Fearless In The Face Of Fear

When our fears get so loud that they are paralyzing our lives, then is it time to face these fears and gain our freedom back. We can truly live our lives fearlessly.

Please note this is a lecture, not a guided meditation.

Transcript

Welcome to the Happiness Podcast.

I'm Dr.

Robert Puff.

Fear.

Fear can be such a powerful emotion that it can paralyze us.

It can create intense anxiety.

It can cause stress.

But is this the only aspect of fear?

Can we learn to be fearless in the face of fear?

If we go way back in time,

Fear evolved in humans as a survival skill.

When humans were gatherers and hunters,

They needed fear in order to survive because there are very many dangers in the woods.

If they weren't careful,

If fear wasn't there,

Then when the lion came by,

Instead of running,

Taking off or fighting,

Which the fear would induce,

They would just sit there placidly and they would be killed.

So fear developed as a technique for survival.

And even today,

It's a good technique because fear can help keep us safe.

Many years ago when I was in graduate school,

I spent a summer in Lebanon and the Middle East.

But during this summer,

Lebanon was in a civil war and many nations were there trying to keep the peace in Lebanon.

I was there with many other international students from around the world to help paint a blind school and work with the blind students at this school.

But one day,

A friend of mine and I were walking on the streets and we ran into some French soldiers and they told us that we needed to get back to our place very quickly because fighting had broken out on the streets.

And right after he told me this,

His partner who was right beside him was shot and killed.

So fear kicked in and we quickly headed back to our place.

But as we were going back,

A bullet flew by my head and I could hear it.

I didn't get hit but I could actually hear the bullet.

If fear hadn't been there,

I might have been killed because instead of rapidly leaving and heading back to my place,

I might have stayed.

I have curiosity and watched and that bullet that narrowly missed my head may have made contact.

So fear can be a very healthy response to dangerous situations.

But it also can be incredibly crippling.

There's a disorder called agoraphobia.

These are people that initially started with often social phobias.

They're afraid of being outdoors with other people in large groups.

So they began to stay home and they just didn't go out anymore.

And at one point,

Not only did they not go out,

They couldn't go out because they're so paralyzed by their fear.

And now they may spend the rest of their lives,

If they don't get treatment,

Unable to ever leave their homes because of their fear.

And there are millions of people around the world that struggle with agoraphobia.

And think of all the other fears that exist.

The phobias that we develop because of our fears.

I was once on a plane many years ago.

I don't remember when.

And we had to turn around and go back to the terminal.

We hadn't quite left yet because they thought a young woman in her 20s was having a heart attack.

What she was having was a panic attack because he was afraid of flying.

And how many people again around the world don't fly because of this fear.

Fears can be crippling and they can cause so much emotional stress in our lives.

And sometimes our fears can cause us to do things that we fear.

I mean think of the child who has a parent who is very angry when they spill something.

So the child is reaching over for their milk and they're so afraid of being yelled at for spilling their milk,

That that fear causes them to spill their milk.

So though fears can be healthy,

They can also be incredibly destructive.

There are just so many people around the world that struggle because of fears.

And these fears keep them from enjoying life and living well right now.

At the time of this recording,

The coronavirus has spread throughout much of the world and people are afraid.

So how do we balance our fears to keep us safe from our fears of paralyzing us and not allowing us to live well even in the face of fears?

How do we find ourselves to be fearless in the face of fear?

We can,

But it takes work,

It takes effort.

And let's talk about the things that we can do so that we can live our lives well even when there are fearful things around us.

In many ways,

It's very simple.

We ask ourselves,

Are there any current threats to my existence right now?

And I really mean that current right now in my face,

Like the cave person who's out hunting and a tiger is looking down at them ready to pounce.

That's a real fear.

Or when I was in Lebanon and I saw one soldier shot,

So I took off and heard another bullet go right by my ear.

That fear energy made me run back to my place where I was staying as fast as possible.

