Why You Doubt Yourself

In this episode of The Eleposed Podcast we discuss Self Doubt and the implications it has on your life along with how to stop the habit of of doubting yourself. If you'd like to listen to more episodes please check out the website or look for The Eleposed Podcast on your favorite podcast platform.

Transcript

Well,

Hello everyone.

You are listening to the Ellie Post podcast.

I'm your host,

Diana Carter,

And this is episode number 22.

So how are you doing my friends?

I hope you're doing amazing.

I'm doing really well.

I'm taking big new actions in my life,

Which are creating big new changes.

It's been fabulous because it's demanding that I grow and to keep up with it and to continually look at my thoughts and feelings.

One of my recent favorite questions to ask myself,

And this one is super powerful,

It's how am I creating this for myself right now with my thoughts?

That's how am I creating this for myself right now with my thoughts?

And it's super powerful because our thoughts create our lives.

So that is one thought,

One question that I'm really chewing on a lot in my mind right now.

It's shining a lot of light in some dark corners.

It's been super useful.

I love it.

So it's time for a listener shout out.

This review is from Maggie out of Windham,

Connecticut,

And she wrote,

I appreciate this thought provoking,

Empowering podcast.

Thank you so much Maggie for listening to the podcast.

And as you know,

There isn't much impact a podcast can do without having people listen to it.

So thank you so much for listening.

It really is my intention to keep providing empowering content that supports people who value their own mental well being and to live their life as an intentional creator.

So I hope you're doing well,

Maggie and thank you again for your kind words.

So today,

We are going to talk about why you doubt yourself.

And we're going to look at the effect this has on your life.

And then of course,

How you can go about changing it.

So what is self doubt?

It's really simple.

Self doubt is a habit.

It's a thought habit,

A thought pattern.

It's the habit of thinking certain negative thoughts during situations.

And these situations have a wide range and can be different for everyone.

It really just depends on how the thought habit is structured currently in your life.

I love knowing that self doubt is just a habit.

Because I know I can change habits.

You can change habits if you are committed to it.

In fact,

All human beings have the capacity to change habits.

We know this,

It's 100% possible,

Which is just fabulous.

Because when you take a close look at your life,

And see how this type of thought pattern has really placed limits in your life,

Well,

It's like finding out there's a cure for your disease.

So how does self doubt sound to you?

What does it tell you?

When is this herd of thoughts released from the gates for you?

So the habit of self doubt has brutal consequences on your life.

In fact,

This one habit can lead to some of the biggest regrets in life.

When do you realize how nasty of a habit this one actually is?

It's terrible.

Self doubt is the opposite of confidence.

Confidence is a door opener to opportunity,

Right?

Which would make self doubt the chains barricading us from the door.

And when we are really professional self doubters,

These doors can even become invisible,

Right?

I mean,

We are completely blind to them.

Self doubt is simply not believing in our capability to do something.

So thank goodness we learned to walk when we were babies,

Before we picked up the habit of doubting our capability to do new things.

Because can you imagine if you had the amount of self doubt as a baby that you do have now?

Well,

You'd be crawling all over the place still as an adult.

Because luckily,

When you were a baby,

You didn't think that you would never be able to walk simply because you fell down once.

Or you didn't want to try to walk because you were afraid of falling down.

Right?

Or in my case,

I would have anticipated falling down so I wasn't even going to try to walk.

But where are we doing the same thing in our lives now?

So here's another nasty trait of self doubt.

Self doubt sounds very logical,

Sounds realistic and factual.

And it places you in a box.

You see,

I believe that human potential is infinite,

That we aren't meant to restrain ourselves,

But to expand.

Self doubt does the exact opposite of this.

It shrinks us down,

Places limits on our thinking,

And traps us with little blinders to where we can't even see our options.

How has self doubt limited your life up to this point?

How has self doubt literally stopped you with its reasons?

It sounds so logical.

And really consider this.

Is this serving your life?

Is this type of thought pattern serving your life or robbing you from it?

Self doubt is a habit.

You don't have to keep this habit going forward into your future.

It's a carry on baggage you don't have to bring along with you.

And that's wonderful news.

Now,

If your initial response to that idea is Yeah,

Right.

You know,

The areas where I doubt myself are actually legit,

Then just pause and notice for a minute that that is a thought.

So when I've had this conversation with myself,

It sounded something like this.

Yes,

But I really don't have the ability to start a podcast.

I'm not smart enough.

I'm not techie.

I can't create something online.

I barely know how to use a Word document.

And the list goes on and on and on till I'm just procrastinating for so long that it begins a whole new thought pattern of self shame.

Right?

And this repeating pattern just stalls and rotates in my life.

And time keeps passing on and on.

And it all repeats itself over again and again and again,

Which is reinforcing itself with each cycle until 30 years go by.

And I'm in my little box suffering,

Miserable.

My life isn't aligned with my dreams,

My life isn't aligned with my dreams,

Or my true self.

And there's all kinds of suffering in my life,

Right?

This is when we're starting dating people who aren't right for us because we can't find a good partner.

