The Gift of Suffering

There are many ways in which we can suffer in life. What if we could find some answers in that suffering? Robert addresses this issue in this Podcast.

Transcript

Welcome to the happiness podcast. I'm Dr. Robert Puff. As we journey through life, Sometimes we have bumps. Sometimes we hit some really big bumps. And our tendency is when things tend to go not very well, We tend to be very self critical and judgmental. But today I want us to consider, Instead of judging these bumps, Seeing them as wake up calls, As opportunities for growth. And actually not something bad, But something that's there to help us grow, To say, Hey, I need to change things and get back on course. Whether you're new to this podcast or have been listening for a while, The one thing that I teach over and over again is that we truly all can have beautiful lives, All of us, No matter what. Now, After hearing this, You may think this guy's crazy. What is he talking about? He doesn't know what I'm going through right now. And it's a living hell. So if I can ask the favor of everyone listening to this podcast today, Just listen to it all the way through and see if perhaps, Just perhaps I'm not as crazy as I seem. And maybe we really can have beautiful lives, All of us. Let me start with a physiological example. Imagine if we were able to shut off our pain receptors and we didn't feel any pain. It sounds pretty cool, But it's really not. A friend of mine in high school had gotten in a car wreck. And one of the consequences of the car wreck was that she was paralyzed from the waist down for the rest of her life. I knew her pretty well. And she had to be really careful. She told me about getting sores or injuries on her legs and feet because she couldn't feel anything. And because she couldn't feel anything, They could occur very easily. And if she didn't notice them, They could get really infected. And with time could actually cause her pretty serious damage. So as humans, We've evolved physiologically in such a way that pain is there to tell us something's wrong and we need to fix it. And if we don't fix it, That pain sensation is going to get worse and worse until we do something about it. Hopefully this makes sense because pain really is there to help us. I mean, I know it's not very fun to be in pain, But it is there to say, Change this, Let's make some changes or this pain is going to get worse. It's really our body telling us, Hey, Something needs to be different because we'd like to feel good and we're not feeling good right now. So let's make some changes. Here's another analogy. There was this guy once who went to summer camp and he was really excited about going, But he was a deep sleeper and had a really hard time getting up early early. So when the morning bell went off and told everyone to get up, He stayed in bed because it didn't wake him up. So the guy underneath them started shaking his mat and said, Hey, Time to get up. And he still didn't wake up. So then they pulled back his sheets and threw some water on him and he still didn't get up. Finally, They just dropped him on the floor and started kicking him literally until he finally woke up. Now this example may seem cruel and a little extreme, But I do think it's a good metaphor for how we think life is going. Sometimes it can really feel like life is just kicking us really hard right now. I mean, Kicking someone to wake him up may seem extreme, But I think for a lot of people life seems very extreme. It's like it's beating us up and we're exhausted. We just want to throw in the towel and say, We're done. We quit. And before we go forward, I had no way went to any way intimate that suffering. Cause some people I know really are suffering right now is something that's good. It's something that's pleasurable. It's something that we're seeking to have happen in no way. Am I suggesting that? But what I am suggesting is hope and perhaps a lesson, A lesson from the suffering that maybe the suffering we're going through right now, Maybe isn't just meaninglessness. Maybe it has some purpose to it. A lesson or lessons that we can learn from. And the lesson may be as simple as I need to live with this suffering with this pain, But still a lesson, Still something to teach us. But I do think also we can see pain from two points of view. The one is just random acts of pain that make no sense when a hurricane comes and people die from that. Or when someone's house is broken into and the robber kills perhaps someone in the family. We all know examples of this. They're just painful and they're sad. But I wonder if there isn't perhaps a second form of pain, A pain in which we contribute to and cause us to suffer. And if we notice that, If we could notice how we're contributing to our own pain, Then we can perhaps make some changes. Here's a simple, But not too uncommon example. Let's say someone's been married for 10 years and they deeply love that person. And for whatever reason, Their spouse decides to leave them and the relationship's over. In response to that, They start drinking. Maybe they turn to drugs. They go out partying and they get involved with a lot of different people. They end up having a venereal disease and suffer in so many different ways. Not because of what happened, But now they're suffering because what they've added to the suffering that was going on before. Yes, They had the initial shock of the divorce, But now they have all the consequences of the choices they've made since that divorce. So what I'm proposing in this podcast is this. If right now we're suffering, Let's ask ourselves, Are we doing anything that is contributing to our suffering? And that suffering's there to tell us to make changes. Let's use an example. Let's say we notice that we're getting a lot more anxious as time goes on. We're starting to have panic attacks. We have more just generalized anxiety throughout our day and our days are getting quite hard. Now what we're doing is we're perhaps coming home every day and drinking as a way not to feel that anxiety. And it works, But unfortunately it's numbing the pain instead of treating it. The similarity would be like having our hand