The Real Reason Why We Aren't Happy

In this podcast we explore the root cause of unhappiness and how unhappiness is kept strong throughout many people's lives.

Transcript

Welcome to the Happiness Podcast.

I'm Dr.

Robert Puff.

We listen to this podcast probably for a lot of different reasons,

But one of the main reasons I think people start listening to this podcast is their life isn't going as well as they'd like and they want to improve it.

They want to learn how to be happier.

But in this episode,

We're going to look at why people aren't happy.

What's keeping them from being in that place where things are going well and they're just flowing with life?

Because I think there's a lot of people that fall in that camp,

Probably most.

So what happens?

Why aren't we happier as a civilization,

As a people?

Why do we struggle so much?

I mean,

We can ask ourselves this question.

How many people do we know that truly life is just going well for them?

It isn't that everything is going the way they want it to,

But they handle things so smoothly and nothing seems to get under their skin and life just seems to go pretty well for them.

But there aren't many of them.

And why is that?

What's going on here that so many people,

The vast majority of people struggle?

This loss of innocence,

This loss of happiness begins at a very young age.

When we're born,

Life is an adventure.

There's so much to explore and we're excited.

We are curious about everything.

But then our little minds kick in and they say,

Hey,

That felt great.

I want more of that candy's good.

Let's have a lot of candy.

Oh,

I didn't like that.

That spinach was awful.

Let's stay away from spinach.

And that's what we begin to do at a very young age.

We become very hedonistic.

We want good things and we shun bad things.

It's simple.

It's a good plan and we implement it.

But it really catches us mostly because life changes.

We can hang on to things as tightly as we want,

But life tends to change.

We can't keep things going.

A little later on,

We get into our first love relationship and it is so deep.

It is so beautiful.

It is so moving.

We want to hang on to it forever.

I mean,

Think about the songs about love.

It will last forever,

But then what happens?

It doesn't.

And our hearts are broken and we're devastated.

And we think that just can't happen again.

It's too painful.

But then we reach out and do it again because we want the thrill.

We want the excitement of the love and we're willing to pay that price for that love,

Even though it can hurt so much.

A little later on,

We may try alcohol for the first time and wow,

Does it feel good?

We like it.

It's a thrill.

It's exciting.

But then we wake up the next morning and it's not as good as it was the night before.

But because we like the thrill so much,

We're ready and willing to do it again and again.

And very early on,

We discovered things.

Things are like,

Wow,

There can be so much anticipation in getting that,

Say that new purse or that new car or that new watch.

And when we get it,

We're so excited.

It's awesome.

But time settles in and we realize that purchase isn't so great anymore,

But we're off to the next thrill.

We're off to the next thing that we're in to get.

And that anticipation takes away the pain of the past,

The pain of it not being so great after we got it or it wears out and we're ready to do it again and again and again.

But not only do we have our own experiences,

We get to watch everyone around us and everything that we're taught tells us this is the path to happiness.

I mean,

Music,

Movies,

Television,

Our friends,

Advertisement,

The radio,

The internet,

All in and on it goes throughout our lives telling us if we do this path,

If we seek pleasures,

If we seek things sooner or later,

We're going to arrive.

We're going to arrive at Nirvana and all's going to be well.

We're going to make our first billion dollars because all the billionaires out there are doing great and we're envious of them.

So we're going to strive for that,

Strive to get as much as possible and all will be well,

Right?

Well,

It all sounds good,

But something isn't working.

I mean,

We're doing what we're told.

We're doing as much as we can to have great experiences.

We have amassed things.

We've had some awesome experiences,

But we're still not happy.

It seems to not last.

Why is that?

Well,

The very simple answer to that one is if we look externally for our happiness,

Things externally change,

Period.

They never stay the same.

They are going to change,

Period.

So given that,

Whatever awesome experience we're having right now,

It is absolutely going to end.

And because of that,

We are going to suffer because if we're looking externally for happiness,

There's no way we can find it.

And let me use a very good example of this.

The most famous person that ever lived said something very wise.

He said,

I tell you the truth.

It is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven.

Again,

I tell you,

It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.

That man,

As you probably know,

Was Jesus.

So why did he say that?

