Using Positivity To Deal With Situations Causing Uneasiness

This is a short talk to address some questions about how to deal with the quarantine & Covid, made during the live session dedicated to "the power of positivity". I wanted to honor these questions by answering them from the point of view of positivity.

Here, I introduce a practice different to the one explained during the talk to exercise mental flexibility called: "Reframing" (this answers another question). With training, this can become an effective way to deal with everyday adversities.

Transcript

Hi there,

Galusia from Econis here.

This is a short talk to address a couple of questions I was asked during my live session dedicated to the topic of positive thinking.

But these questions were related to COVID-19,

How to deal with it.

I would like to make some suggestions that I hope will be helpful for you now that in some places the measures to protect against COVID-19 have been reestablished and then there is again quarantine.

So COVID-19 has been hard for many,

Many people.

Some of them have lost family members,

Loved ones,

Others have lost their jobs.

But not necessarily.

You need to have a loss of this type to feel the stress and that the situation is dramatic and traumatic for you because every person experiences stress in a different way.

For those asking me what can be done during COVID-19 restrictions or during the quarantine from a perspective of positive thinking,

As I mentioned during my talk,

It is not only about thinking positive.

So during these periods,

Difficult situations,

Stressful situations,

It is very easy to feel negative,

To think negative and then only trying to think in a positive way about the situation that is real,

That is difficult will not make really a change in how you feel.

But there are techniques to try to deal with the situation in a better way and one of them is called reframing.

Reframing is another way to train our brain to be flexible because what we do in reframing is we have a situation we evaluate as negative,

The situation is associated to negative thoughts and these thoughts that are negative will bring with it negative emotions and probably negative behaviors.

So when I reframe,

What I do is to reframe this negative situation as a positive situation and these will have then associated new positive views,

New positive thoughts,

New positive ideas and these new thoughts that are more positive should bring with it also more positive emotions and positive actions.

But it doesn't come automatically,

You need to do the homework.

When we are experiencing a negative situation it is because this situation has associated to it negative thoughts and negative emotions and of course also negative behaviors around it that will make the situation to stay negative.

When we reframe,

We need to detect the situation that is causing us pain,

What thoughts are associated to this situation and my emotions and behaviors around it.

And in the reframing process what I do is to re-evaluate,

To rewrite this situation as positive.

And the thoughts will be replaced by more positive thoughts.

Also,

I will need to think about the consequences of having these new positive thoughts.

That means what emotions these new thoughts will bring to me and also I will need to consider the new behaviors that will be associated to this new way of thinking and feeling.

So it is a group of things I have to do.

Think about my thoughts,

About my emotions and about my actions.

So this is the process of reframing.

Normally when I work with my clients or my students I don't like to push a lot on the fact that they should be positive thoughts.

I think that some situations are very complicated,

Are very difficult and if in principle it is very difficult to find a positive way to rewrite or reframe the situation we can start by thinking in a more neutral way.

So the important thing is not that the thought is positive or neutral but that it is healthier than the previous one I had or you had.

When we are having the situation it is important really to connect with new ways of seeing it and new ways of feeling the situation and also new ways of doing things to promote a change.

So the reframing process is not as simple as OK,

This is bad and now I am going to think that it is good.

No,

For the flexibility training to take place you really need to challenge your mind with new ways of seeing,

Really seeing.

A new possibility you consider from another's perspective that situation because when you see,

When you change your opinion when you are open to hear new possibilities your emotions,

Your reaction to the situation will also change.

Because these three things are strongly linked.

But OK,

We need to move beyond writing,

What situation I have what type of thoughts I am having and what emotions I will feel when I think like that and what kind of behaviours I will have due to these thoughts.

We need to go into action.

Actions that will support this new way of thinking.

That will help me feel good.

It is very important that we are able to promote positive feelings positive emotions in our lives.

We have the power to do that but sometimes we don't know how to do it.

