How To Thrive With Fear

In this episode of the Eleposed Podcast, we talk about fear and how the brain's automatic response to fear is not always what we want to use as our guide for making decisions in our life. In order to intentionally create our life, we have to manage our minds and sometimes that means feeling fear but taking action anyway. We look at how fear is restricting you in your life currently and how to begin to change it.

Transcript

Well,

Hello my lovely friends!

How are you doing?

Wonderful,

Wonderful,

Wonderful to talk to you today.

And I hope you're just doing fabulous.

I can't believe we are starting to get near fall time.

It just blows my mind.

The journey of life and how it goes.

When I think about myself in the future,

I sometimes like to look around,

Kind of wonder in the room,

You know,

What in this room is going to be with me in 30 years,

Say.

Some of it,

Maybe none of it,

You know.

Thirty years is a long time.

I was kind of sad I was thinking about this the other day.

My dog was sitting next to me,

Snoring away.

I love his snore.

I call it his Santa snore.

But I was thinking about it,

You know,

In the future,

30 years from now,

He's not going to be there with me.

I won't have my Santa snoring next to me,

Making all these crazy noises in my podcasts when I'm trying to record.

But you know,

It was just a thought and made me really appreciate just everything in the moment.

This time in life.

So it's a great tool.

So today,

We are going to talk about fear and how to thrive with fear.

It seems a bit counterintuitive to think of fear in this way as a tool to thrive.

But all the same,

It's an excellent tool.

So let's look at the different types of fear.

Fear is primarily a function of the brain.

And it uses fear in a way that's very primitive still.

It's been doing this for thousands of years.

And it's kept humans alive.

So this type of fear,

You know,

It's a healthy fear is really beneficial in real life threatening circumstances.

So this would be when the brain receives input from our senses,

Such as you're hiking and your you your eyes,

See a snake on the ground.

And because the brain is always scanning for input from our senses,

For any signs of danger,

Your body may leap back out of the way from a snake before you are even consciously aware of seeing the snake.

And really funny too.

And I remember where I read this price,

Some kids science magazine.

But um,

People who are more afraid of snakes are going to typically see the snake faster and respond faster than people who are less afraid of snakes,

Which I thought was really kind of funny just because I've had an easiness around snakes.

I'm not afraid of snakes.

It just I don't necessarily want one where I'm not aware of it being versus like spiders.

Spiders don't bother me at all.

So I would see the snake before the person who's not afraid of snakes,

And I wouldn't even notice a spider.

But anyways,

So this is the beauty of just how our brains function on autopilot in many ways to keep us safe.

And when this goes into overdrive,

However,

This is when our brain is receiving input that your brain is responding to as real life threats or danger.

But due to our modern lifestyle,

There isn't actually anything life threatening going on.

However your body still feels the sensations as if it were okay.

So an example of this is a way some of us act and think perhaps during swimsuit season,

Right?

We can be so programmed about swimsuit season that just the mere mention of it may make some of our stomachs just lurch,

Right?

And one reason why this is is because of the way we think about it.

So our brains take this to mean that something really dangerous is out there called swimsuit season,

And it really must be avoided at all costs.

So that is a way that it can respond the way it would to a snake,

But in a situation where it doesn't really need to respond that way.

But your brain doesn't know that.

Your brain is going to simply respond in its best interest to protect you,

I.

E.

Fear.

So that's an example of when fear is not serving us.

We also have a lot of fears about ourselves,

And these are really interesting because this is generally where we discover beliefs we have about ourselves and that we see as completely true and are really negative.

For example,

The fear that we somehow just aren't good enough.

Somehow.

We just aren't good enough.

We don't know how we're not good enough,

We just somehow aren't good enough.

Or that something is just,

Something's wrong with us.

You don't know what it is,

But it's 100% true,

There's just something wrong with us.

And what happens is with these unknown variable truths we have about ourselves that aren't true by the way,

But we believe that 100% and they feel completely true.

When we have these thoughts and these beliefs and these fears,

What happens is that due to our brilliant brains and our confirmation bias,

Anything that it can find that proves that these thoughts are true,

It does.

