The Beauty Of Acceptance

Life doesn't always go the way we plan or hope for. When unexpected change happens, we can choose to fight that change or work towards acceptance of the change. There is a wonderful beauty in developing the art of acceptance.

Please note: this is lecture, not a guided meditation.

Transcript

Welcome to the Happiness Podcast.

I'm Dr.

Robert Puff.

As we journey through life,

It can be pleasant,

It can be enjoyable,

But at times it can be hard.

But why is it so hard sometimes?

And is there anything that we can do to soften it when it is hard?

And that's what we're going to look at today.

Making life easier when it's hard.

Well,

The first thing we have to do is understand human behavior,

Because in life,

Once we have understanding,

It's a lot easier to create change.

Well,

The biggest thing that happens in our lives is that we create expectations.

We watch people that are older than us.

We see other people's lives and we think,

I want that.

That would be good.

Maybe it's our parents.

And we say,

Yeah,

I like what they did.

I want to do that too.

Or maybe we had a tough childhood.

We say,

I don't want that.

But I know these other people that I see on television that have met through friends and I like their lives.

I want that.

For example,

Here in the United States,

About 50% of us have parents that stay together throughout our lives.

And we may say,

When I get married,

I want that too.

But another 50% have parents that didn't stay together.

And because of that,

We may say,

I don't want that.

That was hard.

I'm going to make sure I stay married.

Or perhaps our parents financially struggled when we grew up and weren't able to give us everything that we wanted,

Or at least keep up with what our friends were getting.

So we say,

We're going to work really hard so that we can have a lot of things that make sure our kids don't suffer like we did.

Or maybe our grandparents made it to their nineties.

So we think,

Well,

I want to live that long too.

They had rich,

Full lives.

I want the same.

Or maybe we saw our parents go to work every day and we saw how hard they worked and they weren't always happy with what they were doing.

They provided for us,

But they did it at a great cost to their own happiness.

So we say,

I'm going to make sure I get a job that I really enjoy.

And at the bottom line of all these different examples,

None of these expectations are wrong.

They're fine.

They're actually good.

They're people wanting to improve their lives or maintain the lifestyle that was modeled for them growing up.

And for some of us,

This is what happens.

We get our expectations.

We don't have too many disappointments and life goes well.

But the tricky part is about these expectations is sometimes we can have a whole lot of them and we may not be aware of them.

But if we really sat down and explored our inner thoughts,

We discover that there are a lot of expectations and it's really not hard to discover them.

It's just look for the disturbances in our happiness throughout the day.

Let's say we have to run some errands and we expect to be back in a half an hour.

But when we get to the grocery store,

The lines are super long and we had difficulty finding a parking spot.

And it just took much,

Much,

Much longer than we thought it would.

So when we get home,

Since our expectations were met,

We're exhausted or we're upset.

Or let's say we go to university and we have expectations that our degree will create a certain type of job for us.

And though it can get us a job,

We realize that we really don't like it.

And we also realize that,

Wow,

I have a lot of student loans and a lot of my money and time goes to paying off these student loans.

And this isn't a lot of fun.

This isn't what I expected.

Or we get married and let's say we have expectations of what our partner will do in the relationship and we realize they're not living up to our expectations.

So again,

We suffer.

Or as we get older,

We realize that our bodies just aren't working like they did.

And because of this,

We're having medical complications,

Sometimes very serious ones.

So when we have our expectations,

But life doesn't live up to these expectations,

Is it inevitable that we're going to suffer?

Is there anything else we can do besides finding unhappiness in our situation and saying,

Life,

You're just not being fair?

Because when our expectations,

Which usually are reasonable,

Aren't met,

Life just doesn't seem fair.

Well,

There's bad news and good news in regards to our suffering.

It really boils down to choices that we make.

And usually the choice is quite simple.

We just need to accept what life has given us.

I know that seems very simple,

But you would be amazed how we often for very long times fight this.

We'll talk to other people,

We'll try to come up with other solutions and we'll fight it often to our dying breath saying,

This isn't fair.

This isn't right.

I don't want this.

I don't like this.

But life says,

This is what you're given.

So we have a choice.

We have a choice of accepting what life has given us when we've done everything we can do to rectify the situation.

But when we have and nothing's changing,

Then we have to decide,

Would I rather be happy?

Would I rather find peace in my heart?

Or would I rather be unhappy and continue to fight this?

Because it is a choice.

And in many ways,

It is that simple of a choice.

If right now we're suffering with something,

Whatever it may be,

A little thing,

Something that irritates us as we go about our day,

Or very big thing,

Like the loss of a loved one or a financial crisis or a health problem.

These are the big ones that many of us get at times in our lives.

If we live long enough,

We're probably going to face one of them.

And so fighting them is a choice.

And many people do.

To their dying breath,

Fight reality,

Fight what life has given us.

And that fighting only causes us to suffer.

And one of the biggest things I think we struggle with when we're going through difficult times is that we want a different answer.

We don't like the answer that life has given us.

But so often,

The solution to our problem is quite simple.

If we've done everything that we can,

And nothing's changing,

Then what we need to do is accept.

Acceptance of what is,

Is such a beautiful solution to any problem.

But it can be a very challenging one.

