How Do I Feel My Feelings?

I often talk about living in the felt sense of life, or “coming to your senses”. Feeling your way through life rather than thinking your way through.

And while this seems to resonate with many as a good idea, there are often a lot of questions about how to do this.

Questions like How do I feel? Am I doing it right? Why would I drop into the body or come to my senses? These questions are thoughts, of course.

Consider that, as thoughts, answers are not necessarily needed or even possible. These are often doubt thoughts masquerading as practical problems that require solutions. We are pulled back into thought content, away from actual feeling, to answer questions about how to feel. Feeling is beyond description. It’s a simple shift in attention that we do all the time, even when the mind is saying we don’t know how.

Transcript

I talk a lot lately about feeling,

About feeling your way through life,

About coming to our senses,

Living in this felt sense,

Or at least checking in,

Being in this felt sense,

Checking in there when possible.

And I get a lot of questions,

Very understandably,

About how to do that.

It looks like there must be some way,

Some strategy that we can talk about.

So I want to say a little bit about that question in general.

I'll attempt to point towards some sort of answer,

Not really an answer,

But also just to illuminate kind of the nature of that exact question,

Like what I think is going on there.

So first,

I mean,

To try to answer the question,

How do you feel?

It's a weird thing to talk about.

I can't really tell anyone,

No one can really,

Like how you feel.

And it's kind of silly in a way.

Again,

I understand the question and where it's coming from,

But of course we know how to feel.

Like we're just in life.

We're just here.

We're always feeling.

There's always feeling happening.

So really what I guess I'm pointing to in this and talking about when I talk about this felt sense of life,

Feeling your way through life,

Coming to the senses,

Placing attention in the body,

Is just that.

It feels to me anyway,

And hold my words very loosely,

It feels to me like it's just a shift in attention.

A shift in attention from attention being very much up in thought,

Form,

Story,

Imagination,

Projection,

Which it will be,

Right?

But an awareness of that and a shift from that to this bigger felt sense.

It's just a phrase that works for me,

But it's like this felt sense of life.

I can feel in this moment as I'm speaking with you,

Energy here.

I can feel stuff.

There's some bit of attention there.

There's some awareness of what's going on here.

There's also some thought happening and that's fine,

But when attention is a little more grounded,

Let's say,

And I don't mean grounded to imply that it stays there or that anything about this is abiding,

It's constantly changing.

But when I can place attention and kind of feel this this felt sense of life,

Or when attention is in sensory information,

When I'm listening to just the sound of my voice,

Kind of before,

Or not before I guess,

But before the mind is comprehending the words and trying to figure out what's being said here,

There's just the pure sensory content of a voice being heard,

Of sound,

Not even a voice really,

Of sound being heard,

Of something.

There's just hearing,

There's just hearing happening.

Same with seeing,

Right?

Before the mind comes in and says,

This is what I'm seeing,

This is what it means,

I like it,

I don't like it,

Kind of independent of all of that in a sense,

There's just seeing.

There's just,

There's,

It just is,

There's just,

There's just this,

Just seeing,

Just taking in this sensory stuff.

Same with feeling.

There can be stuff felt,

Now we have to use words,

So we're getting into labels,

But there's just,

For me,

The most neutral label is sensation or energy,

And that's just how it feels.

I'm just aware of where there's sensation and energy and hanging out in that.

And then sometimes that will feel like emotion,

Or there will be a story,

Or a memory,

Or a label that comes up.

For sure there will be,

Nothing's wrong when that's happening,

But then there's an awareness of that.

So it's like,

You know,

There can be this energy and sensation,

And,

And we just have this very wide,

Wide lens in a sense where it can all be kind of felt into,

Including,

Again,

The labels for things.

So earlier I was,

I was feeling a lot of stuff physically,

And I could see my mind wanting to call it things.

Nausea,

Or worry,

Or whatever,

Whatever labels,

And then,

And then along with those,

It will,

The mind will go to reasons,

And solutions,

And all,

You know,

Fixes,

And all of the stuff a mind does.

There's room for all of the,

This is,

This is reality in this moment,

That whole thing is what's arising,

And really what I'm talking about when we're looking at feeling,

And,

And immerse,

Immersing,

Full immersion in what is,

What's arising right here,

Right now.

It's just this,

This very wide net that's,

That can kind of take all of it in,

And that is not needing to do anything with it,

That's just watching this all play out.

So part of what happens,

We,

So we know how to feel,

And I hope you can get a sense of that.

Again,

When I feel into something physically,

Let's say,

That,

That my mind may be calling worry,

Or anxiety,

Or fear,

Or nausea,

Or whatever it is,

The labels are fine,

They don't bother me,

I don't love them,

Don't hate them,

They're just labels,

Right?

But I'm also not buying into that,

And then taking it down this path of needing to do something about it necessarily,

It's just,

It's just a peek behind the curtain of what's actually going on here.

So there's the mind labeling,

And then there's this sensation,

And,

And attention is in this sensation,

And when I say attention,

Again,

I don't mean like this laser beam kind of sharp focus,

It's just like,

It's,

It's just picked up on,

It's just here,

It's just part of what's arising,

And maybe,

Depending on how it feels for you in the moment,

There,

There can be this kind of bigger space given to it.

