Lovingkindness Practice

This is a heartwarming lovingkindness practice, gently led by Éowyn. The intention of this practice is to support you in deepening your innate capacity for friendliness in relationship to your own experience, and with others.

Transcript

This is a guided loving-kindness meditation practice.

The intention of the loving-kindness meditation is to support you in deepening your innate capacity for friendliness in relationship with your own experience and also for friendliness in relationship with others.

The first instruction in loving-kindness meditation practice is to sit comfortably.

You may need to take a few moments to find the most comfortable seat.

And it is useful to remember that sitting comfortably can sometimes mean standing up or lying down.

It depends on your body's situation.

If you'd like to take a few moments to establish your body's posture for this practice,

Feel welcome to pause the recording.

And when you're ready,

Just hit play again.

Sitting comfortably,

Begin the practice by establishing a sense of connection with your own body sitting here.

Also noticing,

Noticing the contact perhaps between your body and the chair or the cushion,

Whatever you're sitting on or resting against.

Taking into your attention the experiences of simply being here.

Perhaps noticing the touch of the clothing against your skin or the weight of your body against the chair or the cushion.

And also noticing that the body is breathing.

The body breathes in and breathes out.

It does this all by itself.

Perhaps just following a few breath cycles into the body and out of the body.

Giving your body permission to be just as it is and to breathe in whatever way that it breathes,

Deep or shallow,

Long or short.

Just noticing how it is for you right now to be here.

Giving your body,

Your heart and your mind permission to be exactly as they are right now.

Extending an invitation to yourself to just be here now.

This practice involves offering some phrases,

Offering phrases to yourself,

To other beings in the spirit of friendship,

In the spirit of kindness.

Not from a sense that you can control life.

Not from the sense that you can control yourself or other people.

But from the recognition that our thoughts are a powerful factor in our lives.

Our thoughts condition to some degree how we feel and can be supportive to us or not.

And so this invitation to intentionally generate kind thoughts.

And the instruction is to actually begin that process where it feels easy to do so.

So you are invited now to call to mind someone for whom it is easy to feel kindness.

Perhaps this is someone who when you think of them,

You just smile without any effort.

This may be someone who has helped you.

It may also be someone you don't even know or don't know very well.

But whose life has inspired you.

Whose actions in the world have meant a lot to you.

You may find when I make this suggestion that you think of many people or no one.

And that's okay.

There's no wrong or right way to do this.

You may have to choose one out of many or you may have to choose one who doesn't seem quite perfect for the role.

Either way is really fine.

It may be simplest to just take the first person who came to mind when I made the suggestion that you think of someone for whom it's easy to feel kindness.

Call this person into your mind's eye as fully as you can.

You might do that by seeing them or you might say their name to yourself silently.

Or maybe you just get a felt sense of them as if they were sitting next to you right now.

And with this person who classically is often referred to as the benefactor,

Because a benefactor is generally somebody that it's easy to feel kindness towards.

It could be a mentor or a teacher.

I'll invite you to begin to offer some phrases.

And the phrases are simple.

They touch topics that are meaningful to all human beings,

Topics like safety and well-being,

Happiness,

And the willingness and the ability to navigate changes.

So I'll repeat the phrases and you can repeat them to yourself after me,

Knowing that you can adapt them as you like.

May you be safe.

May you be healthy and well.

May you be happy.

And may you be at ease through life's changing circumstances.

May you be safe.

May you be well.

May you be happy.

And may you have ease of heart through life's changes.

Repeating these four phrases,

Directing their intention toward the person you've selected.

Finding a rhythm that feels workable for you.

You don't feel like you need to rush through the phrases.

There's no points for saying them faster.

Nor do you want to go so slowly that you feel disconnected from them or lose track of your intention.

From time to time,

It may be helpful to refresh the impression of the benefactor you've chosen,

The person that you've chosen to offer these phrases to in your mind's eye.

May you be safe.

May you be well.

May you be happy.

May you know ease of heart even as life changes around you.

You may be aware of other aspects of your experiences as you undertake this practice.

Perhaps at times noticing your body sitting or whatever position you've chosen for it.