on an electric stove, Which got turned on and it gets hotter and hotter and we don't want to feel that pain. So instead of removing our hand, We shoot Novocaine into our hand. So now we don't feel it. It's great, But the pain is going to get worse and we may have to use more Novocaine so we don't feel it. It's great, But it's just going to get worse and worse and worse until we finally remove our hand from that really hot stove. I know that seems like a really silly idea that would anyone ever do that, But psychologically I think a lot of people do that. They are having something going on that's causing them suffering, Causing them pain. And instead of healing it, Figuring out, Oh, I need to remove my hand. They're numbing that pain so they can keep their hand there even longer. So what I'm arguing is this. I believe we all can have beautiful lives. Not only that, I believe our destiny is to have beautiful lives. And if we're not having them, Then we're not living up to what we're expected to live up in life. We're really here to have awesome lives. I know some really tragic things can happen in life and that's the exception, But even in these exceptions, I still think we can have pretty cool lives if we work on it. It takes more work when these things happen, Of course, But I think no matter what, Pretty much if we work at it, Our lives can get better. We're here to have lives that go well. And when they're not going well, Then there's going to be responses. Our body, Our psychic is going to say something's wrong. Please fix this. And if we don't think about the example I gave of the camper who didn't wake up, His friends who cared for him up the ante and made the things that they were doing to help him wake up become more intense, Perhaps even seeming cruel, But they were able to wake him up. Now, If he really said, I'm not going to wake up and you can't make me, I mean, You could have taken some major tranquilizers, Passed out and no one would have woken him up no matter what. So of course we have that choice not to have pretty cool lives, But I think we're listening to this happiness podcast because we want to make our lives better. And I want to share with you something that I discovered that really typifies how suffering can actually be something good for us. I've traveled the world and try to meet the most successful people psychologically, Emotionally happy, Peaceful people that I can find on the planet. And I've met some pretty amazing people. And when I meet them, I always ask this question, How did you do it? How did you get to this place where life's going very well for you? And I always have gotten the same answer each and every time. Suffering, Suffering got them to the point where they basically said, Enough, I'm done. I'm now going to really work on having a beautiful life. And they did because they worked on it and they are amazing people. I'm not sure what the exact turning point was for me, But I distinctly remember when I was in college, I took this advanced psychology course called self actualization. And what it was, Was instead of studying psychological pathology, It studied health. I mean, Really extreme forms of health, Very healthy, Psychologically sound people. And I figured if these people are able to do it, It must be a possibility. So I'm going to work towards that too, Because I didn't like suffering. I didn't think we were here to suffer. And I was suffering. And I said, Nope, I don't want to do that anymore. So it took a lot of work, But it was worth it. And now life goes way better. Now I apologize. You may be thinking, Well, Dr. Buff, What did you do? What are the steps? And I try to keep these podcasts short so that we can listen to them very easily when we're on our way to work or jogging or at the gym or wherever. I keep them short. So there are a lot of other podcasts that I've done in the past and a lot more I'm going to do in the future. That will talk about the specific techniques of happiness. But today I want us to consider one thing. If we're listening to this podcast and we're suffering, We can ask ourselves this, Hmm, Is there something that this suffering could teach me? Maybe changes that I need to make to have a better life. Things I need to say, Oh, Coming home every day and watching television for four hours, Particularly because I watch a lot of news, Maybe isn't good for me. Or being in this relationship where the person is kind of abusive, Maybe isn't good for me. Or I'm really depressed a lot. And maybe I need to reflect on what's causing that depression. What thoughts am I thinking that are contributing to that depression instead of cultivating thoughts that make it go away? So I really want to encourage all of us to stop judging ourselves for whatever ways we're struggling in life and instead say, Hmm, Is there perhaps an opportunity here for growth? Some way I can grow to improve my life. Maybe this pain, Maybe the suffering is here for a reason. And I can perhaps make some changes to make life a little bit better. And if I keep doing that with time, I'll find that my life is turning out to be beautiful. So thank you for joining me on the happiness podcast. If you want to learn more about the world of happiness, Please go to www. Happinesspodcast. Org. That's happinesspodcast. Org. And if you're enjoying this podcast, Reviews are awesome. Until next time, Accept what is love what is.

Reviews

Thank you. Always inspiring.

Very astute and insightful! A proactive approach to suffering is very helpful. Thank you!!

Very up to point. I've been through a massive mental breakdown one and a half year ago and it was literally the best thing that's ever happened to me, I am not exaggerating. The pain woke me up and let me know I am hurting my body and soul. The suffering CAN lead to something good.

Thank you again for sharing. I love how you are able to pack so much thought provoking in such a short time. Since you're podcasts are so short I already know I need to hang on to every word to receive the message you offer. I just can't thank you enough for sharing and being a kind non selfish person.

Good points and metaphors to change your view regarding suffering 🙏