The Slippery Slope Away From Happiness

We can spend a lot of time and effort getting our hearts into healthy and happy places, but unless we keep working on maintaining this peace of mind, there is a tendency to not do as well with time.

(Please note that this is a lecture, not a guided meditation)

Transcript

Welcome to the Happiness Podcast.

I'm Dr.

Robert Puff.

This past weekend was my daughter's birthday and one of the traditions we have in place is every year,

Once a year,

We go to a local donut shop called Krispy Kreme.

They're donuts that are excellent,

The best I've ever had,

And if you ever come to California,

Get them sometimes.

I think they sell them at other states,

But they are really good.

And though I really like these donuts,

I really do limit myself to this once a year celebration,

And it's enough for me,

And I enjoy it when I go.

But let's imagine something else played out.

Let's say I started going,

Say once a month.

That's only 12 times a year.

What's the big deal?

Well,

Then I start thinking,

You know,

After the week,

Fridays would be a really good day to celebrate,

So I'm going to start getting my donuts on Friday as a way to celebrate me working hard all week long.

And then I think,

Hmm,

With time,

Perhaps what I'll start doing is when I get up in the morning,

I'll go get my coffee and get a donut with it.

You know,

It's not a big deal.

It's just one donut once a day.

And then the weekends come and I'm tired and I'm exhausted.

I just want to relax.

I go get a dozen donuts because it's a better price.

And I eat them throughout the weekend along with my daily visit.

Now with that,

We would all begin to wonder,

Am I making good choices?

And could this have negative impacts on my health and my waistline?

I think we all know the answer.

Yes,

It will.

But as you can probably tell,

This doesn't happen overnight.

Most of the things that we do for ourselves that aren't good for us slowly develop.

And they begin with sometimes just say,

I like this so let me just give this a try.

It's no big deal.

And giving something a try becomes a daily or hourly or every few minutes habit.

Here's another example that I'm seeing a lot more these days.

When our phones got far more complicated and far more sophisticated,

And all the apps came out that could keep us very busy.

I do think though that people that were older and didn't grow up with these iPhones and Androids looked at the younger generation and kind of scoffed,

Say what's wrong with them?

They seem very addicted to their phones.

But I don't know about you,

But what I've seen is a lot of people,

Not just younger people,

Are on their phones a lot.

When I'm out and about,

Say at an airport or a public place where people are sitting and waiting,

Almost everyone is on their phone.

The other day I was actually at the airport,

And I like to walk when I'm at the airport.

I walked the entire corridor,

Which must have been,

I don't know,

A mile long back and forth.

And I looked at everyone sitting there.

There must have been over a thousand people that I looked at.

And as I walked,

I think I saw two people out of a thousand reading a book.

There were a few people having conversations,

And the rest were exploring the internet.

Now this isn't,

Of course,

Always bad.

I mean,

We can be on the internet and be reading a book on our phones now.

But I also discovered recently that a dear friend of mine who I've known for years,

We were hanging out the other day,

And he's an engineer,

So he's a very educated man.

But he kept getting on his phone,

And I knew what he was doing.

He's addicted to the news,

The best way I can describe it.

He likes to know what's going on and being informed.

And of course,

We can keep up with the world news with not much time every day,

But every few minutes,

He just had to go back to his phone and see what had changed in the world.

I teased him about it.

I said,

Let's see if you can,

In the next five minutes,

Not get on your phone and see what's happening in the world.

I think he made it 10 minutes before he unconsciously got back on and checked.

Now all these examples aren't to judge,

Aren't to criticize,

But they are to talk about how,

In regards to happiness,

When we get our lives into a good place,

We would describe ourselves in top happiness shape,

Like top physical shape or top psychological shape,

But in this case,

Top overall psychological happiness shape,

That if we're not careful,

It's a slippery slope to go down the path of not doing as well.

And it's subtle.

It's rarely a traumatic experience.

Mind you,

It can be,

But it's more subtle.

It's more like my donut analogy I used at the beginning.

It's me switching from eating donuts once a year to celebrate my daughter's birthday,

To having it every day and a lot of them on the weekends,

Or with my friend who's always been fascinated with the news.

He has in his defense,

But what happened was his work has slowed down,

He's semi-retired,

And he has a lot more time on his hands,

And he discovered the internet.

So now,

That has become,

In many ways,

His addiction.

He's constantly keeping up with world news,

And he's on his phone all the time.

So,

It doesn't happen overnight.

It does happen with time,

And if we're not careful,

In many ways,

If we're not vigilant,

What's going to happen is we're going to get out of top happiness shape.

We can do the things that are talked about here,

But if we don't keep doing them,

It doesn't take long to be happy,

And then become unhappy.

So,

It is important to ask ourselves throughout the day,

Is this adding to my happiness,

Or is this taking away from my overall sense of well-being and peace?

And if the question is,

It isn't adding,

And it may even be taking away,

Then that's like eating donuts.

We can do this once in a great while,

But our main stay should be healthy things,

Things that put a smile on our hearts.

We all know what they are.

For us,

They may be different,

But it may be for some of us watching a sunset.

For others,

It might be taking a watch in nature.

For others,

It might be just relaxing and reading a good book.

For another person,

It might be going to the gym and physically working out the body.

For another,

It might be meditating.

For another,

It might be connecting with and reaching out to the homeless and help improve their lives.

There are so many ways that we can improve our lives.

I've talked about hundreds of them on this podcast,

And we can do them.

But today,

What I'm focusing in on is that it is so easy to slip out of these good habits if we're not vigilant.

