loved.

I am well.

For an action,

You could cup your face with your hands and stroke your forehead while whispering,

I've got you darling.

I'm here for you.

What do you need?

Then listen to what your heart has to say.

You can also hug your arms around your knees and practice belly breathing.

Really,

Whatever sounds most soothing,

Do that.

Seven,

Be open to whatever happens or doesn't happen.

This is where you begin to allow yourself to just be and delight in yourself in the present moment without expectation.

There's nowhere to go.

There's nothing to accomplish.

The whole purpose of this time is to give yourself heart,

Mind,

And body room to be exactly as you are.

If you find yourself getting caught up in the doing aspect of the activity you choose,

Gently remind yourself that you are here to explore and enjoy,

Not to be perfect and productive.

Rumi put it perfectly when he said,

Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,

There is a field.

I will meet you there.

Yes,

I love that.

Meet yourself in that field out beyond productivity,

Perfectionism,

And right and wrong.

Your heart will thank you.

Eight,

Let yourself be.

Being alone with yourself is not about actively trying to achieve anything.

It's about learning to stay with yourself by being who you are,

Where you are.

When you give yourself space and room to just be,

Your heart will begin to speak and you will learn to listen.

You will notice your mental and emotional patterns without becoming upset or needing to make it better.

Learning to be without the goal of accomplishing something is foundational to building trust with yourself and rooting into the truth that you are valuable and worthy apart from anything you do or accomplish.

Nine,

Be flexible and generous with yourself.

Sometimes things will not go as planned or you will need to experiment with different days,

Times,

Locations,

Activities,

Places,

Etc.

Be willing to change course with your time.

And while you are practicing flexibility,

Be generous with yourself by continuing to try.

Your heart is longing to speak to you and spend time with you just as you are.

Ten,

Leave everything else at the door.

The very best part about intentionally setting time aside for you and you is the mini vacation it gives you from all the other responsibilities,

Worries,

Anxieties and to-do's.

For 30 minutes to 2 hours,

You are letting go of your lists,

Obligations and busyness in order to restore your connection with yourself and your heart.

Take a few moments at the beginning of your time to imagine putting all your frets into a jar for safekeeping.

They will be there waiting for you when your time with yourself is over.

If you don't feel like mentally picking them back up when your time is over,

Then just leave them there.

They might disappear all on their own.

This can also be turned into a physical practice where you write down everything that's weighing you down,

Including your feelings about being alone,

And put them into a jar in a different room.

You can burn them later or just leave them there to sit to pick back up or just never pick back up.

Either way,

It's a wonderful practice for learning to let go and just be.

If difficult emotions around self-judgment,

Past traumas,

Current grief or any number of painful feelings rise up during your time alone with yourself,

It's up to you whether or not you tend to them in that moment.

Ultimately,

Part of learning to stay with yourself and be alone with yourself is to create a solid foundation and safe container for everything in you to rise up and be cared for with tenderness.

But first,

If you're not accustomed to being alone with yourself,

Take it easy.

Leave the heavy stuff at the door and enjoy the reprieve for a bit.

Eventually,

You'll be more comfortable with stillness and can directly focus your attention on deeper heart healing.

I hope that you find this guide helpful,

Inspiring,

Supportive and encouraging.

From the bottom of my heart,

I wish you all the joy,

Peace and calm you and you so greatly deserve.

Remember to please keep coming back to yourself with grace,

Compassion and love.

You are valuable and worthy of so much care.

And if you have the time at the end of this recording to sit quietly with yourself for a few minutes with a piece of paper and a pen,

Maybe start thinking of some ways that you would like to spend alone time with you,

Where you would like to do that,

How you would like to schedule it and go through these 10 steps in this guide for learning to be alone with yourself.

In the meantime,

May you stay with yourself today and always.

Reviews

wonderful talk 💕💜⭐️💕💜⭐️💕💜⭐️

Thank you so much for this. I’ve been feeling “off” for a while till I found this track. After listening to you, I’ve learned that it is ok and a good thing to be alone and take care of self. I will come back to this often. You have made a difference in my life ❤️🙏

So thankful for this, a perfect starting guide to spending time with myself, my love, me and me. 🤗🙏🏻💚

Thank you for the amazing advice Jessica. I will keep going back to it. Thank you

Fantastic. This is exactly what I needed to hear tonight. Thank you. 🙏🏻

Meaningful suggestions for a time of transition. Thank you.

These ideas are practical, creative and adaptable. Thank you for sharing this. 🙏

This is all I need right now. And I’m sure lots of other people do too. Thank you for a very helpful and encouraging mediation. Feel like I’ve found my self love guidance. ❤️

Thank you for your wise talk.
Blessings with love.

Very good - thank you

Awesome.

Thank you for your wonderful light hearted empowering support! 🙏🏻 I enjoy how you lightly giggle and speak as if someone is literally in front of you, I find it rather inviting.🌟

Inspirational. Thanks!

Really good suggestions. Thank you so much Jessica!

Thank you 🙏

Lovely.

Perfect! Just what I wanted to hear! Thank you so much!🙏😊

A heartwarming meditation that has helped me to value me time each day, thank you 😊

Thank you for sharing such a beautiful, practical yet important meditation. I have bookmarked it and will be referring to again

Very helpful. I like the practicapractical ideas for bloodalone time.