The Choice To Heal Our Hearts

As we journey through life, sometimes we are faced with emotional pains. The loss of a loved one, the abuse from a family member, or the tragedies of life. When these challenges come, we have a choice: to heal or to numb.

Please note, this is talk, not a guided meditation.

Transcript

Welcome to the happiness podcast.

I'm Dr.

Robert puff.

Sometimes it can happen very early in our lives and other times it happens later,

But sooner or later we're going to suffer.

We're going to have things that happen to us that causes pain.

But I think these moments are incredibly critical because they're a turning point.

They're a turning point between pain and ongoing suffering and the other would be healing and getting better and finding joy in our lives.

Again,

It is a turning point because at these points we get to make a choice.

It's a choice between do I want to heal this or do I want to numb it?

And because in our world it's so easy to numb things,

It's an easy choice,

But often with devastating consequences because nowadays in our world it is so easy to numb ourselves from the pains of life.

There are so many different things that we can turn to in order to take away our pain.

Life sometimes can be so painful.

We reach a point that we want to give up.

We just want the pain to go away.

And so we may turn to things to say pain,

Stop.

I just can't take this anymore.

Stop hurting me.

And we find things to numb that pain.

And often initially that numbing is very relieving and really has not too many consequences to it yet.

But then with time,

We keep going back to it and with time that numbing becomes an addiction because that moment in life that began as pain now because of the numbing,

It causes our whole life to be painful and we don't stop the numbing because if we do,

Then the pain seems overwhelming.

That which we initially turned to,

To numb our pain we need more of because the pain when we numbed it didn't go away.

And now there is so much more pain.

And so we need more to numb it.

And the people who numb,

They are bad people.

People that we need to look down on with this stain.

They're people in pain and they just want relief from that pain.

And it's gotten so overwhelming that they just need that release,

That release momentarily from the pain that at this point often is permeating every aspect of their lives.

Have you ever heard of the movie?

What's eating Gilbert grape?

You may have never heard of it,

But I bet you've heard of the two stars in it.

It's Johnny Depp with Leo DiCaprio.

It was filmed in 1993.

So these two stars are much younger.

It's an incredibly powerful movie.

It's a great movie.

The two stars are much younger.

It's an incredibly beautiful and moving story that I would highly recommend.

Well,

Within the movie,

There's a story.

There's a story that slowly unfolds about Gilbert grapes.

Mother who's played by Johnny Depp.

And in this story,

We see that his mother weighs over 500 pounds and isn't able to leave the house.

She's referred to as mama and you'll fall in love with her as I did.

She's such a beautiful soul.

But slowly as the movie unfolds,

You get to know how did mama get to be over 500 pounds and what was feeding her food addiction.

And it was,

Of course,

Pain.

Pain was feeding her food addiction because you discover that many years ago when she had been beautiful,

One day her very quiet husband who did not share his feelings hung himself in the basement.

And after he died,

The pain was so challenging for mama that she turned towards food to numb from that pain.

And because of her embarrassment over being so heavy,

She would never leave the house.

And the only thing that can get her to leave the house one time is her other son played by Leo DiCaprio who had severe learning disabilities,

Climbed a water tower and was arrested.

And so mama was willing to face her embarrassment of being overweight so that she could help her son get out of jail.

But one of the reasons that I love this movie is that it's a beautiful story of a beautiful lady who struggles.

I mean,

Could you imagine if you came home and had four children and your husband had committed suicide?

The pain would be almost astronomical.

And yet,

And yet,

We're here to get better.

We're here to improve our lives.

And that's why we have to be so careful with addictions.

Because in the short term,

They do work.

It may be only for a moment.

It may be only for a few minutes.

It might even be an hour or two.

But that relief from the pain can be so satisfying that once we get it,

That relief from pain,

Sometimes we're willing to sacrifice anything to get it again and again and again.

But the problem is,

With any type of addiction,

Whether food,

Drugs,

Alcohol,

Sex,

Work,

Whatever it may be,

When we turn towards them,

They are short term reliefs of pain.

They are short term reliefs of pain.

But in the long term,

They don't heal our pain.

And they actually add to our suffering.

Because now,

Not only have we not healed our pain,

Now we have the issues that come along with our addiction.

At the time of this recording,

Here in the USA,

We're having a real problem with fentanyl.

Fentanyl is a painkiller about 50 to 100 times more powerful than heroin,

And it's cheap.

And a lot of people,

Unfortunately,

Are being exposed to it.

And it's killing so many people.

And though this may be an extreme case,

But painkillers are just that.

They slowly,

Slowly eat away at us until we reach a point where now,

That which is to help us not feel the pain,

Is causing us as much pain as we originally started with.

When mama found her husband in the basement,

Dead,

And now she was forced to be a single mother of four young children,

Food helped her get through that time.

But it also caused her so much suffering in the end.

And as I said,

You'll fall in love with mama.

She has a beautiful soul.

And I think love is a really good place to start.

We turn towards addiction,

Towards painkillers,

Because we're in pain.

That's why we turn towards them.

It's not that everything's going wonderful,

And then we become addicted to things.

It's usually more that we're suffering.

And the suffering is so overwhelming,

We just want it to stop.

And these things,

From video game playing,

To food,

To drugs,

To alcohol,

To even work,

We turn towards these things,

So that they will help numb that pain,

If only for a moment.

So part of it that we want to start with,

If we want to improve our lives,

Is we want to stop judging.

