Money Stress

Dr. Puff explains that we tend to think that, if we make enough money, or have certain possessions, everything is instantly solved. In reality, no matter how much we have, we will always want more. In this podcast, Robert Puff will explore the ways to reduce money stress, and teach us how to enjoy our lives in any financial situation.

Transcript

Welcome to the happiness podcast.

I'm Dr.

Robert Puff.

Money stress.

It can get a lot of us,

If not most of us.

And it's one of the requests I get most from listeners.

People reach out to me and say,

Dr.

Puff,

How do I deal with money stress?

It's exhausting.

It's wearing me out.

How do I find happiness with having to pay my bills and just make it in this world?

It's tough.

So that's what we're going to address in today's podcast.

How do we find happiness with having to make it in this world financially?

Well,

I have some really good news and so not good news.

Let me start with the bad news.

Well,

Sort of bad news.

What we tend to do is we tend to think that if we make enough,

If we get enough money,

If we get enough possessions,

Fill in the blank.

If we don't have these bills,

Again,

Fill in the blank.

But if we get that amount of money,

That everything will be fine and we're going to be just doing well.

Now,

The bad news is that is definitely not true.

And the problem isn't the money itself.

Make all the money you want.

That's not the problem.

The problem is our minds.

Our minds,

Our desires,

They're kind of like black holes.

No matter how much we fill them with,

They just want more and more and more.

Remember when we were children and our birthdays came or holiday came and we were so desirous of that fill in the blank toy and we waited and wished for it and dreamt about it and stayed up late and finally the big day came.

We got the present and very quickly we got used to it and we went on to the next desire and then the next desire.

We can laugh about that as adults,

But that really doesn't change.

As human beings,

We don't need a lot to get by.

But what happens is we have these desires that kick in and we think,

Well,

If we had a big enough house,

Well,

If we had a big enough car,

Well,

If we got to travel more,

Well,

Fill in the blank.

And then we think,

Then we'd be happy.

The problem with that is it's a vicious cycle.

Every time we move up to the next level and get those things or we go down the cycle and lose those things,

We're in the state of suffering.

And there's a cycle that just catches us over and over and over again.

And our desires just lead us down the path of suffering.

I remember working with a woman once many,

Many years ago.

She and her husband had what I would call normal paying jobs and they were getting by,

But getting by barely.

It was tough for them.

But then she had a child and she so badly in her mind wanted to keep that child safe that she went out with her husband and bought a very expensive SUV because she thought they would be safer in a car wreck.

But what happened was now she had that payment of that car,

Which she could not afford.

And then she had all the stress of dealing with that payment.

So in an attempt to try to help her child to be safe,

She created all this stress in her life.

And perhaps that one in a million chances she might have gotten that car wreck and her child would have lived.

There was a hundred percent chance that her child was going to experience the stress,

The financial stress that her and her husband were going through every day because of that car payment.

Another one that I'm sure all of us have seen over and over again,

Or we may be experiencing it right now,

Is we're having a bad day,

We're having a bad week,

A bad year,

And we want to feel good.

And we know that we go buy something,

We feel better.

So we take our credit cards,

We go to the local market,

The local shopping mall,

And we start buying things.

We get on Amazon and we have things shipped to our house.

And short term,

It feels great.

It's like a drug addiction.

Oh boy,

Do I feel better.

But of course,

In the long run,

Now we have these bills that we have to pay back.

And it's amazing how we can make decisions so quickly that can have long term effects on us.

I remember once,

Long ago,

Seeing a movie.

And the story was this.

There was this couple and the husband worked and the wife stayed home.

He had a very good job in the marketing world,

But he hated his work.

He hated his boss and he just hated his life.

So he decided that they had saved enough money that if they sold their home,

Cashed in on all his pension,

They could buy a motor home,

Travel around the United States and just have a great life for years.

They could really live on that life savings.

It would be tight,

But they could do it.

So they sell everything and off they go.

And the first place they visit is Las Vegas.

It's exciting.

It's a big city.

They're having fun,

Doing a little bit of gambling,

But being conservative because they're on a tight budget now.

Well,

The husband gets tired and he goes to bed.

His wife wants to stay up and just gamble a little bit more.

Well,

He wakes up in the morning and his wife still isn't there.

So he goes down to the casino and he learns that his wife had to the casino because they will lend you money,

No problem.

She had taken all the retirement,

All their money and gambled it away in that one night and they were broke.

The first weekend out,

They were broke.

Now,

A lot of people are going to think this.

They're going to think,

Well,

If I just had enough,

If there's just enough money in my savings,

If I could get my bills down and get my house paid off,

I'd be fine.

I know many of you are not going to believe this and you're going to take this to your grave,

That that is not true,

What I'm going to say next.

But perhaps someday you'll think about it and realize that belief system can cause us suffering because what happens is whatever level of wealth we get to,

And I work with some of the wealthiest people on the planet,

Whatever level of wealth we get to,

We can still struggle.