We can't have the career of our dreams because whatever reason,

But it's all I can't,

I can't,

I can't.

So in turn,

I don't,

I don't,

I don't.

And the pattern repeats over and over and over.

You see?

And then another big problem from all of this is we then model this type of thought pattern to our children or the other people around us.

So meanwhile,

Nothing changes in our life,

Which means our brain has successfully kept our life in homeostasis,

Because it doesn't realize that the current homeostasis is a pattern of suffering.

It's not aligned with our true inner self.

But the brain doesn't know that.

It's not our brain's job to know that.

Just like it's not my hands job to draw beautiful pictures.

Now I can train my hands to be able to draw with practice.

I give my hands the capability to be skilled to draw so that when I see an image in my mind or with my eyes that I want to dictate onto paper,

I'm able to do so.

But unless I train my hands,

They aren't just automatically going to take it up upon themselves to get up and start to draw.

My hands are my hands that I can train to do things with.

And they have a wide range of things they can do.

But it's up to me to say this is what we're going to learn to do.

This is the same with our brain,

Except it's much more powerful,

Complicated,

And magnificent.

But still,

It's just doing what it's programmed to do and how it functions naturally.

And it'll keep doing what it's programmed to do.

It'll keep these thought patterns as long as it can until you change up the program.

And we know now we can actually do this.

This is growing and expanding.

This is mental well-being and our ability to continue to develop as humans,

As individuals.

And there is no known limit.

So we've always done this growing,

Except without much conscious attention put on it.

Instead,

We just followed what everyone else was doing.

What we learned,

Right?

We followed everything our parents told us and our teachers and our society and our culture.

But once we're adults,

It's now our responsibility to do this,

To direct this.

It's all part of our continued growth.

So can you notice how second nature self-doubt sounds to you?

When I'm writing content like this,

My logical brain likes to come in,

Likes to kick in and chat,

Right?

I'm not sure why,

But this time it sounded like some Scottish guy,

Some Scottish guy's voice in my head,

Right?

It's probably because of all the outlander I've been watching lately.

But anyways,

My logical side kept kicking in and saying,

So,

You know,

Here's the problem,

Diana.

What happens when there's a person with no legs,

Right?

So you're telling me a person with no legs who just have to believe they can run and then they'll grow legs and be able to run,

Grow legs and be able to run.

Because that's what it sounds like you're saying.

So this is what my logical brain like to come up with.

So here's what I believe,

That if the person with no legs believed he or she could run,

Then that person would be the person who fashions the device that allows him or her to do so.

Person who doesn't,

They wouldn't even try.

That is the difference.

There's no limit.

The only limit comes from our thoughts.

We are capable to create and when we can create anything is possible.

Out of nothingness,

Infinite possibility is born.

So our self-doubt,

It's going to sound so familiar and as if it's your true self.

But notice,

This is just a thought that you have been thinking over and over and over to the point where now it's just reality to you.

And then you make it reality because your thought restricts the actions that you take and that turns out how the way your life will look.

So your results never change,

Which means you simply keep repeating the same loop over and over again,

Reinforcing your brain's RAS and confirmation bias,

Thickening up those blinders over your eyes.

And what happens is this keeps you safe,

Which is one of the primary functions of our brain to keep the body safe.

Now this is excellent and a super important function of our brain.

It's kept us alive.

But the problem is the big scary thing your brain thinks it's protecting you from out there is an email you're writing your boss about meeting with you to discuss your new proposal or it's submitting your book to a publishing company or it's asking someone out on a date,

Right?

We typically aren't in scenarios when we're attempting to leap from a ledge onto a platform six feet away and if we miss we'll fall 1500 feet to our death,

Right?

Now I think in this situation a little self-doubt might be useful,

Especially in my case where I have really short legs and zero jumping skills.

In fact a lot of self-doubt would be great in that scenario for me because if I attempt that jump I'm gonna die.

But in this day and age where our brains haven't evolved to serve us the best for the issues we face on a daily basis,

Instead of protecting us it is literally holding us back.

So we have to evolve our consciousness.

We have to see these things for what they are.

We need to have those aha moments.

I'm experiencing self-doubt.

Am I standing on a ledge?

Well no.

Okay then let me take a deeper look here and see what's going on,

Right?

But we don't do this.

We keep listening to the self-doubt that we began thinking years ago and not even questioning it.

That's default my friends.

So how is self-doubt holding you back in your life?

How would your life be different if you didn't doubt yourself?

What would change?

How would your life improve if you had confidence opening doors for you?

My own struggles with self self-doubt shows up with raising my daughter as a single parent and especially if I notice she has any kind of self-esteem issue.

I mean the slightest thing,

You know,

She doesn't want to go introduce herself to a new kid,

Right?

I totally start projecting my own fears onto her.

I make it all about myself and what have I done,

You know?

I've ruined my child,

Right?

She's acting human over here.

But if I don't catch myself,

My tendency to catastrophize things likes to kick in and I envision my daughter just ruined forever and,

You know,

Anxiety revs up and all the worry.

