Life Didn’t Go As Planned & That’s Okay

In this podcast, we explore how we can adjust well to the unexpected and unplanned changes in life. By becoming present, we can find gratitude and positives in our current reality. (Please note: This is a lecture, not a guided meditation.)

Transcript

Welcome to the Happiness Podcast.

I'm Dr.

Robert Puff.

The title of this podcast,

Life Didn't Go As Planned and That's Okay,

Came from one of those Instagram posts that you see floating out there.

Its actual message was this.

It was a little long,

So I shortened it.

It says,

My entire life can be described in one sentence It didn't go as planned and that's okay.

I wasn't able to find out the originator of this post,

But it's a good one.

In my own life,

At a fairly young age,

I was exposed to the ideas of writing down goals,

Having goals,

And working towards goals.

I've used them throughout my life,

And they truly are an effective way to get things done.

I continue to use them to this very day,

And now with the iPhone and modern technology,

It's so easy to update them.

And I'm sure of the 7 billion people on our planet right now,

Some people set up goals,

And they happen exactly as they plan them to happen.

They have ideas for their life,

Things that they want to work towards,

And that's what happens.

But for the majority of us,

We establish goals,

Whether written down or spoken out loud or thought up in-depthly,

And it just doesn't always work out the way we planned.

And as that beautiful quote said at the beginning of this podcast,

That's okay.

As I said,

Goals are awesome,

They really are,

But life just doesn't always work out the way we expect it to.

There are so many variables that can affect the way our lives turn out,

And that's okay.

And we truly vary in our desires for our plans for our life.

I think most of us would say we'd like to live probably into our 80s,

Maybe into our 90s.

A few people may want to live to their 100s,

As long as they're very healthy,

But most of us want to live a full life.

And nowadays that's into the 80s,

Perhaps even the 90s.

But if we've lived long enough,

Or if we know enough people,

We know that isn't how it works out.

Lots and lots and lots of people don't make it to that age.

And for most people,

When that happens,

That's a tragedy,

That's something bad that's happened.

But for a few people,

That's okay.

Because I've known people,

And you may have too,

That life decides to end their life early,

And they reach a sense of peace and calm about that.

They're okay with that.

Again,

Not for most,

But for a few.

That means that's a possibility.

One young mother that I knew who had two young children and a husband had gotten cancer,

And though she tried very hard to fight it,

At the end,

Just a few days before she died,

She whispered that she was really okay and looking forward to death.

She had lived a full life,

She knew there would be pain and suffering left behind,

But she really was okay with her life and having it end early.

I know that's rare,

But it does happen.

And it wasn't as if she didn't want to live,

She just realized that she wasn't going to live.

So she said,

That's okay.

And because of my work and what I do,

You may not have seen this,

But I've seen the other extreme too,

Where people are very surprised that they're still alive.

They have lived very hard lives,

And they just thought they would die at a young age.

They wanted to die at a young age,

Because life was hard for them.

And when they lived longer than they expected to,

They were surprised and not pleasantly surprised.

So life just has that ability to sometimes surprise us.

We think it's going to go this way.

We have goals,

We have plans,

We have specific steps to get there.

And it doesn't.

My guess is,

If you're listening to this podcast,

This has probably happened to you.

I think people seek out podcasts like this one,

When life has been harder,

Or isn't going the way they expected.

And they want to be happy.

We all want to be happy.

But the unhappiness comes not from what life throws us.

I know deep,

Deep in our core,

We believe that.

That if life were just different,

I would be happy.

If life had turned out the way I expected it to,

I would be happy.

We believe that deeply.

That's why we struggle.

But it's just the path of suffering.

If we truly want to find peace and happiness in our lives,

We have to let go of that and say,

Okay,

Life,

These are my plans.

This is what I've worked towards.

And you gave me most of it.

But I didn't expect that one.

How do I work towards saying,

That's okay.

So here's the question.

If we truly want to find peace and happiness in our lives,

We can have all the goals in the world,

We can.

And some will work out and some won't.

And given this truth,

The life just doesn't always turn out the way I expected to,

The way I worked towards it.

How do I find happiness when it doesn't?

So the question to ask ourselves is,

Is it that I want my goals to work out?

Or is it that I believe if my goals work out that I'll be happy?

Because they're different.

If the issue is,

These goals need to happen,

I'm going to be unhappy,

Then that absolutely will happen.

When our goals don't work out,

We're going to be unhappy.

But if our goal is to be happy and we think these are the things that will get us there,

And then we don't get there,

Our goal should ultimately be to be happy,

To be at peace.

So when things don't work out,

That's okay.

So here's a very difficult,

Challenging question that we can ask ourselves right now.

Okay,

What hasn't worked out according to our plan that we wish were different,

Either right now or throughout our lives?

Something that we say,

Dr.

Puff,

That's just wrong.

That shouldn't have happened.

That's bad.

That's causing me pain and suffering,

Period.

Then we do need to ask ourselves a second question.

Is there anything we can do about it?

Because sometimes there is.