We can still have problems with money.

Money stress can be there at any level,

Period.

And there's a really simple way I can prove this.

Think about your own life.

Compare your life to the past.

When I mean the past,

Like a thousand years ago,

10,

000 years ago,

Even a hundred years ago.

We have so much more than people in the past had.

Our homes are bigger,

We are healthier,

We have better food.

They may have taken one trip their entire life.

We can travel around the world very easily.

There's so many ways our lives are better.

Or compare yourself to other people around the world.

There are people around the world that make a lot less than we do.

I don't know what it is today,

But years ago,

The UN said that the average person on the planet made two dollars a day.

That's correct,

Two dollars a day.

I'm sure it's higher now,

But that's what it used to be.

So whatever it is,

It's much less than most of us make.

So given that,

We should be ecstatically happy with all that we have.

But of course we're not,

Because that path never works.

We can always find things to be stressed about when it comes to money,

No matter how much we have.

It just never is enough.

But it also isn't the money that's a problem.

That's not the problem.

The problem is our minds.

It's what our minds are doing with what we have.

We create discontent because of our desires and our fears.

As our desires and our fears cause us to say,

Well,

If this were different,

Well,

If I had that,

Well,

If that weren't there,

Fill in the blank,

Then we suffer.

It's not the money that's a problem.

The problem is the stories we create in our head.

That's why we suffer.

We're discontent with what is,

So we suffer.

Now I want to share three positive stories of people that had very little,

Yet found great happiness.

The first one was many years ago when I was in graduate school.

I went to the Middle East and I spent some time in Egypt.

In Egypt,

I visited this place where these people were basically the garbage collectors of Cairo.

They would go out,

Collect the garbage,

And bring it back to their homes.

Because they had so little,

They made their homes out of the garbage.

They had their homes,

They had the garbage all around them,

And that was their life.

One day,

Like I said,

I visited them and I stayed with this family for a day.

They had 10 children and it was a mom and a dad.

They were such beautiful souls.

Mind you,

Their house was not pretty at all.

It was truly made out of garbage.

But they were content,

They were happy,

And they were thankful.

They were content with what they had.

They kept working to improve it.

And the good news is the whole community got involved in recycling and their lives did improve.

But even during that time when I met them and they didn't have much,

That one family was very content and had a lot of peace and thankfulness for what they did have.

Another beautiful story is that of Henry David Thoreau,

Who wrote the book Walden,

Which I'd recommend you read if you haven't.

It's a story about how he spent two years in a small cabin on Walden Pond and wanted to see how much work did he have to do every day to meet his basic needs and the rest of the time he could just enjoy life,

Spend time with friends,

Going for walks,

Having people over reading.

And what he found is he needed to work about two hours a day.

To meet his basic needs and the rest of the time he could just live.

It's a beautiful story that I would recommend all of us take a look at.

The third one is the monastic life.

The monastic life is one whether you're Christian,

Whether you're Buddhist,

Whether you're Hindu,

It's where you choose to give up everything.

You renounce everything.

That's one of the key tenets of monasticism.

You own nothing.

And you live a very simple life.

You live in a community.

Sometimes you live by yourself,

But it's a very simple life.

And yet I have met some of the most beautiful souls ever at these monasteries.

That's one of the things that I really love to do.

I love to visit monasteries.

I go to them often,

Every year,

Regularly.

And what I found is not everyone there,

Of course,

Is peaceful and happy.

But I have met some of the most beautiful souls ever at these places where they own and have nothing.

So how could they have so little and yet have so much peace?

How's that possible?

And again,

If you don't believe me,

Go on retreat,

Spend some time at your local monasteries or everywhere and get to know the monks or the nuns and see what you think.

Of course,

Not all of them are doing well.

But if you spend enough time and get to know them,

You'll find a truly precious soul there.

And you'll say,

Wow,

That is amazing how beautiful,

How peaceful they are with so little.

So for us,

What is the solution for money stress?

It's actually very simple.

Contentment.

Be content with what we have.

And if we do that,

What we'll discover is the whole universe is our home.

It's our discontent with what we have that causes us to struggle.

It's irrelevant what we have or don't have.

What is relevant is our fighting what is.

When we fight what is,

We suffer.

Period.

It doesn't mean that we can't work to improve our lives.

I have a savings account.

I'm paying off my home.

That's fine.

But things change.

Life isn't permanent.

I may someday not have a savings account.

I may someday have to live in a small room in a trailer park and get by that way.

I don't know.

But today I am saving tomorrow.

Who knows?

But today,

Today,

Can we be content with what we have?

Even though we have bills,

Even though we may be bankrupt,

Even though we may be living paycheck for paycheck like most of the world,

Can we still be content?

When we spend energy wishing things were different,

Wanting things to be better,

We suffer.

It isn't that we can't do things to make things better.

But if right now this is what is,

Then how do we find peace and beauty in that?

That's the key to happiness with money.

