Kindness Is My Religion

Choosing kindness as your guiding principle cultivates a harvest of blessings. Your own spirit flourishes under the sun of selflessness, finding joy in uplifting others. The ripple effect of your actions creates a kinder world, where compassion becomes contagious and bridges form between differences. Deeper connections weave through your life, enriching it with genuine friendships and a profound sense of belonging.

Every act of kindness, no matter how small, contributes to a symphony of harmony, making your own inner peace reverberate outward. Remember, kindness isn't just a philosophy, it's a revolution - one smile, one helping hand at a time.

Transcript

Welcome to the Happiness Podcast.

I'm Dr.

Robert Puff.

Is everyone who is kind,

Who really makes an effort to be gentle and respectful towards others happy?

No,

Of course not.

Some people struggle with anxiety.

They struggle with depression even though they're a very kind person.

But my next question is,

Is there anyone who really is unkind,

Who goes out of their way to really hurt others,

Who is happy?

And I would say no,

There are none.

If you decide to keep listening to this talk and at the end you disagree with me,

That may be the case.

But my hope is that I'll make a cogent enough argument that you'll see that kindness has lots of benefits to us and those around us.

And unkindness leads to the path of suffering.

I want to start proving my point about unkindness leading to unhappiness by social media.

And what I mean is,

Most of us,

Probably all of us,

Spend some time on social media.

And if we're on it,

We'll probably see posts and videos or news articles about people doing unkind acts towards others.

Now to be fair for these people in these videos,

We're only seeing the part that the person recording the videos is talking about.

So we don't see the whole situation and what caused that person to be incredibly unkind towards another.

But if you've ever seen these videos or read about an article about these heinous acts,

And then look at the comments afterwards,

What you'll see is just a plethora of vitriol aimed at the unkind person.

People in general hate people when they're unkind,

And they will say so with strong verbiage.

As a species,

Overall,

People really hate them.

When people do unkind acts,

They get so much anger and hatred towards them.

Sometimes they lose their businesses.

Sometimes they lose their jobs.

Sometimes police even go after them and they're put in jail.

But I would say the overall sentiment towards these people that commit unkind acts is a lot of hatred,

A lot of disgust,

And a lot of,

I don't like you for what you did.

But the good news is,

The reverse is true.

When we see people being kind towards an animal or another person,

Even when that other person isn't being kind towards them,

We praise them.

We honor them.

We're so proud of them.

We do so many things to thank them and share with them our joy for the way they acted.

They're magnificent people that we really look up to and say,

Wow,

That was such an amazing act.

I remember once watching a video about a woman who had been pulled over by the police.

I'm not sure why,

But there ended up being five police cars there.

And all the policemen were standing around very calm,

Actually very gentle with the woman.

And she was screaming at them.

She was calling them horrible names.

And she just wouldn't stop.

But they stayed calm.

They stayed peaceful.

They stayed respectful towards her.

And if you looked at the reviews,

The comments afterwards,

They were so impressed with these police officers.

Because we don't always see that.

I know.

But we do sometimes.

And when we see it,

We're so thankful.

We're so happy.

And when we see the opposite,

We're not very happy.

We're not very thankful.

And sometimes it can lead to a lot of consequences afterwards.

So how does this relate to our lives?

Why would this matter to me?

I mean,

Yes,

I see these people being unkind.

And I feel a lot of hatred towards them.

I see these other people being really kind.

I love them.

I want to reach over and give them a big hug.

But why?

I mean,

The simple answer is,

We like people that are loving and kind.

And we don't like people that are aggressive and mean.

But again,

How is this important to us?

Well,

Where it's important is what happens when we do these acts of kindness.

And what happens when we do these acts of unkindness.

One of the things I've learned after being a clinical psychologist for over 30 years,

Working with thousands of people,

Is that we are very hard on ourselves.

We are actually our hardest on ourselves,

More than anyone else on the planet.