Whether there are addictions,

Or the addictions of others.

The behavior is the problem.

Each person,

I believe,

Is in their deepest core beautiful.

I know with some people,

We have to look very deeply.

But I believe that's true.

And so what we can start doing,

Is stop judging others,

And stop judging ourselves.

And instead say,

What's going on here?

Why am I turning towards this painkiller?

And what if instead,

I began healing,

And getting better,

And getting help with this thing,

That I'm turning towards to numb my pain?

Because we can get help.

We can get better.

It's just understanding the process of suffering.

Because when we're in pain,

When a painful event comes,

We want it to go away.

And we have two choices.

We can heal that pain,

Or we can numb it.

And if we choose to numb it,

The pain doesn't go away.

It will just stay there.

And often it gets infected,

And it can turn to gangrene,

And it can kill us.

Emotions,

Though they work slowly,

Are similar,

In a sense when we have emotional pain.

It does need to be healed.

We need to implement tools that will improve our lives.

And when we do that,

We'll get better.

But if we don't do that,

If we numb that pain,

Temporarily,

Then we're going to keep needing that thing that we're turning towards to numb.

And so the process of healing,

The process of having a beautiful life,

Is by first saying,

Okay,

Is there pain in my life?

Number one,

Are there things happening,

Or have happened,

That are causing me pain right now?

And if so,

I need to see that I have two choices.

The one is,

I can numb this pain right now.

The other is,

I can begin to heal this pain,

And get better right now.

It sounds so simple.

Why wouldn't everyone just choose the healing path?

Well again,

Let's think of our bodies.

If we get a really bad cut,

And we go to the emergency room,

The first thing they're going to do,

Is they're going to rinse that cut out,

Real rigorously and intensely,

And it's going to hurt,

Without any painkillers,

It's going to hurt a lot.

And instead,

If we ask them,

Well don't clean it,

Just numb it.

They could,

But it wouldn't make us better.

So that's why,

We turn towards painkillers,

Because they take away the pain right now,

Where the healing process actually hurts.

I mean if we can use mama as an example,

When she had to face the death of her husband,

She had two choices.

One was,

To feel that pain,

Which would be awful,

It would be horrible,

But with time her heart would heal,

Or she could eat,

And the eating,

Temporarily,

Took away that pain,

And she would feel a little bit better for a moment.

And then,

With time,

What happens with painkillers is,

We need more and more of them,

And they do work,

Temporarily,

But in the long run,

They're really painful for us.

But if you're listening to this talk right now,

And you're struggling with life,

And the pains of life,

And you've been turning to things to numb that pain,

It's time to really stop the judgment,

And instead say,

What do I need to do to get better?

I know it's going to be a painful process,

And I may need a lot of help to get through it,

But what do I need to get better?

And then we do the one thing that's magical.

We take one breath at a time,

One moment at a time,

And work towards improving our lives.

That's one of the keys of having a successful life,

Is not looking at and judging ourselves for all our failures,

But instead saying,

How can I make this moment,

This day,

A little bit better than yesterday?

I know it's hard,

I know it may be painful,

But if I keep moving in the direction of making my life better,

Then I will get better.

I don't know if you know this,

But when someone struggles with a severe addiction,

Like drugs or alcohol,

Often,

In order for them to get really better and stop their addiction 100%,

They have to go to a 12-step meeting every day for a year,

And it works.

They can get better when they really commit with that help.

We can get better no matter what we're struggling with right now,

But it does take work,

It does take effort,

And it's the understanding,

The awareness,

That though it's going to be hard,

If we don't change our behavior,

It will be much harder in the long run.

So we get help,

We get support.

There are many people out there,

Including me,

Who have spent their lives understanding how to make life work well.

It is work,

But with these tools,

We really can have beautiful lives.

The key is to just keep learning,

Keep developing these skills of happiness and being healthy,

No matter what.

We can be,

When we develop these skills,

We get really good at healing from the events that have happened in our lives,

But the equally wonderful thing that happens is,

We get much better at handling the new events that happen,

And for others,

What may seem incredibly painful for us become.

Not so bad.

We get through things so much better when we learn the skills of how to live a happy life,

No matter what.

They are skills that we learn and develop,

And we get really good at dealing with the ups and downs of life.

This is the whole point of this podcast.

How do we deal with the ups and downs of life,

So that our lives go well,

No matter what.

But we have to remember,

It is very tempting to turn towards things that numb our pain,

And if we don't know what to do,

Then that's where we begin to listen to the over 300 podcasts that have been created prior to this one.

There are many things we can do to have beautiful lives.

It is skills that we have to learn,

But when we learn these skills,

And stop trying to numb our pain,

What we'll find is,

Our lives begin to become more and more beautiful,

Until we reach a point that we say,

Life is good.

Thank you for joining me on the Happiness Podcast.

Until next time,

Accept what is,

Love what is.

Reviews

Just his voice alone puts a smile on my face. Great message. Second time listening now and it hit even deeper than the first time.

Always a pleasure, as insightful as ever. Thank you Dr. Puff!

Thank you. I have listened to many of your podcasts and healed but this one I absolutely needed today. Thank you.

Thank you for your dear heart, Dr. Robert Puff. Sending good wishes.

Wise words. Thank you for reminding us that we can’t always see someone’s pain so please be kind always. 💜

Wonderful advice as always Dr Puff! Thank you again for all you do!

Thank you very much