Fear puts us on heightened alert when we need to be.

But the problem with it is,

We so often don't need to be on that heightened alert.

And that heightened alert can have a lot of consequences to it.

It's very hard on our bodies.

A professor of mine was once driving and he got a flat tire and he was with his wife,

So he got out to change it.

Well,

As he was changing his tire,

An elderly man wasn't paying attention and he hit my professor's car and the car landed right on top of him.

Well,

As you can imagine,

His wife went into an intense fear state because she knew if something didn't happen very quickly,

Her husband would be dead.

So she restored her and picked up the car and he was able to crawl out.

And because of her fear,

That adrenaline that was running through her body allowed her to lift this car,

Which would have been impossible in any other situation.

But after her husband had been saved,

She herself spent many days in the hospital because she broke so many bones lifting that car.

So fear can be useful,

But in very limited situations where it truly requires our most alert attention.

The rest of the time,

We're just more in the state of preparedness.

For example,

I live in Southern California and we have earthquakes here.

And I think living in Southern California,

We need to prepare for earthquakes.

We know they can happen.

They don't happen often,

But they do happen.

So we do things like get insurance,

Reinforce our housings so that they're strong,

Try to keep a few supplies in the house for if we do get stuck in our house because of an earthquake,

We're okay.

But no matter what we do,

There's not everything that we can count on and be prepared for.

For example,

Many years ago,

We had the North Ridge earthquake and my friend lived right in the center of it.

So his apartment was totally destroyed and he wasn't able to get anything out.

And he lived with me for several months because he didn't have anywhere to live.

So we can't always be prepared for everything we can prepare,

But preparing for everything is just impossible.

And more importantly,

It's exhausting.

It will cause stress,

Keeping ourselves afraid or in that state of is everything safe?

Is everything going to be okay?

The true answer is we don't know.

It may not be like my friend who lost his apartment in the earthquake.

Ultimately,

There's nothing he could do,

But go through it.

So the real question we have to ask ourselves is this.

Okay,

When I face the lion,

Am I ready?

Can I do my best?

And if I face that lion,

I realize that I may lose.

But mostly,

I'm going to enjoy my life until I cross that path with that lion.

Because mostly,

We don't cross the path of the lion.

Instead,

We just live our life.

We live it well.

We spend time with our friends.

We enjoy nature.

We live in the present moment with freedom,

With joy.

We find happiness in the breath that we take.

And when we face that lion,

We are prepared,

But we have lived well.

So that lion says,

Today's your day to end your life here on earth.

We are prepared,

Knowing that that day will come for all of us.

So we can't prevent it.

But what we can do is prepare and then mostly live well.

Because the key is,

None of us know how long we have in life.

None of us know the tragedies that may hit.

But we can,

Right now,

Live well.

So when we notice that our minds are thinking about our fears,

And we really have done everything to prepare,

And there's nothing that we can do,

Except worry,

We need to look at these fears and say,

No,

You are not helping me.

I'm gonna live right now and be present with what's before me right now.

And until it's time for me to face the lion,

I'm gonna live and live well.

And that's what we do.

We prepare,

But more than that,

We live,

Realizing that at some point,

We're all gonna face that lion.

And so we want to live well.

So if we get to live 30 years or 100 years,

We'll say,

They were good years.

We can all do this,

But we need to be diligent.

We need to be careful,

Because our thoughts,

They're the ones that can keep us from living well.

When we get caught up in our fears,

Life just isn't gonna go well.

And we're gonna miss out on life,

And we're gonna be stressed,

We're gonna be worried,

We're gonna be fearful.

So mostly,

We just live well.

But there are a couple of things that we can do that can be helpful with our fears.

One is called negative visualization.

And what that is,

Is visualizing what we're afraid of,

Actually seeing it happen,

And saying with deep breathing,

I know I don't want this to happen,

But I can be okay even when I'm not.