Because the solution of acceptance may mean letting go of someone that we deeply love,

Of letting go of our dreams for retirement or the future,

Of letting go of things going a certain way,

Of letting go of caring about what people think about the choices that we've made.

Again,

It isn't complicated to find the solution to our problem.

It's often very easy.

Acceptance.

But why we struggle and struggle for so long,

For often years,

Is because we don't like that answer.

We just don't.

But one thing I think that can be really helpful with acceptance is not accepting it from a broad perspective,

But accepting it from a limited perspective.

Meaning,

Today,

Can I accept this thing that I'm fighting so hard against?

Can I just relax and say,

Okay,

There really isn't anything I can do about it today.

So can I perhaps just relax and enjoy the day and not give this thing so much thought?

I think often,

This is the solution.

Acceptance on a big level is wonderful and something that we should all strive for.

But if we are struggling with something,

Then this technique of limited acceptance can be so freeing because it's just challenging to sometimes let go of our big expectations.

But we can let go of them today and get up outdoors,

Enjoy nature,

Connect with our friends,

Read a good book.

Just do things today where we set aside this expectation and this grief and say,

You know,

I'm going to just live the day.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring.

Maybe a miracle will happen and it will all work out the way that I expect.

But today,

Even with my expectations,

I can live well and I can just suspend them so that I'm not missing out so much on life.

So I like to be very practical on this podcast.

So I want to conclude with practical steps that we can do when we are struggling with what's happening in our lives and we're having a hard time accepting what's going on.

So the biggest thing is not to accept the ultimate answer,

Whatever that may be.

If we're going through a breakup saying it's over forever,

If we lost our job and we're older saying we'll never find a job again.

No,

No,

No.

Those aren't the way to work towards acceptance.

Acceptance would be more of,

Okay,

Today I'm not able to make sense of this breakup,

But I can still enjoy this day.

Maybe in a few days,

Few years,

Things may change and they might.

But today,

Today,

I can just work on enjoying the beauty around me,

Connecting with the people that are in my lives and let that put a smile on my heart.

Or if I'm in financial struggles,

I can today,

After I've done everything I can to rectify the situation,

I can say,

Okay,

I'm done going over the numbers,

Working through the things that I need to do.

It's time to put that aside.

Instead,

It's time to live and live well.

Tomorrow's a new day and perhaps I can spend some energy on it,

But today I can work on just enjoying this moment.

And so what can happen is we work towards acceptance.

Acceptance is so freeing,

But it can be hard.

So instead of making the big leap of acceptance,

Which can be wonderful and something we can all work towards,

If we are having a hard time with what's going on in our lives,

Then today we can say,

I don't need to solve this.

I can live my life and not give this so much mental energy.

And if I don't give it mental energy,

It's not going to exhaust me.

It's not going to make my heart sad.

Instead,

I'm going to focus on what I do have and all the beautiful things that life has given me.

And I think if we do this,

We'll find that though the answer of acceptance is always there,

Ready to come into our hearts,

That if we do have a hard time with this,

We can say,

I know I may not be able to accept this great thing that has happened that is so hard,

But I can today accept what life has given me and find beauty and joy in this moment,

In these hours,

And then perhaps with time,

My life will work towards accepting what life has given me and not only accepting it,

Learning to love what life has given me.

Thank you for joining me on the happiness podcast.

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And until next time,

Accept what is love what is.

Reviews

Dr. Puff,
Thank you for the happiness podcast.
I really enjoy listening while walking.
I'll be 61 this month and believe your content is valuable and helpful for people of any age, for a myriad of reasons and seasons of life. We all have our own story and cicumstances, and we are all equally important.

Thank you again.

Thank you for your podcast and meditations. Brings peace and understanding to my soul.

Very helpful, it has given me so much thought, thank you 🙏🏻

Loved thus just what I needed to hear. Accept what is ….love what it is.

Thank you for this. Exactly what I needed to hear this morning. You have a way and speaking from the heart with a simple message I can readily apply to my life.

Thank you so much. This profound yet simple approach is gently delivered and helping me to move on, just for this day. 🙏🌺🐝

What a service of kindness you do
Thank you for this

Really helpful podcast. I appreciated the focus on acceptance of what is in the short term to help move towards greater acceptance in the long term. This is definitely wisdom to come back to.

The voice & clear way Dr Puff explains Acceptance pointing at life eventualities...that there is a choice suffer or not...if the problem is in the past & cannot be changed ...it’s wasted energy

The beauty and simplicity of Dr. Puff's talks are helpful and very applicable to life. Thank you...

Very helpful guidance and words of encouragement- thank you 😊

Absolutely wonderful Robert. This spoke directly into my current situation and was just what I needed to hear. Thank you so much. 🙏🏻

wonderfu,l thank you!

Very nice. Will listen again. Thank you.

Thank you. Good thoughts for getting beyond difficult situations....

Just for today! What a wonderful solution

Thank you 🙏🏽 Practical guidance during a time of deep deep loss. No magic button just insightful words of wisdom.

🙏🏼 I found that to be very helpful as I am mourning the recent loss of my 12 year old daughter. Today, is a hard day but by listening to this it has made me able to get through another one. Thank you so much.

I will enjoy what life brings. Thanks!