Getting Motivated For Change: A Guided Exercise

Learn how to get motivated and stay motivated with a psychological intervention called Motivational Interviewing. In this guided exercise Dr Traci reviews the Stages of Change along with question for you to answer at each stage to help you move through the stages so that you can make the changes needed and wanted in your life for greater happiness and success.

Transcript

Hi,

This is Dr.

Tracey Moreno,

Psychologist,

And today we're going to talk about motivation and our motivation to make changes.

So change is hard,

Very hard,

But it's not impossible.

If I didn't believe change was possible,

I wouldn't be doing what I do,

Right?

But with that said,

However,

To make changes in our life,

It takes a great deal of motivation.

And this motivation has to be internal from within ourselves.

When our motivation is from external sources like a relationship,

Job,

Family,

It usually doesn't last that long.

We can make temporary changes for a couple of days,

A couple of weeks,

Maybe even a couple of months.

But eventually we progress back to what we know and what we're comfortable with,

Even if we don't necessarily like it.

This is called regression to the mean.

If you're having difficulty with your motivation for change,

It can help to assess where you are on that continuum of change.

In psychology,

It's believed there are five main stages of change.

Those are pre-contemplation,

Contemplation,

Preparation,

Action,

And maintenance.

You want to assess what stage you're in and challenge yourself as to how to overcome each stage.

And that can help maybe give you the jumpstart you need to actually make those changes.

So I'm going to review each change and its characteristics,

And then I'll give you some writing prompts to answer.

So I'll say each question slowly and repeat it.

And I recommend either stopping the recording after each question to write your answer,

Or you can just write the questions down to answer them later.

There won't be a long enough pause between questions for you to answer them and then keep the recording playing.

Okay,

So let's begin with the first stage of change,

Which is the pre-contemplation stage.

In this stage,

We aren't even thinking about change because we don't even realize there's a problem that needs changing.

We usually make excuses for our behavior or blame others for our problems.

We can blame family or childhood,

Our boss,

Our race or ethnicity.

We can blame society,

Our financial status or whatever else.

If someone in this stage comes to therapy,

It's usually because they're either court ordered or forced or given an ultimatum by a parent,

Or they're making some last ditch effort to save a relationship by promising to go to therapy.

However,

Notice I said going to therapy and not participating in therapy,

Because that's usually what happens.

So the writing prompts to help you move through this stage.

The questions are,

Who in your life wants you to change?

And how does this affect the relationship?

I'll repeat that.

Who in your life wants you to change?

And how does this affect the relationship?

Question two,

Why do they want you to change?

Why do they want you to change?

Question three,

How does it feel to you when they ask you to change?

How does it feel to you when they ask you to change?

Now we're going to move on to the second stage of change,

Which is the contemplation stage.

At this stage,

We start to acknowledge there's a problem that needs changing.

Although we don't quite understand the problem yet,

Or recognize how it's affecting our life.

We could also begin to contemplate possible solutions,

But more in theory,

And not in a way of taking action yet.

So here are the writing prompts for this stage.

The first one is,

What would be the advantages and disadvantages of changing?

I'll repeat that.

What would be the advantages and disadvantages of changing?

Question two,

If you were to make these changes,

How would your life be different?

If you were to make these changes,

How would your life be different?

Question three,

Let's say you were to change.

What would that change look like?

And how hard would it be for you?

Let's say you were to change.

What would that change look like,

And how hard would it be for you?

The third stage of change is the preparation stage.

Here we're not only ready for change,

We're excited,

But we're also a little anxious or scared to change.

We're now ready to create a behavioral action plan to plan out what needs to change and how to implement this change.

I do discuss how to create a behavioral action plan in a guided exercise.

It's titled,

Making a plan to overcome a lack of motivation,

If you'd like more on creating a behavioral action plan.

In this stage,

Although we're excited for the change,

We can still be a little anxious and scared.

We still need a little bit of encouragement to actually take the action to change.

Here are the writing prompts for this stage.

Number one,

What concerns you the most about this change?

What concerns you the most about this change?

Number two,

What excites you the most about this change?

What excites you the most about this change?

Number three,

Why do you want to make this change?

Why do you want to make this change?

The fourth stage is called the action stage.