Like,

Okay,

I feel this,

I'm going to sit with this for a minute,

I'm going to let this,

Again,

Our words aren't doing anything,

But you might have the,

The feel of sort of,

I'm going to let this just be here,

I'm going to,

I'm going to just make space for this,

I'm going to look toward this,

I'm going to welcome this,

And it just feels like it counteracts,

In a sense,

This tendency,

This habitual tendency to,

To go back up into thinking,

And to try to just explain,

Or fix,

Or make sense of this feeling.

Again,

This is the cool thing about this,

When we're in this felt sense,

You'll notice the mind doing that,

And it's awesome,

Because you really kind of get,

Again,

This is all,

For me anyway,

This bigger peak behind the curtain.

Why else would we do this?

It's just driven by,

By wanting to be in reality,

By this insane curiosity about what's actually happening here.

Am I actually worried about the future?

Is the future a problem,

And now I'm feeling it,

And then there's,

That implies that there's all these things to do?

I don't know,

But when I slow it down,

And really get into this,

And look,

I don't,

I don't see that,

I see a bunch of sensation that I'm just sitting with,

And being with.

I see some labels,

And stories come up.

I see maybe some explanations,

And some fix-it suggestions,

But I see that for what it is,

As thought,

In this,

Rather than,

Than the way that we're sort of blind often,

And we're just kind of run around by that.

So it's a,

It's a simple shift in attention,

And even that is saying too much,

And I don't like that.

I don't want to make it sound like a shift in attention,

Because there's no one here shifting attention.

That's not your job.

It's not what we're here to do,

Is shift your attention.

That's just a description.

It's not a,

It's not a rule book,

Okay?

It's not shift your attention,

And then when it goes here,

Bring it back down here.

That's way too much,

Way too much,

But I want you to just notice this natural oscillation that happens,

And I think just by listening to this,

And orienting toward this,

There will be just a shift in attention,

Where maybe,

Maybe it feels a little wider,

And you're sort of seeing and feeling into things somewhat like what I'm describing,

And probably not at all like what I'm describing.

So it's just so difficult to talk about this stuff sometimes,

But what I wanted to mention around the question of how do I do this,

And there's a lot of related questions.

How do I do this?

I'm doing it wrong.

Why would I do this?

Why am I doing this?

All of that is so incredibly common when we're feeling,

Because in a sense,

The mind has been talking,

And we've been so kind of addicted to that,

And just distracted by and disassociated by the conversation,

Because it's kind of keeping us away from all this feeling.

It's been comfortable,

But totally uncomfortable up in that world.

So of course,

When there's a shift back down and out into the senses,

Into what's real and immediate right here,

The mind is going to is potentially going to start to talk even louder,

Because it just is beat,

Right?

It doesn't have any bad intentions.

It's not like that.

I'm not trying to personify it,

But it's just the mechanism that seemed to happen,

And it's where attention has been going back and over and over and over for many,

Many years.

So that might happen,

And it seems to me like a very good little bait is,

I'm not doing this right,

Or how do I do this,

Or I need to stop and go google something,

Or send Amy an email,

Or do this,

Or do that,

Or listen to a podcast,

Or find out someone who's an expert in somatic stuff,

Or whatever the mind will do to kind of keep us listening to it.

And again,

I don't mean it has that intention,

But that's the mechanism.

So consider if you are leaning in and interested in this full immersion and playing with this,

And your mind starts throwing out those questions or those problems,

What looks like a problem.

I don't know how to do this.

I need some training in this.

I don't get it.

It doesn't make sense.

I think I'm doing it wrong.

All of that is thought.

All of it is thought.

So as thought,

It's coming and going.

It's not true.

It's reflective.

It's old.

It's not about this.

It's just kind of an overlay.

So really sit with those questions,

Or objections,

Or problems as thought.

Meaning you don't have to go away from what you're doing.

Meaning they're not true.

You're not necessarily doing it wrong.

There isn't necessarily anything you're missing.

You don't have to go away from this leaning in to go google a strategy,

Or hire a coach to teach you how to do this.

You know how to feel.

All this is,

Is just kind of putting attention there and making space.

There's so little to do.

In fact,

It's probably difficult because it's so natural.

When the mind is trying to figure it out,

It can't figure out what's so natural and what's always been happening.

So just consider that in particular when it comes to these questions.

And I wanted to say this today.

I mean,

These are always the big questions,

But I noticed this show up in my own thinking yesterday,

Last night.

There was a lot of feeling.

And there was this sense of,

Hmm,

Maybe there's more.

Like,

What else is there to do here?

And I noticed it.

And it just,

It was kind of funny.

It was like,

Oh,

There's that question.

There's that doubt.

That doubt thought that everyone has.

And isn't that convenient?

Because we're just getting into some sensation.

And isn't that makes sense that the mind would come in with that doubt thought.

And when that can be seen as a thought,

Again,

Rather than something that feels true that we need to go act on,

Just total game changer.

Then you just see that as a thought,

And then you just keep doing what you're already doing.

Reviews

Learned a lots listening to this talk. Thanks so much.

🙏

My mind is a runaway train and I am just beginning to understand how we might apply the brakes!! Thank you~ 😊

I’m a greatful humble Christian actor singer with courage kindess and a purpose to serve and inspire people across the world with my talents and gifts and genourois spirit amen and so it shall be

I really appreciate this reminder and the questions to reflect on, Amy. Thank you! ❤️

I love the simple and yet profound reminder that we know how to feel! And it’s only ever the mind that makes it a problem or believes we need a system or strategy to feel. Thank you Amy!