I Must Be Perfect

What impossible standard of perfection are you holding yourself to and finding yourself wanting?

This is a guided practice on the need to be perfect and what happens when we fall short of our "standards". It comes up in our thoughts, compulsions and energy in our body.

We can get to know and be kind with ourselves.

Transcript

We always start with bringing our attention in,

So that we're paying attention to our experience right now as it's happening right now.

And we notice what's going on in the environment around us.

We can listen for sounds.

We can notice the temperature of the air,

The comfort of our chair,

The bed,

Whatever we're connecting with in the environment,

Just to notice that.

And we also notice that we're doing a practice.

We've come to this moment in time we're intending to do a practice.

We're noticing our body,

Our breath,

And thoughts in the mind.

And we're doing a practice of observation or witnessing.

So as things come up,

And they will during the practice,

We're just noticing we're allowing ourselves to focus in on the relaxation through the body,

On the resting of the breath.

Notice what happens as we breathe out,

And the whole system settles a bit,

It softens a bit.

Use your breath as an anchor to stay present.

We can use the connection of our body,

For instance,

The feet on the floor,

Or the feeling of the body moving with the breath.

As we breathe in,

There's an expansion of the lower ribs,

The stomach rises a bit.

And as we breathe out,

That softens,

The belly moves back towards the spine.

Set your intention that as much as you can,

You'll stay focused on the practice.

And that if your mind wanders off,

That's fine too,

Just to bring it back.

As soon as you notice,

Kindly bring it back.

And take a moment to notice thoughts as they're coming and going.

Much of the time we're absorbed in our thoughts.

And now during this practice,

We're watching or witnessing our thoughts.

If we watch for a moment,

Something will come in.

Notice where it comes in,

Notice the energy it has.

If it dissipates on its own as we watch,

Or if it gets into a train of thought.

Whenever we get carried away in a train of thought,

It's a wonderful opportunity to be kind.

It's the nature of one level of the mind that it wanders,

That it has thoughts coming and going.

And notice as well the space that that's arising in and that it's flowing through.

In between the thoughts,

There's a gap.

And that we're observing or watching thoughts.

And as we're observing thoughts,

Some thoughts have an energy with them as well.

They trigger an energy in the body or a feeling.

Other thoughts are more neutral.

They pass through on their own without much of an effect.

We're going to look at the idea of perfection and the standards that we hold ourselves to.

Let's start with the words,

I must be perfect.

I must be perfect.

Notice if there's a charge on those words.

If there's a charge,

We'll either have other thoughts that come along.

We might have images,

Other words,

Sentences.

And likely we'd have some kind of energy or sensation in the body.

I must be perfect.

And let's have a look at the words.

We can hear the sounds of the words.

We can also perhaps see them as though they're in our mind's eye or written on a piece of paper,

Open blank page of a journal or something.

Look at those words,

I must be perfect.

Notice if the words themselves,

Either the sound or the shape of the letters,

If the words can cause us some kind of harm.

If the intensity of what we're feeling comes from the actual words,

The shapes,

The sounds.

I must be perfect.

And sometimes it feels like it is the words or the sounds.

Sometimes other things come to mind,

There's a sensation somewhere in the body.

There might be memories.

We're looking to see what our response is to that idea that I must be perfect.

And bring to mind a situation where we felt we let ourselves down or let someone else down where we weren't perfect.

Notice that a situation like that might come in as a video clip,

Maybe a still picture or some words.

Let yourself see it and feel it.

Notice the energy in your body.

What would perfection be in this situation?

For going into a room full of people,

It might be that we were relaxed and calm and our conversation was engaging.

Maybe it's that we went for a walk instead of eating that food,

Whatever it is for you.

What would perfection look like?

What are the standards that you're holding yourself up to right now?

And compare that to what your perception is of what actually happened.

Maybe put it on a big poster board,

All these different images and words.

Perfection would be.

.

.

And what actually happened?

We're only looking to see what's here.

There might be some judgment around it coming up.

And try and set that aside a bit if you can.

This is an exploration.

These are the standards that I feel I should meet.

Here's some examples of when I feel I didn't meet those.

Keep in touch with your breath.

Look to see how you would know if you met your standards,

What you would have done or felt like or said,

What you wouldn't have done.

We're looking at all of the evidence here,

The evidence of how we would know we were perfect.

What are the standards that we're holding ourselves to?

We're looking at evidence that we're not always meeting those standards.

And feel into that.

What is the risk?

What is the threat when we don't meet our own standards of perfection?

