Too Much Effort

In this podcast, we explore a healthy way to reach goals and find present moment happiness in life. This lecture does not a guided meditation, but will teach us a lot about setting realistic goals that will cause us happiness in our pursuit of it.

Transcript

Welcome to the Happiness Podcast.

I'm Dr.

Robert Puff.

As human beings,

We love to accomplish things.

We love to have things to go a certain way,

And we'll put a lot of effort into making sure this happens.

For example,

Here in the U.

S.

,

A lot of people have jackpot fever because right now the largest jackpot in U.

S.

History is going on with over a billion dollars at stake.

And the number of tickets being sold is astonishing.

People really want to win this jackpot,

And they feel if they do,

Their lives will be wonderful.

And if they don't,

Some people,

Believe it or not,

Are going to go into despair.

Now to us,

This may seem silly.

Why would someone go into despair if they didn't win a jackpot,

Which the odds of them winning are so miniscule?

How is that possible?

But I think if we ponder a minute about our own lives,

We'll be able to find lots of examples of this same type of too much effort.

Too much effort can really manifest itself in so many ways.

Think of our own lives or people that we know that so badly,

For example,

Want to get into the Ivy League,

And when they do or when they don't,

They're disappointed often either way.

Not getting in disappoints them,

Of course,

But getting in can often disappoint them because it wasn't what they expected.

It didn't create the lasting happiness that they were hoping for.

Or think about our financial goals.

I remember once working with a man who,

When he was younger,

Worked so hard to get that first promotion,

And when he did,

His salary doubled.

And though at the time he was so excited,

Very quickly he adjusted to the new income and his salary had kept going up.

And when I knew him,

He was making far more than he had made during that first jump.

And yet he discovered that with all the money he was making right now and all the effort he put towards making that money,

He definitely wasn't any happier and probably less happier than when he was younger.

I think of all the self-help books out there that talk about goals and making our goals,

And if we get our goals,

Our lives are going to be wonderful.

And though this wasn't the first book out there,

It was probably one of the most popular books,

Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill.

It really got people excited about making money and reaching their goals.

And then everything would be wonderful.

Well,

It did teach some people how to reach goals,

But even when they get those goals,

What they discover is it doesn't necessarily bring happiness and sometimes it actually brings unhappiness.

Because often in order to reach truly challenging goals,

A lot has to be sacrificed.

And I mean a lot.

Our health,

Our marriages,

Our love relationships,

So many things often have to be sacrificed to reach certain goals.

It's almost as if too much effort has a price tag.

And in today's podcast,

I want to talk about,

Is it necessarily worth it?

Might we do better to not put forth so much effort and truly enjoy the journey so if we don't reach our goals,

We had a really good time moving towards them.

Well,

Maybe some of the listeners are thinking,

Well,

I've never worked that hard.

It hasn't been that important to me.

I enjoy going to work,

Coming home and just relaxing and enjoying life.

But too much effort can manifest itself in so many different ways.

For example,

Love.

Have we ever been so in love that we put so much effort into it that it actually costs us?

It was painful and that too much effort led to misery and pain.

I believe one of the most beautiful examples of this in our culture is the play by Shakespeare called Romeo and Juliet.

This is deep love that costs both these young lovers their lives.

I do believe we can put too much effort into love and it can have a high price tag for all of us if we're not careful.

Even if we meet our soulmate,

Even if we get married,

Even if we raise a family and make it to old age,

Most likely one of us is going to die first and the other one may live years,

If not even perhaps decades longer by themselves.

Too much effort in anything can have price tags that may not be necessarily the most optimal,

The most loving,

The most happy way to live life.

Our another example of this is when we get diagnosed with an illness,

Something that we put all our efforts towards in order to cure.

But in the process of curing this disease,

Which may not work,

We sacrifice living in the now and we put so much effort into staying alive that we actually stop living.

I'm sure we can all think of examples of this or even things that are truly admirable can have a price tag to them.

For example,

Let's say we're in the process of helping others,

That we're in the service industry where we give back to other people.

But in the process of putting forth so much effort to help others,

We get burnt out,

We get tired and we have to stop.

Again,

I know we all know examples of this.

So you may be wondering,

Okay,

Dr.

Puff,

If you don't agree with too much effort,

Then what do you suggest?

What is a better way to work towards goals,

Accomplish things,

Do things that we want that take effort?

How are we to actually move in this direction towards reaching goals,

But with not too much effort?

Well,

The very good news is the concept is not difficult to understand.

We can actually gracefully and even without exhausting amounts of energy,

Work towards our goals and have a beautiful life all along the way.

Like I said,

It's not a difficult concept to understand,

But actually doing it can be quite challenging.

And I think this comes from all the brainwashing we've gotten over the years,

That if we arrive at certain goals,

Our lives are going to be wonderful,

Even if there's a huge price tag to get there.