So any little mistake,

Hyperactive,

Goes as aha,

I knew something was wrong with you.

There it is.

There is some more proof.

Yep,

Totally not good enough.

Okay,

Just keeps reinforcing these fears that we probably got about ourselves at a very young age.

So we've been carrying around these fears for many,

Many years.

We all have them.

These are things that we just develop as human beings.

So when we have a belief like this,

It causes fear because it's an unknown.

The brain hates things that are unknown,

Unknown variables,

Very,

Very afraid of unknowns.

Because if you think about it,

What does it actually mean not to be good enough or to have something wrong with you?

Because if you approach this even logically,

It's like,

Okay,

Well,

You can never ever be perfect.

Nothing.

There's no perfection.

Like perfection just doesn't actually exist ever.

Things are always changing and growing and evolving.

So you could never technically ever be like,

At the prime level,

Like,

You know,

Number one because there's always gonna be something else that overcomes that.

That's just the way that it goes.

And then not being good enough.

It's like,

Well,

You're actually not supposed to be good enough because that's the whole purpose of life is to grow and to expand and to keep growing.

And there's no end point to that.

It just keeps going on and on and on and on.

The fear is legit,

Though.

We genuinely suffer from these beliefs and these thoughts,

These fears.

Even if you break it apart,

It really still feels like these are 100% truths.

If not for everybody else,

It still is true for you.

Right?

And that's how true it is to us.

It's how unshakable these are to us.

So this fear shows up in lots of different ways.

But a few examples of how we see them show up in our lives is by being an overachiever,

Being a perfectionist,

Having to always be right.

Excuses,

Procrastinating,

And people pleasing.

There are other ways it can show up too,

But because of our brilliant brains,

It has many tactics to avoid,

Hide,

And protect itself.

Because after all,

Protecting you from unknown variables is one of your brain's most prime objectives,

Which is actually fabulous.

Again,

These tactics aren't meant to be negative.

They aren't bad.

They just don't serve us very well in our modern day and age.

They do the opposite,

And that's restrict us from the results we actually want to have to create the lives we want.

The brain is responding to and prepping for thousands of pieces of stimuli from the modern environment.

Remember,

We're constantly bombarded now by messages,

Smells,

Sounds,

Images,

Situations,

And that our society is just built on all of this now.

It's actually incredible that we can even handle it if you think about it.

So your brain is not your enemy,

And we don't want to adopt this idea that we need to mistrust or fight with our brain.

We don't.

We simply need to become aware of the way it's working,

How it's going to respond,

And realize that just because that's how your brain is responding,

Such as with fear sensations and these just truths about ourselves that something is wrong,

Just because it's responding that way,

It doesn't actually mean that it is what's best or the type of action you should be taking to get the results you want to have.

The brain just needs to be managed by you because you're the creator of your life,

Not the passenger in the car seat anymore.

And part of becoming a responsible adult is taking the responsibility of the vehicle,

Your vehicle.

It's what you've been growing up to do.

Because this is your time to do amazing things with your amazing brain as your ally,

Even if it's a trigger-happy scaredy-cat.

All right,

So how do we use fear to thrive?

Being able to identify when fear is serving you,

Such as when you're creeping around a jungle late at night and all your spidey senses are pinging,

Okay?

That is your brain serving you very well.

Or when it's not serving you,

Such as when you need to take that next step in promoting yourself.

An example would be,

You know,

You're at work with your boss,

But you're too afraid to ask for that raise because all your spidey senses are pinging and telling you,

Yeah,

Well,

If the boss fires you,

You know,

If the boss fires you instead,

You won't be able to pay that mortgage bill and there you'll land on the side of the road in that ugly green bathrobe.

You really should get rid of that bathrobe.

You're never going to wear it.

And oh my gosh,

I forgot to use that coupon again.

Right?

Isn't that the way it goes?

That's when it's not serving you.

So when you begin to examine your thoughts,

It's important to do this from a place of love and curiosity because it doesn't matter if you've been letting fear run the boat for the majority of your life.

Most of us have.

And it's not wrong.

It's just horribly miserable.

Okay.

And it's not the only option.

