The Solo Journey to Happiness

In this podcast, we explore how to find happiness even with all the people who come and go in our lives. This is a fantastic look at human being's path towards the place where we all ultimately want to be. (Please not, this is a podcast, not a guided meditation.)

Transcript

Welcome to the Happiness Podcast.

I'm Dr.

Robert Puff.

Recently I attended a funeral of a woman who had lived 101 years.

It was a smaller funeral because everyone she knew that she grew up with,

Like her parents,

Her siblings,

Her cousins,

Her friends,

They were all gone.

The only people left were one of her sons was still alive and then his extended family.

She had outlived three husbands and a son and even a grandson.

And then this morning when I got up,

I was perusing on Facebook and I noticed how one of my high school friends was moving out of her home after 30 some years and moving into a condo because she was going through a divorce.

One of my cousins who I grew up with and who was a little bit older than me moved to West Virginia.

His wife and his parents are both dead.

He still has a son in the Midwest but he only has friends in West Virginia but they're very good friends and he really likes it there.

Now these examples that I just shared aren't for the reason of showing that things have gone wrong.

They're to show that life changes and the people that we travel with leave and new people come.

And if we live long enough,

We'll see a lot of people come and go.

The persons that we spend the longest part of our life with,

Or at least could spend the longest part of our life with,

Is our siblings.

They're there,

Usually from the beginning,

And they stay usually to the end.

But even in these situations,

There's a lot of change.

We move out,

They move out,

We get married,

They get married,

And sometimes the relationship stays close.

For a lot of people,

Seeing our siblings isn't as often as we would like.

And after our parents die,

It often can be much less.

So with all this change and the departure of people that we love,

Are we just destined to be unhappy?

It's a good question because for some people the answer is yes.

But I'm going to try to argue today that we can still find deep happiness throughout our life with the changes that occur.

And if we understand that life is change,

And that people are going to come and go,

What will happen is we'll actually enjoy them more deeply because we realize they're a gift.

They're a gift we have today,

But we may not have them tomorrow.

And if we seek our happiness within ourselves and not externally,

Then what will happen is we will find happiness no matter what happens in our lives.

There's a quote that I recently found that I really like by the poet Rumi.

He writes,

The lover is always alone.

Even surrounded by people,

Like water and oil,

He remains apart.

Mother Teresa of Calcutta,

Whom I had the honor and privilege of visiting in India many years ago,

Was known for her deep love for others.

She had left her biological family behind in Eastern Europe,

Had never married,

Yet she was so known for her deep compassion and love for others.

She would take children and people off the streets of Calcutta,

Bring them to her center,

And hold them as they died,

Loving them as much as she was able to,

And she was able to deeply love these children and people who weren't even of her own faith.

A couple of years ago,

I had the honor and privilege of visiting Pope Francis in the Vatican,

And while he was giving an audience to a large group of people,

At the end of his talk,

He just went around and stopped to the children and paused and looked them in the eyes and held them,

And held them for a long time,

Even though other people were waiting for him,

And I'm sure he had much,

Much to do,

But he paused and connected with these children in such a caring,

Loving way,

As if they were his own children,

And he has no children,

And yet in many ways,

He has so many.

Or the woman whose funeral I went to recently,

At 101 years old,

She had outlived three husbands,

And though I didn't know her well before the funeral,

People told me that she made very beautiful lives with each of these husbands,

And loved them deeply.

Life had changed for her,

And yet she had learned to love three different men very deeply.

So today,

We're exploring how to find happiness in a changing world,

Where people come and go,

And yet,

We are alone,

And yet,

New people come and go.

So how do we find balance there and happiness with all this change?

Well,

The first thing to do is to acknowledge that there is change.

People are going to come,

And then they may go.

Some of them will make it throughout our lives,

But some will not,

And yet we can deeply love them with that change,

And that's part two,

Loving deeply with the change that comes,

That may inevitably come in our lives or in other people's lives.

We don't know how long we get to journey with these people that we love.

It may be a day,

It may be a week,

It may be a year,

It may be for decades,

But we don't know,

And each day is a new day,

And it could be the last day we get to be with them.

And if we know that,

Deep in our soul,

That this may change,

So what will happen is we'll learn to love more deeply,

Because we're going to be so thankful for them being there in our lives right now,

Knowing that tomorrow they may not.

And if today we're trying to learn how to find happiness in our lives in a more healthy,

Fruitful way,

Then we have to do it alone,

By ourselves,

Because if we count on others,

They will let us down,

Not on purpose.