Perhaps at times noticing your breathing,

But allowing the phrases of loving kindness to act as an anchor for your attention.

Returning to these phrases and to the person you've chosen to offer them to whenever you notice that the mind has gotten disconnected from that.

May you be safe.

May you be well.

May you be happy.

May you have ease of heart as life changes.

As you practice in this way,

You may find that your heart doesn't always feel friendly.

You may notice that you have moments of irritation or confusion or distractedness or worry.

All of this is a normal part of the process of practicing.

The practice of kindness is about strengthening your intention toward friendliness,

Strengthening your intention to meet both other people and yourself and also life's circumstances with an attitude of kindness.

But it doesn't depend on you feeling any particular way.

So if you notice that your emotions don't seem exultant or in line with the phrases,

Don't be concerned.

Simply trusting the process of intentionality.

Each time you repeat the phrase,

May you be safe,

You're establishing the intention of friendship in your heart and mind.

Refreshing the image or the felt sense of the person you're offering the phrases to and gathering all of your attention,

100% of your attention gathering it into each single phrase.

May you be safe.

May you be well.

May you be happy.

May you have peace of mind through life's ups and downs.

You may find that you evolve the phrases somewhat,

That you change the wording a little bit,

That's fine.

You're welcome to say the phrases in a way that feels appropriate to you,

Feels comfortable to you.

Just sticking with the main meanings of those four phrases,

Which are expressions of a wish for safety or freedom from danger,

Of health or freedom from sickness,

Of happiness or freedom from sorrow or mental suffering,

And a sense of balance or equanimity,

You might even say,

Through life's ups and downs,

A sense of the capacity to withstand change.

So knowing that it's fine,

Really okay to change the words a little bit,

Just sticking with those main meanings of the phrases of kindness.

For a few moments now,

I'll stop talking and allow you to explore offering those phrases to you.

So you may have noticed that in the quiet,

Your attention drifted away from the phrases and forgot about the person you were intending to offer them to.

That's a normal part of the process.

Whenever you find that that's happened,

Just begin again.

Begin again with the first phrase,

May you be safe.

May you be well.

May you be happy.

May you live with ease.

Turning the phrases over in your attention,

Noticing the process as it unfolds,

And seeing if it's possible to really give yourself permission to just be as you are,

However you're feeling,

Whatever objections or discomforts your mind might throw up about repeating phrases of kindness,

Just making space for all of that,

And sustaining your commitment to exploring this practice.

Like a science experiment,

You know,

If you try this,

Say,

Once a day for six weeks,

What might you learn in the process of such a practice?

You need to set aside the assumptions and judgments about what's happening in order to make the space to let the practice unfold.

May you be safe.

May you be well.

May you be happy.

May you have a peaceful heart,

Even as life changes around you.

So as I said at the start of the practice,

The first instruction is to sit comfortably,

And the next instruction with the practice of loving kindness is to start where it's easy to connect.

And so if you need to at this stage in the practice,

You'd be welcome to reestablish comfort in your sitting posture,

And you're welcome to remain with the first person that you chose if that feels appropriate,

Skillful,

If it helps to ground you in the practice.

But if you would like to explore this process,

I would invite you now to allow the first person you chose to fade into the background,

Wish them well and send them on their way,

So to speak,

And call into your mind's eye or into your heart yourself,

Getting a sense of yourself,

Perhaps,

Of just one person of seven billion people.

And yet you are the one who you live most intimately with.

And you may find it challenging to consider offering the phrases of kindness to yourself.

If that's the case,

Perhaps it would be helpful to remember yourself as a small child,

Or even to think back to a day recently when,

For whatever reason beyond your control,

Things seemed challenging for you.

And when you're ready,

If you feel like you would like to,

The possibility here is to begin to offer these very same phrases that you were sending out,

So to speak,

To the person who's been kind to you,

Offer them to yourself,

Changing the pronoun to I.

May I be safe.

May I be well.

May I be happy.

May I have ease of heart,

Even as my life shifts and changes.