Or what do you think he means by that?

Well,

I can only give you my own interpretation and my own experiences because over the years,

Over 30 years now,

I've worked with some incredibly wealthy people,

Billionaires,

Famous people,

Lots of very,

Very wealthy people.

You see,

For most of us,

When we buy that one house or that nice car or whatever it may be,

When we purchase something or go on that really great trip,

It may be the only time we ever get to do it our entire lives.

And so we get to see,

Oh,

After a while it wears out and it doesn't fulfill us anymore.

It doesn't meet our deep needs for happiness and peace.

And we realize that.

So we move on and we try to seek other things besides external things to find happiness.

Well,

With people that are wealthy,

They have different options and they're not really very good for them.

I mean,

I've seen it so many times.

I couldn't tell you how many times I've seen it,

But what they do is fill in the blank.

They purchase something,

They get a new spouse,

They get a new toy,

They go on a new experience and they're so excited.

They're so thrilled.

And then they get the letdown of it and they're like,

Oh,

That didn't work.

So then they plan the next one and the next one and the next one.

So in many ways,

What they are is they're thrill seekers.

They just keep trying new things because they can.

But what they can't do is they can't,

For the most part,

Realize that this doesn't work.

This is a task that will never ever solve the problem of happiness because happiness has to be internal.

It cannot be external.

It can't be through drugs.

It can't be through relationships.

It can't be through anything external because external things are always changing.

So if we're choosing something external to find happiness,

We're going to suffer,

Period.

And that's why they suffer and they don't get well.

And they don't really find that deep lasting happiness because they can always turn to a new thrill.

And it's sad.

And they really aren't,

For the most part,

If you get to know them,

Like I have,

Always that very happy.

They have a lot of thrills.

I'll give them that.

But happiness,

Just deep,

Genuine happiness,

I have rarely seen in a very wealthy person.

Now,

99.

9% of us listening to this podcast are not going to fall into that camp.

We're not going to be able to do the things that they do.

Thank God.

But this is what we do instead.

And it's really not any better.

Unfortunately,

We do realize that external things don't lead to happiness and we don't like it.

We're very upset over it.

We get frustrated over it.

We just get tired of it.

So what do we do?

We actually give up and we give up in two ways.

One,

We stop trying.

We think it's not possible.

Happy people,

Really unhappy.

They're just fooling themselves.

So why even try?

There's no point.

Just give up.

And what does that look like when we give up?

Well,

We don't like to feel that.

It's not a good feeling.

So we like to distract from that feeling.

So what we do is we turn towards addictions.

And I'm not just talking heroin and the hard ones like that.

I'm talking all forms of addiction.

Let me just use some simple examples.

Let's say we're now 35.

We've had our kids.

We've got our spouse.

We have our house and we're not any happier.

We're probably less happy for lots of different reasons.

So what we do is we say,

Well,

This sure didn't work.

So we're going to come home every day and eat food to numb ourselves.

We're going to watch TV,

Not to think about it.

We're going to perhaps go to our doctor and get prescription drugs that medicate us so we don't have to feel anything.

At the end of a long day,

We may come home and have a couple of glasses of wine,

A few beers,

And that just keeps growing.

I mean,

The list is pretty much endless.

We're just going to try really hard to numb it.

Or we may not give up.

We may just keep trying.

We may say,

When I reach retirement,

I'll hang in that long.

Then it's going to be great.

But what happens?

We reach retirement.

Maybe we have enough now to buy a motor home and we start traveling around or traveling around the world.

But if you ever met people that do that,

I mean,

This is definitely not all of them.

But what do many,

Many of them do every day?

They drink a lot for a couple of reasons,

Or for many actually.

But the big ones are,

Yes,

They made it to retirement.

Yes,

They have enough money now.

They're not the billionaire,

But they can have a few thrills.

But they realize it doesn't work.

Those thrills don't last.

And their bodies are beginning to wear out and they have to deal with those things.

So they want to numb themselves.

So again,

They go to the doctor,

Get prescription drugs.

They start taking painkillers or they start drinking a lot every day.

And a lot of people,

When they get older,

Really turn towards addictions,

Particularly substance abuse because they just don't want to feel it anymore.