But luckily I've learned to manage my mind.

So now instead I can stop the old habits of doubting myself and making everything about me and I can ask useful questions in the moment.

I can be aware.

How can I support my daughter in this situation?

Which actually is useful right then and there instead of turning it in all about me and my own failures and which would totally waste the present moment by keeping me distracted with a story.

But that's what we do.

We numb out to the present with these thought patterns and then we miss out on experiencing our life.

But,

You know,

We live this way a lot,

Stuck in these stories that come from those thought patterns and we miss out on the moment.

Then we model living in story rather than living in the present,

Which is a topic I'll be discussing in a future episode,

But because I think there's a lot of parents out there who really want to know how do we pass these things on to our children,

Right?

Because it's super important,

But that'll be another episode soon.

So what can we do?

Step one is to become aware.

You have to become aware of your self-doubt and the habit of thinking these thoughts.

That's when you will be able to take your own power back,

Take the reins back and realign to living your life how you desire to live it.

And then not only realize that this is a habit,

But to realize that this habit is optional.

When you separate yourself from the habit,

You can see the space in between yourself and the habit.

And then you have the ability to respond instead of just function from a default mode,

Which of course is all part of learning how to manage your mind,

Right?

So get your mind back to your mind and go back to your mind.

So going from a person who simply reacts to your life from a place of default and old programming to the person who takes responsibility and really owns being the intentional creator of your life.

It's beautiful.

It is true freedom,

My friends,

Living your life.

You recognize there's no limits here and you see infinite possibility as your creative medium.

It really is fabulous.

Now,

Of course,

Habits don't just die overnight typically.

It takes serious commitment to living the lifestyle of someone who has decided that you're tired of suffering under this old limiting way of living.

It takes commitment because the process of changing any habit is uncomfortable for a time.

And what happens for a lot of us is we are unprepared for the discomfort and resistance.

You know,

I noticed this tendency with people around me who wanted to quit smoking cigarettes.

So down here in the south,

I know it's very different in a lot of other parts of the country and world even,

But tobacco is still heavily used here.

A lot of people smoke and it's socially not really taboo yet,

But I always thought it was interesting how people would ask me how I quit smoking and I'd explain what I did.

Then they'd respond with,

Yeah,

You know,

I tried to,

I tried to quit smoking,

But it was just too hard or it got hard.

But what I never understood was why they were actually surprised by the difficult part of quitting to smoke because it's a chemical dependency your body has on this thing.

So,

Of course it's going to be hard.

It's going to be extremely hard and uncomfortable,

But in order to do it successfully,

You have to go in knowing that you're going to experience some misery here.

You're going to suffer.

It's going to be horrible going through all the chemical dependency withdrawals.

Well,

A lot of people don't go into quitting smoking with that mindset,

With that awareness.

So as soon as it gets tough,

They're out.

They're like,

Oh,

Nope,

I can't,

I can't quit.

It got hard.

I can't do that.

I mean,

The same is true with changing thought patterns.

You have to expect and prepare for the resistance that's going to come along with it.

So we start changing the habit of self doubt and all of a sudden that requires we try new things.

Whereas before we just procrastinate,

Avoid and numb out,

But our new thoughts cause us to live new ways and anything new is horrible,

Says your brain.

Not to mention,

We have no idea how it's going to turn out and the brain really dislikes unknowns.

So resistance kicks in and the habit of self doubt really begins to scream loud here.

And then we begin to entertain the idea that well,

Maybe we really can't.

And then before you know it,

The loop is begun all over again.

But you know,

That's okay.

This is where we practice love and we recommit over and over and over.

We practice new thoughts and the old habit slowly begins to break away.

You practice new thoughts and those begin to become reinforced and the brain with its marvelous functions eventually takes over and the self belief becomes a new pattern of thinking and your life begins to transform.

So when you're working on changing your thought patterns,

My friends,

Any of them,

Just realize that resistance is completely normal.

Don't take it to mean you now have confirmation that you can't do this and keep going.

Keep taking action despite of it.

That's when we're really pulling those old wheats up out by the roots from our mental garden.

All right,

My friends,

Well,

That is it for me today.

Thank you again for listening to the podcast.

I'll talk to you soon.

Hey,

If you're loving the content of this podcast,

And you're ready to take it even deeper,

Then you've got to come check out my new course,

Manager Messy Mind Confidence Bootcamp,

Where we dive in even deeper and I teach you how to use the tools of managing your mind and apply it to your own life.

Go to Elliposa.

Com that's E L E P O S A

Reviews

That was very nice and helpful. Thank you so much 😊

Thanks for shedding some light on this nasty little habit of ours 😅 Now I am certainly more aware and ready to take action! ☺

Thans Diana, interesting chat and will look up your podcast for more 👌 I didn't agree with the cigarette being hard to quit but the rest was A1 and I got a lot from it. Thanks again!

Thank you 🙏🏼 Great clarification on noticing where I doubt myself

Excellent explanations and how to deal with the issue. Enjoyed the bits of humor too!

This was so comforting and reassuring to hear, thank you 🙏🏼