Never Give Up: Finding Your Good Life

This talk dives into the profound truth that a fulfilling life is possible, even after setbacks and difficult experiences. We'll explore the transformative power of hope and the importance of self-belief in overcoming challenges. Discover actionable steps to break free from the weight of the past, redefine what a "good life" means for you, and cultivate the resilience to pursue it relentlessly. This talk offers a message of empowerment and possibility, reminding you that your story is far from over.

Transcript

Welcome to the Happiness Podcast.

I'm Dr.

Robert Puff.

Winston Churchill was a prolific writer and speaker,

But what he's most known for is this following quote,

Never give in.

Never give in.

Never,

Never,

Never.

In nothing,

Great or small,

Large or petty.

Never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense.

Never yield to force.

Never yield to apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.

This quote was delivered in a speech at Harold School on October 19,

1941.

During World War II,

It became the rallying cry for Britain and a timeless source of inspiration.

But you may be asking yourself,

Dr.

Puff,

What does this have to do with me finding happiness and peace in my life?

Over 30 years now of helping people improve their lives.

One of the main things that I have found that have kept people from finding joy and happiness in their life is the events in their past.

Things that have been done to them or things that they've done to others.

And sometimes people throughout their lives fail.

They mess up.

They go through divorce.

They get fired.

They have tremendous relationship issues.

They struggle with depression and anxiety.

And they do things that make themselves feel shameful,

Make themselves just want to give up and stop trying.

And often what they do is they turn towards something to numb themselves.

So they just don't have to think about their failures anymore and they can just live their life in oblivion.

But the truth is we can all have beautiful lives and our past in no way dictates our future.

It may influence it if we let it,

But it doesn't have to dictate or tell us what's going to happen.

We decide that based upon the choices that we make.

No matter what our past holds,

Today is a new day and we can focus on making today a good day.

Now some of you may be thinking,

Well,

Dr.

Puff,

You do not know what I've done.

I've done some horrific deeds in my life and I've had some horrendous failures.

I know we have.

A lot of us have.

That's part of being human.

The difference between people that find happiness enjoying their life and those who don't are the ones that don't give up.

We all have tragedy.

Yes,

I know some of us have a lot more tragedy than others,

But we all have challenges.

We all have things that we go through that are hard.

The difference is no matter what we go through,

If we want to find happiness,

We can't give up.

I don't know if any of you've ever heard of this man,

But his name is Jarvis J.

Masters and currently he's incarcerated in St.

Quentin State Prison on charges for murder.

Originally he went to prison in 1981 for armed robbery.

Now if we were in that situation,

I'm sure many of us,

Most of us,

Would just give up.

But he didn't.

He discovered his life was more than his past and he changed his life.

He studied mindfulness.

He studied meditation.

He started writing books and teaching others.

And though he's 62 years old and has spent almost his entire adult life in prison,

He has not given up and he's made an impact on his life,

The people in the prison,

And people around the world.

So if today you want to start working on having a good life,

Let's talk about the steps to get there.

The first thing we have to do is acknowledge our past mistakes.

We have made mistakes.

We can't deny them.

We can't pretend they didn't happen.

We have to be truthful.

But this process is about moving forward,

Not dwelling in the past.

When we focus on shame or regret,

This becomes a barrier to creating a fulfilling life.

Because our thoughts are powerful and what we think about creates our reality.

And if we steep ourselves in shame and regret,

That's where we're gonna stay.

Until we look at the past and say,

It's time to move on.

It's time to learn from my mistakes,

Grow from my errors,

And get better.

Because a good life is achievable for anyone.

Because it's personal.

You may have done things in your past that people will hate you for until the day you die.

But that doesn't keep you from having a good life.

Because that's their journey.

When it comes to our journey,

Our journey is to forgive,

To heal,

To let go of the shame,

To let go of the way people have hurt us,

And move forward.

Other people don't have the power to destroy us.

Even if they hate us,

We can still have a good life.

They can hurt us if we give them that power.

But we're giving them that power.

It's still under our control.

We don't have to hang on to that.

We need to work on seeing each day as a new day and focusing in on making our lives better.

Even if some people continue to hate us,

We can still have a good life.

That's their journey to heal from that hate.

Our journey is to make sure as we go forward to make better choices and to learn from our past.

If we wait for other people's approval in order to have a good life,

We'll never have a good life.

But this really isn't just about optimism.

It's about resilience,

Action-oriented hope.

We are going to get up when we fall down and keep going.

And we get knocked down again,

Whether from our own efforts and choices or from other people,

We're going to get up again.

We create a hopeful mindset.

We cultivate tools for cultivating hope,

Even in the most difficult times,

Through gratitude,

Through focusing on small wins,

Through thanking others who are helping us,

And through realizing today is a new day,

No matter how bad yesterday was.

Because when we have hope,

It fuels us to move forward towards our goals,

Towards becoming a happy person.

When we're stuck in despair,

In depression,

In anxiety,

We stay stuck.

