When You Don't Know What To Do: Resolving Inner Conflict

A very helpful practice for when you feel torn about a decision, in conflict with yourself about a situation or relationship, or unsure what to do next. We become aware of a conflicting belief or feeling and then bring it into the open, loving, aware space of the heart.

Transcript

Hello.

Today we're going to work with a practice that I call bringing the opposites together.

This is an incredible practice to support you when you're working with a moment where it feels like two things are true at the same time,

Where you feel split in a decision,

Where your heart wants one thing and your mind wants another,

Or perhaps your heart wants two things that are polar opposites.

For instance,

Let's say you're deciding whether or not to stay in a relationship,

Or whether or not to leave a place that you love very much but that you feel very connected to,

Or how to have a hard conversation with someone that you really care about but you're also feeling a lot of emotion,

Or you're feeling really conflicted about what's happening in your body but you also want to show up and love your body,

Etc.

,

Etc.

These moments that happen all the time in our human lives,

Our beautiful,

Messy lives,

Where we don't know what to do,

Where we feel like we're at a crossroads,

Where we feel like two things are true at the same time,

Where we're stuck in that both-and place but our heart and mind are wrestling with the either-or feeling of having to make a decision or feeling like we should go one way or the other.

This practice is so helpful for any of those moments.

It's based on the idea that we want to bring together these opposites,

These parts of ourselves that we go to war with and often polarize ourselves in between,

Where we make these two things that we're supposed to choose or supposed to feel and we put them at war with each other,

Which is such a painful thing.

What's interesting is that if we're willing to just not know,

If we're willing to feel the tension of not knowing,

There's an empty creative space and there's a lot of light that we can find in the depth of that darkness,

That confusion.

If we can go all the way down into the unknown and stay with it within yourself,

There is a way that can awaken incredible openings,

Insight,

And clarity.

Over time,

I found this practice to be incredibly helpful to keep my heart open,

To find the third thing that's not just the split between the polar opposites that my mind has created.

We're exploring a sacred inquiry together by merging these confusing,

Heartfelt questions,

These two polar opposites in our mind and heart,

And then we see what's born out of that space that comes from merging them together.

So I invite you to start by coming into your grounded body,

Feeling your points of contact with the earth,

And taking some breaths.

Just letting yourself be exactly as you are in this moment.

Anytime we can feel points of contact with the earth,

We feel gravity,

Or we feel our breath moving in our body,

Then we know that we are in present time.

And the present moment is the space where we can really connect with what's true and create our life into its future.

The present moment is the only place we have power to change.

So coming into the present moment by feeling your body,

Feeling your breath,

Dropping your awareness down into the pelvic floor,

Into your sit bones and tailbone,

Feeling that rooted connection with the earth.

And then we're going to drop our awareness down into the earth,

Into the space of the earth,

The boundless,

Warm expanse of the earth's energy underneath us,

Always holding us.

Sometimes you can imagine the different layers of the earth and letting your awareness drop down into that if you'd like.

For myself,

I always just open up into the empty space of the earth and feel its presence and support.

And as you drop deeper and deeper,

You feel the warmth,

The vitality,

And the love of the earth coming from its core.

The heart of the earth.

And I invite you to connect with that,

To let your root,

Your grounding cord,

Connect all the way down into that space.

And breathe up from that place,

Up into your body,

Up through the soles of your feet,

Up through the marrow of your lungs,

Up from that place,

Up into your body,

Up through the soles of your feet,

Up through the marrow of your legs,

Up into your body,

Feeling this life force,

Vital presence of the earth grounding you,

Holding you,

Nourishing you.

Letting this life force energy come all the way up through your body.

And let it connect all the way up to the top of your head and beyond your head,

Up into what they call your soul star chakra.

It's about 18 inches above your head.

This is a place where it's much easier to connect with your higher self,

With your witness,

Aware self,

That can hold compassionate,

Spacious presence for what's arising inside of you.

So letting that higher self connection with the divine in that space above your head,

Let that start to descend down into your body,

Coming into your heart.

So breathing into your heart now,

And now hopefully you can feel a sense of your heart being the union of heaven and earth.

We have this deep-rooted,

Vital connection with the earth underneath us,

And we have this luminous,

Clear,

Aware connection to our true self,

To our own witness,

Conscious,

Present,

Aware self,

Descending down into the heart space.

And breathing into your heart now,

From this place of awareness and compassion and presence,

I find it's most easy to find that aware space of the heart behind the heart space in the center of the chest,

But behind it connected to the central channel,

The column of light and awareness that moves through your whole body.

Just behind your spine.

Breathing into the space behind your heart center,

And feeling the alive presence and the awareness that is breathing there now.

On the inhale,

Letting the space expand and fill.

See if you can notice that opening into a lot of vast,

Luminous awareness that's available here.

It doesn't have to be shiny or special.

It's very peaceful.

It's very open,

And it can also be quite dynamic.

Trusting whatever you find,

And just keep letting your awareness drop behind that energy and opening into,

And hopefully you can find a space there,

The open space of the heart,

The aware,

Present heart.

Just let yourself rest there for a few breaths.

Very good.

So now we're going to bring the opposites together.

We're going to start with the area of relationship.

Perhaps you have your own particular situation that you've come to this meditation with,

And I invite you to just go straight to that.

For those of you that are new to this practice,

I'm going to explore a few options so that you can feel into all the possibilities of how to use this practice.

So we're going to start with a relationship,

And I'm going to have you just feel your two hands perhaps resting on your lap or on your thighs.

Open up your hands to the sky and just let them rest.

In one hand,

You're going to feel the truth that you care deeply about this person that you're in relationship with.

