Welcome to this fire drill meditation.
This is a short practice you can use any time you're feeling angry with someone,
Or are dealing with some conflict in your life.
Close your eyes if that feels okay for you,
Or gently lower your gaze.
Then find a comfortable sitting posture,
And start by feeling your feet flat and grounded on the floor.
Then gently roll your shoulders back and feel your chest opening up.
Lengthen your spine so you're sitting in an upright but relaxed posture.
Now take some nice deep breaths.
In through your nose,
Out through your mouth,
To a slow count of four on the in-breath and four on the out-breath.
Keep breathing.
Now I want you to think of someone who's really getting on your nerves at the moment.
This could be your partner or child,
A family member,
A friend or colleague.
Or it could even be a politician,
A celebrity,
Or someone on social media you've never met but have a strong negative reaction to.
And now in your mind's eye,
Put that person in a room,
So you're outside the room and watching them through a large window.
Have them do the thing that they do which annoys you so much.
It could be sending you a critical message,
Saying something unkind,
Ignoring or belittling you.
Or it could be expressing an opinion you vehemently disagree with or find offensive in some way.
Perhaps you feel they're being selfish or unkind to you or someone you love.
Just stand outside the room,
Watching them say or do the thing that triggers you.
Then notice the parts that are with you outside the room,
Wanting to protect you from this person,
Or the ones who feel scared or vulnerable around them and in need of protection.
There might only be one main part involved in this conflict,
Or a whole group of them there with you.
As you stand outside,
Know that you don't have to go into the room.
It might be best to use this time just getting to know these parts of you,
Both the scared ones and those trying to protect them and you.
Ask your protective parts what they're scared would happen if they weren't out front protecting you from this person.
They may have all kinds of fears and concerns,
So just listen to and acknowledge them.
Don't try and force anything,
But if you can send them a little wave of appreciation or gratitude for how hard they worked to protect you from this person and others like them,
That would be great.
Once you've done that,
Ask for their permission to go and speak to this person while they watch through the window.
If that's too much for them,
It's no problem at all.
Just spend some time understanding that,
And why this person pushes so many buttons for your parts.
But if it is okay for them,
Open the door,
Go inside the room and leave your parts outside.
Don't try and change this person or win the argument in any way.
Just spend some time talking to them.
What's it like to face him or her and speak to them,
Just as you,
Without your protective parts reacting so strongly?
After a while,
You may notice your protectors getting involved,
Especially if you become irritated,
Hostile or defensive in any way,
Or find yourself interrupting and talking much more than listening.
If this happens,
See if that protective part is willing to go back outside and let you finish talking to this person alone.
Just reassure them that you can handle this and nothing bad will happen.
When you're done,
Thank the person for speaking to you and go back outside,
Closing the door.
Ask your parts what was that like for them.
How did they feel about the way you handled this challenging person?
Was it okay for them or do they have any worries about it?
Just listen,
Whatever they have to say.
You could also ask them whether they're willing to let you do this in the real world with this person.
And when that feels complete,
Just take a deep breath and bring your focus back outside.
Feel your body resting on the chair,
Your feet on the ground,
Becoming aware of all the sounds around you.
And then,
When you're ready,
Come on back and open your eyes.