I mean,

Whether you believe them or not,

We as psychologists really have studied people who have won the lotto,

The big lotto,

And we've learned emphatically that they're not necessarily any more happy than they were before they won the lotto.

I know that seems crazy and almost no one thinks that's true,

But it is.

Go ahead and research the studies.

There's lots of studies out there showing that reaching astronomical amounts of financial goals don't lead to any more sense of happiness.

But here,

Perhaps this is a more tangible yet knowable example of this type of achievement,

This type of reaching our goals and not being any happier.

And again,

It gets back to love.

If we've lived long enough,

We've fallen in love or someone that we think,

Wow,

If I had them,

My life would be truly blissful and I'd live happily ever after.

But like I said,

If we've lived long enough,

We know that's not true.

Deep love changes,

Not necessarily for the worse,

But it changes and sometimes it ends and we're okay.

And sometimes we get what we want and we're not any better.

Or just think about any goal we've ever had in our life that we've really wanted and then we got it.

Were we truly,

Necessarily,

Lastingly happier because we reached that goal?

I mean,

If we're honest,

We have to say no.

It isn't that it makes us unhappy.

It's just that we maintain our level of happiness wherever we go and external forces just can't have that big of impact on us.

They can't and they don't.

So what then do we do if we don't want to put too much effort into any of our goals?

How do we live our lives well?

Well,

Again,

There's nothing wrong with having goals,

But these goals have to have two parts to them.

One part of it is we need to want that not because of what we think it's going to do for us,

But because we're looking forward to the end result.

For example,

Having a goal where we make a lot of money is really not the goal.

What we're hoping for is a freedom that comes from making a lot of money.

That's the goal.

So if we're doing something just for the money,

It's never going to work.

What we need to focus on is,

Okay,

I want to do this because I want to do this.

And if there happens to be more money involved,

Great.

If there isn't,

I'm going to enjoy my journey of getting there,

Whatever may happen.

And that's the most important part of goals.

Picking goals that we think,

Hey,

If I don't accomplish this,

If I don't get what I want,

I'm going to have a blast getting there and really enjoy myself all along the way.

And even if I don't accomplish what I ultimately want,

That's okay because I had a really good time along the way.

And that's really the key of life.

Going for things that we want because we want them because they're enjoyable,

Because we're excited for them,

Not because we think they're going to make us happier because we just like doing them.

And then as we work towards these goals,

We have a really good time working towards them.

I think the career one is a really good example of this.

Let's say right now we're headed off to higher education,

Which is going to have a very big impact on our lives.

So when we think about this,

We think on two things.

One,

Okay,

What do I enjoy?

What could I really enjoy doing along the way?

And could this process that I get into,

This thing that I study,

Could it also at some point generate me an income?

Because at some point we will probably need to work a little bit.

And I think it's important to have some things in place.

So let's say we really like music and the arts.

So we say,

Okay,

I get it.

I'll find a place where I can do art,

Make that my major,

Perhaps take along the way courses that also teach me skills in the workplace where I can apply my art.

But at the same time,

I get to do my creative artwork on the side.

And perhaps that will turn into something that I can do for the rest of my life.

But if not,

I have another thing that I can do that is still artistic and allows me free time to do my true passion,

Which is art.

Or perhaps let's say love again.

Let's use that example because I think that's a good one.

Let's say we fall in love with someone,

But we're not sure if they love us.

So we begin to date them.

We spend some time with them.

And we think,

Wow,

If I could possess this person,

I'd be happier.

But that's not a good way to live life because I know life changes.

So what I'm going to do is I'm going to enjoy them when I'm with them and I'll be okay when they're not there.

But I'm truly going to enjoy them just for the sake of enjoying them.

And if we end up living our lives together,

Awesome.

If not,

I really did enjoy their presence.

And I'm so thankful for the time we had together.

But I'm also thankful for the time I had when they weren't there because I've learned to balance life,

Work towards goals,

Even love goals,

But still enjoy my friends and everyone else in my life.

Again,

We all know people who once they fall in love,

Sacrifice everything for that love.

And if that love ends,

Or even if there's a bump,

They may be devastating,

Not only for a few days,

But sometimes even for the rest of their lives.

We all know people like this.

So that's why we have to be careful.

Too much effort in anything can be dangerous.

Instead,

We work towards enjoying the journey of life and having a good time so that if things don't work out,

We really did have a good time all along the way.

And these are the two key parts.

One is choosing things that we're truly passionate about.

That's number one.

And number two is enjoying our journey along the way.

So if something doesn't work out or if things change,

We had such a nice time all along the way.

I mean,

Don't we all know some professional who's been very successful,

Perhaps as a dentist,

As a doctor,

As a lawyer,

Who's doing exceptionally well,

Has a beautiful home,

A beautiful car.

And yet we look at them and they look so unhappy.