They have the money to do things,

But that doesn't work.

It never works.

But the tricky part is the world is telling you,

You failed.

I mean,

This stuff does work.

If you get the right car,

The Maserati,

If you get the home on the beach,

If you get the beautiful partner,

It's great.

Everything's wonderful.

That's what they keep telling you.

You basically failed.

And we don't like to fail or we don't want to face that failure.

So we numb ourselves from that failure.

But the truth of it is we haven't failed.

We're just going down the wrong path to find happiness.

Happiness is internal.

We are actually naturally happy or peaceful when we shut down our minds and think we aren't.

It's a mere fact of thinking that we have to have something else that makes us unhappy.

I mean,

It's more than that,

But it is part of that.

We create our own unhappiness by being discontent with what is.

We fight what is.

We want things to be different.

We want the new thrill.

And if we get it,

It doesn't work.

If we don't get it,

We're upset.

So both ways fail us.

Both.

So let's hit it on the nail.

Why are we unhappy?

Because we've been brainwashed to be unhappy.

We've been told if we do the right thing,

If we get the right stuff,

If we achieve the right goals,

All will be well.

But externally,

Because of change,

Because of impermanence,

They can never work.

Never.

But if we learn things internally,

If we learn to be happy and flow with life and live far more in the present moment,

Then we experience a very different reality.

But the problem with it is we are so brainwashed and so conditioned by our world that the other way works,

That we seek it,

We'll sell our soul for it,

We'll do everything in our power to get it.

And when we get it and it doesn't work,

We just figure there's something wrong with us.

So either we numb ourselves or we just seek thrills,

Not to think about it because it doesn't work.

And this brainwashing is huge.

I mean,

Huge.

It is so out there right now in our world.

It's really sad because there's nothing wrong with achieving things.

There's nothing wrong with having stuff.

But if we think those things are going to make us happy,

They're not.

They never do.

They're thrills.

They're fun at the time,

But happiness,

Deep contentment with life is not those things ever.

No matter what,

Because of change,

Because of impermanence,

Because of if our happiness is external,

Then it's out of our control.

And we will sooner or later suffer.

If we learn to find happiness internally through our own self that we can control,

Then we have choices.

And you may say,

But this doesn't make sense.

How could almost everyone be brainwashed with something that isn't true?

Plus,

I think it works.

But really ask yourself,

Is that true?

And I like to use an analogy.

If you study physical health and nutrition,

I think it's very basic.

It's very simple.

And yet almost nobody does it.

Science has taught us a few things,

A few things that seem to really work for being healthy.

One is,

Don't smoke,

Don't drink too much.

Two,

Exercise,

Exercise in three ways.

One by weight bearing,

One by stretching,

And one by cardiovascular.

All three of those are good.

And then in regards to nutrition,

Eat lots of organic fruits and vegetables,

Lots of them,

Particularly green ones.

They're so good for us.

And again,

Like I said,

Almost no one does.

Sugar is so bad for us.

I mean,

It's really bad.

Cancer feeds on sugar,

But we are so addicted to sugar as a culture.

And I definitely don't mean this to judge anyone.

What I mean is as,

Yes,

We can have really good knowledge about what works and not do it.

I mean,

Again,

We really can.

I mean,

What is it about 10% of our population in the US here struggles with alcoholism?

That's a lot.

That's one out of 10 people.

That everyone's taught in school for years about the importance of not becoming addicted to things.

And yet,

Why would 10% of our population end up being addicted to alcohol and drugs?

I mean,

That's astonishing.

So let me end on a good note because I don't want us to be depressed,

But we do need to be aware that we are very much brainwashed to be unhappy.

The things that we're seeking to be happy probably aren't going to work.

And that's why we are listening to this podcast to learn about things that do work.

But we have to start with,

Okay,

I get it.

I'm being brainwashed internally through my own thoughts and externally through almost everything else that I listen to,

Conversations I take part of,

Movies,

TV shows,

Books,

On and on it goes.

There's so many ways we're being brainwashed into thinking the path of accumulation,

The path of thrills is the path of happiness.

Of course it's not.

We definitely know that.

And we have researched and studied very healthy people.

