The Stress Is Not You Meditation

Today, we are going to focus on the realization that whatever stress we're experiencing is not who we are. We will begin with our breathing, a centering meditation, and then move into working with and through stress thoughts, the feelings that attach to those thoughts, and then that automatic reaction or behavior that is a result of those stress thoughts or feelings.

Sometimes we can over-identify with the stressors in our lives. When we allow ourselves to attach to the stress thoughts and get stuck there, it feels like we become the stress. And the stress becomes so overwhelming at times that we can feel paralyzed within that stress. Our mindful and somatic practice will help us to recognize when we activate our autonomic nervous system and how to help it reset and respond right in the stressful situation we're faced with.

Transcript

Welcome.

I'm Cindy Foster and today we're going to focus on the realization that whatever stress we're experiencing and going through is not who we are.

We'll begin with our breathing,

A centering meditation,

And then move into working with and through stress thoughts,

The feelings that attach to those thoughts,

And then that automatic reaction or behavior that is a result of those stress thoughts and feelings.

Sometimes what happens is that we can over-identify with the stressors in our lives.

And when we allow ourselves to to the stress thoughts and we get stuck there,

It feels like we become the stress.

And the becomes so overwhelming at times that we can feel paralyzed within that stress.

And as we've examining in our mindful and somatic practices here that stressors not only affecting the mind but also affecting the body.

And our nervous system,

Our autonomic nervous system,

We can overtax by automatically fleeing a situation,

Getting paralyzed as we were just talking about and freezing,

Or fighting.

And so our mindful and somatic practices help us to recognize when we have activated our autonomic nervous system in these ways and how to begin to reset it and respond right in the interaction or situation that we're faced with.

Now in Buddhist psychology there's a concept of becoming your own island within yourself to become your own refuge when we're suffering,

When we're anxious,

When we're in pain.

And through our practice here we're continuing to discover and how to connect with that island within ourselves.

Not meaning that we're disconnected from other people,

But that we can find refuge and the strength and answers that are healthiest for us within ourselves right at the time when we need that.

So in Buddhist psychology there is the school of thought that we are born with and can develop our deepest authentic self or the island within each of us,

Meaning our authentic self.

That the emotional,

Mental and spiritual well-being for each one of us is our own responsibility to discover,

To cultivate,

To grow and evolve in.

So within our island,

Within our authentic self,

We find our mindful observer.

In Western psychology the parallel would be building self-resiliency where we are free within our authentic self,

Within our island,

Deep within us that we can always return to,

Taking refuge within yourself,

Coming back to yourself,

Building and evolving your resiliency,

Especially in challenging and difficult times,

Those times when we feel we're suffering alone and get stuck in our own depression or overwhelm or stress and those stress reactions.

So returning to our body in the present moment,

Returning to our senses,

Returning to us,

Returning to our wholeness even in the midst of change,

Even in the midst of loss,

Even in the midst of overwhelm,

We can take care of ourselves.

We can be solid and stable within ourselves in each present moment,

Taking care of ourselves in order to take care of others as well.

So instead of going outside of ourselves for quick fixes that can create more suffering in our lives in the external world to try to stop pain or numb it,

We can stay connected within us and interconnected to all that's around us.

But sometimes we need to turn off and replenish.

We seek the refuge in others,

In our inner being.

And when we receive sad news going through loss,

Guilt,

Shame,

This isn't my day,

Everything's going wrong,

More effort you try,

It seems like the worst it gets.

Or maybe the anger is overflowing within us.

Maybe people are blaming you for things,

Feeling oversaturated,

Depleted.

In this moment,

That's the time to stop everything,

Even just for a few minutes,

And return home.

Go home within yourself to that island within you,

To that authentic self.

Turn everything off and go home to yourself.

And that's what we'll be doing here today,

Remembering that the stress,

The experience,

The thoughts,

The feelings,

The physical and emotional symptoms or illnesses are not us.

They're not who we are.

They are experiences,

Events,

Things we've been through,

Things we're going through,

Energies of life.

So today,

As you settle in now,

Returning to your own island within you,

To begin to recognize that possibility and to begin to cultivate it,

Develop it,

Allow it,

As we begin our meditation.

And noticing your body here and how it's being supported in whatever structure you are on right now.