Every time we see them,

We think,

Why are they so unhappy?

They have so much.

And it isn't that the profession's making them unhappy.

What often catches them,

Which makes them to be unhappy,

Is they're not doing their passion.

They're doing it because they like all the perks that go with it.

But perks are fleeting.

They don't last.

And we spend a lot of time at work.

So it's far more important always to do what we love and not to do it for the perks that come along with it.

And I want to end with two really good examples of this.

One is my passion for national parks.

I love to visit national parks around the world.

I think they're beautiful.

I think they're lovely.

And I think they're just good for our souls.

Well,

I've been to lots of them over the years and I've done a lot of backpacking and camping and staying in lodges of them.

And I like meeting people.

So I often over the years,

I've met a lot of rangers who work all day long out in nature.

And what I've found is they often have such beautiful lives and they love what they do,

Even though they don't make a lot of money.

And it's a lot of work to get to where they get to.

And yet,

Being outdoors,

Being in nature all day long really can create a lot of joy and happiness in them.

And the other thing I've seen often when they transition into higher levels of management and they stop working in the fields because they want to make more money,

They're less happy.

They really enjoy working out in nature and it's just overall good for their soul and their happiness.

And finally,

I want to share with you my own experiences with this.

When I was in college,

I was very goal driven.

I had aspirations to go far in life.

Well,

One summer I worked in a packing plant,

Which was a horrible job,

But I made a lot of money and I saved a lot of money that summer.

So the next summer I used that money to travel in Europe for three months.

It was a very inexpensive trip.

I slept on a lot of beaches and on trains and youth hostels and rode my bike for part of it.

But I had a wonderful time.

But the one thing that I learned from that trip is that truly changed my life because I was driven.

I wanted to work and work and work and work really hard for years at any cost so that I could be as successful as possible.

But what I learned was there are a lot of people in Europe who truly love their lives and enjoy the journey of life.

They took two hour lunches,

Two hour dinners.

They started their careers off with often six weeks of vacation right off the bat.

And sometimes it would even take months and months,

Even years off and travel around the world.

They lived a very different lifestyle than that I was working towards.

And I decided at that moment that that was a life that I wanted to emulate.

So I had thought about going on to university work and becoming a professor,

But I thought if I did that,

I probably wouldn't be able to create a life that I wanted as well.

So then I switched to clinical psychology where I could work for myself with individuals and organizations at my own pace and set my own schedule.

And I did that.

And along the way,

From the very beginning,

I took six weeks off every year.

And mind you,

When I wasn't working,

I wasn't getting paid.

And I also always have had a three day weekend,

Always,

All along the way.

I always take either Fridays or Mondays off.

Right now I'm currently taking Fridays off.

And I found that even though that has a price tag to it,

A financial price tag to it,

It's worth it to me because I've learned to really love what I do,

But do it with balance and not working at it too hard.

Over the years,

It keeps getting better and better because I keep refining it.

And we can do that in our lives.

We can keep getting our lives better and better,

Particularly when our goal is to enjoy the journey all along the way and to do what we love.

With those two things in place,

Our lives with time can keep getting better and better.

We can all do this.

We can all truly have astonishing lives if our goals are to do that,

To have beautiful lives all along the way.

I know right now it may be very challenging,

But just little things that we can do to make little improvements,

Like enjoying our lunches,

Like not coming home and turning on the TV and being outside in nature instead,

Like pausing and learning to breathe and learning to meditate so that we have more time just to be.

I mean,

The list can go on and on.

There's a lot of episodes here on how to be happy.

They take time.

They take effort.

But if that's our goal,

If that's what we work towards,

Then that's what we'll discover and find.

So may we all not put forth too much effort and always,

Always enjoy the journey of each breath of life.

Thank you for joining me on the happiness podcast.

Besides creating this podcast,

There are a variety of other things that I do.

If you'd like to keep abreast of these activities and perhaps someday we may be able to meet in person,

Just go to www.

Happinesspodcast.

Org.

That's happinesspodcast.

Org.

You can subscribe to my newsletter.

And if you do,

You'll be emailed a free PDF copy of my meditation book called Reflections on Meditation.

And until next time,

Accept what is,

Love what is.

Reviews

Simply a wonderful message. One I wish I could have been aware of long ago.
Thank you.

Very helpful presentation. Helped clarify goal setting as a means rather than an end. Made me realize a few viewpoints that I need to adjust.
Thanks so much!

Thank you, very nice perspective...

Simple, profound wisdom ... often forgotten. This offers a good reboot!

WONDERFUL Insight and Encouragement❣️🙏🏻💕

I loved it. Achieving goals isnt the end all of life.

Great insightful advice. 🙏🏼

Thanks for sharing your wisdom on following one's passion and living a lifestyle of balance, including time in nature! It's not about the money. It's about enjoying the journey. Gratitude!