People die,

Things change,

People move away.

There's so many circumstances that can cause change.

Sometimes it is deliberate,

Relationships end,

Sometimes in ways that are very painful,

But if we realize at the core,

We are alone,

We can be a lover to so many people,

But at the core,

We are alone.

We are journeying through life by ourselves.

We begin this world alone,

And we end this world alone.

So,

To seek happiness externally is going to cause lots of suffering.

If instead we say,

Okay,

There is love,

There is happiness,

There is peace all around me,

I can find it in life itself.

I don't need to have this one person in my life to be happy.

I'm glad when they're there.

I'm thankful that I get to spend some time with them and have these moments of true radiance and bliss.

But when they leave,

I realize I was always alone.

They are just visitors journeying with me for a brief stay,

But I am alone.

When I was in college,

I had the opportunity to travel for three months through Europe.

The previous summer I had worked very hard working at a factory and saved all my money,

And then I spent three months traveling through Europe on a very limited budget,

But it was a wonderful experience.

But I did it alone,

And what I discovered on that trip was,

Even though I was alone,

I really wasn't.

I kept meeting new people,

And I would spend some time with them,

Sometimes a day,

Sometimes an hour,

Sometimes we traveled together for a week or two.

But these people would come and go,

And I really met some wonderful people that I kept in contact with for years,

A few of them.

But they did come,

And they did go,

And I had a beautiful trip traveling through Europe.

I do remember,

Though,

Once,

The one time I got lonely,

I was in Venice,

Italy,

And it was such a romantic city.

I saw couples walking together through the streets,

And I felt alone because I didn't have anyone in my life to be with.

But really what had happened was,

I was creating a story,

And that story caused me to suffer,

And it only lasted for a day or two,

Because that's the length of time I was in Venice.

Once I left,

I was fine again.

It was a story that I created of being alone that caused me to feel unhappiness and sadness.

If I hadn't created that story,

I would have been fine.

So our minds are powerful.

If we think,

This person needs to be in my life,

Or I'm going to be unhappy,

Then guess what?

We're correct.

We will be unhappy.

If instead we say,

I'm so thankful for the people that come and go in my life.

I don't know how long they're going to stay,

But I'm so thankful for the moments I get with them.

And when they leave,

I know life will bring new people in my life,

And I'll meet them and enjoy them.

And the journey of life can be beautiful,

As long as I'm willing to transition with the journey of life.

If I fight life and say,

This isn't fair.

I'm right.

It won't be.

But instead,

If I say,

Oh,

They left,

I wonder who life will bring tomorrow,

Because deeply,

Deeply inside,

I am alone.

And that's okay.

Not only is it okay,

It can be beautiful.

And here's how we develop this skill of being alone and still finding peace and happiness in our lives.

Again,

The first thing we need to do is acknowledge we are alone.

And so let's make some room for that.

Let's check in and see how we're doing in that regard.

And the way we do that is,

We go spend some time alone.

That's one way.

We may take the day off from everyone and go into nature.

We may get away for a weekend and be by ourselves.

We may get away for a week every once in a while,

Just to see how our hearts are doing and acknowledge we are alone.

And then develop skills to be okay with that,

To realize that,

Yes,

I am alone,

But there's going to be new adventures coming along all the time,

As long as I'm willing to adjust and adapt to these new changes.

This person may be in my life now,

But tomorrow they may not be.

And then I'll meet new people,

New adventures.

With that attitude,

We will be with people that we love.

And yet,

When they're not there,

We're going to still be happy,

Peaceful with who we are,

Because we know that we are alone.

And people come,

And people go,

And we enjoy them.

And we're so glad they're there,

That when they're not there,

It's okay.

We all have had that experience.

We all know people that we deeply loved,

And perhaps they died,

Perhaps they moved away,

Perhaps they left us.

And today,

When we think about them,

We're okay.

We're not sad over their departure anymore.

We're actually quite fine.

So that gives clues that we can be deeply in love and still okay.

And I believe that the more we're able to develop this skill of being alone and still loving others,

The more deeply we will love people,

Because we will realize what a gift they are.

Not something that we're guaranteed,

But merely a gift that we get to enjoy on a temporary basis.

Not sure how long,

But whatever it is,

We're so thankful that they're there.

And we don't take them for granted,

Because we know someday they may not be,

And that's okay.

