The Essence Of Happiness

18:37

18:37

The Essence Of Happiness

by Dr Robert Puff

Rated

4.8

Type

talks

Activity

Meditation

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Everyone

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1.1k

We seek happiness and joy in so many different ways. But is there perhaps a simple plan to create happiness in our lives? Come explore in the new episode of the Happiness Podcast.

Happiness Joy Mindfulness Healing Mindfulness In Daily Life Healing Trauma Presence

Meet your Teacher

San Clemente, Ca

Meet your Teacher

San Clemente, Ca

Transcript

Welcome to the Happiness Podcast. I'm Dr. Robert Puff. Over now the past eight years, We've been talking about ways to make our lives better, To find peace and happiness in our lives. But is there something that we can all focus on now, Throughout our day, To really improve our lives? In other words, What is the essence of having a beautiful life? How do we find happiness throughout our lives until our dying breath? Or, What is the deep secret, The ultimate secret, Of living a happy life? In today's episode, We're going to explore that. Before going there, Let's explore what really keeps us from being happy right now. Part of it is the past, The other is the future. See, We have a tendency to look into the past and say, I remember that experience. That experience was wonderful. I want that again. Maybe it was the first time we fell in love, And it was so deep and so rich for days, Maybe weeks, Perhaps even a few years. We want that back. Or maybe it was one of the first times we got to be in nature and spend the week outdoors, And really soaked up the beauty of the earth. Or maybe we have to go further back, And it was the first time we tried ice cream. Or perhaps a time where our mothers held us, Looked us in the eyes, And we really feel their love. I remember when I was in university, I got the opportunity to travel throughout Europe for the summer. I was on a very tight budget, But I really got to see a lot of things. Well, At one point in my trip, I got to go to Morocco, And at that time I was traveling with a photographer who was from Yugoslavia. We found a youth hostel to stay in that evening, And when we got there, The owner of the youth hostel ordered us some tea, And we stayed up all night talking. It was truly exquisite, And I remember that moment to this very day. Or another time, I was sitting in the library as an undergraduate, Studying philosophy for the first time, And I was reading Plato's Republic. And I remember, For the first time, Seeing the world differently. It was as if I was Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, And all of a sudden, The black and white world became colored. And it was so beautiful. I remember it being one of those peak experiences that were just unforgettable. Or another time, I was backpacking up in the High Sierra Mountains, And it was late at night, And I was standing by myself, Looking up at the stars. And it was just an exquisite moment of connecting with everything in the universe. A moment both unforgettable and breathtaking. If we all were to take some time and reflect on our lives, I'm sure no matter how hard of life we've lived up to this point, There's been times that we can recall that are like this for all of us. Beautiful, Exquisite moments of peak experiences where life just takes our breath away. But we also have experiences of the opposite of this, Where life is dark, Life is very hard, And we can't wait for it to end or be over if we believe it will end, Because it feels so ominous and threatening and painful. I remember when I was 14 years old, I was with my father right after he lost the only job he had in his life, And it was a good job. And when I was with him, I could see his pain, And I knew our lives would change after that. And they did. For many years, It clearly affected his life, And mine. Or another time, Where I had my life completely planned out, I was graduating from college, Going on to graduate school, Or planning on it, And the school that I had so hoped to get into had rejected me, And the person I was planning on spending my life with had rejected me too. And again, I was sitting in the library, Just feeling the great pain and turmoil of losing both these things at the same time, And wondering what would happen next. Again, If we've lived long enough, We've had experiences like this that are dark, That are very hard to see any end to, And feels like they're going to go on forever. These are the two things of our past that are incredibly powerful and affect us now, Including our state of happiness, Both the good and the bad. But then there's also the future, Because we remember these events, Both these very positive and very negative events, And we say, I want to have more of the positive, And I don't want to have any more of the negative. I want to have a good life. So we look forward to it, We plan it, We get excited for it, And again, There's nothing wrong with this. The problem with it is, Life just doesn't