Hello,
I am Don Joseph Goey,
The author of the book The End of Stress and the Inside Timer course called The Science of Ending Stress.
I want to take a brief look at what creates positive relationships.
I call it radical respect.
Relationships are biologically important.
Our interpersonal connections actually determine how long we live.
This fact was driven home in a news story about a boy who was severely abused emotionally and physically.
He was hospitalized because he had zero growth hormones in his bloodstream.
The chronic stress of how badly he had been treated completely shut down his growth system,
Which is fatal.
Over the next two months he developed a close relationship with a nurse,
Undoubtedly the first caring relationship he'd known.
And to everyone's amazement,
Especially the doctors,
His growth hormones zoomed back to normal.
No one could explain it.
Then the nurse went on vacation and the boy's growth hormones crashed again,
But when she returned from vacation,
The boy's growth hormones shot back up.
It was due to the love he received from his nurse.
The rate at which this child was depositing calcium in his bones could be explained entirely by how safe and loved he was feeling.
This tells us that so much depends on our becoming better at loving each other.
Research shows that the marriages that last longest are those where couples treat each other with respect,
All based on their generosity and kindness toward each other and their willingness to forgive.
Accentuating the positive also improves the quality of our relationships.
Researchers found that when a spouse has a high level of positivity,
They are more likely to be happy in their relationships and there is less conflict in their relationships.
Who doesn't want that?
How couples respond to each other's good news is also crucial in forming a strong bond.
Couples who tend to be sarcastic and different or deflating predict a split in a marriage.
Respect also leads to success at work.
Studies show that raising the level of respect and admiration that people extend at work significantly raises the level of engagement and job satisfaction,
Both of which predict organizational success.
So how do we infuse more love,
Respect and positivity into our relationships so all our interactions succeed?
Well the researcher Carl Rogers points the way.
Rogers established three essential attitudes that facilitate positive relationships.
These three attitudes are now at the core of every mainstream psychotherapeutic approach being practiced today.
So here are the three attitudes.
The first is an unconditional positive regard for another person's intrinsic worth.
We relate to that person's light and not their lampshade.
Second,
A willingness to be authentic in the relationship,
No facades,
No putting on airs,
No hiding,
No shrinking back.
And third,
The intention to be empathic.
That's the willingness to understand another person's experience without any prejudice such that it doesn't even occur to us to judge them.
I know that's a tall order,
But we can do it.
Advertising agencies market products to us by promising that they will deliver the health,
Wealth and love we all want.
That is,
If we use this shampoo,
Or wear that brand of makeup,
Or buy that car.
But it is these three attitudes that offer the kind of health,
Wealth and love that guarantees the good life.