With simple things we will be able to achieve that.

So this is a very compassionate approach.

I need to examine what do I need and what can I do with the things I have around to cover this need.

Now let's see an example of reframing accompanied by compassionate actions that will support our well-being during this re-establishment of the quarantine periods.

We start by thinking about the situation.

The situation of being isolated is evaluated as something negative.

This means that negative thoughts and beliefs are associated to this situation.

As a consequence,

These negative thoughts will bring negative emotions.

It could be anxiety,

Loneliness,

Sadness or fear.

And at the same time some behavioural responses that may be unhealthy will be associated to these emotions and thoughts.

One common response could be bingeing,

Turning into food.

There will be other ways to respond.

Some people will buy things online compulsively or etc.

Then the point here is that you realize that you are not happy with this behaviour and then you say,

Okay,

I'm going to give a chance to this reframing technique and I'm going to try to see this time of isolation as an opportunity for me to grow,

For me to do stuff that I didn't have the time to do before.

This new thought creates possibilities.

It gives clarity.

This is just an example.

Your situation could be different and you can have a different thought.

But the fact that I'm not seeing the situation of being isolated as an aggravation but more like an opportunity for me to grow definitely changes my emotional background and my behaviours because now I will have a different purpose before I didn't have one because I didn't know what to do and now I do have kind of a plan of something I would like to do.

So things change.

We are giving something to do to our mind,

To our heart and to our body.

Then here we have at least two possibilities.

One is to go and do things we wanted to do before but we didn't have the time to do it because our day was too busy.

And the second possibility is to do the same things we did normally but finding new alternatives,

New ways to do it.

For example,

If you love meeting with friends and you don't have the possibility you will look for new ways to do it,

To contact them.

Keep in mind that these situations are temporal.

They are not permanent.

Yes,

We might not know when this is going to change but definitely it will not stay in the way it is right now.

You can see the examples in other places where the situation has been treated in a more successful way and life is starting to pick up in a more normal way.

Rather than using our time to host and feed negative thoughts and feelings we can use this time to practice compassion with ourselves.

This is a beautiful thing to do during this period and probably the wisest thing to do because providing well-being to ourselves and nurturing and hosting positivity in ourselves remember positivity includes thoughts,

Emotions and actions our inner strength will increase and during this process we may be able to help not only ourselves but also people around us or people that we have contact with.

We will be able to inspire them.

As a summary,

We have selected a situation,

We have reframed the situation this includes thoughts,

Seeing the consequences of these thoughts emotionally and behaviorally and we have come close to ourselves to investigate what we need what actions we need to do to make ourselves feel better with whatever things we have around.

This would reinforce my self-esteem,

My confidence and my inner strength and this also may inspire others.

When we are challenged by new situations,

Things we don't like and things that are not in agreement with what we think should be correct it is normal to feel shaken and to feel lost for a moment but you don't need to bear the situation for a long period of time because you are not powerless in this situation.

You have all the tools you need to act in many ways that would induce healthy,

Nurturing,

Beautiful emotions in your life.

This is a way to use our positivity to deal with the quarantine.

And for those worried about the situation of COVID in the world it is good to remember that this is temporal as it is we will find eventually a stability to the situation that it has happened before,

Not this particular case but other cases,

Other pandemias have happened before and our relatives,

Our ancestors adapted and we have the power and the strength to do the same.

Normally in any situation when there is a change we resist to it,

We find it difficult to adapt but our brain is built in a way that will help us with time to get used to the situation.

Stay there trying to provide the best you can for yourself to treat yourself in the most compassionate and loving way you can and also the people around you and be patient because things will stabilize not because things disappeared but because we will learn to deal with it,

We will learn to live with it because our biology has the capacity to do so.

We cannot change what is happening in the world but we can change what is happening inside us in our inner world and that is the first step to make things better for us and for people around us.

I hope this has been helpful for you.

Thank you.