unfold the way we always wanted to. There are so many things that they get in the way of our dreams, Or even if we get our dreams, Let's say we make it to retirement, And we don't have the work anymore. We think now I'll live happily ever after. And for so many people that make it to this stage, This just isn't true. They reach retirement, And now the people that they love begin to die, Or they don't have enough money to do the things that they really wanted to do, Or they start having health problems, Or dot dot dot, The list goes on. I'm not trying to paint a bleak picture, I'm just trying to paint a picture of how life unfolds. And if, With the uncertainty of the future, And both the bliss and the pain of the past, How do we live well and have a beautiful life? Because it seems like there's just so much that can get in the way. We can be pining after a future that may never happen. And if it does happen, And it happens well, At any point something else can happen to completely change it. Or we can get stuck in the past and just stay there throughout our lives, Grieving over a loss, Or wishing for things that used to be better, Hoping that someday they'll come back. So, If we can't hang onto the past, We need to move forward, And if we can't even recreate the past, We need to let it go. And if we can't necessarily control the future, Even though we make many plans for the future, How do we live well? How do we ensure, As best as we can, That we find that our lives are lived well, So that when we reach the end of our lives, We'll look back and say, That was a good life. That's what I want to talk about now. How do we find happiness throughout our lives, No matter what? Because there's a lot of no matters. A lot of things can happen, Both in the past and in the future, That can keep us from being happy. So how do we navigate this minefield of unhappiness? The key is very simple, Actually. It's living well now. But, With the slight condition that living well now won't cause me or others suffering in the future, Well, Most likely, We're going to be pulled in two different ways. Some of us are going to really be stuck in the past, Either wanting to recreate it, Wishing it was back to the way it was, Or hoping that what happened in the past will never happen again, And thus being fearful. Or, We are more stuck into the future, Waiting that someday it's going to be better and better, Because I'm working toward these goals. And when I reach them, Everything will be great. And mind you, These two magnets that pull on our hearts, Fearful of the past, Wishing for a better future, These two magnets are incredibly strong. They are so powerful that for most of us, They're really keeping us from finding happiness right now. So the key of it is, When we feel these magnets pulling on our hearts, Fears or desires from the past, Wishes or fulfillments for the future, We have to say, Okay, If I need to do some healing work from the past, If I need to do some planning for the future, That's okay. But mostly what I need to do is live well now. I've spent the last 35 years helping people heal from the past, And it really doesn't take that much time. The most we can actually do in a day is about an hour. If we take more time than this, Then it will turn into, Instead of a healing time, It will turn into anxiety or depression. The same is true for the future. When we plan for the future, It doesn't take much time. I would say the max, An hour a day to plan for our day, For our future, And look at these goals on a regular basis. This is good. This is healthy. But again, It's a small portion of our lives. Mostly what we do is that we look at what's happening in our lives right now, Whether we're stuck in a long line to order food, Whether we're driving to work and it's stop-and-go traffic, Whether we're waiting at the dentist's office to get a teeth filling, Whether we're on a date with our loved one, Whether we're just brushing our teeth in the morning, Whether we're just fill in the blank. We do a lot of things throughout the day, But what we try to find is the beauty through those things, Things that put a smile on our hearts and say, This is good. And you know, The wonderful thing is there really is always something beautiful to be with. We just need to be attentive to it. We can find the darkness, Absolutely. It's easy to find things to be irritated with, To be frustrated by, To wish they were different. Or we can say, If I do that, I'm not going to have a happy life, And I want to have a happy life. So right now, This is what I'm doing. Is there a way for me to make it a little bit better? Is there something I could focus on that would put a smile in my heart and then we direct our attention, Our energy towards that? It's really that simple. It's simple to do in the sense of the concept, But it's hard to do in the sense of actually doing it. Because what will happen is this past and this future are constantly going to be beating on us. When we're sitting in traffic, We're thinking about where we need to go next and being