That has been my goal in life,

To find the most healthiest,

Happiest people I can find on the planet.

And they have many things in common that they do.

There definitely are clear things to do to be happy.

And that's the whole focus of this podcast.

So today,

What we can think about is,

Okay,

I get it.

I am being brainwashed and I'm tired of it.

I want to start learning about happiness,

How to be happy,

How to be peaceful,

And how to make my life work really well.

I'm going to need to make changes,

Lots of them,

But I can do it.

And if I do it,

With time,

I'm going to get into a lot better place.

And the great thing is,

I've learned,

Is that I can always improve in my peaceful happiness scale.

It can keep getting better until the day I die.

Everything else may wear out,

But my ability to find peace,

Tranquility,

And happiness in the present moment right now is something that can be increased and gotten better until my last breath.

I can live a beautiful,

Awesome life as long as I work on it,

As long as I make these changes and commit to doing this right now,

Each and every day until the day I die.

Now mind you,

It's not going to be easy,

But the other path,

The life of mediocracy,

The life of sadness,

The life of despair,

Isn't fun either.

Why people do it is because they can numb from it.

They can numb themselves from their own reality of how their life isn't working.

Let's not choose that path.

Let's stay awake.

Let's stay alert and let's make changes.

Let's feel the pain so that we can change it,

Not numb it,

Change it.

It is possible.

We can do it.

So let's begin today.

There are 140 previous episodes on this podcast on how to be happy,

And there's lots more out there from other people,

Other people that have learned things too.

Let's learn,

Let's grow,

And let's never give up,

Never give up on improving and growing into a state of peace and happiness.

Thank you for joining me on the happiness podcast.

If you want to learn more about the world of happiness,

Please go to www.

Happinesspodcast.

Org.

That's happinesspodcast.

Org.

And if you are enjoying this podcast,

I'd love a review from you.

Until next time,

Accept what is,

Love what is.

Reviews

Thank you very much for this podcast. It is very helpful.

Have really enjoyed all your podcasts. Thank you, much appreciated. Claire from Brisbane, Australia.

Thank you very much 🙏

Thank you Dr. Puff!😊🙏☀️appreciated.

Interesting insights.
Thank you 💜

I enjoyed this.. thank you!!

Truly amazing podcast! 👌🏼

I have been listening to various meditations, podcasts and use the music ones for my morning yoga practice for about a year now. I do 5 sessions per week.

I really liked this message. I keep wondering what is the cause of so much anger and frustration in this world? Especially as I have begun to really explore this. I’m doing all the right things as far as exercise, diet, medication, self education-reading and creative work. I am a painter and film editor.

My husband is a very successful dentist who is also a professor and dean of a dental school. I have a lot of freedom to do the work I want to do.

And yet... I worry a lot about others, the happenings on the news and my family. I hear about a lot of problems and feel like if everyone else could be happier then I’d finally be able to truly be happier myself. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for people to exercise or eat healthier. I’m not extreme about it but it’s just good habits.

I could do better myself and be more zealot about it. Maybe workout 3 hours a day instead of 2 or workout harder instead of enjoying the intensity that feels good.

Your podcasts are so good I really want to share them with my family and friends but I’m afraid they will think I’m making a judgment about them by sending it to them. It’s a dilemma.

I once shared one with a friend who’s constantly complaining about her poor health and unhappy life. She doesn’t trust any doctors and seems to always be suffering and trying to figure out for herself what is her real diagnosis.

Anyway, how do you be happy within your own world when others are so unhappy? What is a good way to offer real help and suggestions?

Something to think about. Thank you happiness is in us.

As always, great information delivered with warmth. Encouraging thanks

I‘m listening to this podcast for a while now and I do love it. This episode was a really important one. We tend to get so distracted by things we see on tv ore through social media and tend to forget, that most of it is not real and far from true happiness. Thank you for the reminder.

Pretty valid points very interesting

Thank you I really enjoy this, I will need to listen to it few more times and take notes. I do live in the moment and you right happiness comes from with in. Cheers Nada 🙏🏻

Thank you for this insight

Your pod casts are so enlightening
Every one
Thank you

Extraordinary helpful

Excellent. I appreciate this and will relisten as needed ☀️