Contemplation.
I was inspired by Air Society's Contemplation podcast episode,
What is Spirituality?
To paraphrase the language they used,
Contemplation is a quiet,
Still,
And calm abiding.
To sit,
Think,
Actively listen,
Notice judgment,
And cultivate a calming peace.
We may leave with more questions than answers,
And that's okay.
Contemplation,
Like meditation,
Is about making space to listen.
Only then will our current truth arise.
In reverence and gratitude to them,
Here is a contemplation on capacity.
Feel free to listen to this on a walk,
Laying down,
Or as you cook.
Allow your center to steer how present you are with this audio.
Enjoy via audio or text.
Let's begin.
Capacity,
Etymology,
Ability to contain,
Size,
Extent.
What are we capable of holding?
Breathe in,
Gently let go.
When I think about capacity,
A golden orb comes to mind,
Radiant when full,
Able to be utilized.
I think about charge and the depletion,
Charging of that orb,
The change from positive charge to negative charge,
The weight of capacity.
To what extent are we aware of how much we have to give?
To what extent do we expect everything to take from us?
Our capacity isn't a static measurement or a single one.
Our physical capacity may measure different than our emotional capacity,
Mental capacity,
Spiritual capacity.
I have to remind myself of that.
What is the texture of our capacity?
Can I feel the difference between each?
Can I accept that not all of them will be full,
Even if I sleep eight hours,
Even if I decompress before the rest?
Breathe in,
Release.
The goal is not to always be on 100% as productivity culture has convinced us.
The goal is to accept and have agency over the use and recovery of our capacity.
Create more space for that acceptance,
Create more space for that truth.
If I had full choice on how I use my emotional capacity,
How would I use it?
If I had full choice over how I use my spiritual or physical capacity,
What would replenish and enliven me?
That radiant orb is precious,
Yes.
The process of becoming aware of our capacity comes at a cost.
We keep going,
Ignoring the signs because if we realize we are on empty,
That the orb is heavy and gray,
It might destroy us.
We will realize we are responsible for its replenishment,
Another feat,
Another demand,
Another task.
Guilt comes to the surface as if there is a static truth about the misuse of capacity.
Who is telling me there is a poor use of all I have to give?
Who convinced me I have to give it all?
Who has convinced me I only have to give?
Who has convinced me replenishment is only for when I am on empty,
Something to be earned?
Breathe in,
Release.
To affirm life is to replenish our capacity.
To be able and capable fully and inspirationally,
It is a gift we can open ourselves to receive.
Can we inspire our capacity?
Inspire as in fill the mind,
Heart,
Spirit,
Self.
Inspire as in to breathe in.
There is no exhale without an inhale.
Our breath is our reminder that we are human.
Our bodies are our reminder that we are a container of life.
To be replenished,
To accept,
To bear witness to and consider.
Where do I begin?
You must first start by first asking,
What do I have to use?
What is the texture of each of my capacities in my body?
Imagine that orb at different moments.
How does it shine?
Remember,
Notice,
Announce,
Record,
Accept.
Second,
Archive what uses of your capacity inspire more within you.
Breathe in,
What replenishes you,
Release.
As a practice of defiance in a world that seeks to destroy through depletion and production,
How can you make replenishment part of your everyday life in small ways,
In secret ways,
In consistent ways,
In bold ways?
Lastly,
Breathe in gently,
Fully.
Create more space in your vessel.
Remind yourself you don't always or only have to give.
Permit yourself replenishment.
Accept your capacity.
Feel yourself resist the truth,
Then soften,
Leave it to the earth.
Trust that the truth will allow space for all to be taken care of.
Include more inhales,
Include more replenishing,
Any and every moment that you can.
Breathe in,
Release.
Remember,
Record,
Accept,
Repeat.
Thank you.
This was a recording by Yasmin Marrero.