We always have the option to open our eyes if anything's getting too intense.

Stay in touch with your breath.

And we'll hold our breath when something gets too intense.

Let's pull back from that for a moment and look at what are the consequences for me of not meeting my standards in this situation.

There's this feeling of I must meet them,

I must be perfect.

An example,

Or maybe many,

Of when we didn't meet them.

What are the consequences of not meeting our standards?

What happens inside when we do that?

Let all the words,

All of the responses come up,

Put them on the board.

See them all there.

What does it mean about you that you didn't meet your standards?

That you fell short?

Notice the energy in your body,

Notice your breath.

Notice if you're being unkind to yourself.

See if you could allow that unkindness to soften.

We're looking at these elements,

Our standards of what we feel we should have done or not done.

There's an urgency around meeting those standards.

Examples of when we didn't,

When we fell short,

Or seeing that perhaps.

What does that mean about you that you weren't able to attain or reach those standards?

All of this is coming in as thoughts and images,

Sensations in the body,

Emotion,

Energy.

What would happen if you didn't meet those standards?

If you were anxious before a meeting instead of calm and relaxed?

If you ate the chocolate?

If you binged,

Watched Netflix instead of going out into the fresh air,

What's the result of that?

And see if you can do this looking without making yourself right or wrong.

Even our natural impulse is to shame ourselves.

But see if just for now you could look at it more objectively like a scientist.

These are the expectations.

Here's some evidence that I didn't meet it.

Here are some thoughts that are coming in about that,

About what that means about me.

These are some of the consequences.

This is the energy that's happening.

Allow yourself to feel deeply whatever it is that's coming through.

Look to see if it's a reasonable response.

Often our responses are rooted in an unstable or less mature arena.

Look from your adult eyes.

Look at your standards.

Look at what you say to yourself if you don't meet those standards.

There might have been core deficiency beliefs coming up that aren't based on the behavior.

They're based on a feeling of being hopelessly wrong.

And all of these are being observed.

We're noticing,

We're inquiring into what happens when we look at this.

That's all we're doing right now.

Keep your body relaxed.

Keep your breath smooth and moving.

And without getting into any evaluations of I'm right or wrong,

These are impossible standards,

They're not,

I should be able to meet them,

Without getting into any of that,

See if you can be kind to yourself as you're noticing your experience.

Whenever we don't match or reach our expectations of ourselves,

It always feels hard.

There's a suffering there when we're comparing ourselves with something,

When we feel that urgency to behave a certain way or do something,

And we don't,

We let ourselves down.

There's an intensity to that that can be difficult to stay with.

If we're judging or shaming ourselves,

That's a very intense,

Disturbing experience inside.

And so right or wrong,

No matter what it is,

Notice if you could have some compassion and kindness for yourself,

For this suffering.

Notice your breath.

And notice the energy in your whole body from head to toes.

Notice what your body feels like now as you pull back.

Finish the inquiry,

You can make a mental note if there's something you want to come back to.

And for now,

Let the inquiry go,

Let the words and images go.

Relax your body.

Let yourself rest for a moment.

If there's any residual energy or emotion,

Any thoughts that are kind of disturbing still,

See if you can let those release.

We can always come back to the inquiry later.

For now,

We're setting it aside.

And when you're ready,

Open your eyes.

Thank you,

All.

Reviews

Such a powerful and insightful experience, Lynn. Thank you for supporting me in clearly seeing what my beliefs are around what being perfect looks like. I realized it's often about not doing what I think other people think I "should" do. Or not feeling a way that I've been conditioned to think is acceptable to feel. This feels empowering because I want to lean into my inner knowing and my loving boundaries more than "shoulds"

Powerful! I feel lighter. Cool space in my solar plexus. Thank-you!

Excellent exercise to look into our standards and the way we treat ourselves. I gained some good insight.

5/5
Safely, kindly led practice. Thank you 🙏

Perfect the way it is. Thank you.

I found this to be a useful reminder that I don't have to be perfect; what is perfection....💜

So much to discover here. Thank you. ☺️

I felt it was informative

Very helpful perspective exercise. ..and best to be done in calm of meditation to have compassion for oneself

Very thoughtful.

Intense but worth it

One of the best meditations on the app! My perfectionism manifests "I can't make a mistake." And, "I should know better."
I've grown to let go progressively of both thoughts. I'm grateful for this meditation
Thanks 😀

Everybody should listen this meditation once to feel free from the guilt of being perfect.

Very good therapy. I would like to do this every couple of months as a reminder