But hope encourages us.

Hope says,

You can do this.

You don't have to give up.

You never have to give up.

That's hope.

But how do we overcome these past mistakes?

Because some of them are so crippling.

We see our past as a teacher.

We learn from our mistakes without being defined by them.

And this is about self-forgiveness,

The importance of forgiving ourselves,

And the steps to achieve it.

If we don't forgive ourselves,

We stay stuck.

Because what we're hearing in our head is a shame of how bad we were,

What we did wrong,

And how we're a horrible person.

But when we see our past as a teacher,

Then we say,

Okay,

I did mess up.

I did some things that were wrong.

But what can I learn from them?

How can I grow from them?

And sometimes,

We didn't do anything wrong,

But people did things wrong to us.

But even that can keep us stuck.

Because we have so much hatred and malice.

And we just stay focused there too.

So the key of it is forgiving ourselves,

And forgiving others,

And moving forward.

And then we have to also seek help.

Because life is hard.

And having others get through the tough times that we can talk to,

Share our story with,

Share our concerns,

Share our failures,

And having them still love us,

Is a pivotal part of our self-forgiveness and forgiving others.

Because when we hold things inside,

And we don't let other people know the mistakes we've made,

And the difficult challenges we have,

We then tend to judge ourselves.

But when we have another person there that cares for us,

That listens to us,

That realizes we're trying to make changes and learn from our mistakes,

Then we can get better and improve.

This is what I do every day for years,

Is listen to people's stories,

Help them learn from their mistakes,

And move forward.

So make sure when you do find that support network to help you,

That they are helping you,

That they're not shaming you,

They're not attacking you,

But they're loving you for who you are.

And they see that you are trying to learn from your mistakes,

And grow from the way others have hurt you,

Or the way you have hurt others.

And if that support network changes,

And they stop being supportive,

Find a new one.

There are people out there that can care for you,

And help you get through anything.

That's what I love doing.

And find someone that can help you do that,

Because we need each other.

Now what will happen is along the way,

This journey is hard,

It's challenging,

And we're going to feel like giving up.

But that's where having Winston Churchill's quote,

Right in front of us,

Can be so helpful.

Never give in,

Never give in,

Never,

Never,

Never.

Big changes take time,

They do,

Because we have habits in place,

Years of habits,

But with small steps,

Consistently done over time,

We work towards having a good life.

It just takes time,

It just takes effort.

But if we keep working at it,

And keep getting better,

That's what will happen.

We'll find that we'll wake up at times,

We'll have moments throughout the day,

We'll say,

This is a good life.

I like my life.

And we'll have more and more of them.

It just takes time.

And it will come with time,

When we're patient,

And we don't give up.

Now on our journey towards a happy life,

Setbacks are inevitable.

But if we realize and we normalize setbacks as part of growth,

We'll be okay.

We'll say,

Yeah,

We take two steps forward,

One step back,

Three steps forward,

Two steps back,

But we keep moving forward.

When we realize that's just part of our healing,

That's just part of moving towards a good life.

Then we have setbacks,

We'll keep moving forward.

And what we're doing is we're cultivating a resilient mindset,

A mindset that helps us bounce back from challenges.

And when we go through challenges,

And we need inspiration to help us get through them,

I think having people that we know that have overcome hardships,

And have a good life now,

And looking to them as a model,

Study people that have gone through very challenging times,

But come back and are doing well.

There's so many beautiful people out there that have had terrific challenges,

And even done horrific things to others.

And they're doing well,

They're living a good life.

And we can do that too.

And having them as an example,

As a reminder,

Can keep us strong,

Can keep us motivated.

And when we are struggling,

We won't give up.

So in conclusion,

In order to have a good life,

And not give up,

We need first hope.

Hope is essential,

Knowing that we can have a good life no matter what.

We need forgiveness,

Forgiveness for ourselves when we do things that have hurt others,

Or hurt ourselves,

Or forgiveness for others who have hurt us.

We need action,

We have to do things to have a good life.

It won't happen by chance.

And we need resilience,

As there will be challenges as we work towards improving our life.

Building a good life is a continuous process,

Not a single destination.

No matter what you've done,

Or has been done to you,

We can start today as a new day and say,

I'm going to make my life better.

And taking each day as a new day is one of the secrets of having a good life.

Knowing that we can improve our lives one day at a time,

One step at a time.

We do have to work at it.

And we can't give up,

Ever give up.

But if we do this,

We'll find that we're going to have a very good life.

Thank you for joining me on the happiness podcast.

Until next time,

Accept what is,

Love what is.

Reviews

I so enjoy your talks.

Straightforward sound advice. Thank you.

🙏❤️

Thank you so much! Exactly what I needed to hear when I needed to hear it.

This was helpful. Thank you so much teacher

This is very encouraging thanks Dr Puff!

I always enjoy your talks. They set me up for the day. Thank you

Thank you👍🙏

Thank you 🙏