And notice your breathing.

And if you wish,

You can take a couple deep,

Slow,

Full breaths in,

Breathing in through your nose,

Holding the breath for a moment,

And then breathing all the way out,

Letting that exhale be longer than the inhale.

And then returning to your own natural rhythm of breathing,

Just breathing as you normally would.

And noticing the changing sensations of the breath as it moves in and moves out.

And noticing your stomach softly expanding on the in-breath and gently deflating on the out-breath.

Your life force,

Your breath,

Moving through you.

And in these few moments,

There's nothing you have to do,

Just you here,

Breathing and being.

And that is enough right now.

As we create this space for you to be exactly who you are in this moment,

With whatever thoughts might be going on,

Feelings,

Physical sensations,

Accepting you as you are.

And whatever might be going on in your external world,

Accepting you as you are in this moment.

And you might notice that your mind wants to pull you away in whatever stressful thought or external stressors that you might be experiencing in your life.

And so,

Noticing when the mind pulls you away like this,

As it does,

And that's okay.

And again,

Letting go of all that mind noise as you gently return to your breathing,

Which returns you to the present moment.

As we recognize the present moment as our true home.

And we are arriving.

And in these few moments,

There's nothing you have to hold on to.

You can have it all back if you so choose.

But right now,

In this moment,

Allowing,

If you will,

Time for you to just be here.

Even when your mind wants to pull you away,

As it is probably already doing.

And again,

Letting go,

As you will right now,

No pressure,

As you come back to your breathing.

We can give all of those thoughts our full attention,

If we so choose,

In a few moments.

But right now,

Allowing you just to be here sitting,

Or wherever you are right now.

Sitting,

Being held by the structure that's holding your body,

The ground,

The chair,

Wherever you are.

Notice your feet.

Notice your breathing.

As we return to ourselves,

Even in the midst of all the noise.

And again,

Noticing when the mind wants to pull you away.

Thinking thoughts.

Judging thoughts.

Comparing thoughts.

Blaming thoughts.

Past and future thoughts.

Self-critical thoughts.

Random thoughts.

We can name them.

We know what they are.

They are thoughts.

Specific thoughts.

And we know when we're over-identifying with our stress,

Because we can listen to our internal dialoguing.

My stress is killing me.

My stress has taken me over.

So even using the word my,

We're owning that as who we are.

So even changing some of the language that we use when we're feeling stress.

Just a simple change like that can have some profound meaning.

And our mind and body hear this switch,

This change,

This shifting of thoughts and the words that we tell ourselves.

If we change the word my to the word the,

The stress is too much.

It feels like sometimes this stress is so overwhelming that it's killing me.

We're giving ourselves some space to identify,

Well,

That the stress doesn't have to take us or lead us to thoughts of killing ourselves.

And sometimes it can be something very mild.

And we don't even realize that we're saying those words to ourselves.

So paying attention,

Again,

To our internal dialoguing.

What are we telling ourselves?

What are we telling our mind and body right now?

As well as our heart.

And how does that affect our heart and spirit?

So paying attention,

Naming the thoughts.

And that's okay because we're noticing the mind's tendency to try and attach to different things in each moment.

So noticing when that happens without giving yourself a hard time,

Without judging yourself for judging yourself.

So noticing what's going on within your own mind,

The landscape of our own internal world.

What's happening when I have that thought?

What do I notice in my body?

Because the mind and body are in constant communication with each other.

They take cues from each other.

As you gently come back now to your body,

Allowing our breathing again,

Anchoring us into the present moment.

So now we're going home.

We're finding that island of refuge within ourselves.

That place within us where we can replenish and refuel.

We can do this when we feel our emotions are all over the place and they are controlling us.

We can quiet them down.

It's a matter of practicing as you are doing now.

Using your breathing,

Anchoring you in this present moment.

Allowing in some comforting words.

You'll get through this.

This stress doesn't last forever.

You will move through this.

Remembering that you're not the stress.

And it's the way we look at things as well.

Our automatic reactions.

Remembering that you're not the thoughts.

You're not the experiences.

As you breathe in and breathe out.

And we can notice when stressful thoughts,

Something appears and feels very stressful to you.

And without automatically attaching to it,

Believing it,

Whatever detrimental or destructive or negative or limited energy,

Feelings attached to those thoughts,

We begin to name those thoughts.