I know I don't want this to happen,

But I can be okay even with this fear.

When we truly face our fears and say,

Of course I don't want that to happen,

But if it happens,

I will make that work.

We all know instances of things that we were afraid of,

That when we finally faced them,

They weren't that bad.

We as humans are incredibly resilient when we face our fears,

But being afraid of our fears can cause us to be paralyzed.

So sometimes,

We do need to face our fears and say,

Okay,

I get it.

Someday I'm gonna face that lion.

So in my mind,

I'll face him now,

Realize I can do it with fearlessness,

And I'll be okay,

Because that's part of living.

Death is part of living,

And so by facing my fears,

I can then live a fearless life.

And secondly,

The thing we can do is being careful being around people that are afraid,

Because in today's age,

It's so easy to get caught up in the frenzy of fear.

Through the news and social media,

We can be informed in the sense that we're way over informed.

It's like we keep being reminded of the scary aspects of this fear.

Like for example,

With the coronavirus right now,

Everywhere,

And I mean almost everywhere where social media exists,

Is the conversation about the fears of the coronavirus.

It is important that we're informed,

But it's not helpful to constantly see images or discussions about what could or might happen.

What we need to do is to be prepared,

Yes,

But what we don't need to do is to feed our fears.

And the way we stop feeding our fears is one,

Of course,

Like I said,

Paying attention to our own thoughts.

And when we notice that we're thinking about our fears,

Saying,

Okay,

This is keeping me from living,

So I'm going to focus on being in the here and now and enjoy this moment.

But we also need to be careful of external fears in ways that they too can feed us and cause us to worry,

To be afraid,

Because they're strong,

They're powerful.

If we spend time all day long listening to the fears that are out there,

They're going to be able to feed our fears.

And fears paralyze us,

Fears keep us from living.

So if we're exposing ourselves to all the media and all the fears that are out there,

Then we're going to get paralyzed.

What if instead we said,

Okay,

I'm informed,

I spent a little bit of time keeping up with what's going on in the world,

But mostly I've lived well today,

Even with this fill in the blank.

We can always live well.

We often live better in the face of a crisis because then we realize how precious life is.

And we learn to live well when we know that there is not a guarantee that we will live forever.

I've met so many people over the years that were diagnosed with a terminal disease.

And they told me that they really started living when they knew that their life had a timeframe where it was going to end.

What if we all believe that yes,

My life won't go on forever.

So that means I want to live well now and create moment after moment,

Day after day,

Year after year,

That creates these beautiful existence of life.

So that life just goes so well because we're living in the present,

Being fearless in the face of fear.

So that when we finally meet the lion on the road,

We can pause and say,

Thank you.

I have lived life well.

Thank you for joining me on the happiness podcast.

If you are finding these episodes helpful,

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Accept what is,

Love what is.

Reviews

I found this very helpful.

An interesting perspective to look at fear. Thanks.

Exceptional. Thanks for sharing these wise lessons. Namaste 🙏🏽

Your awesome, Namaste

Excellent!
Thank you for affirming some of my choices!

Really great way to look at how we live our lives and how to work with fear! ❤️

Just what I needed.

A calming rational talk amongst anxiety provoking times. I am listening to this daily at the moment. Thank you 🙏

Great talk this morning where fear is dominating so many people’s life’s.

Very helpful during this unprecedented time. My anxiety has been very high the last few days and this helped calm me. Thank you!

Thank you very much for your guidance. 🙏

Thankyou Dr Puff. I ❤️your podcasts and I'm so glad you did this one, at this time. I needed that reminder to live well now instead of worrying worse case woes in my mind. _/\_☘️🌏❤️

Thank you Dr. Puff🙏. Your podcasts are inspirationally helpful in practical ways! The volume throughout this was was steady and easy to hear. Be well☮️🕉. Misty

That was so helpful right now with what's going on in our world. Thank you so much