Welcome to this meditation with me,
Dan Roberts.
I'm an internal family systems therapist specializing in complex trauma,
And this is a foundational practice I use with all my clients who seem to find it very helpful.
I call it body,
Breath,
Touch,
Talk,
Because those are the four stages which I'll take you through step-by-step in this meditation.
I'll speak a little about the science behind each stage,
Because I think it's helpful to understand why the different elements of this practice can be helpful when you're suffering.
The practice is sequential,
Each stage naturally opening up the healing potential of the next.
And it's a way to regulate your nervous system,
Shifting from sympathetic arousal,
Which we see in the fight-or-flight response,
When you're feeling angry,
Scared,
Agitated or stressed,
Into parasympathetic activation.
The opposite of fight-or-flight is called rest and digest,
So you can shift into more positive,
Pleasurable emotional states,
Like feeling calm,
Peaceful,
Relaxed or safe.
As an IFS therapist,
I always have people's inner system of parts in mind when I design these practices.
So this is also a powerful way to connect with and soothe your parts,
Especially the young ones who are feeling some kind of intense,
Hard-to-bear emotion.
So let's begin.
For the first step,
Body,
Start by adopting an upright but relaxed posture,
Making sure your feet are flat and grounded on the floor,
Then gently rolling your shoulders back and letting them drop.
Feel your chest open up as you do this,
Which will make it much easier to breathe deeply in step two.
Imagine an invisible piece of string attached to the top of your head,
Pulling your head,
Neck and spine into alignment.
Your posture should be upright without being stiff or strained.
Buddhist teachers call this adopting a dignified posture.
Then close your eyes if that feels comfortable for you,
Or soften and lower your gaze.
In step two,
Breath,
We slow down and deepen your breathing,
Inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth.
As you breathe slowly and deeply,
Try counting to four on the in-breath and four on the out-breath.
Now,
As you continue to breathe deeply,
Place a hand on your belly and see if you can make your hand rise and fall with each breath.
Breathing from the belly like this helps stimulate your vagus nerve,
Which in turn activates that parasympathetic branch of your nervous system,
Helping you take the edge off any uncomfortable feelings,
Moving into a calmer,
More relaxed and settled state.
Keep breathing deeply for a minute.
Now,
As you continue to breathe deeply,
Let's take the third step,
Touch,
And move your hand from your belly to rest over your heart.
We call this supportive touch,
So imagine a friend who is struggling and the way you might place a gentle hand on their shoulder.
Let that hand on your heart offer the same kind of warmth,
Empathy and compassion as you would to your upset friend.
As you start feeling some warmth under your hand,
Imagine that warmth as a soothing,
Healing energy.
You could visualize it as a golden light,
Shining with warmth,
Kindness and compassion.
See that golden light trickling from your hand into your heart.
Imagine your heart slowly filling up with this beautiful golden light.
Feel the warmth and kindness expand in your heart until it's full.
And then,
In your mind's eye,
Imagine the little boy,
Girl or non-binary person who lives inside you.
We call this person Little Someone,
So the boy who lives inside me is called Little Dan.
Add your own name here,
If that feels right for you.
Visualize their little face and imagine beaming all that beautiful golden light from your heart to theirs.
See it shining inside your body,
A beam of kindness,
Care and compassion that lights up their little heart,
Their chest and torso,
Their arms,
Legs,
Face and head,
Until every cell of their body is glowing with this warm,
Healing energy.
Just stay with that and enjoy it for a while.
Finally,
In Step 4,
Talk,
We add some compassionate messages for Little You.
The tone of your voice is really important when you speak to your parts,
So make sure it's warm,
Friendly and kind.
Also,
Feel free to pause the practice at any point if you need a bit more time to communicate with this sensitive,
Vulnerable inner child.
Start by saying hello and,
Using your own words,
Let them know you feel their upsetting feelings,
Whatever they might be.
If you're feeling something difficult right now,
Like anxious,
Lonely,
Sad,
Agitated,
Stressed or angry,
Let them know you feel that.
You may be struggling with low mood,
Worry and anxiety,
Chronic pain or illness,
Or some other persistent problem,
So you could let them know you understand they're unhappy and that you feel that more pervasive,
Day-to-day suffering.
Let Little You know it makes perfect sense that they're hurting,
Because life can be tough.
You may have experienced trauma in your life,
Which can cause a whole host of difficult thoughts and feelings.
You might be facing financial pressures,
Have experienced a relationship breakup or divorce,
Have recently suffered a bereavement or lost someone important for another reason.
Whatever you've been through,
Speak to that and let Little You know it's perfectly normal to suffer when life is hard.
Importantly,
Then let them know they are not alone with all these big,
Overwhelming feelings.
They have you,
Big,
Strong,
Kind and compassionate adult you,
Who can be with them and help them through these difficult experiences.
And let you know they'll get through this,
Whatever they're struggling with right now,
Because you've been through so much together in your life,
And hard times always come and go,
Even if that takes some time.
Finally,
Do whatever you need to make this feel complete.
You may want to add some more reassuring words or give them a big hug.
Take your time to do whatever feels important.
Then bring step 4 to an end.
Let your hand drop and let go of the whole practice.
Just sit quietly,
Mindfully scanning your body to see if you feel any good feelings inside.
Perhaps a tiny bit calmer or more relaxed.
You may feel a sense of ease inside,
Or perhaps some warmth.
Whatever you notice,
Just focus on that for a few seconds and let it soak in.
Then take one last deep breath and open your eyes.
I hope you enjoyed that,
My friend,
And that you can now use this 4-stage practice whenever you need it.
As with all practices like this,
The more you use it,
The more effective it will become.
So do try it once a day for a week,
And see whether it starts to shift your mental and emotional state over time.
Thank you so much for meditating with me,
Sending you love and strength,
And I hope you have a wonderful day.
