Finding My Happiness Teachers

On our journey towards a more peaceful and happy life, we can learn from others the skills for how to live our lives well. The beautiful, awaken souls can be our teachers. Please note that this is a lecture, not a guided meditation.

Transcript

Welcome to the Happiness Podcast.

I'm Dr.

Robert Puff.

Have you ever really wanted to learn to do something?

Maybe you're interested when you're younger in learning how to play the piano,

Or painting,

Or a sport like lacrosse,

Something that you wanted to do.

Well,

In order to do these things,

Which you don't know how,

What really helps is to find a really good teacher.

And then I think with a lot of effort and that really good teacher,

We can get good at things.

When my son was younger,

He developed an interest in the cello,

And he was very naturally talented at playing it.

And so we looked around to find him a really good teacher,

And we were fortunate because there was a teacher locally who had once played for the Queen of England,

And she was an excellent teacher,

Very patient,

Very kind.

And with my son practicing and her teaching him,

He got quite good at playing the cello.

But with many youth,

They go on and try new things,

And though he doesn't play today,

We're hopeful that someday he might pick it up again.

When we want to learn a new skill,

It's really helpful to find the best teacher that we can.

But let's say our son is Ludwig von Beethoven.

Who do we find to be his teacher?

Do you know who it was?

It was Joseph Haydn.

So if we're going to learn something new,

One,

We have to have passion for it.

Two,

A little bit of skill is helpful.

And three,

I think finding a really good teacher is very helpful.

And even if we don't have that second part,

The natural talent,

I still think we can get really good at something.

It takes more work.

It takes more effort.

But I do think work and effort are very important along with an excellent teacher.

And when it comes to happiness,

I really don't think there's much difference.

There are some people that are naturally prone to being more happy.

They just have a tendency to see the cup half full,

More than half empty.

But even with these people,

Because life can be hard,

I do think there's a lot of work to being happy and we have to find good teachers.

Teachers help us get good at what we want to do.

And if we want to find contentment and happiness in our lives,

We need to learn from people around us that are doing that or learn the secrets of happiness and contentment.

Living a peaceful,

Happy life,

Of course,

Isn't easy.

So our happiness teachers will probably be many and from different places and sources and experiences that we have through life.

So let's now go over happiness teachers,

Where we can find them,

Who are they,

And how they can help us improve our lives.

The first place that we can find in our teachers are from people that are doing life well.

For example,

When I was younger,

I was healthy and fit,

But I noticed as people get older,

They don't stay that way.

Some people as they got older developed a lot of health problems and yet others stayed so fit.

So this is what I did and I'd recommend that you do it too.

I remember backpacking many years ago with people up in the High Sierras.

It was a week trip and we went about 12 miles a day carrying 50 pounds on our back.

Well,

There happened to be three people on the backpacking trip that were all in their 70s and one was in his 80s and they were so fit and in great shape.

And so during the trip,

I just talked to them and I asked them what their secret was to being so fit later in their lives and they all gave me the same answer.

They just worked at it and worked at it throughout their lives.

So from these teachers I learned I can't,

When I get 60,

Get in shape.

I need to stay in shape throughout my life and I have committed to that.

I work out and move my body every day on a regular basis and it's helped me to stay very fit and healthy throughout my life.

These are my teachers and they help me shape how I live my life.

So as we navigate our life's course and we meet someone that is doing something well,

That is living their life in a way that we want to emulate,

We need to really ask them how they did it and make sure that it's a benefit because I think we may look at their nice house and their nice car and think,

I want those things.

It isn't things that we're seeking when it comes to happiness.

It's a lifestyle.

It's a way of living.

And that's what we're looking for.

We're looking for that their lives are truly going well.

I know this is a silly example that I often use,

But when you fly,

Really look at the people sitting in business or first class and ask yourself,

Do they seem happier?

Because they're spending a lot more money for that seat and often they're not.

It doesn't mean they're unhappy,

But that doesn't seem to be a qualifier of happiness.

So part of finding our happiness teachers,

We need to find people that are doing well and living well.

And these teachers really are everywhere.

Another teacher I had along the way was a person I used to go hiking with.

She was a great outdoors person and loved nature,

But I knew her for a while and I never saw her really get angry.

So one day I asked her,

Do you just not get angry?

When she kind of laughed,

She said,

No,

I get angry.

But what I do is I pause before I respond to people that make me angry.

And it allows me to respond instead of react in anger.

And I thought,

I like that.

So again,

These are one of the things that I've emulated for my own life.

I realized that staying calm,

Not getting upset at people and getting involved in fights and screaming matches that I didn't think were healthy,

Took work not to do them.

Because this friend of mine said she had to work at it.

So I knew if I was going to do that,

I needed to pause and not always express the feelings that I had.

And sometimes our teachers can come from our students.

Let me explain.

At the beginning of my career many years ago,

I was a meditator,

But I was very intermittent about it.

I do it sometimes and not do it other times.

And I liked it,

But I just didn't make a lot of time for it.

Well,

I had this client that I was working with and she was very spiritual.

And we were talking one day and she asked me,

Did you know that in the spiritual world,

The number one thing to develop our spirituality is meditation?

Well,

I had learned about meditation through Herbert Benson out of Harvard.

And he taught that meditation was really good to lower blood pressure and things like that.

