Do you want to,
In general,
Feel a bit lighter,
A bit happier?
If so,
You're not alone.
I'm going to share the number one mistake our brain makes,
And also our culture in general,
That absolutely blocks us from being happier in life.
Okay,
Let's talk about this.
Companies have spent billions,
If not trillions of dollars,
Trying to understand what gets us to pay attention.
And so what have they done?
They've realized in the process,
Through all their R&D,
That our brains really like to pay attention to things that are negative,
Because they're quicker to default to that.
So one of the number one things that blocks us from being happier is this tendency to discount the positive and exaggerate the negative things in our lives.
And it's unconscious.
So we say things,
And watch for this,
Because our language is really powerful in influencing the way we see things and creating certain habits of mind.
So be on the lookout for when you say something positive,
And then say,
But something negative.
So that's the formula that I'm introducing here.
That you may have even heard of before,
Especially if you've been following me and my work.
And right now,
What I'm doing is bringing it top of mind.
So you say something like,
Yeah,
I know,
I put a lot of good effort into that pie.
But that one person,
Did you see the grimace on their face when they ate it?
Or I would think of times when I would be giving a talk in front of,
It doesn't matter how many people,
Doesn't matter how many people.
And I'd get the feedback forms back,
And 99% of the people thought it was great,
Really impactful,
They learned a lot.
And just that one person,
Or that two,
Three people,
Or less than 1% or whatever it is,
Said,
Spoke too fast,
Or could have integrated more science,
Or I don't know,
Something like that.
And I was like,
Oh God,
Geez.
Now what I learned to do with that was say,
Huh,
Well,
That's interesting,
And take it in and see if it made sense,
And if I could integrate it for the next time or something.
But it still,
It hooked me,
It really hooked me.
And so this is the interesting thing.
Our brains all do this.
They all say things like,
I should have,
Yeah,
I did a really great job during that game,
But I should have tried harder.
I should have,
Even the should have,
We start shitting on ourselves.
And some people do it all their lives.
And you can see it,
They wear it on their faces.
And so should,
The shoulds sometimes is a way of exaggerating the negative and discounting the positive as well.
So that's another thing.
So it's a sentence,
Positive but negative,
And it's when we say we should be doing more than we are,
When in the reality is we're all doing the best we can.
All we can do,
If we look back and say,
Hey,
There was something I wish I would have done differently in the past,
We could learn from that and bring it forward.
But to have the notion that I actually could have done something different in the past than I did,
Makes no logical sense.
Our emotions,
The way we think,
What's happening in our environment,
All influence the decisions we make and how we think,
But we can,
With awareness,
Be on the lookout.
So be on the lookout for those two things in your life,
Because your mind is going to trap you with that.
And guess what?
Not only will your mind trap you with that,
But companies are spending billions of dollars,
As I said earlier,
Priming your mind and inspiring your mind to incline in that direction.
It's not only its natural tendency,
But it's being pumped from the outside environment to even move even more in that direction.
So the number one thing,
One of the number one things that block our happiness is this tendency to exaggerate the negative and discount the positive.
But now with your awareness of that,
Now what you can do is take note of that.
The moment you recognize it happening,
It's not your fault.
Remember,
It's automatic,
It's implicit,
And it's even bolstered by all the media and everything around us.
And also just,
It's in our culture in general.
Other people do this.
And so you'll see it all around you once you take note of it.
And so you can just recognize it.
That brings a little bit more regulation,
A little more impulse control to your brain when you do that.
Then what you can do is you can release it.
Release it in your body because it's going to be some form of stress or tension.
I promise it's going to be in your shoulders,
It's going to be in your face,
Going to be in your stomach,
It's going to be somewhere.
Go ahead and jump around or just shake your body out.
Just soften your muscles,
Anything you want to do,
Then refocus and refocus with doing the opposite.
Shift the sentence around.
Do the positive,
Do the negative,
Then do but the positive.
So in other words,
Did you see the grimace on that person's face?
But you know,
I really did a lot of great work on that and see all the other people really enjoyed it.
Or I could say,
Do you see that one negative comment on there?
But you know,
99% of people really love that workshop.
See how it feels different?
It just feels different.
So go ahead and play with that and treat it as an experiment.
This is a way,
This is your way out.
So recognize,
Release,
Refocus on that negative statement or the exaggeration of the negative and then flip it around.
Do the negative but the positive.
Play with that,
See what you notice.
And these little tips,
Every week,
If you start integrating them into your life,
Can make a big difference.
And my hope that it inspires greater openness,
Greater genuineness,
Greater sense of energy in life,
Greater awareness,
And for you,
Makes you feel a little bit better.