And I think one of the reasons for this is the fact that when someone else does something good or bad,

Is kind or unkind,

We know we don't know the whole story.

We think we do.

But part of us realizes we just don't know their life,

Their experiences,

What got them there,

What's going on.

So there will be a little bit of hesitation.

Even when we may hate what they're doing,

Or love what we're doing,

We don't know the whole picture.

So there's a bit of hesitation in judging them too harshly,

Because we just don't know the whole story.

But when it comes to us,

We know our whole story.

We may not want to think about it,

But we know it.

We know what got us there.

We know why we're doing it.

And even if it's an impulsive act or a drunken act,

We still typically hold ourselves responsible because we chose to drink,

Or we chose to be impulsive.

These are choices that we made that we could have done differently.

So when we act unkindly,

We know we hate other people that act unkindly.

So guess what?

We're going to hate ourselves.

And that's why I argued earlier that people that act unkindly on a regular basis cannot,

Will not be happy.

There's just no way.

Because the self-loathing they're going to have is astronomical.

And if they want to be happy,

They have to start by being kind,

By being patient with others.

If you've listened to me before,

You know I'm really big into setting boundaries.

I don't have any problem with setting boundaries at all.

But getting back to the social media that I started talking about,

When we see people respectfully,

But with boundaries,

Responding with kindness,

Or at least with equanimity when they need to set boundaries with others,

We praise that.

We think that's great.

Now it is true when someone is mistreating another person and they stand their ground,

Perhaps even aggressively,

Maybe not with unkindness,

But aggressively,

We can be proud of them and say,

Good job,

You stood your ground.

But I think when we see truly acts of unkindness where one person is doing very little or nothing wrong and the other person comes back at them with the full force of hatred and anger,

We loathe people like that.

We just think they're despicable.

So if we do acts,

Even once,

That fall into that camp,

The self-loathing will be pretty astronomical.

If you're a parent or plan on being a parent,

You can probably imagine that if you do something that is truly unkind towards one of your children,

That can haunt you for the rest of your life.

It's so sad how hard we can be in ourselves when we mess up in life,

When we hurt another person.

If we truly face it,

The feelings can be quite overwhelming.

But the reverse is true too.

When we do kind acts,

When we do things where we love other people and we support them and we see the good in them,

You know what?

Then we find a growth of self-love towards us because we look at ourselves and say,

Hey,

I'm not that bad.

I can actually be kind.

Again,

It doesn't guarantee happiness,

But you're not going to be happy if you're unkind.

I'm suggesting there is no way to be happy if you choose in the path of unkindness.

But when it comes to kindness,

Think about the person that you know in your life who's the kindest person you've ever met.

And don't you just get warm,

Fuzzy feelings about them?

Like,

Wow,

That person is so awesome.

I love them so,

So very much.

If you can't think of anyone,

I'm going to make a movie recommendation for you,

For all of us.

It's called The Whale.

It came out in 2022.

And Brendan Fraser plays the main character called Charlie.

And he did such a great job playing the character that he won Best Actor for it in 2022.

Well,

If you end up watching the show,

Bring a box of Kleenex with you.

But I'm telling you,

Charlie in the movie is a very heavy,

Overweight man,

But he is so kind.

And though he has a very hard life,

He truly,

Truly is one of the kindest renditions in the movies I've ever seen of a person towards others.

He just loves everyone and tries to be positive and supportive with everyone,

Even though they're so mean to him.

I highly recommend watching it and see if your heart doesn't say,

Oh,

I love Charlie as I did.

He truly,

In the movie,

Is a beautiful character that will melt your heart.

But imagine now,

If you started saying,

Hey,

I want to be kind,

Because it is true,

I like people that are kind.

See,

Here's a secret.

If we like others that are kind and we're kind,

We're going to like ourselves a lot more.

Now,

It isn't the only factor that leads to a happy life.

That's true.

But it leads to a lot happier life than when we're unkind.