Far more clinically based,

Which motivated me to meditate a little bit because I wanted to be healthy.

But when my client shared with me the benefits of spiritual growth and meditation,

I began to really look into this and found that she was right.

And after that I dove into meditation and have been a consistent meditator for now over 30 years.

I've had so many teachers along the way,

As I'm sure you will too.

When I was in university during my senior year,

I did this seminar on this psychologist by the name of Abraham Maslow.

And unlike all the other training I'd been getting up to that point,

He studied and researched people that he considered extremely healthy and wrote books about it.

And if you've ever heard the term self-actualization or peak experiences,

These come from him.

In the clinical academic world of psychology,

He didn't just study pathology,

He studied health.

And though I was young at the time,

And had a long ways to go,

I realized that living a healthy,

Beautiful life was possible.

And I was going to learn everything I could about it.

A metaphor of this would be that I was given a ticket to Carnegie Hall,

And I heard for the first time in my life,

A piano concerto by Beethoven.

And I realized that this music was so beautiful,

I was going to learn how to play that someday.

And most likely,

If you're listening to this podcast,

You have a deep desire to learn how to improve your life and find happiness and peace in your life right now.

It is possible,

But it does take work.

I think so often,

When we see people's lives going well,

We think,

They're just lucky.

It's not true.

They work at it.

Let me use another example to illustrate this.

Many years ago,

I had the privilege and honor of meeting Mr.

Rogers and his wife.

And if you've ever seen a biography or anything on Mr.

Rogers,

Anyone that knew him will tell you that he was who he was.

He wasn't pretending.

He wasn't just play-acting.

He didn't go home and act very differently.

This was who he was.

And I remember his wife saying,

You know how he gets this way?

He works at it every day.

And I realized that Mr.

Rogers is Mr.

Rogers through work.

It isn't that he's born that way.

He works at it,

And he works at it hard.

So let me encourage you to do the same if you meet someone whose life seems to be going really well.

Be brave and ask them,

How did you get there?

How did you do it?

And you're going to find that they will tell you through a lot of work.

I remember once meeting a man who actually played in Carnegie Hall three times.

And we were having dinner together,

And he was a funny guy,

But he said,

You know how you get to Carnegie Hall?

And I said,

No.

And he said,

Practice,

Practice,

Practice.

Anyone you meet whose life is going well is doing things to make sure that their life is going well.

I mean,

Again,

The analogy would be,

If you meet someone who's really fit,

Guess what?

They're doing things to be fit,

And they keep doing them to stay fit.

If we want to find happiness and peace in our lives,

It does take work.

That's what this podcast is about,

How to get there.

And it's a lot of work.

If you've been listening,

There are a lot of things that we can do to make our lives better,

But it's work,

And it's sacrifice.

I meditate an hour and a half every day.

You don't have to do that much,

But because I do,

There's other things I cannot do.

It takes away from me doing other things.

But things that I find aren't necessarily good for my soul,

Meditation is,

So I make time for it every day.

So throughout our lives,

We're going to meet people that just shine,

And what we want to do is find out how they got there,

Because then they can be our teachers.

But,

You may rightly say,

I just don't meet people like that very often.

So let me conclude with one last place that we can look,

And it's through history.

People that we may have never known,

But have lived their lives well.

If you're listening to this podcast and you're a person of faith,

Then go to the examples within your faith,

Your tradition,

And say,

Are there people there that I may want to emulate?

If you're Buddhist,

How did the Buddha live?

If you're Christian,

How did Christ interact with the world?

How can I be like him?

Are all the different people within your faith?

For example,

I really like and enjoy the life of Saint Francis of Assisi.

I think he was a beautiful soul that lived well,

And he's taught me things about being in nature,

Keeping my life simple.

He's been one of my teachers.

Another one is Ramana Maharshi out of India.

He died in 1950,

But a lot of people from around the world visited him.

Even Life magazine did a cover feature on him.

And even if you don't necessarily believe in what someone teaches,

You can still learn from their lifestyle.

He was a gentle,

Beautiful soul that loved people that came to him.

Even the children would sit mesmerized being in his presence.

There are beautiful souls that have lived throughout history.

Choose one.

Choose many.

Learn from them.

But don't just learn from them.

Learn how to be like them.

Say,

How can I be more like this person?

There are so many teachers,

Wonderful teachers throughout history,

That we can learn from.

And what I would suggest is just listen to your heart.

Who do you want to learn from?

Who is drawing you into the world and say,

Come,

Learn more about me.

Trust your heart.

And then learn.

Learn from these beautiful teachers that have lived throughout history and say,

OK,

This is what they did.

How do I do that too?

The one thing that I teach over and over again is that we can have beautiful lives.

It just takes work.

But it's worth it.

Why not learn to shine like our teachers?

When we hear someone living a life like a beautiful piano concerto,

Let's say,

How do I do that?

I want to live that life too.

We can.

It takes work.

It takes effort.

It takes effort to our dying breath.

But we can do it if we commit,

If we work at it,

And we just never give up.

And then maybe someday too,

We'll be teachers for others on their journey towards peace and happiness.

Thank you for joining me on the happiness podcast.

Until next time,

Accept what is,

Love what is.

Reviews

I seek out your talks because I know I will always enjoy your message. You deliver again. Thank you!

Excellent!! Great advice! Very uplifting! Thank you!

Thank you very much