Feeling your way with this,

Remember you can use whatever rhythm of phrases feels comfortable,

And you can alter the words a bit,

Just sticking to the basic meanings of safety,

Health,

Happiness,

And balance.

If it feels too challenging to use the pronoun I,

You could say you,

And imagine yourself in the past or in the future,

And let who you are now,

Today,

Right here,

Send these wishes to you in the past or to you in the future.

May I be safe.

May I be well.

May I be happy.

And may I live with ease of heart,

Even as my life shifts and changes.

Don't forget,

You can go back to the previous person if that seemed more helpful than working with yourself.

It's also important to remember that we're not trying to make any particular change to our lives or the lives of the people we offer the phrases to.

In a sense,

What we're doing here is training our thought habits.

We may have habits of thinking ill of ourselves or judgmentally of other people.

This is an opportunity to start a new neural pathway,

Intentionally thinking thoughts of kindness and giving the emotional aspect of our being all the time in the world to catch up with our thoughts.

May I be safe.

May I be well.

May I be happy.

May I be at peace with whatever arises.

Again,

I'll allow a few minutes of space here for you to continue to explore the practice,

Gently but firmly devoting attention to this process.

Good night for now.

If you'd like to continue offering the phrases of friendliness,

Of kindness to yourself or to the first person that you chose.

But now I'll also offer you the possibility of moving to a third kind of person,

You could say.

And this is someone who you don't know very well or perhaps someone about whom you don't have strong feelings even though you do know them.

Sometimes in this category,

Which is traditionally known as the neutral person,

People will choose someone who they have dealings with in commerce.

Maybe you do your banking at the same bank branch every week,

For example,

And see a person there in that process.

Or perhaps there's someone who you work with or someone who is involved at the school where your children attend school.

These are just examples which you can use to consider your own life circumstances and explore possibilities within those for selecting a person about whom you don't have strong feelings.

So neither someone you really love or like very much nor someone you really dislike or find very difficult to be close to.

And this is an interesting category because sometimes it's even hard to get a picture of the person.

You might not know their name.

Nonetheless,

The invitation is the same.

See if you can call them to mind or bring them into the space of your practice in whatever way that works for you.

And then begin offering exactly the same phrases that you've used for yourself and for the person who's been kind to you,

Who you probably feel warmly towards.

It might be worth saying that the selection process isn't something to get hung up about.

If you just can't think of anybody,

Oh,

You could even select someone you've never met,

Like somebody you know from television or radio or the newspapers about whom you don't have a very strong feeling.

May you be safe.

May you be well.

May you be happy.

May you be peaceful as your life unfolds.

Just allowing those phrases to help to anchor your mind in the present moment.

You don't need to think about the phrase that you just said or lean into the phrase that you're about to say,

Rather just resting the attention in one phrase at a time.

May you be safe.

May you be well.

May you be happy.

May you have a peaceful heart,

Even as your life shifts and changes.

Using each phrase like giving a gift.

Your mind may throw up all kinds of reasons why this doesn't make sense or isn't worth doing.

Your mind may also drift into other things.

Forgetting your intention to repeat the phrases and getting lost in,

Oh,

I don't know what exactly may be planning dinner or remembering what you need to do at work tomorrow.

Just as in the mindfulness practice,

When you notice you've become disconnected,

That's really an important moment.

Is it possible to simply reconnect and begin again without adding to the distraction?

Just recognizing it for what it was and realizing that the returning to your intention is already happening in the moment you know you have been lost.

You may gently spend a little time reconnecting with that person that you've chosen.

Right now it's the neutral person.

May you be safe.

May you be well.

May you be happy.

May you have peace of mind.

Just gently and firmly training the mind in the skill of friendship,

In the skill of willingness to meet experience with goodwill.

At times as you practice loving kindness,

You may notice that your heart lifts and you feel very happy.

You enjoy the process of saying the phrases.

And that's okay.

That's great.

You can notice it and allow it to happen.

You can soak it in,

Appreciate the pleasant feeling of it,

The pleasant feeling of friendliness.

That said,

It's important to remember that the skillfulness or the value of this practice doesn't depend on your feeling happy while you do it.