And the good news is,

There is a part of us that if we really work towards being kind,

Even if it's sadly balanced with a lot of bad things,

We can be honest and say,

Okay,

I know I messed up.

Because in the movie,

Charlie messes up with his daughter pretty badly.

But at the same time,

He loves her when no one else does.

Because that's what Charlie does.

And if we do loving things,

Even with all the ways we mess up,

We'll become softer towards ourselves,

We'll become gentler,

And we'll find that our lives will go better.

So the next question you may have is,

Well,

Dr.

Puff,

How do I start being kinder in my life?

Well,

I don't know if you noticed the title of this podcast,

But it's called Kindness is My Religion.

And you know,

I'm very respectful of people's faith,

Because people do a lot of good things,

And get a lot of motivation,

And get a lot of energy from their faith.

But what if,

Adding to whatever you believe,

Whether you're a philosopher,

Whether you're Christian,

Muslim,

Buddhist,

Whatever you are,

You say,

I'm going to start making part of who I am,

And that which is important,

Even calling it my religion,

Kindness.

The kindness is going to be something I'm going to pursue,

I'm going to learn about,

I'm going to practice.

Because you know,

When people have belief systems,

Whatever it is,

If they have a belief system that working out is important,

They'll work out.

If they have a belief system that giving alms to the poor is important,

They'll do that.

But if your religion says,

If your beliefs say kindness is important,

You know what,

You're going to start doing that.

Now,

I know some listeners right now,

May have had some really tough things happen in their life,

And they don't really align with kindness very much,

But they want to.

So you do have to work towards being kind towards yourself and saying,

Okay,

I get it,

I've done all kinds of mistakes.

I know we have sometimes.

But today is a new day.

And today,

Even if the world hates us,

We can still be kind.

There's so many opportunities to be kind towards others,

Even if it's animals,

You know,

Animals like our kindness too.

There are so many opportunities to be kind.

Perhaps you can start going to a nursing home and just visit the people there,

Because no one visits them.

Perhaps you can be involved with a local organization that reaches out to the poor,

Or people that struggle,

And just saying hi to them,

Asking how their day is going,

And caring for them.

It's amazing how many opportunities are available for us to be kind,

If we look for them.

But it has to start with realizing that kindness is important,

Very important.

And that in all situations,

No matter how tired we are,

No matter what's going on,

We can still choose the path of kindness.

And if kindness means removing ourself from a difficult situation,

Then that's better than us lashing out at the person.

There's always an option for kindness,

No matter what.

There is.

A lot of times,

It's just being silent.

A lot of times,

It's just hugging that person metaphorically,

And saying I love you,

Even when they're screaming at us.

Not always,

But sometimes that works.

We discover with this practice,

Because now it becomes our religion,

That there's a lot of ways that kindness can be practiced throughout the day.

And you know what?

You'll get better at it.

You'll know,

Okay,

This is a good way to respond to someone.

This isn't such a good way.

I was trying to be kind,

But it backfired.

So we learn,

We grow,

We get better at it.

And if we make kindness an essential part of who we are,

We will get good at it.

And I believe the universe will bring us so many opportunities to be kind towards others.

And again,

I do want to repeat,

If you haven't been following this path,

But you want to get on the path of kindness,

I want to encourage you and say,

No matter what you've done,

Today is a new day.

And even if you get only a few days of being kind,

You'll have that.

And you'll look at yourself a little less harshly.

And besides that,

You,

Through your kindness,

Will make other people's lives better.

And when we make lives around us better,

Our lives get better too.

So may we all find kindness in our hearts towards others and towards ourselves too.

Thank you for joining me on the Happiness Podcast.

Until next time,

Accept what is,

Love what is.

Reviews

Dr Puff is truly remarkable.

Wonderful 🙏

So true! You have given me motivation to really focus on kindness. Thank you as always., Dr. Puff.

That is so right. We should treat people like we want and respect being treated ourselves.🙏🏻

Thank you Dr. Puff!