Being content,

Being thankful for what we have,

How little or however much we have,

But also realizing that it's not permanent.

It's just a gift.

Today we may live in a four bedroom home.

Tomorrow,

We may not.

Today we may drive a car that people envy.

Tomorrow,

We may ride a bicycle or take the bus.

It always can change and probably will.

And that's okay if we flow with life.

When we say,

I have to have this.

I need this to be happy.

You're right.

Then we won't be happy.

But if we say,

I'm so thankful for what I have,

I will continue to work towards improving it if I can.

But if I can't,

I'm still going to find contentment and happiness and peace with what I have.

Because it's not what I have that makes me happy.

That's silly.

What makes me happy is living well in the present moment,

Enjoying each breath and finding beauty and wonder in what is.

That's what makes us happy.

And I want to end with three other things that can be helpful on our journey towards money stress,

Alleviating money stress.

First is realizing that because things don't make us happy,

Be careful when we get that itch.

We get that urge to buy something because we're not happy.

That will not work.

And what it often does is causes us more stress.

It's much like an addiction.

We may turn towards heroin to feel better right now.

But obviously we know that will lead to the path of suffering.

Ordering something on amazon.

Com right now may later lead to bills that we can't pay and causes a lot of stress.

So when we have that itch,

When we have that urge to buy something because we're discontent,

That's not the solution.

That's an addiction.

Pause and say,

What can I do instead?

Define happiness now.

The next thing is,

And this won't relate to everyone,

The next thing is be careful to kill yourself today so that someday you have enough money not to worry.

If I'm correct,

That no matter how much we have,

It's not going to lead to happiness,

Then let's enjoy the journey that we're doing and saunter through life instead of killing ourselves to create this empire and then think we'll find happiness.

Happiness is the way.

There is no way to happiness.

We have to find happiness all along the way.

Not someday when I pay off these bills.

Someday when I reach these financial goals I'll be happy.

That isn't the path.

So let's not kill ourselves to create empires.

Instead let's enjoy the journey of life all along the way.

You'll like that one.

And lastly,

This is a very specific thing to do.

If you have bills,

Which we do,

Or if you have retirement or savings,

Which some of us do,

Look at them once a month.

Don't be looking at them every day.

I mean,

Looking at our bank accounts go up or looking at our bank accounts go down can cause us stress either way.

It's best just to once a month take a look,

Say,

Okay,

How am I going to tackle this now,

And then put it aside.

Because we really can only deal with it normally once a month,

Looking at it every day or many times throughout the day is a stressor.

So if we want to find peace and happiness,

I find it very helpful to once a month deal with things and then put them aside.

It's a better way,

It's a more helpful way to reduce the money stress in our lives.

Money stress is something that all of us can work on and get better at.

But if we work on it,

If we work towards being content with what is,

Enjoying each moment really well,

What we'll find is life will go better.

And we'll find that that money stress just isn't quite as loud as it normally is.

And we'll find peace,

Even with the bills,

Even with the journey of life and all that it entails.

Peace in the here and now,

And the universe then becomes our home.

Thank you for joining me on the happiness podcast.

Besides creating this podcast,

There are a variety of other things that I do.

If you'd like to keep abreast of these activities,

And perhaps someday we may be able to meet in person,

Just go to www.

Happinesspodcast.

Org,

That's happinesspodcast.

Org.

You can subscribe to my newsletter.

And if you do,

You'll be emailed a free PDF copy of my meditation book called Reflections on Meditation.

And until next time,

Accept what is,

Love what is.

Reviews

Excellent! Ty!
Gbless you.
🙏🏼👑👼🏼♥️😘💯🎯

I woke up and had one of those mornings where I am so worried about money. Thank you so much for your words and knowledge. I was able to pull myself away from my worries and reflect about all of the good things I already have in my life.

That was so good! Nothing really new for me, but very well said with great examples and stories. Thanks a lot, will check out more of your podcast now! ✨🙏✨

Thanks. Was in the depths of my money shame and needed a reframe!

I wish everyone would listen to this. Such great advice & wonderful way to be able to enjoy life.

Very helpful insights delivered in a clear and calm manner. Thank you!

"Be happy with what is, love what is."
Be content with what you have at all stages of life.
Live simply.

Thank you, just what I needed to hear today.

Everyone should listen to this!

Came across this just when I needed it. Very good advice. Thank you.

Sound and comforting counsel.

I really needed to hear this tonight! Thank you!

Loved this timely simple reminder . Thank-you 😍God help me accept what is God help me love what is .

Thank you 🙏🌸🌺🦋

Always great advice❤️💫🙏🏻

Thank you Dr. Puff. All that you said was very accurate & beautifully taught however when there is NOT enough money to cover the basics, it's difficult to be totally content.

Really helpful! Thank you!

Excellent content. Just the right amount of time too. Bookmarked for frequent returns! Thank you!

Great lesson on making Happiness the norm in your life. Thank you.

Wonderful! Such excellent information......