Surrender: Overcoming The Internal Conflict

Surrender. The mere thought pisses me off! Now, on my spiritual journey, I'm being faced with the Divine lesson of surrender. This new, unfamiliar concept is one of great power, strength and courage. So then why does it case us such discomfort?

Transcript

Hi,

Welcome.

I'm Dr.

Tracy Moreno,

Psychologist,

And today we're talking about surrender and resolving that conflict within us to surrender.

Now this was,

Is a personal journey of mine and the mere thought of the word surrender,

I got to be honest,

Just pisses me off sometimes.

Now,

On my spiritual journey,

I'm being faced with the divine lesson of surrender.

This new and unfamiliar concept is one of great power,

Strength,

And courage,

But you know what?

It still pisses me off.

And I'm sure the word causes discomfort for at least some of you as well.

If you believe we are spiritual beings living a human existence,

Then surrendering has two vastly different meanings.

These contradictory messages can put us in our own internal conflict,

Which can significantly influence the path we choose to walk in this lifetime.

The internal conflict arises with the knowledge that we are energetic beings living a human existence.

The human egoic mind believes our only experience is the human one,

And that death is an inevitable part of life.

This belief is rooted in survival and uses fear as a means to maintain our survival.

When we're scared,

We are less likely to put ourselves in danger,

Take risks,

Step outside of our comfort zone,

Or accept change.

To the ego,

This keeps us safe.

But what's important to understand about the ego is that this mechanism to protect us was essentially when being eaten by a dinosaur was an actual possibility.

However,

Now the ego is unable to differentiate the threat of a dinosaur between the threat of,

Say,

Starting your own business,

Getting a divorce,

Or even attending a social event.

When it comes to the idea of surrendering,

The ego triggers its fear response with the hope that we just don't do it.

Society has doubled down on this theory by conditioning us that surrendering is a weakness and a behavior to be embarrassed or ashamed of.

So it's no wonder that we have difficulty accepting this concept.

So why should we surrender?

Because it's our only path to peace.

In order for the ego to surrender,

We must understand the concept as a spiritual one.

Surrendering is not about giving up.

It's about accepting our current reality while also trusting that the situation will work out for our highest good.

This faith could be in a higher power like God,

Spirit guides,

Angels,

Higher self,

Or in a more indistinct power like the universe,

Energy,

Destiny.

Whatever you choose is good for you.

So let's talk about acceptance.

Our current reality is our current reality,

Whether we choose to accept it or not.

If we don't accept our current reality,

Then how can we improve it?

It's the same process as having to identify a problem first so that we can solve it.

When we fight our reality,

We're only fighting ourselves and the reality doesn't change.

Think about if you were driving and got a flat tire.

You can scream,

Cry,

And kick the tire all you want,

But that isn't going to change the tire.

Once you accept the fact that you have a flat tire,

You can change it or call for help.

This is like the spiritual concept regarding the difference between pain and suffering.

The Buddha said,

Quote,

Pain is inevitable.

Suffering is optional.

When we are faced with a painful situation in life,

We tend to compound the problem with unnecessary judgment,

Blame,

And shame or guilt.

Then our ego shifts into damage control to minimize those painful emotions.

So now instead of problem solving the actual problem,

We are focused on symptom management,

Which causes our suffering.

The situation was painful enough to begin with.

Now in our effort to control the situation,

We find ourselves in a constant state of suffering.

Most times when we try to control the situation,

What we actually end up doing is forcing our will and expectations onto other situations and even people.

This can look like trying to over control other situations or our external environment,

Having unrealistic expectations of other people and situations,

Attempting to force things to happen the way we want or expect them to happen,

Having a tendency to harshly judge ourselves or others,

Or falling into a pattern of feeling victimized.

Here's an example.

I'm just going to use a made up name of Carrie,

Right?

She's going to be our case study for the day.

Carrie is going through a breakup.

She's experiencing sadness,

Anger,

Fear,

Guilt,

And regret.

In her sadness,

Carrie blames herself.

In her anger,

She blames her partner.

Out of fear,

She may attempt a reconciliation or retreat back to an old,

Familiar,

Yet unhealthy relationship.

The guilt and regret perpetuates the cycle and allows this emotional roller coaster to consume her life.

Okay,

So now here's the assessment of what Carrie is going through.

Carrie tried to control the situation by controlling her emotions.

This only provided her with symptom management and enabled and encouraged her own suffering.

And this did not even help the root cause of the symptoms,

Which was the loss of the relationship.

At no time during this cycle of painful emotions did Carrie deal with the actual loss of the relationship because she was trapped in the cycle of symptom management.

So here's some alternative options to deal with the core root of the problem.

So for Carrie,

Her core root of the problem is the loss of the relationship,

The breakup.

Here are some examples of alternative options.

Carrie needs to allow herself to experience,

Process,

And release the painful emotions.

Carrie needs to recognize when she starts cycling back through these emotions,

Which is often common with the stages of grief.

In number three,

Carrie needs to continue to process and release the emotions while practicing the divinity of surrendering.

So I want to share with you an experience that I recently had when I was really trying to surrender,

Truly surrender.

And this was part of my journey.

So I was floating in the pool,

Staring up at the sky and repeating this mantra.

I surrender and let go of what no longer serves me.

I surrender and let go of what no longer serves me.

As I started repeating the mantra,

My muscles were tight.

My speech was fast and assertive,

As if to force my intention of surrendering into existence.

And what I realized is that I was trying to force it.

I was forcibly holding my body above the water.

So I was forcing this act of surrender,

Not only spiritually,

But emotionally and physically.

I thought to myself,

Why am I fighting against the water to stay afloat when I know,

I know the water will support me all on its own.

I'm an excellent swimmer.

I can float for hours.

So why was I resisting and not allowing it to allowing the water to support me?

Realizing this,

I realized that it defeats my purpose.

So I took a breath.

I softened my body.

I gently encouraged myself to let go.

And I refocused my attention on my breath.

And being a scuba diver,

Also,

We can use our breath to either ascend or descend.

So when I inhaled,

I rose above the water gracefully.

But then when I exhaled,

I sank miserably.

I realized I let go of using my muscles and defaulted to using my breath in an effort to maintain control.

So I'm still trying to control.

I'm not yet in a state of surrender.

Realizing this still defeated my purpose,

I reminded myself to allow and trust.

And then I returned to the mantra.

I surrender and let go of what no longer serves me.

Only this time,

I stopped saying the words.

And I started feeling what these words actually mean.

My attention organically shifted back into the blue sky between the clouds.

My breath became even,

Calm,

Steady.

And my body gradually became lighter.

I was finally floating effortlessly without even thinking about it.

And as soon as I realized the irony of this analogy,

I started laughing to myself and then sank again.

But I went into the pool to float and realized that I was guided instead.

What I realized is that surrender is more than just a word.

It's a measure of faith.

It's a lesson in divinity.

Surrendering is more than just an act.

It can't just be said.

It needs to be felt.

It needs to be our guide,

Our way of life.

Good luck to you on your journey of surrender.

Reviews

TY! Surrender is challenging! But it’s amazingly powerful and often the only way. So ironic that we cause our own suffering by attempting to control situations.

Surrendering is probably the best thing to do but it is definitely the hardest to accomplish. Thank you!🙏

Inspiring and grounding. Thank you! 🙏

Thank you very much. Really interesting, helpful and beautifully explained.