See them as they are.

And as we practice,

We can even slow those thoughts down before any automatic reactions occur,

Before a behavior that we may regret later occurs.

As we name those thoughts,

We're neutralizing those thoughts.

Okay,

Yes,

I'm familiar with this angry thought,

This stressful thought.

Telling me I'm not doing enough.

I'm not doing a good job.

I'm not doing it right.

Or maybe I feel others are judging me.

Or I'm judging myself.

Whatever it might be.

And once again,

We notice it.

We're being with it.

Hearing it without attaching to it.

Seeing it for what it is.

Remembering thoughts are not facts,

Are simply feelings.

And physical symptoms are physical symptoms.

We can use these words,

This is a headache,

Not my headache.

Those are pain signals.

As we find ways to self-soothe.

And finding ways that help reduce those pain signals.

And as we breathe in and breathe out,

Safe within your own being.

Getting more and more familiar what it's like to be safe within your own self.

As you breathe in and breathe out.

It's painful now or stressful now.

But this will change.

We know the impermanence of life.

Impermanence of life means things change.

So this too will change and pass.

As we breathe with ourselves.

Right now.

Creating this island of peace and safety.

To replenish and to heal.

To be gentle with ourselves.

Especially during these times of stress and turbulence.

As you breathe with yourself.

Gently.

Staying with yourself here.

And you always have the choice of letting go.

Of wherever your mind is drifted off to.

Returning to your breathing,

To your body here.

Or if you wish,

You can bring your soft breathing and your mindful awareness.

Bringing your neutral eyes.

Non-judgmental.

Observing with curiosity.

Just because you experience it.

Being curious about it.

Interested to know.

With compassion.

As you dip your toe in,

As you test the waters.

To just be with whatever comes up for you.

That stressful thought.

The feelings.

Notice the feelings that attach to it.

Notice where it goes in your body.

Even if it's uncomfortable.

We're not trying to change it right away.

We're just seeing what's there.

Just because it's there.

For no other reason.

Without automatically reacting to it like we might.

Do what we might be familiar with doing.

By believing it.

Attaching to it.

Getting stuck in it.

Or overwhelmed by it.

Angry with it.

Trying to run away from it.

Distract or numb it.

Letting it take us on a roller coaster ride with all the stories and narratives about it.

So instead,

We're just being with it.

Just because it's here.

Seeing it.

Without judging it.

Breathing softly with it.

Holding it in.

Compassion.

As you can right now.

No pressure.

And then,

When ready,

Letting go.

Letting go of it.

Coming back.

Breathing.

Here.

Knowing you're alive.

You're well.

Even in the midst of any stressful.

You're here.

Within your own island.

Replenishing yourself.

As you hold yourself in compassion.

In kindness.

You are not the pain.

Even though it can be all-consuming.

Breathing with it.

You can let the pain know it's not alone.

You're here.

You're aware of it.

You're attending to it the best you can in this moment.

You don't have to feel like you have to fight it or ignore it.

Or freeze with it.

Or flee it.

You can be with it.

In this curious,

Compassionate,

Caring way.

Surrounding it with your own patience and kindness.

Don't have to have all the answers right now.

Or you may choose not to give it any energy at all right now.

Just coming back to your breathing.

Back to your body.

Back to you.

And as we continue to recognize and acknowledge whatever's there.

Just because it's there.

Without automatically reacting to it.

In ways that causes more pain and suffering and stress.

Naming it.

Seeing it for what it is.

Staying with it.

With curiosity and kindness.

Patience as we can in this moment.

We're naturally removing emotional intensities that attach to thoughts and the feelings that lead us to those knee-jerk reactions and behaviors.

And we're learning to breathe in more space.

Within us.

Within our thoughts.

Even within physical painful symptoms.

And if you're noticing tightness,

Tension,

Stress collected in the body right now.

Breathing softly with that part of the body.

Trying not to go off into judgments of them.

Or future worries.

Just staying with it.

Breathing with it.

Listening.

In this deeper way of being.

Letting your physical pain know you're not alone.

I'm here for you.

I'm attending to you right now.

I'm taking care of you right now.

Taking care of this tightness in the body.

Gently.

Breathing with yourself.

Taking refuge within you.

