Hey!
Thank you for joining me today and I hope you'll grab a cup of coffee or a cup of tea because today we're going to talk about something that is setting a little heavy on my mind.
Something that almost nobody is talking about out loud that is.
It's the holidays or the whole end of the year season that is coming up.
Sometimes that triggers emotions that we really didn't see coming.
Now I'm not talking about traumatic meltdown on the floor but in a subtle way of something feels off and I can't put my finger on it kind of way.
So if this has been you this year so far,
Here we are getting into the holiday season,
Don't feel like you're alone because I'm in the same boat with you my friend.
So that's what we're going to talk about today.
So let me tell you what recently happened.
It was mid-October and my daughter and I walked into the grocery store and I felt a little wave of something kind of strange.
I thought is it anxiety or pressure,
Resentment?
I couldn't name it and then it hit me.
Holiday music,
Holiday displays,
Holiday deals.
October,
That's where we were and my daughter was excited but my whole system went into nope,
Too soon,
Not ready and if I'm being honest I kind of got a little ticked off with the whole thing.
It felt like someone had started a race before I even got my shoes on and here's the thing that I started to notice that I wasn't alone.
I started talking to some people around me and they were feeling a little grumpy or quiet or tense almost like the early arrival of all this holiday cheer had woken up some emotions that nobody was expecting to have yet.
The marketing machine has gotten louder and earlier and honestly I feel like that pressure is almost overwhelming.
So I wanted to figure out what all these feelings were that were happening and there's actually a weird phenomenon happening in the background of all of this.
Our brains have something called a negativity bias meaning that we remember the one heart emotional tough moment so much easier and so much more clearly than a hundred wonderful moments.
So if you think about social media you could get a hundred kind comments but the one that is negative is going to stand out to you and you'll kind of ignore all the rest.
So when we see all this holiday image,
Music,
Sales,
Commercials,
Instead of thinking about the warm cozy memory sometimes our brain may jump to the very first hard one that it can come to.
The last holiday before someone passed,
Family arguments about money,
The years when you felt like you were kind of failing because you couldn't make it magical enough.
Or maybe it's times where you felt lonely or left out.
Or my personal swirl this year is scrolling and seeing families doing things like 30 days of holiday movies together,
Matching pajamas,
Matching mugs,
And I look at that and I think well gosh that's amazing.
I must not be like living up to my mom title this year because I just am not going to make that happen.
Our brains take those tiny emotional memories,
The ones that we really don't even realize that we have hanging around there,
And pull them into the present moment when those decorations start to appear.
So no wonder it feels heavy.
You might be experiencing holiday triggers without even really noticing it.
So here are a few examples.
Seeing lights or decor may bring back the last holiday that you have with somebody that you miss deeply.
Early sales could trigger memories of financial stress or not being enough.
Social media can really stir up some comparisons,
Especially when everybody else seems to be hosting magical gatherings while looking very seasonal and everything looks so very normal.
Or maybe this year it looks a little bit different for you.
Adult kids have moved out,
Changing family dynamics,
A new relationship,
New losses,
New schedules,
And we're feeling a little bit of that as well.
So here's the part that nobody's really talking about.
These triggers may be showing up earlier now and they're lasting longer because the season starts a lot earlier than it used to.
Your nervous system is basically going,
Wait,
We're supposed to be joyful,
Ready,
Organized,
Celebratory,
Because I am none of those things right now.
So if that is the case for you,
There's nothing wrong with you.
You're not behind,
You're human.
Think of the emotions like a closet.
So stay with me as I go through this.
Most of the year,
Everything in that closet stays tucked away.
The memories,
The old stories,
The expectations that you've carried around since maybe childhood,
The unspoken pressure to make it magical.
But the minute the holiday season arrives,
It's like all those boxes have fallen off the shelf like all at once.
You didn't open the closet,
You didn't go looking for anything,
But boom,
There they are,
Standing in the doorway with boxes everywhere.
And now you're thinking,
Oh,
Well,
I guess we're gonna do this today.
And you didn't even get to choose.
You literally,
Like me,
Just walked into a store.
So here's the real point of our chat today.
You are not doing the holidays wrong.
You're not behind,
And you're certainly not the only one feeling some of this this year,
If in fact this is how you feel.
What we see from other people,
Especially those online,
Is a curated highlight.
We don't see the arguments,
The complicated relationships,
The grief,
The overwhelm,
Or the messy goo in the middle.
And we definitely don't see all the emotional boxes that have fallen off of their shelves.
So here's your takeaway for today.
Before the season kicks in fully,
Take a minute,
Do a little self-inventory,
And ask yourself,
What do I need this year?
Not what have you always done,
Or what your family expects,
Or what social media is showing you,
But what do you need?
And maybe begin some positive habits a little bit earlier this year.
Get ahead of it.
More gratitude,
Affirmations,
Setting boundaries,
And start paying attention to your self-talk.
Because if the season arrives early,
Your support for yourself can too.
So you deserve a peaceful,
Grounded,
Meaningful holiday season that fits your life,
Not what other people are showing us on social media.
So thanks for hanging out with me today.
If this episode gave you a little,
Ooh,
That makes sense,
Or an aha moment,
Then check back,
Because I'm going to do some other episodes around holiday emotions,
And we'll go a little bit deeper.
I hope you have a great rest of your week,
And again,
Thanks for joining me.