I like to often compare psychological happiness health to physical health.

I mean,

Think of most people.

Most people,

When they're teens,

Are typically pretty fit.

They may be doing sports.

They may be active.

But then,

Every year,

Every 10 years,

And as time goes on,

Less and less of us stay in that shape.

We just aren't as in good shape anymore.

It's not because we have to get out of shape.

It's just we stop doing things that keep us in shape.

The french fry,

The burgers,

The shakes,

The donuts catch up with us.

The not working out,

The not being active,

The sedentary lifestyles catch up with us.

It's rarely a traumatic event.

It's more a culmination of many years of making choices that aren't good for us,

And they culminate into us being in not very good shape anymore.

If you think about it,

Most people that are in their 60s aren't in very good shape.

There are people that are in excellent shape in their 60s,

70s,

80s,

Even 90s.

But every person I've ever met that does that gives me the same answer.

They say they worked at it,

They have kept working at it,

And they've been diligent about it their entire lives.

And we're the same.

If we're listening to this happiness podcast,

We need to be vigilant.

We need to be diligent about what we do and ask ourselves,

Is this feeding my soul or isn't it?

And if it isn't,

We need to think of it like the donut analogy.

Then we shouldn't be doing it very often.

And I want to conclude with two lessons that I've learned along the way that have really helped me stay happiness fit.

The one is sometimes there's a challenge that comes.

One of the examples that came from me was when I was in college.

It was raining outside and I was going to go for a run.

I decided,

Well,

It's raining.

I'm just not going to work out today.

And a friend of mine said,

Why would you not work out?

You need to work out.

It's just rain.

You know,

What are you?

Who are you?

Get out there and run.

And he was right.

And I did.

If I hadn't,

If I hadn't stood up to that challenge,

I think then other things would come along and talk me out of being physically fit.

The same is true with happiness fitness.

When we know that we need to meditate every day,

For example,

Which I do,

Making sure there's time for that becomes a priority.

And sometimes there's just like,

I don't know if I can fit this in the day,

But we do.

We make it work because we know that that discipline,

That going up against the challenges that once in a while come.

If we succumb,

If we give in to them,

It's a lot easier to do it next time.

It's far easier to say,

This may hurt.

This may not be fun,

But I know this is good for my soul.

So I'm going to do this so that I don't in the future get in the habit of giving up.

The second thing is each and everything we do truly in the long run matters.

Everything.

So eating donuts matter.

Working out matters.

Meditating matters.

What the thoughts we have in our head really matters.

Conversations we participate in matter.

Our jobs matter.

What we watch when we come home,

What we listen to,

Everything matters.

Everything.

So we may not be able to live pristine,

Pure lives in the sense that things that we're doing are adding to our sense of well-being and happiness,

But we can ask ourselves throughout the day,

Is this feeding my soul or is this tearing my soul down?

I mean,

Watching television shows where people are doing horrible things to each other,

We may do like eating donuts every once in a while,

But most of what we listen to,

Most of what we watch,

Most of the conversations we have should be positive,

Should be uplifting,

Should ultimately be beautiful.

And if they're not,

Then we work towards creating more of them.

Because if we don't,

It's just like being in shape.

It's easy to go down the unhappiness slope.

Most people do.

That's why it's so easy.

It's easier just to come home and do nothing than to come home and go to the gym or come home and read a book or come home and get outside and be still in nature.

It's easier just to distract and shut off because we're exhausted.

We need to do things and realize that everything we do matters.

So as we go through the day,

We begin to make small changes and we say,

Okay,

I'm doing well,

But if I don't keep doing this,

I'm not going to stay in shape.

So ask ourselves,

What am I doing to be in happiness shape today,

Right now?

And the biggest question is,

Is this feeding my soul or is this tearing my soul down?

Because mostly what we do is one of these two.

It's like eating something healthy or eating something unhealthy.

There isn't really that much food that's neutral.

Either food is pretty good for us,

Some of it's really good for us,

Or it's not so good for us,

Or it's really not good for us.

It's not really neutral food.

It's just food that we need that's healthy for us and food that's unhealthy for us.

It's the same way in life.

So we have to ask ourselves,

Okay,

I've been listening to this podcast now for a while and I am doing better.

But we have to remember,

It's a slippery slope to fall away from doing well.

So we have to decide,

Am I starting to do something that perhaps isn't good for my soul?

You'd be surprised how quickly we can get out of happiness shape.

It just doesn't take long.

But if we're vigilant,

If we're paying attention,

If we're realizing that one donut isn't a big deal,

But lots of donuts are,

Then we'll be careful to not eat too many donuts,

Metaphorically that is.

We really,

Really can have beautiful lives,

But it's work.

It's a lot of work.

But if we do the work,

If we put in the time and keep putting in the time until our dying breath,

Guess what?

We are going to have beautiful lives all along the way.

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And until next time,

Accept what is,

Love what is.

Reviews

Yes happiness takes work. Staying alert to the slippery slope that can sneek in is valuable thanks Claire.

Awesome presentation of the subject matter. I've made the same observation about cell phones.

Very important mental health advice.
Thank you 💕

Excellent! Thank you ✨

Inspirational, happy feeling podcast☺️. Thank you! Namaste 🙏

So good. All true.

I laughed with the donut example. I had a donut last weekend at a football game and thought it's been a year since I've eaten a donut! Loved the running in the rain example. Healthy habits do take time and effort and help with our wellbeing. Falling away is easy and insidious. I am constantly giving myself pep talks to exercise. Thanks for a great podcast! Every thing matters!

Really good - gave me a boost ! Thank you