Have you ever caught yourself thinking,
I should know exactly what I want and have felt unsettled because you don't,
Especially when you look around and see that everybody else seems to have a plan?
Well,
In today's Clarity Chat,
We're going to explore this.
I'm Dana Mitchell,
And thank you for joining me.
And we're going to talk about how contrast often can lead us towards clarity,
Even if we can't name what it is.
Not knowing what you want can feel very frustrating,
Especially when you look around and everybody else has it figured out.
We're often taught that clarity should come first,
And then we should know exactly what we want before making a move,
Saying yes,
Or changing our direction.
But that has not been the case for me.
That has not been my experience.
For me,
Clarity almost comes from the opposite way.
We don't always know what we want right now,
But we usually do know what doesn't feel right.
Now I first noticed this in my relationships.
I didn't always have the words for what I was looking for,
But I paid attention to how I felt,
Who I became around certain people,
When I felt small,
When I was holding back parts of myself,
And when I noticed that I was trying really hard to fit in instead of being me.
For a long time,
I had a very clear type,
In quotes,
Type,
Certain personalities I was drawn to.
Those relationships,
They didn't last,
And they did not feel fulfilling.
And even though I couldn't explain it at the time,
I often felt like I wasn't fully myself in those relationships,
Or at least the version of myself I was growing into.
Then I met my husband.
On paper,
We are very different.
In fact,
Some people thought we were a very unlikely pairing,
Not those who I typically went for.
And years later,
I realized something important.
All of those earlier relationships,
They weren't mistakes.
They were a learning ground for me.
They helped me discover slowly and quietly what did not work and what didn't feel supported,
Aligned,
And sustainable.
What's actually interesting is that at the time,
I didn't know yet who I was becoming,
And honestly,
I am still learning that.
But what I did know very clearly was what my body was telling me and what did not feel right.
That contrast was working behind the scenes,
Even though I did not fully understand it at the time.
My husband and I have now been married for many,
Many years,
And people sometimes ask what the secret is for us staying together.
While relationships aren't perfect,
We've grown and we've changed over time,
And my real answer to their question is simpler than people expect.
I've learned to listen when something doesn't feel right.
Not to panic,
Not to label it as a failure,
But to treat it as information that guides me forward into the next steps.
Those moments aren't failures,
They are data,
And contrast is teaching us all the time if we choose to listen.
When something drains you,
Shrinks you,
Or leaves you feeling disconnected,
It's pointing to what matters.
And yet we often judge ourselves for noticing what isn't working.
We think we should be more grateful,
More patient,
More certain,
But that contrast isn't the negativity we are kind of labeling it as.
It's actually direction.
So when you know what you don't want,
For example,
Constant stress,
Unfulfilled conversations,
Aversion to yourself that feels forced,
You're already learning about what you do want.
You want more ease,
More honesty,
More space to be yourself,
More alignment with who you are.
So today,
If something shows up as a clear,
Not this,
Try not to judge it or rush past it.
Just notice it.
What is it trying to teach you about what really does truly matter to you?
And that noticing along just that is movement in the right direction.
If this information has been helpful,
And maybe I've helped you to see something a little bit differently,
Please follow me on my profile and look for more short talks like this.
Simple shifts can help us move forward with more ease.
And that is really what I'm trying to do.
Thanks so much.
Again,
I'm Dana Mitchell,
And thanks for joining me.
Have a great week.