So I want you to take an honest examination of your life and ask yourself,

How is fear restricting you right now in your life?

How does fear hold you back?

And if you get an answer or a few,

Then just realize that in these areas,

You aren't being the one in charge.

You're defaulting.

Just ask yourself why.

So because we are so familiar with our fears,

They often are going to just sound like resounding truths.

Things like,

Yeah,

Well,

My boss is a total jerk.

And if I ask for a raise,

I really would just get fired or totally humiliated or blank,

Blank,

Blank,

Blank,

Blank.

Right?

But realize the future is unwritten.

You could be fired for any reason.

You may not get a raise when you ask for one.

It's true.

The boss may retaliate.

Absolutely might.

But what does that mean?

Does it mean that your fear is validated such as,

Yep,

You really aren't good enough?

Do you see how it's a rabbit hole?

Do you see how you aren't the one in charge of your life when you live this way?

Because negative circumstances happen.

It's part of the cause and effect of life.

Fearing what may or could happen doesn't put you in the driver's seat.

It keeps you stuck in the trunk.

So let's get out of the trunk and start driving this thing.

If you get fired,

Say,

It has nothing to do with your self-worth.

Nothing.

It has no impact on whether you're good enough,

Whether you're worthy,

None of that.

People get fired.

Talented people get fired.

Firing is part of business.

It's just like people get rejected when romantically pursuing other people.

It's going to happen,

Probably more often because not everyone is going to find you attractive.

That's just how it is.

It doesn't mean you're not attractive.

It doesn't mean you don't get to feel attractive and sexy.

Of course you do.

It just means people have preferences.

People are allowed to have preferences.

It doesn't mean anything about you.

It doesn't mean you aren't good enough.

This isn't proof of your fear.

Your fears are just fears.

It's just your brain talking,

Restricting you and holding you back.

When you notice your fears,

Evaluate if this fear is serving you.

Are you in a life-threatening situation?

Or does your brain simply think you are?

If you're not,

Then simply acknowledge your brain's doing its job.

Hello,

Fear.

I hear ya.

But I'm not going to die asking this person out.

So let those sensations flow through your body.

Don't reject them.

Let them in.

They won't hurt you.

Allow them to be.

And they're going to pass.

Now,

Here is the important part.

Feel the feelings and take the action anyway.

If you have identified an area where you are restricted by fear and the fear is not protecting you from actual danger and your life could benefit from the action,

Then go for it.

See what new opportunities lie beyond that door.

You won't know until you open it and take a step in.

And it's an exciting way to begin to live.

Let me warn you.

Get ready for changes and be there for yourself always,

No matter what.

And you'll be brave enough to do anything.

You'll be unstoppable.

Because the purpose of fear is to stop you.

And sometimes it's necessary.

Stop and evaluate.

And then ask yourself,

Who's the creator of your life?

All right.

So at the website,

My friends,

If you'd like to start working with your fear in a new way,

I have a downloadable for you.

It's got some powerful questions for you to use and start asking yourself to see what comes up for you.

Go to elliposa.

Com.

That's E-L-E-P-O-S-A dot com.

The podcast episode page 18,

How to Thrive with Fear.

Click on there.

You'll see some show notes and the link for the downloadable should pop up for you.

I also have a lot of other free resources on the website for you to check out.

Also,

I'd love to hear how fear has been holding you back.

If you had any light bulb moment when you saw how fear was really holding you back in your life,

Let me know.

I'd love to hear from you.

And of course,

If you are ready to start managing your mind,

Then you've got to check out my course Manage Your Messy Mind,

Where I teach you the tools to begin managing your mind and really transform your life,

Intentionally be the creator of your life.

All right,

Lovelies.

That is it for me today.

I'll talk to you soon.

Reviews

That was fab! I’ve been overwhelmed by fear in recent weeks, and your talk was so helpful. Made me smile for the first time in a while too.
Thanks so much xx

I love this podcast.i’ll be sure to check out you website and i hope you keep making podcasts. : )

Again great tips and insights- thank you

Nice review. Thanks

Wow! That was great, informative and wonderfully humorous.
Thank you!