Safe.

Resting within your own awareness.

Breathing in more space.

As you breathe out the tension.

Letting the tension go now.

As we recognize other energies within us.

Our compassionate energy.

Our mindful observing energy.

Maybe you notice calm energy beginning.

Bringing our mind home to our body.

Maybe we can even generate feelings of appreciation.

Appreciation for you.

And all you do.

And what you go through.

And all that you are.

You're much,

Much more than any stress reaction.

As we recognize any stress that we still might be holding on to.

And that's okay.

We're being here for ourselves.

With mindful breathing.

With our own open space that we're creating.

Reaching our inner self.

Our true self.

Authentic self.

The island within us that allows us to replenish and restore.

We all have it.

But we lose touch or we're not even aware of it.

But it's there.

Our self-resiliency.

And our mind is strengthened by this experience.

And we're encoding this more and more within our mind-body as we practice.

And we can recognize that our mind is in every part of our body.

Every part of our being.

And as Tara Brock says,

When we think of survival of the fittest,

Instead learning how to self-nurture.

This is our greatest gift.

This is how we survive.

How to self-nurture and self-soothe.

How to know how to settle ourselves and nourish ourselves in each moment.

As we build more self-compassion.

Leading to more self-regulation.

So we're returning to ourselves in this way of knowing.

Allowing this information into ourselves and into our lives.

How to settle into ourselves even in the midst of challenge and loss and change and stress.

And as we return to our island within ourselves.

Steady,

Strong,

Alive.

We free ourselves.

Accepting us as we are.

As the waves of the ocean and storms may affect our island.

The island is still there.

Continuing with our mindful observing.

Observing with more neutral eyes to these energies within us.

Thoughts,

Feelings,

Memories,

Experiences,

Sounds.

Whatever it is.

As we watch whatever comes up or whatever doesn't come up.

Watching the changing scenery as it moves in and moves out.

Thoughts,

Feelings,

Physical sensations.

Seeing a broader perspective of who we are.

Of who you are.

Seeing things perhaps with new eyes as we visit this island within ourselves.

Possibly allowing in more of a balance or a middle path within and outside of ourselves.

A broader perspective than the constriction of our own beliefs as the only way or truth.

And this is where our mindful observer,

Our neutral observer with curiosity and compassion allows us empathy for ourselves.

Allow empathy for you and for others.

Are we in harmony with ourselves?

How can we be in harmony with others?

So we need to be well within ourselves.

And we have the choice.

We choose whether what other people say or do and how they affect us.

We don't have to give that any energy.

Or we may decide to work with those upsets in this way of being.

Is there anything I'm learning from that?

Keeping the learning as we acknowledge the feelings and the thoughts.

And then when ready,

Let those go.

Understanding ourselves helps us to understand others.

As we look at our habit energy of thoughts.

As we allow that stillness in the island within us.

As the changing scenery around us moves in and moves out.

In stillness,

We can find our true self.

And now breathing with your wholeness,

Your whole self.

And allowing yourself now to bring in this awareness to be in touch with this island within yourself.

Where you can take refuge.

Where you can replenish and restore throughout your daily living.

You can be in touch with it as you're interacting with other people.

As you're working through whatever situation or stressful experience.

Getting in touch with it or returning to it.

Getting through something and then making sure you close everything up and just come back to you.

As you breathe with yourself.

As you begin to acknowledge what's going on within you.

The energies of the thoughts and feelings.

What you're holding on to.

As you comfort yourself with your own words and understanding.

Finding ways of self-nurturing in this way.

As you let go.

Listening with the deeper awareness.

A broader perspective.

Listening to your own internal dialoguing as you go about your day.

And as we end today's practice together,

Once again,

Just seeing if you can remain in this spaciousness within your own clarity as you go out into the world.

Centered within your own breathing.

Safe within your own self.

And this allows us to find that spaciousness.

Continue that flow.

Recognize the goodness within you and within others.

As we find a balance within our own life.

Within us and around us.

And recognizing internal and external stressors.

Acknowledging their presence without immediately reacting and becoming them.

So now beginning to stretch your body some.

Feeling your body making contact with wherever you are.

Gently,

In a loving and caring way,

Transitioning from this practice today as you bring it out into your daily living.

Staying well within yourself.