When we're ready to take that action,

We've reached the fourth stage of change.

Changes are actively now being made or thought patterns in our behavior are being modified.

This stage requires a great deal of commitment,

Persistence,

And continued motivation.

Although we know we're trying hard,

It may not be noticeable to others,

Which can be discouraging at times.

So we need to always keep in mind our motivation.

Here are the writing prompts.

Number one,

What are you noticing with your efforts to change in terms of how you feel about yourself and how others are reacting to you?

What are you noticing with your efforts to change in terms of how you feel about yourself and how others are reacting to you?

Question two,

What's been the hardest part and how can you overcome it?

What's been the hardest part and how can you overcome it?

Number three,

What's been the most rewarding part?

What's been the most rewarding part?

Now this stage we obviously want to stay in,

So we're not trying to,

With these questions,

We're not trying to move out of this stage.

We're trying to stay motivated to stay in it.

However,

Stage five is the maintenance stage.

This stage is a tough one because of that regression to the mean.

It can be easy to fall back into our old behavior,

But please know that this is very normal and this is part of our human tendency.

We have to be careful here not to get discouraged or think we failed or even worse give up.

We just have to remind ourselves that this is a normal part of change.

We could fall back into any one of the other stages,

But we just have to remind ourselves that we've already worked through it once so we can do it again.

It's fairly easy to change temporarily,

So only time will tell permanent change.

So this is going to take time.

A common belief is that it takes six weeks to change behavior.

However,

In my personal and professional experience,

I believe it takes about six months.

If we can maintain that changed behavior for six months,

It's most likely going to just become our new normal.

We won't have to be making such a conscious effort in trying to change.

It'll get easier.

We just have to keep pushing ourselves,

Encouraging ourselves,

And reminding ourselves of why we are doing this in the first place,

Going back to our motivation for change.

So this is not a setback.

This is an opportunity to learn and grow.

So take advantage if you move into this maintenance stage.

Not if you move,

When you move into this maintenance stage,

Because again,

It is normal and part of the process.

So here are your writing prompts for this stage.

This one has four questions.

First question,

When you were actively making this change,

What were the benefits and consequences?

When you were actively making this change,

What were the benefits and consequences?

If there were consequences,

This is question two,

If there were consequences,

How can you overcome them or work with them?

If there were consequences,

How can you overcome them or work with them?

Question three,

How can you get yourself back into the action stage?

How can you get yourself back into the action stage?

To answer this question,

Think about what worked in the past,

What kept encouraging you or helped you overcome anything.

And question four,

How would it feel to make this change your new normal?

How would it change your life?

How would it feel to make this change your new normal?

And how would it change your life?

Okay,

That's the end of the stages.

Please remember that,

Again,

Change is hard,

But it's not impossible.

If change were easy,

Everybody would be living their ideal life.

It's part of our human condition to want what we can't have,

Be our own worst enemy,

To sabotage ourselves.

This is normal for all of us.

So it's going to take a lot of effort and motivation to quiet these toxic thoughts in our head.

But the more we give those toxic thoughts a fight and begin to replace them with healthy thoughts,

They will slowly and gradually back down until those healthy thoughts dominate.

It's our life and we are the ones that are going to live with the rewards or the consequences.

So please give yourself a fighting chance and fight for you.

You are worth it.

Thank you for listening.

Reviews

This one is going to linger. You crushed this. I feel like Wonder Woman at the moment 🤭

Wonderful insightful talk! Writing down my answers helped me understand better my situation. Will certainly listen to this talk again👍

The accountability in this is so good!
Just the motivation I needed to make myself a better person. Everyone needs a kick in the pants sometimes. With the new year around the corner I would like to make some resolutions to be a better person. Right now, I am thinking about what I would like those to be. The questions that are proposed in this talk help me to come up with that list of resolutions.
Thank you for this talk.

Thank you for this. I am excited to spend some time journalling on these questions. I want to make changes but can't find the motivation. I have made some huge changes in the last 5 years but now can't find the motivation to take the next steps. I'm sure this contemplation will help. 🥰

Wow. That was the most helpful talk I’ve encountered on IT. Thank you so much for this thorough set of tools for us to consider and try.
Namaste

Hopeful