Do you have trouble setting boundaries for yourself or for other people,
Saying no,
Taking care of yourself?
Well,
Today I'm going to talk about the number one misconception we have about setting healthy boundaries.
The number one misconception about setting healthy boundaries is that saying no to somebody is mean in some way,
Or you're being unkind in some way,
And they're going to dislike you,
Or you're going to hurt them in some way.
And that saying yes is kind.
It's the right thing to do,
To be helpful,
And to allow someone to live with greater ease.
So let's set some examples here.
First of all,
We've all heard of the saying that when we're not feeling well,
We got to put our oxygen mask on first,
To care for ourself first,
So we can be stronger for our relationships,
For our kids,
For our parents,
For our friends,
For everyone.
So that's the first thing.
Saying no is an act of kindness towards ourself,
Because we need to often take care of ourselves.
It's very clear that burnout in many professions and in our daily life,
Especially in caregiving,
Is incredibly common.
And burnout is a form of stress that can lead to cellular inflammation and other forms of disease.
So we really need to do this for ourselves physically,
If not for ourselves mentally.
So saying no is an act of kindness towards ourself.
Sometimes we can say,
When we're saying no,
What are we saying yes to?
Is a question we can ask ourselves.
Maybe it's towards taking care of ourselves,
To being stronger for other people around us,
Like I said before.
So that's the first thing.
So the number one misconception is that saying no is an act of not being kind,
When in fact it might be an act of being kind towards ourselves.
Let's look at something different here.
Let's look at the idea that saying no can be an act of kindness towards another person.
For example,
Let's look at parenting.
Your kid wants to watch TV and play video games all day long.
Saying yes to that is an act potentially of just wanting to move away from our own personal discomfort.
We don't want to deal with the tantrum.
We don't want to deal with the uproar that's coming.
So we say yes.
We say yes to all the TV,
All the candy,
All the screens,
All the anything that is good to draw boundaries around.
So let's look at saying no.
So saying no is an act of kindness.
Because what happens,
I think of many occasions,
Just an example of saying no to my kids,
Drawing boundaries around screens and things like that.
They eventually,
They might be unhappy at first,
Especially if their expectations were different.
But eventually,
They start kind of playing with other things.
They start finding joy in being outside or doing other things like that.
Let's look at another example,
Addiction.
Somebody is not feeling well,
They're feeling uneasy.
So they just ask for another drink,
Another hit,
Another whatever,
They buy another thing from Amazon.
And so what does another person do?
They give them that drink.
They give them that hit because they just want them to be at ease.
They just want them to not suffer so much.
But inevitably,
What they're doing is an act of great unkindness,
Because they're enabling something to continue that it would be healthier for them if they stopped.
So there's another one that flies in the face of this idea that this number one misconception that drawing healthy boundaries is an act of being mean or unkind to another person,
When in fact,
It could be an act of being really kind or mean.
But we have to get over our own personal discomfort of this,
Our own distress,
Or worry or concern that we're going to be uncomfortable.
And that's typically why we say yes to stuff.
Because we're again,
If we think it's an act of being unkind or mean,
We don't want to deal with the other person's judgment.
And so we just do it.
And in fact,
It's an act of great unkindness towards ourselves and ultimately enables a certain pattern of relationship that's not good for the other person as well.
So consider that for a moment.
When you're saying no,
What are you saying yes to?
When you're saying no to that toy or that game?
When you're saying no to giving that drink?
When you're saying no to that extra task that that friend wants you to do?
Or that other person has been asking you to do?
What are you saying yes to?
When you're saying no to that extra trip that someone wants you to take?
When you feel like you've just been on the go too much?
What are you saying yes to?
Consider that as the question to guide you in the days,
Weeks,
And months ahead.
Greatest misconception in setting healthy boundaries is that saying no is an act of being unkind or mean.
Then the question comes,
When I do say no,
What am I saying yes to?