Because we like our time alone sometimes,

And we like the new adventures that life brings.

And if this person stays with us for 30 years or three days,

It's okay.

And we're so thankful for each moment that we have with them.

Besides spending time alone,

I think it can be helpful too,

To think about the people that we have in our lives,

And realize that they may go,

And actually visualize them being gone,

And getting to the place where our heart is okay with that,

No matter who it is,

Whether it's our spouse,

Whether it's our children,

Whether it's our parents,

Whether it's our best friend.

Just once in a while,

Spending a little time seeing them gone,

And say,

That isn't what I want,

But I could do that.

And I realize that they are a gift.

A gift that I'm so thankful for,

And I know someday they may leave,

But that will be okay.

I'll be okay.

Because deep down inside,

I am traveling alone.

They are just journeying with me through part of it.

And I'm so thankful for the time I have with them.

But I do realize,

Ultimately,

I am alone.

And yet,

Ultimately,

I'm with so many beautiful souls throughout my life.

It's a wonderful experience.

So in many ways,

I'm never alone.

It's just that the people in my life may change.

New people may come,

New people may go,

But ultimately,

I'm alone.

And yet,

Ultimately,

Every person on the planet alive today is part of my family.

And they may come and they may go,

But I'm so thankful for the ones that I get to experience.

And I'm so looking forward to the new ones that I will get to experience life with.

With this approach to others,

Happiness,

Peace in life is going to radiate through every pore of our body.

And we will find that no matter what happens,

We will find that life is a beautiful adventure.

Thank you for joining me on the Happiness Podcast.

Besides creating this podcast,

There are a variety of other things that I do.

If you'd like to keep abreast of these activities,

And perhaps someday we may be able to meet in person,

Just go to www.

Happinesspodcast.

Org.

That's happinesspodcast.

Org.

You can subscribe to my newsletter.

And if you do,

You'll be emailed a free PDF copy of my meditation book called Reflections on Meditation.

And until next time,

Accept what is,

Love what is.

Reviews

💥🎼🌈 🌬Thank🙏You❤🎶 ~ As a Neuro-A-Typical 🌈 Human ~ i Feel Extra Blessed by many of my 'Differences,' ~ Lately , my lifelong Need 4Solitude + my Passion 4Spiritual/Scientific Studies & More Recently, More Daily Practice ~ And w/the Math my Mother Blessed me , as the Youngest of tbe Youngest of the Youngest ~ This Is already in a Daily Playlist ~ It Is the NoW that Spares me from suffering ~ Btw , it is Refreshing 2hear some1 else speaking of "Loving What Is," ~ i laughed out loud when some1 handed that book 2me years ago , as i declared "Impossible!" (+ Now , i'mPossible) ~ ThankYouAgain❣ ~ This Is Exactly The Talk i Needed 2Hear This Evening (obviously , even tho i doubted i'd find it) 😊🙏💜 🌈🎼💥

Just what I needed to hear! Thanks for reaffirming what I know in my soul.

Thank you, needed this 🙏💐

Thank you with my deepest of love. This was found at the most perfect time ... but how could it have been at any other as there really are no mistakes ... are there?

Thank you Dr Puff, I am dealing with grief and am about to visit a sick (dying) friend. I found this most helpful. It’s one thing to know something in your head yet another to feel at peace with it on your heart.

Loved that Podcast! Always love to hear about things that make you happy as I deal with depression at times..♥️

In the material world we are alone, while in spirit we are all One.

Insightful as always 👍🏼

A lovely talk, thank you! There is no one else out there… Our life is our created, chosen experience and we are all one at the same time. A doorway to peace, thank you 🙏🏼

My mother in law turned 96 a few days ago. I always felt like an outsider to her until we moved her from another state 2 years ago. We wanted to make this stage in her life easier and spend as much time together as possible. I believe the change in her came from feeling my love for her. I have done everything in my power to be present for her. She expresses her love for me as if I were her own daughter. While it's been a long time coming I never take that for granted. This message gave me insight. Thank you for sharing it.
❤️

Excellent perspective. I needed this being a widow now bc life is a solo journey. Am so grateful for the blessed time being with & meeting other souls.
🙏🏼🌈🙏🏼

Thank you for the truths you shared. So simple but so true.🙏🏼

Enjoyed listening to this beautiful talk, an excellent reminder that we can always choose to love.
Thank you Dr Robert Puff!

Very helpful perspective🙏 In our aloneness and unavoidable change, there is also deep connection.