You may find that really you experience the whole gamut of human emotions while you engage with the loving kindness practice,

Especially if you dedicate it,

If you dedicate yourself to it on a daily basis.

The practice is one of strengthening the intention for goodwill.

The vehicle is the phrases and the images of people remembering that neutral person.

May you be safe.

May you be well.

May you be happy.

May you be at peace.

The potential in this practice as it grows and deepens is to provide us with the strength of heart to greet all varieties of experiences and people with the same intention for goodwill.

And it is a training process.

It is a strengthening of the heart.

You can always return to an easier category if the expanding into more challenging ones like the neutral person and the one we're going to approach next,

Which is sometimes called the difficult person,

Becomes too difficult and just go back to yourself or a person who has helped you.

If your attention feels pretty steady and you're interested in exploring the full breadth of this practice,

I'd invite you now to think of somebody who you've had a disagreement with lately.

The instruction here is not to choose the person who you find to be the most difficult person in the world,

But rather to choose some small or medium sized challenge,

Something that feels like you'll be able to stay in relationship with it without too much distress.

If you can think of such a person where there has been some difficulty,

But you feel safe and steady around it,

Then the invitation is to begin to offer the very same phrases to this difficult person,

Calling them into your mind,

Perhaps seeing them in your mind's eye or saying their name.

And yes,

You too,

May you be safe.

May you be well.

May you be happy and peaceful.

Repeating the phrases again and again and noticing how it is for you to do this.

Does your heart rebel or is it possible?

Offering the intention of kindness toward this person who has a difficult feeling in your heart doesn't mean condoning their actions if their actions were inappropriate.

It simply means standing your ground in the intention of kindness even as you navigate relating with those difficult actions.

May you be safe.

May you be well.

May you be happy.

And may you be peaceful.

And the next invitation is to broaden the scope of your attention in this practice.

Perhaps to include many people.

You could in your mind's eye bring in the first person you chose,

The one I named the benefactor,

And yourself,

And the neutral person,

And the difficult person.

And also perhaps include everyone in the neighborhood in which you're sitting right now.

A sense of recognition of many people of all varieties and offering this wish for well-being.

May we be safe.

May we be well.

May we be happy.

May we be peaceful through life's ups and downs.

I'll offer the space of a minute or two of silence now for you to continue to practice within.

And one last invitation to expand the circle of your attention.

Now the invitation to include everyone everywhere.

It is important to remember that offering the phrases or offering the intention of kindness to everyone everywhere does not mean condoning everyone's actions.

As I said regarding the single difficult person,

It simply means offering or standing your ground in,

Your intention to be kind.

Even as you navigate challenging behaviors which may come up within yourself or anywhere in the world.

May we all be safe.

May we all be well.

May we all be happy.

And may we all be peaceful even as our lives shift and change.

For the last few minutes of the practice,

I'd invite you to allow the words to fade into the background and to let go of directing your intention toward goodwill and simply sit.

Reconnecting with the felt sense of your body if you have lost track of it.

Or continuing to be aware of it.

Body sitting.

Body breathing.

Nothing to do,

Nothing to accomplish,

Softening into the space.

Reconnecting with this life just as it is right now.

As this practice comes to a close,

You may like to take a few moments to welcome in the sounds that are around you,

Noticing hearing.

You may feel it's helpful to open and close your eyes a few times,

Recognizing seeing as seeing.

And also perhaps to begin to move and stretch your body in whatever way feels helpful to you.

All in preparation for bringing with you whatever helpful aspects of this practice into the next activity that arises in your life.

This concludes this session of loving kindness practice.

Thank you.

Reviews

I loved this permission-granting guidance. Permission to feel whatever I’m feeling as I’m practicing, even if it’s distracted or irritated. Permission to practice without needing to be in an elevated mood. Permission to focus on a benefactor or myself if I didn't feel ready to focus on someone difficult.

Very good practice with plenty of explanation

Thank you Eowyn for this supportive and heartful loving-kindness meditation. I do appreciate your teachings and guidance. ☮️

The invitation to consider the difficult person was helpful

That was a lovely guided meditation! 🙏🏻 thank you!