Just thinking of a challenging relationship or some relationship that's feeling very complicated or that you feel split around.

In one hand,

You feel how much you deeply care about this person,

That you want to be with them,

That you want to be connected with them,

That you want to make things work with them,

Whatever is true for you.

Really feeling that,

Feeling the weight of that,

The truth of that in you.

And in the other hand,

It contains the truth that there's a part of the relationship that does not work for you or that you don't know how to be with or that you don't know how to be true to yourself in the relationship or something feels challenging and it scares you.

Whatever is true for you right now about your particular situation,

Really feel that other hand and the weight of that truth.

So to make it simple,

Perhaps in one hand,

The first hand,

It's the truth that you want to be connected with this person and you feel love.

And the other hand is the truth that you feel confused or conflicted or shut down or self-protective or scared.

So these are two very different things in these two hands.

And now I invite you to bring your two hands together at your heart center and just let them rest there,

Bringing the opposites together into your heart space that you've opened so beautifully.

And let this tension,

Let these opposites rest together in your heart center.

Not so that you can figure anything out,

So that you can choose one over the other,

But to actually just be with these two parts of you that have been polarized or have been confusing and to just let the open,

Compassionate awareness of your heart hold space for them.

This tension,

When relaxed into,

When breathed into,

When just allowed to be there,

Can often reveal itself to be a source of incredible energy,

Insight,

And revelation.

I invite you to just have the willingness to not know what to do about these two things and to let them rest together in your open,

Wise heart and see what comes.

You're coming out of duality and just coming home to yourself.

When we're in confusion,

We tend to go out to try to figure it out or to find what the right thing to do is or see if somebody has a rule book we can follow to find the best way.

And that can really distract us and pull us away from our own knowing,

And it can be very confusing.

This practice is profound because you're just coming home to yourself and letting the confusion be there and see what happens,

Trusting that it's okay to not know,

Trusting that there is possibility and wisdom in just being in your heart and letting things be as they are.

Taking a few more breaths into the joining of the opposites of your hands,

Of these two things.

I'm going to explore a few other topics.

Feel free to stay with the first one if that's powerful for you right now.

Now I invite you to explore an idea around your identity.

In one hand,

You can connect with being such a loving,

Communicative,

Genuine,

Helpful person.

You have such a good heart.

You try so hard.

You know there's so much goodness in you.

And in the other hand,

The truth is that there's not much you can do to change things sometimes or to make things better.

Or perhaps you feel like a failure because of a particular situation or you've been judging yourself for not being enough.

Or worried that you're not good enough at something or for someone.

And I invite you to feel these two truths.

That we can know our value.

We can know our goodness.

We can know that we're a child of the divine and we're showing up as best we can.

And we can also have a lot of painful feelings around how hard it is sometimes to be human,

To have relationships,

To explore and support ourselves and find our way.

And I invite you once again to just let these two opposites about how you identify,

How you experience yourself,

Who you think you are,

And let them come together into the heart.

Let these opposites join together and breathe into your heart.

Let them just rest there.

Sometimes I can almost feel the tension in between them,

Like when you put the opposite ends of a battery close to each other and you can feel them pushing each other away.

Or magnets will do that,

That are on the polar ends.

Sometimes you can really feel that and just feel that energy.

Let it be there.

It's part of your life force.

There's so much freedom in not going to war with the opposites.

And let that creative space alchemize and heal and become something new.

Just letting your awareness breathe into that space.

Who you truly are as awareness.

Let yourself feel whatever's here.

Allow whatever you are shown and whatever you feel to be here in the space of the heart.

Let yourself just be all that you are with all your experiences,

All your surety,

All your insecurity,

All your goodness,

All your confusion.

Let it all be here.

Allow the both and.

Very good.

And you can relax.

Very good.

And you can relax.

And we'll do this practice one more time with a different theme so that you know the different possibilities of how to explore it.

Of course you can use it for so many different things in life.

So we're going to explore our relationship to our body and our health now.

In one hand,

The truth that you love and appreciate your body.

It's this amazing vehicle of life that offers you so much.

The ability to live,

To move,

To be in connection and relationship with others.

Does so much for you without you even knowing.

Heart beating,

Digestion,

Breath,

Growth,

Healing.

Feel all of that in one hand.

And in the other hand,

The truth that sometimes your body feels out of control or that you don't know what to do or how to make it healthy,

How to help yourself,

How to heal a sickness,

What to do about particular symptoms or perhaps it's just a way you judge your body.

We should look differently,

Felt different.

Just let that be in your other hand.

And then we're going to bring those two opposites together in the heart into the sacred heart that's in your sacred body exactly as it is.

And breathe.

Be with all that you are.

And let your heart hold compassionate presence for the polarity and duality that your mind creates about who you are and how you are.

And let it rest.

Just let it be.

And see what comes.

And then just relax.

Rest back into the space behind your heart center.

Just let your system absorb the information,

The insights,

The openness that you feel,

The wholeness that this practice creates when we stop going to war with these different parts of ourself and just let everything come home to the empty,

Open space of our awareness and our heart.

I invite you to sit as long as it feels good to you and to let this wisdom of your heart carry you through your day.

Blessings.

Reviews

I'm gradually working with all of your tracks here, Elizabeth.
For me, they are among the very best on Insight Timer.
I love your gentle, soothing voice and I feel so held and nurtured, both by your presence and the practices you offer.

In this one, I saw the opposites around identity at first as a Yin Yang symbol, black and white and two dimensional. It soon became a swirling, 3D globe of marbled colours, endlessly swirling together in the golden light from the heart. Peaceful, spacious, infinite, palpable and perfectly acceptable just as it is. Thank you so much 🙏🏻