frustrated and all the consequences if we don't get there on time. Or we're at work and there's a negative employee that we have to work with. And even in the course of, Say, Two years, We've only had four or five conflicts with them. Those four or five conflicts are at the front of our minds. It's like a little boy or girl who's being bullied at school. I mean, The bullying literally may only last for a few moments at school, But they may spend their entire day fearful of that bullying. We are in our heads so much that we just are missing out of life. The key is, No matter what's happening, We have to get back to the now and saying, In this now, What's happening? Where can I find beauty? Where can I find something to be attentive to that would truly put a smile in my heart and then go there? And then when our minds wander back to the past or to the future, We remind ourselves, Oh, This is keeping me from being happy right now. I need to get back to the here and now and stop thinking about the future and stop being in the past. Here and now is all I have, Period. Live this moment well and keep living the next moment well and the next and the next. And that will create a life worth living, One that I can enjoy, One that I can find pleasure in, And one that no matter what life throws me, I'm OK. Because there's just always something that I can be attentive to right now that will put a smile on my heart. There just is. Even in our worst, Darkest moments, Those will pass. And we know that. So when they come, We say, OK, If the only thing I can focus in on is that this, Too, Shall pass, And it will, Then we focus on that. Or when we're focused on the future, We say, I know I have a wonderful future planned for myself, But there's just no guarantees. It's far better to live well now. Most of us have a tendency to go one way or the other. We tend to be stuck in the past, Or we tend to be really focused on creating a future that's going to be better. But both of these habits, And they're very strong on us, Keep us from living well now. Now again, As I warned earlier, The one thing we have to be careful about is living in the now that we do things that would be destructive to our future or destructive to other people's future or happiness. For example, Partying, Getting drunk, Doing drugs, Those are all very clear examples of things that may be fun to do now, But can have very serious consequences for others or for ourselves in the future. That isn't what we mean when we talk about living well in the now. It's about being with things that make our hearts better. And after we do them, Like watching a sunset, No one gets hurt, And the after effects are a glow, Not a pain. It's very simple to know what these things are. We just know when we do this, Is it good for us, Or is it going to be bad for us in the future? Anything that is good for us now and in the future is what we focus on. And when we do that, We'll stay away from those things which are more distractions or addictions than truly living well now. So in conclusion, If we only have time to listen to one podcast, This is the one we probably want to listen to on the Happiness Podcast, Because it really is the key to having a happy, Peaceful, Beautiful life. It's all about being in the present moment and finding things to be attentive to that make our hearts glow. And we just give them our attention. Because if there is no past, And there is no future, We are beginning to see things more like children do, New, With vibrance and excitement. If we've forgotten how to do this, Just hang out with young children and see the excitement and joy they see in the newness of life. Because for them, It is new. And there really is something always beautiful to be attentive to. We can do the same if we make that our goal, Not of being in the past, Not of perfecting our future, But just living well now. And when our minds go back to the past or into the future, We say, No, I want to live well now. And we get back to what's before us and seeing the beauty and the joy and the happiness that's around us. Because when we do that, We'll find that we carry the happiness with us all the time. Our minds keep us from seeing. When we quiet the minds, And we live in the present moment, Realizing that's all we really have, Then that will culminate into a beautiful life. And when we are taking our last breath of life, We will look back and say, That was a good life. Thank you for joining me on the Happiness Podcast. If you are finding these episodes helpful, I would love for you to share your experience with others. The easiest way for new people to listen to this podcast is just refer them to www. Happinesspodcast. Org. Or if you want to do more and leave a review, On that site you'll find a Yelp link, A Google Plus link, A testimonial link, Or perhaps even the site you're listening to this podcast on. Often you can leave reviews there, Too. The reviews are an awesome way to encourage people to start listening to the Happiness Podcast. And until next time, Accept what is, Love what is.