Sometimes,

For example,

Let's say we didn't go to college and we really wish we had and we're unhappy about that,

We may figure out a way to go part-time to college and get our university degree.

But as we know,

There are lots and lots and lots of things that can happen that we really can't do anything about.

Things like death of a loved one or divorce or an illness or a job loss that causes us to change our lifestyle and perhaps even become homeless.

There are so many things in life that didn't go as planned.

So the question to ask ourselves is,

Can that be okay?

You may say,

No way,

Dr.

Puff,

This is not okay and I'm not going to be happy with that.

That is fine.

That is your choice and no one can change that for you.

That is up to you.

But if we're listening to this podcast and if we want to find peace and happiness,

We do need to at some point reach a point where we say,

That's okay.

I know a lot of people are not going to like this statement because how is it okay that a child dies young and now I don't ever get to see them again?

How is it okay that my mother got cancer in her 60s and didn't live until her 80s?

My best friend.

How is it okay that I married the love of my life and now we're divorced and life is hard right now because finances are tight and it's very difficult making ends meet?

And of course the truth of it is that none of this is okay,

Especially when it initially happens and we have to do all these adjustments.

It isn't okay.

But when we reach a point where we say,

Wow,

I didn't see that one coming.

That was a big one.

But I do want to reach a point in my life where I say,

That's okay.

I'm not in any way trying to diminish the pain of what happened.

Not in the least.

I'm just saying that life does do that.

It throws us things that are like mind boggling sometimes.

But does that mean our lives are over?

Does that mean we have to turn towards drink and numb ourselves into oblivion?

Does that mean we have to turn towards prescription drugs to numb ourselves?

Does that mean that we just have to be miserable for the rest of our lives?

Because we all know people like that.

A tragedy struck and they gave up and they're done and they're bitter.

And I don't in any way mean to judge them.

Actually,

I'm trying to create this podcast to help people like that.

To not give up.

To keep working towards finding happiness and peace.

Even with the tragedies.

Because the one thing I've learned,

Deeply learned throughout my life of helping people all over the world now,

Is that tragedy can strike us in amazingly difficult ways.

And yet there are people that come through them shining and have beautiful lives.

I know if you've listened to this podcast,

You've heard this before,

But it's an important message.

The one thing that I've learned through traveling the world and talking to people and these beautiful souls that I've met,

Is that when I ask them,

How did you get there?

How did you get to be such a beautiful soul?

I always hear the same response.

It was through pain and suffering.

And they realized that they could turn that into growth and something beautiful.

And life didn't go as planned,

But it was okay for them.

Not only that,

It was good.

Good in the sense that they turned it into something that helped them become deeper and have a richer life.

And learned to deal with changes.

And it was okay that things changed.

And they learned that by adapting to the changes of life,

Life could be beautiful,

Even with the tragedies.

So let's end with a practical way that we can apply this throughout our days,

Throughout our lives.

Because as we know,

Life doesn't always go as planned.

And here's what we do.

When it doesn't,

We ask ourselves,

Okay,

I get it.

This didn't go as planned.

Is there a way I can work towards with time?

I need to make sure my hearts have been healed.

But can I make sure that with time I reach a point where I'm okay and life is okay?

And throughout the day we can actually practice this because life doesn't go as planned often throughout the day.

And when it doesn't,

We say,

Okay,

How do I make this okay?

For example,

I spilled coffee all over myself and now I have to change clothes and I'm going to be late to work.

How is this okay?

Or I get to work and I realize I left something at home and I have to adjust to that.

Maybe I've left my lunch at home and now I have to buy lunch.

I know these little things are rather silly,

But the good news is if we get better at adapting to the little things,

Like getting stuck in a line when we go to the bank because it's just super long,

Whatever it may be,

Then when the bigger things happen,

We can practice with them because we've gotten good at being okay when things don't go as planned.

If we fight little things,

We're definitely going to fight the big things.

But if we get good at not getting upset over the little things and adjusting quickly and saying,

This is okay,

Then when the big ones happen,

We're going to have a lot more resilience to adapt and change to the things that have happened instead of fighting them and being miserable,

Perhaps for the rest of our lives.

Like I said,

We have a choice.

We have a choice to say,

This is awful and I'm miserable,

Period.

Or we have a choice to say,

This is awful,

But I will adapt to this.

I will make this work no matter what happens in life.

I'm going to make life okay because I can adjust to anything even when it doesn't work out as I planned.

We can do this.

We can truly have beautiful,

Astonishing,

Lovely lives as long as we're willing to say it's okay.

Thank you for joining me on the Happiness Podcast.

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And until next time,

Accept what is,

Love what is.

Reviews

I appreciate your encouragement on perspective taking when life is or has been challenging. Thank you.

Thank you so much 🙏🏻🌸

I really needed to hear this right now. Thank you. 🙏🏼

Excellent. Thank you 🙏 ✨

Great message. Life is ok when things don’t always go way as planned. 🙏🏼

Made question the why of my life which caused me to realign myself. Thank you for that.