The Weight Of The "Should"

The word “should” can feel small, but over time it weighs us down like a backpack full of bricks. Many of our “shoulds” come from family folklore, cultural expectations, or stories passed down as if they were truth. In this talk, Dana shares how to spot those voices, ask better questions, and swap “should” for “could” — a shift that feels far more empowering.

Transcript

Hey,

This is Dana Mitchell,

And thank you for joining me today.

Around here I like to keep things simple and real,

No jargon,

No pressure,

Just a few little shifts that helps life feel a little clearer,

Calmer,

And easier to move through,

Because I am all about making life easier.

So let's get started.

Sometimes the heaviest things we carry around aren't in our hands,

It's the shoulds we carry around in our head.

And today I'm talking about the weight of the shoulds and how it sneaks into our lives and how we can replace it with something a little bit lighter.

Many of the shoulds we carry around aren't even ours.

Their hand-me-down rules are like family folklore.

I've heard my mom say,

Your aunt always uses cloth napkins,

That's a rule,

So we will do it too.

Or,

Maybe you've heard in your family,

Our family's never been good at money,

So don't expect to be.

Or here's a good one,

We don't do things that way.

Someone,

Somewhere,

Decided that these were the truths and that they became part of our stories.

Each should becomes like a brick in your backpack.

You end up carrying around family rules,

Cultural norms,

And even social media expectations.

Okay,

So what is the problem with that?

Well,

The problem is,

You didn't choose to pack these bricks,

But you're lugging them around anyway.

So the next time you hear yourself say,

I should,

Ask yourself,

Whose voice is this really?

Do I believe it,

Or did I inherit it?

Is this helping me,

Or is it weighing me down?

If it's not your should,

You don't have to carry it,

And you can say to yourself,

That may have been their truth,

But it doesn't have to be mine.

So let's talk about the swap.

Should feels like an obligation,

Could feels like a choice.

So let's talk about a way to swap should for could.

And here are some examples.

I should make a home-cooked meal,

But I could order pizza and enjoy family time.

I should be more ambitious,

Or I could define ambition in a way that fits me.

Could gives you your power back.

So here is my question for today.

What is one should that you've been carrying around,

And what would happen if you swapped it for a could?

I know that this feels like something simple,

But it can really add up over time to make you feel a little bit better in your day.

So today,

Drop one should and replace it with a could,

And notice the lightness that that one little shift gives you.

Thanks again for joining me today,

And we will chat again soon.

I hope you have a really great rest of your day.